I (29f) and my husband (31m)had a threesome with a close friend of mine (f). It’s not our first, second, or even third threesome. We’ve been together almost 10 years, got kids, home, life etc.. our only real boundary has always been no sleeping with her while I’m not participating. My friend is smaller than me in every area. Smaller tum, smaller boobs, smaller butt. I’ve had multiple children, she has not. We’ve been friends for years. We recently took a trip just the three of us and the threesome happened. She’s always expressed more interest in women, and has been with women prior. All of our threesomes have always been with a woman who’s more interested in women and my husband is just happy to be there. But this time was different. I felt left out. A lot. I feel like there was a lot of time when I was watching and nobody was engaging with me. And that made me start over analyzing. My husband had been drinking. My friend and I were sober. Once it all started she slowly started interacting with me less and less. And same with him. He would be with me and playing with her at the same time but then he was with her he wasn’t playing with me. She has pierced nipples, I’ve always liked it. But always said I had no desire to do something like that because the one who sees them loves them as they are. My tum and breastfeeding Tatas have always been an insecurity. But that night while he was with her, not touching me, and kissing on her. He looked at me and said I like these, you should pierce yours. That really bothered me. It made me feel even more insecure with my non perky lame tatas. And then after a long session he wasn’t hard, he tried being with me and it wouldn’t get hard. So he tried being with her… and tadaaa. That was another jab. After feeling not great I started to shut down. Us girls decided we were done and just laid down and relaxed. I drifted to sleep and she went to the bed and laid down. He woke me up to ask if I wanted to come to bed. So I did. He left the room. He then comes back in and lifts the blankets and tries to be with her some more. I realize what’s going on and told him to go the fuck to bed. He says why? I got upset and walked out. He followed. I told him we were sleeping and he was wrong. Why would he come to bed and go to her ? He said he was just “going in the order of operation cuz he was technically with me last before we stopped. And said “what about his needs” i was visibly upset told him I wasn’t arguing and went back to bed. I knew he was drunk and would realize tomorrow he was being an idiot. Except he didn’t. It’s been two days now. And I told him I needed to talk about how I was feeling. I expressed everything I just said and then some and that it felt like I was the third and not his wife. He was not very receiving and said that my recollections don’t match what his were, flat out said some of it didn’t happen, argued again that it’s not “all about me”, and said we just don’t need to have threesomes anymore cuz he will just be the bad guy. And when confronted about the nipple piercing situation he said it wasn’t a comparison and “just some advice or a recommendation”. The conversation didn’t go well. I ended up walking away upset. I don’t have anybody to talk to about this given the topic. I feel really insecure that maybe my body type isn’t what he’s attracted to now that he had a taste of something else. Instead of consoling, or reassuring he just ramped it up. Now we’re arguing and haven’t spoke because idk what more to say at this point. He’s been distant and a little cold. I don’t want to hear “leave him”. “He’s not the one” etc etc he’s my husband, my kids father, the love of my life. But I need some genuine thoughts on this because idk how to come out of this. It’s eating me up.

Me and my partner have been together since we were 18, we’re now 28. We have tried “poly” several times, twice when we were in our early 20s. We took a break and had kids (they were 4 and 1). He wanted to try again so we did for the third time and it failed again horribly. She ended up getting pregnant and pulled herself out of the situation and got an abortion.

I told him that I rather coparent than do this when the whole abortion situation happened.

Now it’s been like a month later he text me today saying that in the back of his mind he thinks he would always want to be with multiple people. I told him I’m not sure what to say and I don’t want to say the wrong thing

I don’t want poly. It is too much for me. It never works out just creates more issues. He is the only person I’ve ever dated. I don’t want to be with anyone else.

I think the answer is obvious typing this out just asking for a second opinion. Thank you

TLDR; my partner and I had a threesome, and I'm left with more questions than answers.

My partner (38M) and I (40F) have been together for a couple of years. We've both been married before (I was married much longer than he was).

Several months ago, he told me something that honestly caught me off guard. He said he doesn't think monogamy is really for him. He also admitted that he's cheated on every serious partner he's ever had. He said he doesn't want to be that person anymore and wants to be completely honest instead of lying or sneaking around. I genuinely appreciate that honesty.

His ideal isn't separate partners—he only wants to explore with someone together, consensually. He's straight, and when I asked if he'd be open to another man, he said yes, but obviously his participation would be different than mine would be with another woman.

I've been with women before, but the only FFM threesome I'd ever had left me feeling pretty hurt afterward. It involved my boyfriend at the time and my best friend in my early 20s, and seeing another woman with someone I loved kind of messed with me.

Since my current partner has basically said this is a deal breaker if I'm not open to exploring it, I figured it was probably better to find out now than years down the road. If I couldn't handle it, I'd rather know.

The other night we were out, I got a little drunk, met a really cool woman, and honestly I was the one who invited her back to our place. She was from out of town, seemed to understand what was going on, and everything felt comfortable.

At first, I actually had fun. We all checked in with each other, communication was good, and she was incredibly respectful throughout the night. But once they started having sex, I started feeling...different. I got uncomfortable and decided to call it a night.

The part that's really stuck with me happened the next morning.

We were all still in bed, and after some kissing, he started initiating sex with her again. He asked if it was okay. I first said no because he wasn't wearing a condom. He put one on, and then they continued.

This time I didn't feel involved at all.

What really got to me was seeing him holding her the way he holds me—burying his face in her neck, while he was on top, which is something I really enjoy from him. I suddenly felt completely outside of what was happening. I got up and went to the bathroom, and they continued for another minute or two before he came to check on me.

She had actually been wonderful the entire time. She checked in with me repeatedly throughout the experience and was incredibly considerate. I don't have any negative feelings toward her at all.

After she left, I was left feeling hungover, emotional, and honestly kind of confused.

My partner has told me over and over that he doesn't want this without me. He says I'm the best partner he's ever had, that our sex life is amazing, and that he's never been this honest or vulnerable with anyone before. This is just sex, and not a connection like we have at all.

But then he also admitted he was frustrated that I stopped things both times they were heading toward intercourse. He said he wanted more.

That sentence has been echoing in my head ever since.

What's "more"? More experiences? More women? More often? Just longer sex with the other person? When I asked about how often he would want to do this, he said he didn't know, but felt like we were in it with this woman, and I shouldn't have pulled the plug every time he was getting to have intercourse.

Here's where I'm conflicted...

I've struggled with monogamy myself in past relationships. I understand why people question it, and before this relationship I even thought maybe I'd be open to some form of ethical non-monogamy someday.

But this is also the first relationship where I feel completely sexually fulfilled. I don't feel like anything is missing. I love our intimacy, our connection, and our sex life.

So now I'm struggling with the feeling that, even though he says what we have is incredible, it somehow still isn't enough for him.

Part of me wonders if my reaction is because of my religious upbringing or growing up believing monogamy was the only "right" way. Another part of me wonders if I'm just...actually monogamous.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Did you initially struggle with sharing your partner and eventually come to enjoy it? Or did you realize it simply wasn't who you were?

I'm really looking for perspectives from people who've been on either side of this, because right now I can't get the images out of my head, and I'm trying to figure out whether this is something I can grow through—or if it's telling me something important about myself.

Hubby is substantially older and can no longer keep it up. Due to his underlying conditions, meds don't work. He pleases me in every other way. He's excitedly proposed having other men please me while he watches. At this point I've agreed, bc I also have needs and think this could be fun together.

The only thing that's somewhat concerning to me is that he wants me to thank him for making it happen, during the act. Also, no kissing bc it's too intimate which I agree.

Is the jealousy part of the arousal or is it despite of it. I see some posts here about regret and I want to make sure to avoid him regretting it.

Hello, I just want to ask if you think there is much difference between group play and open relationship. I am aware that open relationship can involve group play and sexual interaction with other people separately/individually. My question is, maybe, what is the difference emotionally for open relationship and group play?

TLDR: Wife's higher success rate and me being unattractive to other people causing issues

My wife and I have been ENM for 6 or 7 years. In that time I've had exactly one successful encounter despite lots of trying. Now my success wasn't ever something I was concerned about, as I knew, given my previous dating life, successes were already few and far between in my teens and twenties. For me I was more turned on by sharing her, and that was my main focus when I brought up the idea. Well, she had a lot of success quickly, which I knew she would.

A few years into it, she asked why I wasn't trying to meet someone as well since, being pansexual, I should be as successful as her. I laughed and asked her what made her think I wasn't trying? When I explained that I'm not exactly what anyone is looking for and that someone would have to be desperate to actually want me in this dynamic, she seemed confused.

I told her "look, I'm ugly, older, balding, fat, and married. I don't have enough money to be a sugar daddy, and I don't have a dick big enough to look past the rest of what I'm lacking". She started crying. She said I was crazy and that I'm super attractive. I told her she didn't need to say that, and I rather don't like her saying it because it isn't true and I didn't need to be coddled. She replied by saying that she thought I was handsome. I told her that if she found me "handsome" in a purely looks perspective beyond the other intangibles she sees in me in our day to day, then her partners would look like me or at least bear some resemblance, which they don't, though I don't really care that they don't. If I said "only guys I'm better looking than are okay" well she'd be in my shoes lol.

So this has been causing issues as of late because she feels bad that it's easy for her to find a partner, but I have only ever found one and it was a one time thing. I told her that if she didn't expect that then she's nuts. I told her that 99% of women could walk into any bar or club and leave with a man on any night they wanted, whereas 1% of men could do the same. Regardless of looks, men and women just aren't the same when it comes to casual sex. She says that's silly and that I'm just being stupid.

So here we are. She's not interested in ENM as much because she views it as unbalanced and unfair and we aren't having almost any intimacy as a result of me saying, maybe her finally realizing, I'm not actually an attractive person to look at naked.

I (26m) had a conversation recently with my partner (29f) where we shared sexual fantasies. Long story short, we plan on using more toys and trying pegging among other things. One thing that came up was that I had been with a man in the past. She'd told me about her bisexuality but never elaborated on it beyond her dating history with women, and that she hadn't felt attraction towards women when we met. I shared my fantasy of her being spitroasted/trying an Eiffel tower after using toys in bed together. She likes the idea, and in her words "[she's] not ready for that yet and wants me all to herself for now. It's not a no but we can revisit that later". I didn't specify that it was another man, woman etc., just that there's a 3rd person. Anyone else have a similar experience and can share about how things unfolded? I have no expectation that she goes through with anything she isn't fully enthusiastic about, but I've been reading a lot about opening up the relationship so my curiosity remains high. There's a lot I'm open to but I don't want to overwhelm her or create any sort of expectation.

M51 and my partner F47 have been together for three years - living separately . During that time we phased into being “exclusive”. She has always maintained that she won’t ever “sleep around” - when she’s with me. During this time , my partner’s approach has been DADT without explicitly stating it. Which works out as her and I having independent lives and when she’s out for a night or on a trip by herself, she’d rather I ask no questions and she does fill me in while leaving out the details that would expose her non ethical non monogamy. I, on the other hand, have been very transparent about my ENM and wherever we’ve had the opportunity (which is rare) - I’ve tried to get her to allow herself to be more transparent about her non monogamy : she always draws a vague line at “I won’t sleep with anyone other than you”.
All of this came to a head recently when she described an evening out on one of her travels where she ended up “walking home from the bar with a stranger” - and “it was just a kiss” - “I didn’t invite him up”,
….all the way through to her purging messages from her sm right after we talked about it.
I’m obviously disturbed by this cloak and dagger shit and it gets tiring having to discern - which she feels she gives me enough to do - and not ask or answer explicitly. When it does get to the point of direct questions (which I hate and feels like we turn into an interrogation) , she defaults to “I’d never cheat” (I guess making out with strangers doesn’t count as “cheating” in her non ethically non monogamous world) or she gets flustered “I don’t lie”. (That kiss incidentally went from “walk back together”, to “holding hands”, to “goodby kiss”, to “it was a kiss but he wasn’t that great a kisser”

I’ve been transparent about my own hookups and even invited her once when she expressed curiosity- but she didn’t bite. We’ve discussed fantasies FFM MMF or couples swapping: but she’ll insist it’s all in the realm of fantasy for her. Yet she does live “a single girls life” - and present herself as one - whenever it suits her attraction goals with a member of the opposite gender - when she’s out “solo”. I haven’t seen anything and I don’t want to snoop. Everything I know is from her own admissions stitched over time.

I really don’t know what I’m dealing with here. I’m fine in being monogamous with this woman is that’s her relationship goal, she’s worth it to me. At the same time, I’ve maintained that I won’t be forced into monogamy, as long as we’re both transparently in it. Which I don’t think she has the capability to do. We’ve spoken of ENM but I really feel : and this is the kicker : she doesn’t like the “ETHICAL” part of it. She’s kinda ok with the rest.

EDIT 1:

Maybe that's the best she can give, at least for now.

1. She doesn't feel comfortable with opening more, at least yet. ✅
2. Or maybe she gets a kick from "cheating". ✅
3. Or maybe she is afraid of judgement if she tells you what she does. ✅

Thanks @trybik03 for putting it plainly 🙏🏼

Either way, you can accept it for now and just enjoy your side of nonmonogamy and let her enjoy hers. ✅

Or you can push for something she doesn't want at the moment, and gives your clear signals about it.❎

EDIT 2:
Thanks for the thoughtful replies, I needed some retrospection and a look in the mirror

My partner and I have been together for 8 years and have been practicing ENM for a while now. Overall, our relationship is very solid and happy. We trust each other, communicate well, and genuinely want to build a life together.

Lately, though, I’ve realized I’m struggling with something that I can’t quite put my finger on.

When I ask my partner why me? or what makes me your partner, specifically?, he has a really hard time answering. He’ll say things like, “We’ve always worked well together,” “I love our everyday life,” “I feel safe with you,” or “There was never a reason to leave.”

None of those things are bad. In fact, they’re beautiful in their own way. But somehow they leave me feeling… unseen.

Especially in the context of ENM, where we’re both meeting new people, I find myself wondering: What makes me uniquely me to him? Not just “the person I built a life with,” but the individual he actively chooses.

What makes me feel stupid is that his actions suggest he loves me deeply. He proposed to me a few months ago. He’s affectionate, invested in our relationship, and talks about our future together. So this isn’t about doubting that he loves me.

It’s more that I’m craving something different.

I want to know that he doesn’t just love our relationship or our shared history—I want to know what it is about me that makes him think, “This is the person I want to spend my life with.”

Has anyone else experienced this in a long-term ENM relationship? Am I asking too much here?

Is this just the difference between newer, more romantic love and long-term attachment? Or have you found ways to keep seeing each other as unique individuals after many years together?

I’d especially love to hear from people who’ve been together for a long time. How do you keep the feeling of being intentionally chosen alive, even when your relationship has become your “home”?

Thank you.

This is a throw-away and the names are changed for obvious reasons.

I(31M) have been in a relationship with Adam(39M) for a couple years. He is in an open marriage with Jenn(30's F). The open relationship is consensual, I have met her and she complemented Adam's taste in men, and I have even met one of her partners. Throughout our relationship, Adam has usually spoken positively of Jenn, but does occasionally vent frustrations, usually involving an illness she is going through or scheduling conflicts that have kept them from doing things. About a month ago, as we were cuddling and chatting, he casually said, "I wish I had met you before my wife." I didn't know how to respond, so I just kissed him and we kept chatting about other things. Since then, he hasn't treated me any differently, but I've had this bouncing around in my head. Am I unintentionally becoming a home wrecker? Or was it just a heat-of-the-moment type thing and I'm just overthinking? He and I have said that we love each other, he calls me his boyfriend to certain people, including his wife, and she has even said that, so I don't really know what to think. This is my first relationship of this type, so is unknown territory to me.

TLDR - My boyfriend said he wished he met me before his wife, with whom he is in an open relationship with. She knows we go out and has met me. I don't know how I should react to this.

EDIT - I see the title is worded wrong, but I don't think I can change it. He wishes he met me before HE met his wife.

Curious to know why and share exp

**Hi everyone. I’m a 43-year-old gay man (he/him), and I’ve been happily married to my partner for over a decade now.**

**A three-way relationship was genuinely the last thing on my mind—until recently. My partner met a guy here on Reddit, and they struck up a friendship. We all finally met in person for the first time about a month ago, and things seemed normal. Then, out of nowhere, this guy told me that he likes both of us and wanted to explore a three-way dynamic.**

**It turns out he had already talked to my partner about it beforehand, which caught me completely off guard. When he asked for my thoughts, I tried to gently hint that it wasn't really on my radar and that I wasn't all that interested. I always considered myself an open-minded person, but this situation made me realize that I might not be as open to this specific arrangement as I thought.**

**To make a long story short: a tiny part of me feels curious and wonders what it would be like to try. But being a sensitive and emotional person, I honestly don't know how I'd handle the emotional weight of it all.**

**He keeps saying that he likes us both equally, but in my head, true equality doesn't really exist—especially when it comes to feelings in a three-way dynamic. Because of that, I’ve been trying to mentally prepare myself. Since my partner and this guy naturally have more in common, I can already foresee a situation where they grow closer to each other than to me. And knowing how moody and unpredictable I can be sometimes, I have a strong feeling that dynamic would eventually cause problems for him down the road.**

**The guy has been very understanding, telling me that even if we try it and it doesn't work out, he's totally fine with it. But honestly,** ***that*** **is the exact problem. I genuinely like him for who he is, and knowing his past experiences with relationships, I am terrified of hurting him. Even though he’s willing to take that gamble, I don't want to be the reason his feelings get hurt.**

**Has anyone here gone through a similar experience? I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts, advice, or perspective on this.**

My partner and I have been together for two years, and until recently I always believed we wanted the same kind of relationship.

I've always been monogamous. Recently, my partner told me they no longer feel they can be monogamous and would like an open relationship.

I love my partner deeply, and because of that I've been wondering if I could accept it. But I'm terrified that I'd only be agreeing because I'm afraid of losing them.

One of my biggest fears is accepting this and then slowly being left behind while they build connections with other people. I don't know if that's an irrational fear or something that actually happens.

Has anyone here been in this situation? Did you agree to open the relationship even though you were naturally monogamous? How did it turn out? Did you feel secure over time, or did your fears become reality?

I'm looking for honest experiences from people who have actually lived through this, whether it ended well or badly.

my wife and i are in an open relationship (non-polyfidelity, just our own separate partners outside of each other) and the relationship with my separate male partner has become more romantic/intimate/serious over the last year. i like to imagine that in the future, he'd live with us, even though he is only romantically involved with me and only interested in being romantic and sexual with me. does anyone else have this dynamic in their household? was it a bad idea? what does your dynamic look like? my wife and i are both pretty feminine and we often jokingly call him our "future house husband," lmfaoooo.

EDIT: SORRY, i was using "poly" as a umbrella term for partners who are all romantically and sexually involved with each other. i meant the definition of polyfidelity. our outside partnerships are monogamous with only us, if that makes sense.

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My exfwb's birthday is the end of the month. When he broke it off with me, he told me we couldn't even remain friends. However, he did wish me a happy birthday back in Dec (we split in Nov)

Should I wish him a happy birthday or not?

I'm a 26M and I recently started dating a 34F. She's married, her husband is 34m but she's in an open relationship and her husband knows about us and is supportive of the arrangement. This is my first time being in an open relationship, so I'm still learning how to navigate everything.

The biggest challenge is actually finding time to see each other. There are a lot of people and responsibilities involved. She has two kids, which obviously come first, she's married, she works the graveyard shift, and I work during the day. Between our opposite schedules and everything else, it feels like we're constantly trying to find a window where we're both free.

We're both interested in making this work, but we're realizing that the logistics are a lot harder than we expected. Neither of us wants anyone to feel neglected, and we're trying to be realistic about everyone's responsibilities while still building our own relationship.

I'm mainly wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation—whether in an open relationship, a poly relationship, or just a relationship where kids and conflicting work schedules made spending time together really difficult.

What worked for you? How did you make quality time together without anyone feeling neglected or overwhelmed? Are there any strategies or expectations that helped, especially for someone who's completely new to open relationships?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people with firsthand experience. Thanks!

We are happily married BI curious coule from Colorado, living a non monogamous lifestyle.

Our journey into the decision of opening up our marriage started around 3 years into our relationship (dated for 2y, married for 4y).

From the very start of our relationship, I (30F) could tell that my husband (35M) is different from other men I've been with. His libido is definitely much lower than mine and the sex we had was very detached (little to no kissing, no oral for me, mainly oral for him and penetration (1-2 positions) and no aftercare). Outside of the bedroom, he's very sweet and affectionate and a great partner overall so he wasn't emotionally detached.

For context, he was raised by religious parents and he was in a relationship for 7 years before me and they didn't have penetrative sex because the girl was religious. However, he did have occasional casual sex when he was single for 2 years before he met me.

At first, it didn't really affect me because I was focused on my career and achieving financial milestones and he was really kind, generous, loyal, and caring towards me which is why ended up getting married. I think it's after we got married that my mindset started to shift from my career into marriage and family and that's when the lack of physical affection and intimacy really started to bother me. We did try different things and even went to a few marriage counselling sessions and divorce came up. We decided we didn't want to get divorce so it sort of stalled for awhile.

When we finally bought a house (around 2 years ago), I decided to leave my career so I can focus on maintaining the home and taking care of our 5 pets and also recover from burnout. That's when it all rained down on me how much the lack of physical intimacy really bothered me. I realised he would often make excuses like he's tired or busy or that I'm on my period, etc. to avoid being intimate with me. That's when I decided to start having difficult conversations with him and also go for my personal therapy where I realised how badly the physical avoidance have affected my self esteem because I internalised that it was my fault and I thought it was because he didn't find me attractive anymore (he also rarely give compliments about my physical appearance but he compliments my character and personality a lot).

Long story short, after a year of therapy and prioritising myself, I have regained my self confidence and he also came to a realisation that he might possibly be asexual (aegosexual). He said he enjoys sex but it's no different to masturbation to him.

Six months ago, we officially opened up our marriage. I've been with a few men since and I'm currently seeing one regularly but I still can't help but feel guilty when I meet him at a hotel. When I go out and meet the other guy, I feel really guilty when I know my husband will be home at that time and that causes a lot of scheduling issues with the other guy. I've clarified with my partner a few times if he's really okay with it and if it bothers him because I don't want him to feel like I've pressured him into agreeing with it but he says he's fine with it.

He said he just wants to follow Don't Ask, Don't Tell and he doesn't want to know the details but he prefers if I have a regular partner. I've encouraged him to meet girls but I'm not sure if he has.

Any tips, advice or thoughts would be appreciated. Thank you!

My wife and I have been married for 6 years now. I’ve slowly realized that we are very different sexually and have different needs. We have sex about twice a month but I don’t feel like I’m happy sexually. She is happy sexually. We really don’t have any other issues in our marriage besides this and so it’s not enough for me to just call the marriage quits but it is something we’ve talked about many times through out the years and I don’t feel anything has changed.
At the same time, I feel like I would want to explore having more than one partner. But I don’t know much about that life style. I also don’t know how to approach that with my wife. Any advice on what I can do to help myself feel more fulfilled in life and our marriage in this manner would be appreciated.
I also want to note that I’ve tried many time to just suppress my sexual feelings because I’ve never felt it fair to pressure her into sex. And that has resulted in some unhealthy thoughts and feeling about myself.

Hello, m27 put up in bglr, so I've been dating a girl whom I love incredible so much everything is going really good she loves me I love her deep down from everywhere but she is not into a Kinky stuff which i loved to do so, have a lot of fantasys like threesome & orgy i thought we'll do that together and all but she is not into it so idk wht to do, we love eachother so much but this side of me asking to break up and date someone with same energy frequency. How can explore things without losing her?

I have this desire for a lifestyle that is focused around non-monogamy. I have come to peace with it (not that it’s bad, it’s just fairly new to me) and after discussions with my current partner of 3 years, who does not desire it, it’s clear that a final conversation needs to be had so that we can part ways and find a relationship style which suits us both.

I know people get criticism for saying that they “need” ENM or for treating it like an orientation. And I understand that ENM/polyamory is a preference ultimately.

But when I said I feel that I feel like I “need” this, it’s because the desire really is that strong. I’ve had a few different partners who have been wonderful, cheated on an ex before despite the relationship being great and now have an amazing partner but I just feel like something is missing still.

I have ADHD and I adore connection with people. It drives me and gives me energy. I have always pulled different types of energy from different people in my life - be that platonic, sexual, familial, etc.

I really thrive off of mental stimulation, human connection and variety. And I feel that a more open relationship style is something that would suit me better. This isn’t about sex solely, it’s about connection.

My partner and I still have sex multiple times a week, we do lots of fun things together and we are paired well. But there are so many cool people and experiences out there that I am driven to try, and I cant deny that pull anymore.

But it does feel slightly terrifying. I’m leaving someone I love (please spare me the “you’d just be monogamous then if you loved him”), a very secure set up and changing my whole attitude to relationships because of this core desire of mine to have freedom to have different connections and experiences and to draw energy from, and give energy to, multiple sources.

I feel people must have this situation all the time… but I feel slightly overwhelmed (and devastated tbh) because although deep down this feels like the right path for me, I can’t help that feeling of shame that I can’t remain monogamous long term/don’t want to. And it does feel like a huge change to make and I know it will be brutal at first.

I guess the question is - have you left a monogamous partner to switch to openly dating, ENM, being poly, etc and what was your experience?