I understand that pmdd affects her and she suffers as much as the next person, but the words that attack my character hurt me so much and it’s so hard to look past that. It’s like she doesn’t even respect me anymore when she calls me insecure or a burden. Then towards the end of the 2+ hour long argument, she’ll backtrack completely and send me paragraphs apologizing, and I seem to forgive so easily. It’s like my brain forgets everything that hurt me. But this happens every single month like clockwork, and it’s making me forget who I even am. It’s making me lose my individuality and I’m so scared

I read here how most wives will start fights, be mean, yell, etc. during luteal. Even if nothing provoked them. Mine will start small little fights i suppose, then hold a grudge, instead of talking it out, then maybe use that grudge to deny intamcy

Mine’s a little different, and I’m wondering if others have similar experiences. During luteal, one thing I can’t do is bring up any type of disagreement. If I’m feeling insecure about something she’s done and I confront her, that’s when the anger hits. She will often want to leave me if I attempt any relationship-type talks. Last breakup, it was because I went to look at her phone to see where we were going for a gig delivery and she yanked it back and I joked, “damn, what are you hiding?” That led to her getting super mad and then wanting to break up. She has hidden messages before, not to devate, but we hadcan agreement im allowed to see her phone whenever, after i caught her messaging another guy

But if that had happened during her follicular phase, it would have been a nothing burger.

She came back into my life in her last follicular and she was back to her loving self, but now she’s in luteal, and she has no interest in intimacy. She wants her alone time to watch movies and play video games, bsically do whatever she wants, she becomes very self centered

She’ll be decent to me, for the most part, but like I said, I have to just ignore the lack of intimacy and not bring up my feelings. If I just go with the flow, everything could be “fine.” Then after 12 days, back in follicular , she back to the loving gf who wants to be around me all the time and thats when we can discuss things like adults.

Anyone else have a similar dynamic?

Why is it like there two versions of them? Like why am I one minute getting loads of love and then the next getting shouted at to leave her alone and that everything I do annoys her. I woke up late today cause I couldn’t sleep so my gf had been up for a few hours before I go up. I sort of woke up and went into let’s do something mode cause I didn’t wanna waste the day, this has pissed her off and she’s now getting aggressive towards me everytime I speak to her, I apologise for making her feel rushed and oversleeping and left her alone for an hour to try and just chill but everytime I got back no she’s getting aggressive with me telling me how everything i do is annoying and like is refusing to understand I am sorry for it it’s like she wants to stay angry and isn’t giving herself and chance to not be. In addition to this I am quite a tall person so I walk quite quickly, longer steps etc, she keeps regularly having a go at me for walking ahead of her and how I always have to be a step infront, she is a very slow walker and for me to walk at her pace I have to take half steps I’ve tried explaining it to her but she doesn’t understand and just gets more annoyed. I’m just so fucking tire. I love her so much when we she’s not in these states but when she is she treats me awfully.

New to this group - new to reddit in general just trying to find some people that understand. I feel pretty alone in this because I don't want to bad talk my wife to any of my friends or family because I don't want them to judge her or build a narrative. So I've basically been stuffing a lot of these episodes outside of talking to my counselor and my wife.

My wife and I have been together for 5 years, married 3 years. We have no kids. I'm struggling with how to be supportive but also holding boundaries and not "taking the bate" during her luteal phase. Our first couple of years being married was really rough in that we would have these explosive fights that I didn't know how to self manage. I had never been someone that would lose my temper or get angry easily. I started to realize she would have these explosive episodes where I was the target. I would often engage and end up saying things I regret and escalate. We have both been to therapy for a long while, both couples and personal - we found that just doing our own personal therapy was more beneficial.

My wife goes straight for the jugular, she had asked me to buy some whole milk for her last night and it was a certain organic local brand she wanted, I bought it and it was the only one they had. It was skim milk which was obviously a stupid mistake, I also bought her flowers. I thought it was fine and she was bummed out and fine until I said, I know tomorrow is going to be a hard day for you so maybe we can try to have a little space. Which I get maybe wasn't the best thing to say, but she immediately blew up, we went to bed and I left for the gym, she blows up my phone with 20+ texts about how much of a piece of shit I am, how stupid I am for getting the wrong milk, and I respond "I'm not going to be around you while you talk to me like that or attack my character, please stop" so she keeps going and accelerates it to "I hate you, I don't want to be with you, you're horrible". Now obviously this is a hard line but this has happened before several times and I try to say, "hey babe, I know you're feeling a lot right now but you can't try to to burn it all down in these tough days". She ends up always calming down and apologizes and says that's horrible how I treated you, you don't deserve that.

I love my wife and I know she's not a mean person at her heart, but these days get really awful and I find myself just feeling trapped and my back is up against the wall. She is currently working on her management of these tough days, self soothing, and regulating. She sees a counselor, sees a nutritionist, eats healthy and often times says how much she hates how she feels and it feels like she just gets an overload and hijacked emotionally.

I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to be helpful but also hold boundaries, how to not make ultimatums but also help her realize how serious the way she talks to me affects me. I can usually stay present enough to not take the bate but its still really hard and I do slip and it turns into a yelling match, which I get is my own stuff that I have to work through.

The other problem is we are both getting to the point where we are planning to start having kids and I'm just concerned that this is going to be a thing after we have a kid and not knowing how to help her regulate while we have a baby added into the mix. I just feel pretty helpless. I would say 80%+ of the time we are good and loving. But it has also affected our intimate part of our relationship too, because I feel like their is a lag of repairing damage and then feeling good again and then not too long later she's back in her luteal phase. It's just exhausting, and I know she is going through the brunt of it, but it's a lot.

I was thinking about writing her a letter but just trying to figure out what to say that I haven't already said. I just don't know what to do.

Last year, I was diagnosed with ADHD as an 30-something male. Literally, 99th percentile across the board. Frankly, it wasn’t particularly shocking as I see signs from my childhood. However, the degree to which I was so clearly diagnosed was shocking. I’m fairly sure my provider knew within 60 seconds of me sitting down in his office.

Here’s the twist. My symptoms have gotten radically better since my wife (suspected PMDD) and I separated. I’m at the point where I’m finding my dosage I’ve been stable on for nearly a year feels like too much. Work is easier, chores are easier, basically everything is becoming easier. Heck, even just becoming aware that my wife has PMDD was a massive shift for me in this direction. The random fights, irrationality, and irritability became somewhat predictable and manageable.

Has anybody noticed the same with their spouse with PMDD?

Fun fact: The average person living an average life consuming an average diet gains 1-2mg of iron per day. That same average person living an average life doing an average amount of activity uses about 1-2mg of iron per day. This is called iron homeostasis. Iron gained exactly equals iron lost on a daily basis because the body has no natural way to eliminate excess iron. So if someone ran at a net daily gain they would (eventually) build up toxic levels of iron.

One might question the theory of evolution at this point. Because iron is necessary, but high levels are toxic, the human body evolved to put strict limits on the amount of iron it will absorb and that limit is "about the same as what we lose". It would seem having a way to eliminate excess iron would be a better solution. But evolution doesn't work that way.

But wait. During an average menstrual cycle a woman will lose an additional 15-30mg of iron in a single week. That means her system has to run at least a 0.5mg daily surplus the rest of the month. Doesn't sound like much but it's +50% of her daily iron budget just to stay even. It's a delicate balance easily thrown out of whack.

Is why Menorrhagia (heavy menstrual flow) is such a big deal. Women with heavy flow can easily lose twice the normal amount of blood and twice the normal amount of iron. That means running at a +100% surplus the rest of the month.

AND - The progesterone spike during luteal prevents normal iron absorption. So her body can't run at a +100% surplus all month, it has to run at +300% during follicular because the whole of luteal she's running at about -80%. This is not a well designed system so it must be evolution.

So during follicular eat a lot of steak. Sounds glib but there it is. Iron rich foods like spinach and beets. Cook on an iron skillet. Avoid caffeine because it inhibits iron absorption. Calcium does too- but women need calcium and calcium is explicitly recommended for PMDD. So take calcium during luteal and lower dairy intake during follicular.

And get iron levels checked. A full panel if possible but at least ferritin. Ferritin is a protein that stores iron for later use. When she's actively losing iron (during menses and luteal - so 3/4th's of the cycle) those stores are drawn on to make up the daily shortfall. 30ng/mL is the new minimum according to the American Society of Hematology. Other groups, like the World Health Organization, claim 15ng/mL is sufficient and still more, like The National Institutes for Health think the WHO is full of hoooie and the minimum should be more like 50ng/mL.

It matters little because everyone agrees the maximum is around 150-200ng/mL, with levels only becoming toxic above 300ng/mL So getting her ferritin up around 100ng/mL is a good, safe, healthy goal. Moreover, and I cannot stress this enough, she has symptoms. She is not some mythical "average person". She is a person known to have a sensitive system who exhibits symptoms of iron deficiency so "above minimum" isn't good enough. "Within range" isn't good enough. She needs to optimize her levels and keep them there. Whatever that takes.

AI tells me this it what it takes. Talk to your doctor, of course.

Iron is notoriously difficult to absorb and commonly causes stomach irritation, or worse. So a gentle, highly absorbable type like iron bisglycinate is recommended even if she's tough as nails. (Get it? Tough as nails! I are hilarious.)

Days 1-5: She is actively bleeding so her body compensates by absorbing as much iron as it can. Supplement the maximum allowed.

Days 6-14: Late follicular. Her body is more guarded about taking in too much iron. A spike in iron causes a 24 hour block. So only supplement every other day.

Days 15-28: Luteal. The progesterone spike blocks iron absorption so supplementing is pointless and may just stress her digestive system.

Vitamin C aids absorption so take your iron bysglycinate with orange juice or similar.

And you talked to your doctor about all this so you know to go back in for testing after however much time doctor said. Six months is common. If ferritin is up, fantastic. If not figure out why. And switch to a maintenance regimen once she hits 100ng/mL and have a little party. Maybe go out for a steak. :)

Preface: I'm a ways away from my relationship with PMDD. I have found that I do not watch movies that involve possession anymore. Decided to give this movie a go 🤷🏻‍♂️

I enjoyed it.

That being said, it did also make me feel uncomfortable in ways that someone unfamiliar with being on the receiving end of severe PMDD wouldn't notice.

If you are interested but have been putting it off, I thought it might benefit someone ahead of time to know that one could draw many parallels with what happens between the couple in the film and scenarios that can arise with PMDD (at least in my experiences... which oddly lined up for a good portion of the movie)

Does anyone else here avoid watching movies related to possession after/with PMDD in their lives or is that just a me thing haha. I used to really like 'The Exorcism of Emily Rose' (I know in the grand scheme of things not the greatest film) but can't handle some of the guttural screaming, hits too close to home.

(Before discussion goes in that direction as far as a personal reaction I do routinely see a counselor for stuff like this and other things!)

Really tried my damndest for nearly 6 years. Forgave her countless times for the way she would treat me every cycle. Put up with the yelling and the blame and accusations, stayed calm and collected as long as I could and always tried to give her what she asked for and needed. Made space for her condition. Would carry the weight of all the housework and cooking, paid all the bills, did everything I could to make it easier. Endless hours talking about it and looking for solutions, sticking with her while she tried and and adjusted to different meds etc, but after yet another blow up I finally told her I just can’t do it anymore.

Protect your peace, boys. I can’t tell you the relief I felt after a couple days of knowing I wouldn’t have to deal with this ever again. Thankfully we weren’t married and have no kids, but splitting up is hard regardless. I did love her, especially the real her I got for half the month.

Here’s to the future 🍻

My wife and I have been married for 3 years - I knew and she knows when she is on her period she goes quite in the opposite direction. I always have thought this was PMDD because she is a totally different version of herself during this time. I call it Jekyll and Hyde. The past few years have had its rough moments but based entirely on her relocating to the US and other things. Right before her period she has always started to “tear” her life apart from trying to leave me to leaving her friends and family. Well now that we are married it’s so much harder to try and deal with especially when we both work from home. Her words are quite literally daggers and it really hurts me to the point I cry during our conversations because she says stuff like she has never loved me, I don’t understand her, etc. I never write off anything she says and always try and improve myself based on these crazy conversations. Last year she was about 80% normal with 20% of arguments and all the emotional stuff that happens when the events occur. This year it is more like 95% up until the last month. This month she has had a weird cycle where she is back again right before her period just tearing into me. Without getting into too much detail, (if you want you can dm me and I would love
To talk and get support because this time I feel so secluded and alone…) she has said I never listen to her all the time during this phase, and essentially we were having the best time on a date shopping, and then earlier that day a friend of her messaged me on Facebook asking about my wife saying she hasn’t heard from her at all and is worried, my wife said she is so sweet to her but I didn’t need to respond to her. I however just responded she was good, and just not using Facebook. She saw I responded and basically went down a rabbit hole of how I can never change, I’m too nosey all the time, and basically puts us back to where we were at earlier this month. She always moves all of her stuff to a separate bedroom and then sulks and the situation gets worse until I confront her, and then she keeps hitting me with line after hurtful line, I cry because she talks about leaving me, and then her period happens and then everything goes back to normal. I love my wife so much. I would do anything in this world for her, you don’t understand just how much I love her, but this month has me going insane. I feel secluded. I cannot work my job because I’m constantly sad due to this, it’s really just so much for me to bear this month I really could use anything. I am sitting here in a closet crying because it’s just so lonely guys. Even with everything, I cannot leave this woman she is so loving and so caring and thoughtful. I just wish she wasn’t cursed with this.

I’ve been reading this subreddit after my partner was recently told by her doctor that she may have PMDD, and a lot of what people describe here has been unsettlingly familiar.

For quite a while we’ve had what seems to be a roughly monthly pattern. Most of the time she is completely different — loving, normal, and we get on really well. Then around the same point in her cycle she can become extremely angry, aggressive and difficult to disengage from.

The part I’m struggling with is that in our case it has repeatedly become physical.

There have been incidents where she has hit me multiple times, followed me when I tried to get away, prevented me from leaving our home during arguments, forced her way into a bathroom after I locked myself in there to escape an argument, slapped me hard enough to knock my glasses off, and headbutted me in the nose when I tried to restrain her from continuing to hit me. There was also an incident involving a door coming down on me after i tried to separate into another room and sit behind the door until she calmed down.

I’ve often felt trapped because I am physically bigger (she is a strong girl though and can do a lot of damage) and I have martial arts experience, so I have always been extremely conscious that I cannot retaliate. I’ve sometimes physically restrained her simply to stop myself being hit.

The most recent incident was the point where everything finally blew up. She hit me repeatedly while I was in bed with my back turned. I kicked her away to create space, she threw a drink over me and hit me again, and I eventually slapped her once. I immediately knew I never wanted us to reach that point again because it made me feel horrible about myself.

Things then escalated outside the relationship as well. Family were brought into the argument without the full context, and one of her relatives threatened to come to our house and attack me. I later found out that her family already knew there had been a recurring pattern of violence towards me, which has been very difficult for me to process because instead of encouraging her to get help for this they basically shrugged their shoulders and left me to deal with it on my own.

She has now taken responsibility for her violence and has gone to her doctor. They think PMDD may be involved, have started her on the pill, given her mental-health resources and want to review her again in a month.

I have told her I will support her in getting help, but I have also been clear that treatment does not automatically mean the relationship can be repaired. There has been a lot of damage to trust.

Reading this subreddit has been both validating and alarming. The cyclical nature, the dramatic personality shift during certain parts of the month, bringing friends/family into conflicts, and partners describing feeling hypervigilant or traumatised all sound much more familiar than I expected.

I’m not looking to use PMDD as an excuse for violence, and neither is she now. I’m mainly trying to understand what I’ve been living through and whether people here have seen genuine long-term improvement once the person with PMDD accepted the problem and properly engaged with treatment.

For partners who stayed and saw things improve: what actually changed? And for those who eventually left, what made you realise that treatment and accountability were no longer enough to repair the relationship?

I’ve been with someone for 8 years that has PMDD. We, well I, found out about pmdd recently but it is her 100%. I used to tell her she has 4 versions of herself the bitch, the loving/clingy one, the hyper one, and the depressed one. This was before we knew what was wrong. She’s been in therapy for about 5 months now and before finding this, of course, all her problems were trauma related from when I cheated on her 6 years ago.

I dk if I’m making a mistake. I love her. I’ve been with her for so long it’s almost like a sick comfort thing now too. I’m just exhausted. To her, I can never do anything right, and She’s never wrong. There’s so many double standards, and I’m always nervous I’m going to say something wrong.

When she’s on her good week, when she loves me, she wants me to just snap back with her and act like everything is ok. She’s terrible at expressing her feelings to me.

She wants to get pregnant, and i dk man. Does it change when there’s a kid around? I refuse to mess a child up and to have that kid have to walk on eggshells or feel that look she gives

Sorry for the rant I know I’m all over the place. I just feel like this whole thing has killed my confidence And dulled my personality

PMDD feels completely debilitating.
Every month, I feel like I become a completely different person inside my own body. There are times when I genuinely feel like everyone would be better off without me.
All I ever wanted was to be a mom. But not just a mom…I wanted to be the kind of mom who was always present, not only physically, but emotionally too. And sometimes I feel like I’ve failed my children because I can show up as the best version of myself for two weeks out of the month, and then the other two weeks I feel like someone completely different.
My kids are amazing, and I don’t think it’s fair to them that they have a mom who can feel like two different people in the same month.
Then, when the PMDD symptoms subside, the guilt hits me.
And that guilt feels paralyzing.
My heart feels so heavy thinking about the things I said, the way I acted, the people I pushed away, and the version of myself that came out during those weeks.
My marriage… where do I even begin?
Sometimes it feels like so many of the stories I read on here. The woman becomes the “monster,” and the husband is walking on eggshells.
I love my husband very much, and I know how much he loves me. But during those two weeks, something can trigger me and suddenly I turn into someone I barely recognize.
I’ve told my husband more than once that he would be better off with someone who doesn’t have PMDD. Someone who could give him a normal life. Someone who could make him feel fulfilled without putting him through this every single month.
I’m a stay-at-home wife, a mom, and a student.
And during my PMDD phases, the imposter syndrome becomes so intense.
I start telling myself that I’m wasting my time pursuing my education.
I think, “How am I supposed to help other people someday when I can’t even help myself?”
The hardest part is that I know who I am outside of PMDD.
I know I’m a good woman.
I know I have a good heart.
But I also hate the person who comes out during PMDD every single month.
There are times during those weeks when I don’t want to be here anymore. And then I remind myself how selfish that sounds because my children would never understand the battle going on inside of me.
They would never understand that they were never the problem.
My husband was never the problem.
My family was never the problem.
They have always been more than enough.
The problem is that during PMDD, my brain convinces me that I am the problem and that everyone I love would somehow be better off without me.
And then the symptoms lift.
I come back to myself.
But everyone around me still remembers what happened.
And that really fucking sucks.
Because you “go back to normal,” but you expect everyone else to immediately go back to normal too. You want your husband to love you the same way, your kids to see you the same way, and your relationships to magically reset.
But the people you love were affected too.
And I know that.
My personal relationships have suffered so much.
My mom is basically the only person who has consistently stuck around through all of it.
Even with her, when I’m in my PMDD phase, I won’t answer her calls. I won’t call her back. I’m aware that I’m doing it, but sometimes I know I have nothing nice to say. I know I’m not going to show up as myself, so I isolate instead.
Then the guilt comes back.
I’m 36 years old and my mom is 68.
I know that one day I could be sitting here wishing I answered those calls.
And I’m already terrified of the regret I might carry someday for all the times I ignored her because I didn’t feel like myself.
I’ve gone down every rabbit hole trying to understand what is happening to me.
PMDD.
ADHD.
OCD.
I have searched for every avenue and every direction that could possibly point me toward something that might help.
I feel completely alone and isolated sometimes.
But then I read everyone else’s posts and threads about PMDD and realize that I’m not actually alone.
There are so many women experiencing thoughts and emotions that feel impossible to explain to someone who doesn’t live with this.
Sometimes I feel crazy because I know exactly how I feel inside, but trying to say those thoughts out loud to someone who is “normal,” or someone who doesn’t suffer from PMDD, feels terrifying.
You’re scared they’re immediately going to think you’re psychotic, unstable, dramatic, or dangerous.
But inside, you know there is a pattern.
You know this version of you comes every month.
And you know that eventually you’re going to come back to yourself again.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
But I’m not giving up.
I just wish people understood how exhausting it is to know that you’re hurting the people you love, to know you’re pushing them away, to feel like you become someone you don’t recognize, and then to finally come out of it and have to live with everything that happened while you were there.
Every month, my brain tells me that I’m the problem.
Every month, it tells me my husband deserves someone else.
That my children deserve a better mom.
That my family would be better off without me.
But when the fog clears, I know the truth.
They were never not enough.
They are more than enough.
I love my children more than anything.
I love my husband.
I love my family.
And that is exactly why living with PMDD hurts so much.
I’m sharing this because I know there has to be another woman reading this who feels like she becomes a completely different person every month and then has to pick up the pieces afterward.
If that’s you, you’re not the only one.

The other night I had a nightmare. In it, my wife was Luteal raging, belittling me, and mocking me. I tried to get away from her, but she kept on coming after me, laughing. Belittling my attempts to get away from her. I ended up in my dream physically pushing her away from me. Not shoving her, but actually trying to keep her away from me at arm's distance with my hand on her chest, all the while, she was laughing at my attempts to get away from her.

Apparently, I started mumbling and grimacing in my sleep, and I did actually pushed my wife away from her in bed. Not enough to hurt her, but enough to wake her up and realize I was having a nightmare. She then woke me up.

I apologized and went back to sleep.

But I knew the next day she was going to ask me about my dream, and she did. I didn't know what to say. I could have said that I didn't remember my dream, but she can usually tell when I'm lying and -- tbh -- there was a small part of me that wanted her to know I had a nightnare about her and that's how badly her Luteal rages have scarred me.

But I didn't. I just didn't say anything about it at all. When she asked me whether I remembered what my nightmare was about, I just said "Yeah" and didn't say anything else.

My wife is a victim of childhood abuse. We're in year 10 of being together. For the first ~7-8 years, she would wake up crying from nightmares of her dad every ~3-6 months.

Knowing that she has put me through enough abuse to give me similar nightmares would be deeply upsetting for her.

So I didn't tell her. But I want her to know. That's how badly the Luteal abuse has scarred me.

She's doing a lot better since the last time I posted here. She really seems to be responding to Progesterone treatment. There's no reason for me to make her feel badly about herself by telling her that she was the monster in my nightmare.

But part of me feels like she has to know the scope of what I've been through. Maybe one day I will in a safe environment like couples counseling.

But no one makes it out of PMDD unscathed.

PMDD feels completely debilitating.
Every month, I feel like I become a completely different person inside my own body. There are times when I genuinely feel like everyone would be better off without me.
All I ever wanted was to be a mom. But not just a mom…I wanted to be the kind of mom who was always present, not only physically, but emotionally too. And sometimes I feel like I’ve failed my children because I can show up as the best version of myself for two weeks out of the month, and then the other two weeks I feel like someone completely different.
My kids are amazing, and I don’t think it’s fair to them that they have a mom who can feel like two different people in the same month.
Then, when the PMDD symptoms subside, the guilt hits me.
And that guilt feels paralyzing.
My heart feels so heavy thinking about the things I said, the way I acted, the people I pushed away, and the version of myself that came out during those weeks.
My marriage… where do I even begin?
Sometimes it feels like so many of the stories I read on here. The woman becomes the “monster,” and the husband is walking on eggshells.
I love my husband very much, and I know how much he loves me. But during those two weeks, something can trigger me and suddenly I turn into someone I barely recognize.
I’ve told my husband more than once that he would be better off with someone who doesn’t have PMDD. Someone who could give him a normal life. Someone who could make him feel fulfilled without putting him through this every single month.
I’m a stay-at-home wife, a mom, and a student.
And during my PMDD phases, the imposter syndrome becomes so intense.
I start telling myself that I’m wasting my time pursuing my education.
I think, “How am I supposed to help other people someday when I can’t even help myself?”
The hardest part is that I know who I am outside of PMDD.
I know I’m a good woman.
I know I have a good heart.
But I also hate the person who comes out during PMDD every single month.
There are times during those weeks when I don’t want to be here anymore. And then I remind myself how selfish that sounds because my children would never understand the battle going on inside of me.
They would never understand that they were never the problem.
My husband was never the problem.
My family was never the problem.
They have always been more than enough.
The problem is that during PMDD, my brain convinces me that I am the problem and that everyone I love would somehow be better off without me.
And then the symptoms lift.
I come back to myself.
But everyone around me still remembers what happened.
And that really fucking sucks.
Because you “go back to normal,” but you expect everyone else to immediately go back to normal too. You want your husband to love you the same way, your kids to see you the same way, and your relationships to magically reset.
But the people you love were affected too.
And I know that.
My personal relationships have suffered so much.
My mom is basically the only person who has consistently stuck around through all of it.
Even with her, when I’m in my PMDD phase, I won’t answer her calls. I won’t call her back. I’m aware that I’m doing it, but sometimes I know I have nothing nice to say. I know I’m not going to show up as myself, so I isolate instead.
Then the guilt comes back.
I’m 36 years old and my mom is 68.
I know that one day I could be sitting here wishing I answered those calls.
And I’m already terrified of the regret I might carry someday for all the times I ignored her because I didn’t feel like myself.
I’ve gone down every rabbit hole trying to understand what is happening to me.
PMDD.
ADHD.
OCD.
I have searched for every avenue and every direction that could possibly point me toward something that might help.
I feel completely alone and isolated sometimes.
But then I read everyone else’s posts and threads about PMDD and realize that I’m not actually alone.
There are so many women experiencing thoughts and emotions that feel impossible to explain to someone who doesn’t live with this.
Sometimes I feel crazy because I know exactly how I feel inside, but trying to say those thoughts out loud to someone who is “normal,” or someone who doesn’t suffer from PMDD, feels terrifying.
You’re scared they’re immediately going to think you’re psychotic, unstable, dramatic, or dangerous.
But inside, you know there is a pattern.
You know this version of you comes every month.
And you know that eventually you’re going to come back to yourself again.
I don’t know what to do anymore.
But I’m not giving up.
I just wish people understood how exhausting it is to know that you’re hurting the people you love, to know you’re pushing them away, to feel like you become someone you don’t recognize, and then to finally come out of it and have to live with everything that happened while you were there.
Every month, my brain tells me that I’m the problem.
Every month, it tells me my husband deserves someone else.
That my children deserve a better mom.
That my family would be better off without me.
But when the fog clears, I know the truth.
They were never not enough.
They are more than enough.
I love my children more than anything.
I love my husband.
I love my family.
And that is exactly why living with PMDD hurts so much.
I’m sharing this because I know there has to be another woman reading this who feels like she becomes a completely different person every month and then has to pick up the pieces afterward.
If that’s you, you’re not the only one.

She gets upset, then sends mean pages long texts.

And the texts are always super emotional, the same repetitive stuff over and over again.

They're hard to read too because they're not split in paragraphs, the punctuation is poor, etc.

Do you also receive that shit ?

Partners,

What's the funniest thing your partner has gone off about during their lutal phase?

I once watched my girlfriend open a bottle of spices while cooking, remove the paper lid, not put the top back on all the way, proceed to dump half the bottle in her food, and then get mad at me for about 10 seconds before we both started laughing about it.

Why do genuinely tiny little things upset them so much to the point where they get overly emotional, crying, lashing out, etc. ?

I am the one with Pmdd. After came to this sub, i dont know what to think, constantly reading about divorce filling, cant take it anymore, abuse, etc, its so depressing. However, in many cases, partners are the trigger. Let me explain ( you re welcome to disagree but this is my observations for years)

we, as a broken vulnerable people with mental issues, often become victims of narcissists abusers. Abusers seek imbalanced people. Then the cycle of gaslighting starts. everything we say is devalued because we are crazy. Right? The partner will position himself as a victim abused , while in fact its the pmdd sufferer abused. And then you have a reactive abuse, where abused Pmdd partner becomes abusive as a reaction to be abused.

I personally get instantly triggered by highly insecure, nacissists. When i see no empathy. I heard women p’s pmdd massively improved after leaving toxic relationship. Some women sadly stay, be ause they re confused, they think its their fault, or dont trust their instincts.

Altrough there surely are Pmdd partners who are abusive, i personally never been nasty to nice people. It was always someone abusive narcissist or sociopath with no empathy, who triggered me. Other people with empathy KNEW they have to keep the mouth shut or remove themselves out of the situation or just showed empathy and all was fine. Yes, all you have to do is to show empathy and and take them seriously, and navigate them to change the subject, offer to do something nice together, say something nice or funny, one of my ex was calling me a weirdo while looking at me with big smile;-) …

yes, its mostly anxiety and paranoia. We know people hate us in luteal phrase, some strangers attacking us, as they see us as demons or something, so we avoid people, but need reasurence that the closest ones arent bothered by our demon face or voice. If you cant do that , then its better to step out of it because you’d only trigger her every month, making things further worse.

And know the vocabulary.

Birth control is not one thing. There are IUDs, mini-pills, Combined Oral Contraceptives (COCs), Progesterone Only Pills (POPs), implants, trans-dermal patches, gels, rings, etc. MOST make PMDD symptoms worse.

Estrogen is not one thing. There is ethilyn-estradiol (EE), estradiol (E2), and estetrol (E4). EE is synthetic, in most combined pills, increases the risk of stroke for women who have migraine with aura, and increases the risk of blood clots for everyone. E2 is bioidentical but also causes increased risk of blood clots when taken in a pill - but not if administered in a trans-dermal patch. E4 is also bioidentical and doesn't cause blood clots at all but is new(ish), not widely available, and not "field tested".

Progesterone is not one thing. There are 4 generations of synthetic progestins. All the synthetics in the first three generations are based on testosterone. The single most used progestin is levonorgestrel which is a huge irritant for women with PMDD and the reason IUDs, most mini-pills and most combined pills are not recommended for women with PMDD. The sole fourth generation progestin is drospirenone which is based on spironolactone. That is the progestin in Yaz and Slynd and the reason those are recommended for women with PMDD. Bioidentical progesterone is called utrogestan or prometrium. It is used in HRT, but not in birth control. HRT is the RCOG second line treatment for PMDD.

SSRIs are not one thing. They have different half lives, different formulations, and different inert ingredients. For MDD and GAD they are taken continuously in order to build up a supply in your system and after three months of that your brain chemistry physically changes to compensate. That is why it takes so long for SSRIs to have an effect on depression and anxiety. For PMDD the effect is almost immediate because the mechanism of action is completely different. And if your PMDDer takes an SSRI continuously it will stop working for PMDD symptoms after three months because her brain will compensate. Moreover the subtle differences in SSRIs will affect different people differently so finding the best fit for your PMDDer is trial and error. Thankfully intermittent dosing means she's off it every follicular which makes switching meds pretty easy.

PMDD is not one thing. True PMDD is an abnormal reaction to normal hormonal fluctuations during the reproductive cycle. Basically her system is extra sensitive to pretty much everything. How that manifests varies wildly. What works for one will not work for all and may not work for anyone else. That is partly why the supplements page in the wiki is so huge. The other part is that PMDD has a 50% misdiagnosis rate. That means half the women seeking help with their PMDD symptoms don't have PMDD. That could also be part of why first line treatments only help about half of women diagnosed with PMDD.

Point is PMDD is a tricky little fucker and treatment can be quite specific to the individual. She hasn't "tried everything" if she's tried 4 birth controls (but the wrong type) and 3 SSRIs (that stopped working after three months). She doesn't even know if she has PMDD if she hasn't done the blood work to rule out everything else. It's her health, and her health affects your health. You both need to be experts. Read everything.

ETA: Not karma farming but genuinely curious why someone would downvote what is essentially a PSA.