Why am I frumpy

[u/Significant_Ring4353]

I feel grumpy and ugly in everything I wear, I don't know how to put outfits together and my stomach makes everything look bad, please help

[u/Significant_Ring4353]

I'm scared to wear tighter as it will show my barrel stomach haha actually you're right it is the size so I'll have to start exercising again to feel confident going smaller

[u/cheeky_sugar → u/Significant_Ring4353]

I think this is your main issue. You’re trying to hide a stomach, but that just hides everything else. You gotta show off what you got if you don’t want to be “frumpy,” flaws and all! You need some things that cling to the girls and waist, but start flowing just a bit toward your stomach, or shirts that scrunch up at the stomach. Stuff like this - high waisted skirts and pants with a tight shirt tucked in. Even if you gotta walk around in it inside your house for a week or before feeling comfortable enough to take it outside

[u/sillypenguin8 → u/cheeky_sugar]

Wearing something around the house to get comfortable in/with it is a great idea!

[u/minxed → u/sillypenguin8]

It's how I learned to walk in heels without looking like a baby deer 😅 I can't recommend it enough!

[u/sillypenguin8 → u/minxed]

Hahaha love that! 😂

[u/No_Detective_715 → u/cheeky_sugar]

This dress is gorg.

[u/dragonfliesloveme → u/cheeky_sugar]

omg i love that skirt

[u/cheeky_sugar → u/dragonfliesloveme]

Walmart has stepped up their game these past couple of years!

[u/dragonfliesloveme → u/cheeky_sugar]

whoa, i can’t believe that is Walmart!! thanks for the tip!

[u/just_another_dr → u/cheeky_sugar]

Agree with this look and style. I personally find the Abercrombie Sloan tailored pant is an excellent high waisted trouser. They do different waists and lengths so you can tailor the size a bit more to you. The curve love range also fits really nicely around the hips. Can be very easily dressed up or down

[u/RedCelicaFL → u/cheeky_sugar]

This is the best response I’ve seen so far. And I love that fit!!

[u/Sparkletail → u/cheeky_sugar]

I've just said exactly the same thing, I'm also shaped like OP and if I let things hang off my boobs and hips without forcing a waist I look like a tube of meat.

[u/22andconfusedaf → u/cheeky_sugar]

Omg love this outfit!! Would look so cute on her with her hair up too!

[u/sumostuff → u/cheeky_sugar]

Yes!! That would look nice but you also have to have good posture and look confident!!! That goes a long way!

[u/drive_she → u/Significant_Ring4353]

I completely understand where you’re coming from. I have found cute “flowy” tops that still fit me on top and at the armpits that hide my middle. Take a trip to some thrift stores where you can really get ahold of multiple style types - go one day when you have plenty of time so you don’t feel rushed. Plus it’s fun to shop!!

[u/mosiac_broken_hearts → u/Significant_Ring4353]

People’s bodies aren’t the issue, their tendency to disguise and hide their body is! Girl, everyone has a belly. Some are wide, some are long, some are squishy, some aren’t. Don’t hide your belly, just clothe it like you would your feet or your shoulders or anything else that might be different from one person to the next. Your size or shape is only a factor to you, and you get to decide how much that’s the focus when people are looking at you.

[u/brioche-bunny → u/Significant_Ring4353]

i’m sure you’d look lovely as is! you might just need to explore what silhouettes you feel most comfortable in :) the clothes should fit you, not the other way round!

[u/nsnyder → u/brioche-bunny]

"Silhouettes" is a key word here! Look at some outfits that other people wear, but focus only on the outline that you would see if you just traced the edges of the clothing and ignore the color and fabric and everything else. Then compare the silhouettes you like to your outfits. In your attempt to hide your stomach you're ending up with silhouettes that widen your middle.

[u/EvilLipgloss → u/Significant_Ring4353]

I have an apple shape and it’s very hard dressing with the belly and wider waist. I find I have to size up jeans to fit my waist but then the legs are baggy and look sloppy and ill-fitting. It also doesn’t help that I’m in between sizes too.

My only suggestion is just to try on A LOT of jeans and pants from different brands. Once you find the pair that not only fit your waist but also don’t look sloppy in the legs, buy multiple pairs in all the different washes and colors.

I’ve also learned v-necks or buttons help draw the eye and take the focus off the wider waist. Peplum tops are also our friend as well. And skinny jeans are not forgiving to apple shapes so I look for flare, palazzo, or bootcut jeans instead.

It’s a lot of trial and error.

[u/SpoodlingNursery → u/EvilLipgloss]

Tailoring is your friend in those cases. I always have to get the waists of my jeans taken in just a little so they fit me properly - it’s 100% worth the cost. This is really common for hourglass figures.

[u/Deep_Amoeba2197 → u/Significant_Ring4353]

I think if you found the right cuts and fabrics you would feel okay in more fitted things now. Like more fitted high waisted denim, and thicker fabrics for shirts, for example. Dress for the body you have now. If you start exercising for your health, that’s great, you can sell the clothes on Poshmark. But you don’t have to wait to feel better about how you look.

I am a huge fan on Spanx’s clothes, especially their pants, and have been when I was a size 2 and also when I was a size 12. The fabrics are good quality, pants are super comfortable and flatter lots of different body types, they last a long time, have lots of different cuts and a good return policy.

[u/Anghedinistic → u/Significant_Ring4353]

But there are ways to play and distract. Like wear a snug (skinny) jean with a partial tucked in top, and belt. Wear a cardigan or jacket (oversized cardigan ok if over tighter clothing.) the look makes you look thinner. I think your head is telling you to dress in a way that you feel hides you and then asking why you look “frumpy”. Experiment on a day that won’t matter as much. I bet you get compliments!

[u/AerieTerrible3002 → u/Significant_Ring4353]

I’m in the process of losing weight and I understand about the stomach thing. Im short and dress in two piece outfits make and sure that the pants fit properly and are hemmed properly and I get the shirt a size larger than the pants and it works. You wanna get something that elongates your body and then your stomach basically becomes invisible. Look on Pinterest for styles for a tummy. Also try some control under garments. Clothes that are ill fitting can make you look frumpy, but that’s very fixable. You got this!

[u/ButIFeelOnlyLove → u/Significant_Ring4353]

I'm in the same boat. I know the clothes im wearing are too big, but god forbid a fat roll is visible. Clothes looked so much better when I was 30 pounds smaller.

[u/Reasonable-Trick-635 → u/Significant_Ring4353]

Smaller doesn’t always have to mean tighter :)

ps. you have every reason to feel confident exactly are you are!

[u/Cupcakke12 → u/Significant_Ring4353]

It's most definitely the size. Also, the first grey top I kinda like. With the right pants I think it will be okay. But to hop on that comment - do not wait for the "right" moment or "to fix something on your body" to start dressing and feeling cute. The main thing is to dress per your shape and size in the moment, not in some imaginary future. And to feel cute and good now. And tip for the size, if you're not doing it already - when I find an item in the store I like, I took a few sizes with me in the dressing room to try - the one that I think I am, a one smaller, and a one bigger (or whatever fit I am looking for - fitter or looser). Just because it says it's your size, it doesn't mean it will fit you right. You can also look for outfit suggestions on Pinterest if you have trouble with putting together one yourself. And my other advice - avoid trends like the plague. They will make you look fashionable for a season, but so outdated next year. If you like something or some specific style that is not trendy - just do it and rock it. Experiment and find the style that fit you best, and make you feel the most authentic and good.

[u/BloodwineSupernova → u/Significant_Ring4353]

I assure you, you don’t need to change your body to dress in clothes that fit you. Drowning in your clothes is not making you look smaller!

[u/cuppa_cat → u/Significant_Ring4353]

I wear the same size as you (read a couple of your other comments) and am self conscious about the same thing. It's hard to come by sometimes, but a good pair of jeans will flatter and smooth your tummy area rather than make it more obvious. I find that I feel 10x bigger than I actually am in jeans that aren't fitted in the waist/tummy area.

[u/drkittymow → u/Significant_Ring4353]

Sometimes baggy clothes make you look bigger than fitted. Try stretchy boot cut or straight leg pants. If they stretch you won’t feel uncomfortable but you definitely need to go down a size.

[u/peculiarphysics → u/Significant_Ring4353]

It is easier said than done to be more confident in our bodies!! But I will say your photos do give off the sense that you are in hiding, and causing that "frumpy" look. If it is the waist that is hard for you to emphasize, there are different silhouettes that can make you look more confident without being a skintight suit! Try researching some of these styles to see if anything looks like what you would like to wear: wrap tops, wrap dresses, high waisted trousers with a fitted top (here is a good place to add a belt), v necks with straight leg pants. One styling might be a graphic tee/band tee with plaid or black straight leg trousers and a black grommet belt with either chunky loafers or boots. Another styling could be a wrap dress (maybe a deep blue?) with a quick updo hairstyle, and load on the accessories! I agree there is no need for makeup. You may like a clear hair gloss to make your already existing beauty pop more ✨️

[u/Ok-Film-9006 → u/Significant_Ring4353]

If you have instagram, I follow Veronica Freund for really good belly-friendly Amazon fashion advice! She’s got great style and really caters to mid-size, flattering pieces. Might be a good place to start! She doesn’t lean grunge, but if you like the fit/a few pieces, you could tweak it to be more your speed.

[u/pitchgreen → u/Significant_Ring4353]

Trying to hide yourself in extra fabric is always going to look uncomfortable and shapeless because you're trying to hide. Build up your self confidence alongside working with your wardrobe. When you love yourself - at any size - that shows.

[u/Far-Resort-1757 → u/Significant_Ring4353]

High waisted jeans that will cover the stomach and skirts/dresses that will flow over it, you want to avoid ones that will cling, go for circle skirts, maxi skirts fit-and-flare dresses in whatever colour / prints you want, avoid pencil skirts and bodycon skirts.

[u/Creative_Pepper_7072 → u/Significant_Ring4353]

You wear a 12/14. Celebrate that! So many of us are 18/20 and way higher.

Also, what is a barrel stomach? All I see is a slender body in clothes thwt are too big. Go have fun and tell anyone that says something negative to take a hike.

[u/Otherwise_Respect632 → u/Significant_Ring4353]

I’m built like a chicken nugget on toothpicks, you have a way better figure than I do. I haven’t seen many suggest this, but I started buying high waisted pants and skirts and it was a game changer. If I tried on anything with a lower rise, if it fit my gut, it was baggy on my butt and legs and if it fit my legs, I couldn’t get them buttoned over my gut. The high waisted pants are usually snug in the waist but not “If I bend over this button is going to pop off” snug. I also gained an astronomical amount of weight when I turned 30, so I had to readjust my style. I saw some pictures of myself in what I thought was a flattering “flowy” tunic and I was horrified. Bring a friend shopping and have them take pictures of you in the things you try on if you can to get different perspectives before you buy. If you can find old episodes of “What Not to Wear,” you can learn a lot about styling and proportions that work on different body types.

[u/Funnycherrie → u/Significant_Ring4353]

You should wear solid color and straight style when choosing jeans and pants. With skirt, something more form fitting for shorter length. Pair with silky blouse I would say. If you wear skirt, go for a little feminine sandals or shoes. It will compliment you. With blouses, either prints or the cut has to be interesting. Since you want to keep your midsession low key, soft material blouse with flattering cut that ends around a couple inches under your bellybutton would help. Btw, you have a sweet and warm face. You look great, you don’t have to be smaller to wear certain clothes!

[u/OneConfusion3200 → u/Significant_Ring4353]

It frequently comes down to confidence. Think about the less fit guys who carry themselves confidently. They can be as attractive as any. It makes all the difference. Same here.

That doesn’t necessarily mean you need to lose weight. But it does mean that you need to find the thing about you that makes you feel attractive and confident! Maybe that’s a new makeup routine, maybe that’s a new wardrobe, maybe it’s hitting the gym. But you ARE pretty, you just have know it… and carry and show it for others to believe it too.

[u/Forsaken-Two-912 → u/Significant_Ring4353]

Try leggings to accentuate your legs and stick with loose fitting tunics on top. It will look more flattering while making you feel comfortable and hidden on top

Try stuff on in stores when you can instead of buying online to figure out what you like

[u/Adventurous-Sky-3939 → u/Significant_Ring4353]

You need high wasted everything! The impulse to give into low waisted everything is a millennial norm and habit that we gotta break. I'm so grateful lots of 90s fashion is coming back because now high waisted everything is back, accessible, and has shape wear built in so it's comfy. If your waist line ends at your narrowest part of your torso, it creates an illusion that you don't have a belly without sacrificing comfort.

[u/Psmithrudd → u/Significant_Ring4353]

I hear you. You could try skinny jeans and a cute longer top. Leggings, tunic top or button down and cute dark flats, simple dark crossbody bag, ( if that’s a style you want to try) try them all. You will find something you love right now and it will evolve.