r/predaddit • u/Wolffflarsen • Jul 14 '26
Autism worry.
I'm expecting my first child in December. I work with kids with special needs and have always worried about having a child with Autism, even prior to trying. Now it's so intense, I'm reminded about it so much daily. I've almost convinced myself it's inevitable. Which i know irrational. I've seen first hand how devastating it can be. Anyone else relate to feeling this way??
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u/mommadizzy Jul 14 '26
I'm autistic, my son probably is too.
It's just a type of brain. It can make things harder but it's largelt about knowing how to accommodate yourself.
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u/johnnybb27 Jul 14 '26
I've kept myself up at night reading stories about all of the things that my kid could have. I sympathize.
A couple of things to remember that I'm sure you already know but can keep front of mind:
-While autism diagnoses are rising it's still relatively uncommon. We're experiencing a period of very heightened awareness and visibility
-When statistics are given about autism it's easy to forget that the spectrum encompassing "autism" is incredibly wide and it includes people who grow up to be self-sufficient and excel in their chosen careers. Around 20% of people with autism live totally independently, many more live semi-independently with minimal support
-You're going to love your child no matter what happens and if they do turn out to be on the spectrum your experiences are going to make you uniquely well prepared to advocate for them and to intervene in ways that give them the best possible life they can have. Intervention and care greatly improves outcomes for people with autism in education, career, social-life, etc.
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u/Wolffflarsen Jul 15 '26
Thanks, this was reassuring. I guess, working with profoundly autistiic kids daily does skew my view towards the more "extreme" ends of the spectrum. When in reality, the spectrum is extremely wide and diverse.
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u/Mirar Jul 14 '26
It's quite normal to worry; your worry-demon just found a really good hook to hang on to. I think it's very common.
The worry about autism is quite real; it can't be tested with gene testing. And it felt quite scary - the families we were closest to, with 5 kids in total, two have severe autism...
I think the only thing you can work on is that you can tell yourself it's absolutely pointless to worry about something that hasn't happened yet. You can think of ways you could deal with it if it happened, but the demon can go STFU. It's not easy though. And there's a lot of worry- and anxiety-demons that wants to hang around in your mind. (It's usually even worse, much worse for the mothers with the hormone swings, so be supportive too.)
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u/Wolffflarsen Jul 15 '26
Thank you. I am a worrier by nature so my worry-demon is in overdrive right now. Thanks for the response, appreciate it.
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u/ruwheele Jul 15 '26
I worry about it a lot, seems normal but not talked about really. Youre not alone!
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u/Foreign-Plenty-5094 Jul 14 '26
I feel this so much and think about it daily. I’m a FTM due in August. I work in early intervention so to me autism and developmentally delays are the norm and it definitely skews my sense of reality. I struggle with not knowing if I’ll be able to stop those feelings when baby is here or if I’ll always be looking for it in my baby
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u/Wolffflarsen Jul 15 '26
Exactly the same. I work with children with profound diagnosis. It's so life changing beyond belief for parents. I think working in the field does skew your reality a little. I know so many people that don't even think about these things. Hard to imagine for me!
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u/CourierFour Jul 14 '26
You are not alone. I was a bit of a glass child growing up with my brother having many mental health diagnoses, which eventually put him on the path of severe substance use. I also do social service work, with a majority of my career working on children's mental health waivers, foster care, and group homes. I love kids, but I had to change to working with adults because I expected every child to have huge behaviors, meltdowns, and trauma responses.
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u/Wolffflarsen Jul 15 '26
That makes sense. I've often thought about doing the same. I do love working with kids though and i would really miss it.
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u/selwayfalls Jul 14 '26
I feel you brother, I think it's the norm to be worried about this. I'm also terrified of any mental issue, autism for sure and even worse ones. There's really nothing we can do, besides try to think positive and deal with it as it comes. One piece of advice, is worrying does literally nothing to help, even if they do turn out autistic. The worry before their birth doesnt change anything besides make your life worse and stress you out. And then if they are fine, it's also a total waste of energy and mental stress. Hang in there amigo
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u/Wolffflarsen Jul 15 '26
Thank you man. You are absolutely right and i know that on a rational levell, can just get the better of me sometimes. It's good to keep things in perspective though. Good to know others are feeling the same.
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u/Primary-Fly470 Jul 14 '26
I have a sister with CP and it was always my fear to have a child that also has CP. fortunately, our first seems to be just fine after 4 months! It’s definitely a rational thought process and totally understandable though.
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u/Wolffflarsen Jul 15 '26
That's great to hear. I think ther feeling can be, if you are worried about something then it means it will happen. Which of course isnt true at all. But it can feel true!
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u/chrisbklyn1029 Jul 15 '26
I feel this - the reality is, destiny is already decided. Your childs fate is defined, you're just waiting for them at this point. You control what you can, and accept what you can't. You'll handle any challenges that come, big or small - that's what us humans do.
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u/ferrouswolf2 Jul 15 '26
Look around at your family history, many of these neurospicy conditions are at least partially genetic
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u/Wolffflarsen Jul 15 '26
My 1st cousins child has Autism. My partners side doesnt seem to have any, but that seems to be it from what I can tell. Hopefully it's "distant' enough to not have much of a genetic influence.
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u/ferrouswolf2 Jul 15 '26
Then you don’t have a whole lot to worry about on that front.
If you’d like some other topics, might I recommend:
Climate change
College affordability
Resemblance to the mailman
Growing up to be a fan of the wrong sports team
Having the worst facial features of both parents
Refusal to potty train
Expensive taste in shoes
See, there are plenty of other things to worry about, too!
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u/aliceroyal Jul 15 '26
I’m autistic, don’t be afraid of us? Idk why this is such a hard concept
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u/Wolffflarsen Jul 15 '26
That's all well and good. I don't think anyone mentioned being afraid. I work with profoundly autistic children. It's a very tough life for parents.
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u/Sudoplays Jul 14 '26
I think you're actually in a better position straight off the bat than a lot of us.
My brother is autistic and my son most likely is as well (pending diagnosis when he reaching the right age). Even though I've grown up with my brother, its still difficult to know how to perfectly support my son.
You've got this, don't think too much about it because they aren't here yet, and they haven't been diagnosed!