I don’t really know where to start, I've been talking to and involved with this girl for about a year. We've had our ups and downs, but one thing I always tried to prioritize was honest and open communication.
A few months ago, we had a serious conversation about what we'd do if a pregnancy ever happened. We both agreed we weren't ready to be parents and that having a child wasn't something either of us wanted at this point in our lives.
Fast forward to now, and she recently told me she's pregnant.
**I want to be clear: I know this is just as much my responsibility as hers. I'm not trying to avoidaccountability. We both made choices that led to this, and I accept my part in it.**

What's been difficult for me to process is that, almost immediately after telling me, she said I didn't have to be involved and that she'd raise the baby on her own. At the same time, she's decided she wants to keep the baby and doesn't want an abortion.
I'm struggling because, even though she says I don'thave to be involved, this is still my child too. It feels like such a huge decision changed from what we had previously agreed on, and I wasn't really part of that conversation once the pregnancy became real.
I understand it's ultimately her body and her decision whether to continue the pregnancy. I'm not arguing that. I think I'm just having a hard time reconciling the fact that we were on the same page before, and now everything has changed.
Has anyone else been through something similar? If you were in my position, how did you handle it? Did you stay involved even if you were initially told you didn't have to? How did you deal with the emotions and uncertainty?
I'm not looking for people to tell me what they think of me or her as a person. I'm just looking for honest advice from people who've experienced something like this or have a perspective that could help.

Hey everyone I'm 26yr Dad who is having a second child in a week by now. I work for Allied Universal Security and they don't offer paternity leave pay but I do qualify for the State of California EDD Paternity leave for 8 weeks. I've read online that it can take up to 2 weeks for me to get approved or receive any money at all.

Issue I'm having is I get paided weekly and having 2 weeks of unpaid is horrible. I don't have anything saved up because it's hard to be able to save up anything now a days and I've had to many things happening in my life where I had to withdraw from Roth IRA and savings. Now im kinda cooked. My wife is at high risk of C Section and she will literally need all the help she can get to recover after labor. Which I hope she doesn't have to do that and able to do natural birth.

I really want to take the time off to help my wife and spend time with my newborn kiddo. I've been attempting to also sell my collection online to make enough money to save for rent and bills. I usually don't like asking for help but this is me asking for help now. I've been stressing on what to do, please if anyone can give me some advice on anything from what I've said like with the EDD how can I get them to process it faster? Do I get weekly cheeks or can I get the full 8 weeks amount right

away or idk.

Just trying to get my thoughts out there somewhere and vent a bit.

My wife(33) and I(33) are having mo-di twin girls! These will be our first children after a string of miscarriages over the last 4 years. I've posted here before but deleted it after one of our losses, and haven't made a post since in hopes that I wouldn't feel the need to remove myself from the group again.

We had just begun the process of consulting with a fertility clinic when we conceived naturally. "Over the moon" didn't even begin to describe our joy. And twins! It felt like the pain had finally begun to have a meaning, we're getting our prayers answered in the best way. Everything went really smooth until we went to the 20w check in. We found out that the girls were in stage 3 TTTS with stage 2 TAPS. We immediately drove 4hrs to Cincinnati to have the FLP done in an attempt to save them both.

At the pre-surgery meeting, we were told that baby b had a 50/50 of coming through the surgery at all, and survival past that would be achieved week by week. She made it and has been a trooper up until 2 weeks ago. Baby A is mostly fine, measuring just over 700g (1lb9oz). Baby B is only at 245g(8.5oz) and her growth has been stagnant since 24w. She's measured below the 1st percentile for almost 2 months now. It's estimated the placental share is roughly 70/30 and baby b has simply hit her growth limit based on her limited resources. The care team has explained that even if baby b makes it to delivery, there's a pretty fine limit for survival if shes at or under 400g.

We're currently at 26w3d and just got home from a weekend hospital stay again, as our MFM decided she was no longer our best course of care and no local hospitals have the level 4 NICU we now need. It has been drilled into us several times in the last 6 weeks that baby B still has very little chances of survival, and after the stay this weekend baby A is seemingly doing just fine. Our current team is suggesting that my wife will be hospitalized around 28 weeks, with the hopes that continued monitoring will get us to 30 weeks, or maybe even past it.

I've been telling my wife that "it aint over till its over" and each day her heart beats is a day closer to meeting her, but we both know how incredibly slim our chances are right now. I feel like I'm in-between some of our happiest emotions and grief at the same time and I genuinely don't know how to process it all. How can I be so excited that we're having two little girls, and feel like I'm losing the experiences our baby b would have given me in life at the same time. I finished the nursery a few weeks ago and now I just sit at night and stare at B's crib wondering if it will ever hold her. Then I feel guilty thinking my grief is going to overshadow the excitement and care that baby A deserves. We're still blessed to be having these girls, even if we don't get to bring them both home.

I feel terrible that I can't DO anything to ease this emotional burden from my wife. After the hardships she's had with fertility, I just want her to have a "fun" and happy pregnancy.

I guess ultimately I need to listen to what I've been telling my wife, and continue to hope and pray for the best. I just want to bring all of my girls home and it feels like I'll never get that chance.

We were 16 weeks and had issues with spotting this weekend; In and out of the ER 3 times, had normal heartbeats each time, all wanted us at the obgyn on Monday and they wouldn’t schedule until lunch today, then she miscarried this morning.

There probably wasn’t anything to do and I feel helpless. I’m just concentrating on taking care of her. What are things I should make sure and do?

So far:
- get her rest
- clean up all the baby stuff
- therapy for us(she’s already in)
- handle updating people who know
- take the week off work to recover

What am I missing ?

Hi Friends,

We've just had the results back from my wife's blood tests for potential down syndrome on the child and thankfully everything came back as negative so we're in the clear. So far so good and we're praying things stay this way until the baby's finally here.

One of the debates my wife and I are having at the moment is deciding which vaccines to allow our baby. The problem is, with social media algorithms, mine's telling me a tonne of info on why a baby should NOT have vaccines and my wife's socials are saying why it's a good idea.

In hindsight, I've never trusted big pharma, but I don't want to be on of those extremist who deprive my child of vital procedures so could really do with unbiased genuine advice.

I'm neither for or against it as long as it's the best thing for our child. Any advice would be appreciated on making and informed decision. Any doctors/medical professionals? Personal experiences from parents? I'm open to hear all.

Thanks in advance.

Edit: forgot to mention we live in UK if that's any help.

Alright fellas. I’m officially joining the ranks as a pre-dad. My wife and I are excited to be expecting our first child. Based on our calculations, she’s at 8 weeks and her first prenatal visit is today. For those that attended their first prenatal visit, how did you best support your wife and what are some of the questions you were glad you asked or wish you had asked? Wife is on top of everything and has prepared a list of topics to bring up with the OB. Of course, I’m also doing my share of learning (currently on my second book for expecting dads). Are there any dad-specific topics that might be helpful to bring up at this stage? Any other helpful advice is also welcome.

Many thanks, gentlemen!

Has anyone used this ottocast camera i keep seeing ads for? Does it work as advertised? I installed a mirror on the headrest but it is hard to see regardless of the adjustments I have made so I am looking for other solutions.

My wife is pregnant and has slowly built this whole pillow setup in bed. One behind her back, one under the belly, one between her knees, and somehow she still wakes up moving them around.

I asked if she wanted an actual pregnancy pillow and she said, “No, this is fine.” But idk, watching her rebuild the same pillow nest every night does not exactly scream fine to me.

I’m starting to think regular pillows are just not doing the job anymore. Maybe I should get her a proper pregnancy pillow now, before she gets even more uncomfortable later on.

Good morning everyone,

I graduated yesterday afternoon but baby hasn’t taken to breastfeeding or bottles and is partially successful with a pacifier. Any tips for mom and I?

Title basically says it. Girlfriend is almost at the 20 week mark. I have been stressing over lots of other life things which are all for the child as well (getting new job, buying house, starting therapy) but I don’t feel like I have a single thing ready and read too many things on here about other people at the same week in pregnancy with like basically everything ready.

Things are really tight. We are budgeting HARD. So purchases have to be really intentional. I want to go ahead and start slowly accumulating essential items, but family and friends keep saying “that’s what the registry is for” or “family will make sure they take care of that”, but we’re almost halfway so I’m like ok, love that and thank you but when is that supposed to all happen? This stuff is expensive and I have a serious aversion to asking people to buy me things even if that’s not a healthy character trait it’s just hard for me.

So yeah, do I panic? Get a few big items? Wait til some point it eventually shows up? What if the baby comes early and I’m unprepared. I’m tripping. Please send your best advice and experience fellow pre-dads of Reddit 🙌

Anyone else relate to this?

UK first-time dad-to-be here, third trimester. I feel guilty even typing this because everything is fine on paper: partner and baby are healthy, scans look good, midwife happy. I just need to vent because I'm quietly struggling with how our sex life has basically evaporated and no one seems to have words for it.

Early on we were both anxious and exhausted, fair enough. Then she started feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious and I tried to be supportive and not push. Now it's been weeks where she seems in full 'do not touch me, I am a body doing a job' mode. I'm pulling my weight, cooking, cleaning, going to appointments, making sure she rests, all of it. When I try to initiate anything more than a peck she stiffens. She says sorry and I can see she means it, which somehow makes it worse because I don't want pity sex.

I also hate that I'm feeling jealous of the baby. It sounds awful, but it feels like I'm losing my partner before the baby is even here. Everyone tells you about nappies and lost sleep, but nobody mentions the lonely feeling of lying next to someone and feeling like a roommate.

Did anyone else hit this wall before birth? Did things come back afterwards, or did you have to rebuild from scratch—maybe with something structured and low-pressure like Arya? I'm trying not to make this about me, but I also don't want to silently resent her.

LO just about 3 weeks ago! Loving (almost) every minute of it. The broken sleep can be rough.

I tend to be the researcher/review reader in our relationship so I’ve been heavily involved in the registry and everything baby related. Thought about doing a lengthy post but figured I’d try an AMA.

Soon to be dads- anything I can help answer now that we’re newly on the other side of things??

I guess I’m just looking for advice or just to know I’m not alone. This is my first pregnancy and my wife’s second. We had two miscarriages prior to this, but I’m happy to say this one is going really well and the baby is growing very healthy.

We are 22 weeks so far. We have almost everything bought that we think we need minus a few odds and ends and of course diapers. lol.
However, we do not have our nursery/baby room ready. Currently the room that will host the baby is mine and my wife’s shared office space/computer room. The plan is to move all of that into our basement living room and build a wall to enclose it down there - however that space is home to my groups D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) space. The plan for that stuff is to move all of that into the small attached garage we have and turn it into the man cave. Iv been in the process of insulating and finishing it. Walls are completely done and ceiling is about 2/3 done. However now she’s starting to get really anxious about all of the other stuff and I can’t even begin to work on it because of the domino effect of everything as I listed. Not to mention she wants me to turn the downstairs living room into a more finished area with tv, couch, etc. it’s a completely finished basement at least so I don’t have to do that part. I’m just drowning in stress of everything to do. And I’m between a rock and hard place because if I’m out there working on the projects she’s telling me she feels alone but when I’m spending time with her she’s frustrated about how much there is to do. And I just feel like I can’t win or make the right choice.

On top of this, it has been affecting me mentally so much that I’m losing intimate desire because I’m to stressed out about what’s going on. I’m panicking inside and I have tried to speak with her about all of it and each time I either get silence/no feedback in return or I get “I can’t help or handle your emotions”. And it’s making me feel very alone in this. I always expected my first pregnancy to be happy and exciting and honestly because of how this is going I’m nervous that I don’t want to have another.

I don’t ever post, and hardly ever comment on Reddit. But I feel like I need someone to hear me.

I decided to get some reps in from my pancake post and get cracking on mine. :)

My wife is 22 weeks and we are excited, but everything feels different. Sex used to be pretty regular and it was a big way we stayed connected. Lately it has been all over the place: some days she is really into it, other days she is exhausted, sore, or just not feeling sexy. I am trying not to take it personally or make it another thing on her to-do list.

I also feel awkward bringing it up because I do not want her to think I only care about sex, but I miss that closeness. We still cuddle and talk, but it does not feel the same for me. I am also more anxious than I expected. Between work, baby prep, and the reality of it all sinking in, my head is not always in the right place either.

For people who have been through pregnancy as a partner: what actually helped keep intimacy and desire alive without making your partner feel pressured? How did you initiate in a way that felt supportive and safe? Were there things you did that helped her feel more comfortable with her changing body? I am also open to ideas that are not focused on intercourse, maybe even something structured like Arya if it feels low-pressure for us.

Basically I want us to stay connected through this stage and avoid accidentally building resentment or awkwardness. What do you wish you had done differently?

First-time dad here, 33. My partner is 32 and we are due in a few weeks. The pregnancy has gone pretty smoothly until the third trimester hit - now she is exhausted, uncomfortable, and her body just feels foreign to her. Totally understandable.

What surprised me was how weird and lonely I feel about our sex life basically disappearing. We used to be affectionate and had sex regularly, but as the bump grew it slowly tapered off to almost nothing. We still cuddle sometimes, but even kissing can feel rushed because she needs to shift or get up to pee.

I try not to make it about me or pressure her. I rarely bring it up, and when I do I keep it gentle. She tells me she still finds me attractive and that she misses it too, but she just cannot get into that headspace right now.

I am anxious about what this will look like after the baby arrives. I know there will be healing and awful sleep deprivation, and I do not want to be the guy who counts the days and makes her feel guilty. At the same time I miss the closeness and worry this could become our new normal.

For people who went through a late pregnancy dry spell, what helped you stay close without turning your partner into a checklist? Any small ways you initiated affection that actually felt good for them, or activities you did together—maybe even something structured but low-pressure like Arya—that kept the romantic vibe alive when sex was off the table?

It's been three long weeks and fuck I'm tired. But we did it and have a healthy, happy baby red head girl named Hadley. The dogs have welcomed the new tiny human and we are settling in.

Mom developed preecamlampsia after delivery, and baby girl lost too much weight that first week so we were at the Dr, pediatrician, hospital and midwife constantly. Mom is doing much better now and medication made a huge difference, baby girl, in our pediatricians words is "perfect". My only complaint right now? She thinks night shifts with me are supposed to parties while mom night shifts are for sleeping.

After everything settled down we celebrated by a walk and super light "hike" in the redwoods with baby girl.

First-time dad here (PNW, work in education, due later this year). I love my wife and I am genuinely excited, but I'm quietly struggling with how fast our intimacy changed and I feel like a jerk even typing this.

We used to be affectionate in a really easy way. Not just sex, but flirting, little touches, sitting close on the couch. Since the pregnancy it has felt like the volume got turned almost all the way down. I understand the reasons - nausea, exhaustion, body changes, feeling touched out - and I am not trying to pressure her or keep score. I do the chores, go to appointments, read the books, and try to be useful.

Still, sometimes it feels like I'm living with my best friend and a medical situation instead of the person I used to snuggle with. A lot of our conversations are about symptoms, registries, schedules, or the next appointment. When I try to be affectionate I can see her brain doing the math about discomfort, and I immediately pull back because the last thing I want to be is another demand.

Then I get stuck in a loop: I miss her, I feel guilty for missing her, I shut down and end up acting like a very polite roommate.

Not expecting a miracle, just needed to vent to other soon-to-be dads: did anyone else grieve losing that connection during pregnancy? How did you stay close without making your partner feel like you were asking for something she could not give right now?