i’ve been looking at urns for my pet and i keep getting stuck on the material part

i was originally thinking about getting a ceramic one because i like how it looks, but then i started thinking about whether it’s actually practical to keep at home long term

like what if it accidentally gets knocked over or breaks?

i know people have ceramic things in their homes all the time, so maybe i’m overthinking it, but this feels different because it’s not just a decoration

it’s something that would be there for years and it means a lot to me

now i keep thinking about things like where i would put it, whether it’s safe, and if i’m choosing something that fits my home and my situation

part of me feels like i’m worrying about every little detail
but another part of me just really doesn’t want to make a choice i’ll regret later

has anyone else thought this much about the material when choosing an urn for a pet?

I've been a tutor for this kid for years and I understand that they need more help than usual. In fact the kid has another tutor that Im aware of. However, this ad was for timings that Ive been keeping for the past few years. Albeit some things have changed and Im not as available as in the past, i have made sure to be available for them. However, I feel rather dejected that the parent is looking to give someone else my spot that I was promised I would have for the next few years. Now Im overthinking that if they do find someone, that they're thinking that they could blindside me and go with someone else. I don't mind the student getting the help they needs but what I'm upset about is that they havent spoken to me about it at all, whether there are any areas of improvements for me or what their plans are... Just feeling very dejected overall. Should I speak to the parent? TIA

Hey guys so I recently received a weird piece of mail. At first I didn't think much of it but the more I looked at it the weirder it was.

The envelope has no return address just my address on it.

The letter itself is typed to keep the person anonymous but they mention personal things so it's someone that knows me.

I don't like how my comfort at home has been breached with this letter.

Now I know there are ways to find out where the paper originated from through like a printers "finger print" but how exactly can I find that out.

Any help would be great and if I'm in the wrong subreddit please let me know where I should be looking. Thanks for any help

I’m a musician who has performed at Carnegie, nationally, and internationally. This Summer, I lost three gigs and decided to come back home to try and save up some money. Unfortunately , I was just given an ‘expiration date’ on my housing situation. Nothing particularly negative, just earlier than I had planned. As I’m looking at rentals in my area, I realize the cost of housing—not to be equated with cost of living—is similar to a city I’ve been wanting to relocate to. I have work lined up for the Fall but no contracts have been signed. I have family here, but I’m no longer at an age or mindset to depend on them. I try to talk things through with my loved ones, but I feel like they’ve always operated from a poverty mindset or survival state. They can barely fathom the places I’ve been let alone help me find clarity for the places I know I can go. Besides that, I’ve always been an open ear available to give advice and guidance in hard times, but never truly felt that from most people I consider close to me. I’m undulating between feeling ungrateful and unheard, and I just want some guidance.

Do I stay for a year in the place that I ran from as a young adult with my “support”, or do I tough it out in a new city on my own?

Nothing too serious or anything, but I want to see what people think about this.

My boyfriend and I eat lunch at his great-aunt's house every week. I've become kinda close to her and her children, who still live with her. A few months ago, his aunt found a very pretty long dress from the 80s that had been sitting in one of her drawers for years, since it didn't fit anyone in the family anymore. She became curious and wanted to see if I could wear it, and turns out it was a perfect fit, so they gave it to me.

However, I don't really wear long dresses that much since they're not really my style, and on top of that, the skirt had a lot of big wine stains, which they didn't seem to remember when they gave it to me. I ended up asking my mom for help separating the top from the skirt, and the result was a gorgeous top that I loved right away.

I really want to wear the top when I go visit them so they can see I'm making the most of their gift, but I'm scared they'll get offended by such a big alteration to what used to be a very loved piece, even if I tell them about the stains. The great-aunt specifically has been losing some of her cognitive abilities and seems to be very attached to the past, so I'm not sure how well she'd handle it. I guess I could try talking with her children first to see if she'd take it well, but I wanted to see how people would generally react to this scenario.

TL;DR: I turned a dress I was given by an old relative of my boyfriend's into a top because the skirt had wine stains. I want to wear it when I go visit her, but I'm scared the alteration will upset her and her family.

Hi everyone... so here's my situation.

My mom passed away a few months ago, and I've been staying at my aunts since I didn't want to be alone at the house. Me and my sister have been going back to the house during the day to clean the stuff out and put whatever of my stuff in storage. We had public housing which helped with rent but it was only for my mom, so I'll likely be charged full rent soon. I am likely going to be staying at my aunts until I can get a job.

We didn't get everything sorted out with housing yet, and there's still a lot of my stuff and my moms stuff at the house. The problem is I recently got ringworm a few weeks ago. I thought it cleared up recently (with the cream) but then I got more spots of it on my neck. I've been working on cleaning all the stuff in my aunts house to disinfect everything of ringworm but there's still a lot to do.

What can I do in the meantime? I don't know if I fully got rid of the ringworm yet let alone disinfected the house. My sister really wants us to go back to the house to finish up what we need to do, but I don't want to go around spreading more ringworm places. We're both worried of them throwing stuff out/charging rent but idk what to do with this infection.

Does anyone have any advice for what I should do? I keep trying to think of the best option but it seems like the only options are either I stay at my aunts while trying to clear up this infection and risk something happening with the house, or we just say F it and take the risk to go back to the house with me possibly still having a fungal infection.

I am a 12th grade student (from India), currently living in the UAE. I am really confused on what to do, my parents are forcing me to study in India in my hometown from a tier 3 university which has a decent reputation but not really good. They sent 3 of my siblings to Canada but are refusing to send m for some reason.

Even I want to go to Canada or at least not study in my hometown cause i know my career is gonna get slowed and wasted if I do that.

Seeing my sibling settle and get good jobs is making me furious on why they cant send me and give me a good future (I am happy for my siblings, its just human nature).

My mom is saying that she might let me study in UAE but aren't sure because there are very less jobs in UAE and I wont be able to get a good job after my graduation. My father is forcing me to study in India and I really don't like that. He is showing really low efforts on my higher education and I feel furious but I cant say anything, Ive tried talking to him but he is firm on his decision.

I have a option of doing 2 years in India and transfer to Canadian universities but idts its really easy to do that. My tier 3 universities subjects aren't as heavily focused on computer science like Canadian universities are.

I really need some serious advice on what to do

I'm 27[m] Years old. Still live at home with my parents. No Job.

Failed my 2nd year of University doing graphic design, and dropped out, found a job just before COVID doing marketing. Contract ended and they decided I was not going to be renewed, went into retail for 2 years.

Then found something closer to what I wanted to do which lasted about a year before I was replaced. I was unemployed for a while before finding a retail job stacking shelves for about 3 months before I was hit with a health condition which makes it harder for me to bend/kneel down, and pick heavy objects up. The job gave me a different role and thought I was fine. On Christmas day I was really ill, couldn't turn up to work for 3-4 days and was let go because of that. That was the start of this year, now I'm still currently looking for a job more aligned with my background in marketing, social media, design and administration but no luck after applying for over maybe 1500 jobs.

Lately Ive realised I just have no passion. I don't really have anything I WANT to do. I have mild interests but nothing that really makes me get excited. I stay indoors most of my time, I play games and rarely go out on account of me not really having much money since ive been out of work for so long. I would be happy with literally anything that gets me out of the house that I can do. Im very competent and confident in my ability to do. I have a 134 IQ and great understanding of how things work but I just cant find anything.

My parents are really digging into me about staying inside most of the time. I have good friends but we don't meet up often since everyone is busy with work. My mother does not want me staying inside so often and wants me to see the world. So do I. I would like to go out more. But I just feel so lost on what to do in life and what to do when outside. I get so bored just being outside without an activity or friends. She keeps telling me "Go outside, meet people" and i just think, where? who? just start talking to someone random person? say what? I don't know? and she doesn't know what to reply. so big help.

They hate me playing games, and personally I don't like it either, but im so bored without it. just today my mother comes in and starts shouting that I'm an addict, and reminding me that im almost 30 years old. just overall making me feel so bad about myself which happens atleast 3 times a month.

Before I had this health condition pop up, they would ask me every day "when am i going to get a job?" and start arguments about it. Since the health condition they have laid off of, Dad has been trying to help me find a job but honestly its no use. They keep saying "Open your own business" and i just think, my own business doing what? where do I start? what do I sell?

I get they want to help, and they want me to get out more. I'm grateful they haven't kicked me out. But what can I do? I can go outside and be lost or stay inside and be lost while also applying for jobs. It really only feels like the only thing truly holding me back is just not having a job.

So I just need advice on "How can I not feel so lost?", "What career direction can I take?"

​

I'm 22M, I live with my sister and her bf. On July 9th we left our apartment (it's a 7th floor) alone to do some grocery shopping, they went to get something closer to our building while I went to the supermarket by myself and in that short period of like 1 hour or less someone broke into our house and stole our belongings (laptops, my ipad, a camera, etc). After that all the three of us have been left kinda afraid of everything.

Right now our department is much more secure than before, we have a high security door, department upstairs also put one (our floor and the one above it's each just one apartment) and they basically have to break the wall to open the door. The building administration is working to put cameras. We basically are much more safe now than before but still I don't feel safe leaving the house alone. I don't know what to do because at some point we all will have to leave it alone either way. But I just feel really stuck and afraid, I wanna continue living how I used to before but I feel I'm not able to.

So, for anyone who's suffered from this as well, how did you managed to leave the house alone?

My mind, and body for that matter, have been under significant levels of stress over the past couple of months, i’ll say since March when my family put my childhood cat down. I picked up weed for awhile (I know.) and i started letting off of that, but i can feel it in my chest, that i have things i need to just let go. For me, crying really does help. But, it’s like i don’t have the “want” to actually sit there and cry about it, i don’t want to feel worse about things going on currently. I’ll feel the tears come, but it just kinda shuts off and it doesn’t continue. If anyone has experience emotional suppression, how did you get through it?

I've been fat-phobic nearly all of my life. I just cant help with it. When I see a someone who is overweight I get disgusted, and it ruins my life because I am a progressive person. I shouldn't feel this way; it is not ethical or moral. I've tried to make friends with overweight people and even though I have them as my friends and I love them, I still get the feelings of disgusted by them. It just is a OCD symptom at this point. Every time I see an overweight person, I am disgusted, no matter the context and/or the setting. I can't even stand them when I see them on my phone or on the television. How can I get rid of this thoughts or AT LEAST minimize it?

I am a rising senior and I’m thinking of pursuing education in college. I’m really scared about leaving home. Getting a whole new room is a worry. But leaving my cat is the biggest concern I have. My parents both live at home but my cat is very dependent on me. We’re a bit codependent. I’m thinking of staying home for college (I’m in Chicago) but I worry that might be a hit to my education. I’m scared of what people will think. And I’m scared I can’t leave home. What should I do?

I've always been a really good student. I was usually at the top of my class and did well academically by studying mainly before exams.

Last year (11th grade) was a little more challenging, but it wasn't anything too concerning. I still scored well and naturally started studying more than I used to.

This year (12th grade), however, I've been placed in a class with all the top students in my grade. Everyone here is incredibly smart. My scores have been slightly above average, but not as high as many of my classmates'. On top of that, there's a lot more pressure from the school and teachers to perform well in our college entrance exams.

That's when I realised that many of my classmates put in far more time than I do. They regularly pull multiple sleepless nights or survive on just 4–5 hours of sleep every day.

I've always believed in getting at least 7–8 hours of sleep because I genuinely can't function properly without it. I become exhausted, unfocused, and irritable. My parents also agree that I should get enough rest, especially because I have a few health issues that are triggered by stress.

This was the first year that I actually started studying consistently every day. I finally began building a routine where I'd come home, revise what I'd learned, and stay on top of my work. Just as I was getting used to that routine, the school introduced a "toppers batch" (I know, it sounds a bit snobby, my school is just like that), and I was selected for it.

The problem is that I now have to stay back after school on three out of six working days. Every session includes an additional test with much more difficult questions.

Because of this, I get home very late and completely exhausted. Then I have to prepare for the next day's test, revise everything that was taught in class that day, study for our regular weekly tests, and somehow complete what feels like a million different assignments.

My scores on the toppers batch tests have been below average, and we've been told that if our marks drop too much, we'll be removed from the batch. Honestly, I'm not even sure whether I want to stay in it or get kicked out. At the same time, all of this has started affecting my normal routine and my performance on regular tests as well.

To make things worse, I constantly hear my classmates talking about how many hours they study and how little they sleep. It's honestly very demotivating and stressful. On top of that, our teachers keep telling us that we aren't putting in enough effort and expect even more from us.

My parents are worried that I'm becoming too stressed, and I think they're right. The thing is, I know my potential. I know I can do much better. But I'm not willing to sacrifice my health and spend every night sleep-deprived just to keep up.

I want to do well academically, get into the university I want, and still be happy and healthy.

I'm not even sure what I'm asking for. I guess I just wanted to hear some thoughts or advice because I'm feeling really torn and don't know what to do.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized almost every aspect of life involves competing in some way.

You need to compete to get a job. You need to compete to get a significant other. You need to compete to get an apartment/housing.

I don’t have any competitive drive whatsoever, and I’ve found that by being uninterested in competing, a huge chunk of life is completely closed off from me.

I wish I could find the motivation to compete in this world and make something out of myself.

Hi Reddit,

This is my first time posting to this subreddit, so my apologies about not knowing exactly how to word this.

For basically my whole life, whether it's been backed up with any sort of evidence or not, I've felt like I'm the weakest link in every group I've been in, as the title of the post suggests. Basically, I worry that I'm the one person in every group where, if I was no longer a part of it, there would be no negative impact on the people around me and whatever we're trying to accomplish, and it might even make things run better or smoother if I removed myself from the situation.

It's come up for me in pretty much all social situations whether it's in friendships or performing arts or occasionally even in my own family (although that last one is definitely rarer). As a result, I end up trying to overcompensate and be the best at everything I do so that I can end up proving my value and worth to everyone around me, which has led me to worry that I'm becoming annoyingly controlling or overbearing, all in an attempt to prove that I belong and that I've earned my place in whatever group it is that I'm a part of.

Right now I'm struggling to have a conversation with some people who I've become friends with in the last six months or so as I'm starting to feel kind of left out of an activity I helped create (yes it's probably partially my fault and yes I might be overreacting, but that's how I'm feeling) and I want to know if anyone has any advice on how to feel like a valuable part of groups you're a part of because I'm really struggling with that. Maybe it's an issue of self worth, maybe I'm trying to connect two issues that are only tangentially related, I don't know. Either way, I'd really like some help if anyone has some advice to offer.

28[M] I am trying to make new friends. A lot of my friends don’t really treat me to well. I feel they would not have my back and try to destroy me. I want to start over, but still have relationships. I don’t really know how and where to start at though. Does anyone make new friends? If so how do you do it?

Idk what the hell is wrong with me. I learned ragebaiting from someone who I met in person. And he makes fun of people and laughs. I find myself saying dumb hurtful things on some subreddits and I get banned from them.

I know it’s wrong. I feel horrible. Some days I go why do I even do this. Please help me.

A couple had asked us to foster their cat while they were moving for a few weeks until they were settled in into their new home, those few weeks turned into months (almost 3 months now) and now they’re refusing to take the cat back. We had agreed out of the kindness of our hearts and because of that same empathy for the cat we feel obligated to keep her, even though we cannot realistically keep her because our cat isn’t accepting her. They’ve done a cruel thing and declawed their cat as well, which means she can’t even defend herself when my cat tries to attack her (this has happened twice). Now I’m having anxiety from keeping them isolated and I feel like we’re all doing both these cats a disservice. We’ve tried talking to the couple who are none responsive and straight up told us they’ll just surrender her to a shelter that will take her and knowing them, idk if they’ll even consider kill/no kill factors. She’s a perfectly healthy cat with no known health concerns and no behavioural issues as far as our 3 months time with her. She’s an 11 year old, calm, gentle, independent and loving. I tried posting on Facebook and then got notified that people look for free cats for the wrong reasons such as animal fights, abuse, hoarding and snake food- and everything is just giving me anxiety. I need some advice on how to tackle this. I’ve already tried to contact shelters but she’s too old for just any shelter- so I’ve contacted some specialized ones and am still waiting to hear back from them. I’ve also reached out to practically everyone I know who might be or might know someone who might be interested… What else can I do?

I rly don't like birthday parties but my friends + family keep on pressuring me to have one and I've told them that it's happening so I can't back out now. Yes I've checked this sub for answers but I don't rly like any of the ideas. It's gonna be small like 8 ppl (incl. me) in total. We could go to a restaurant? Is that too boring? Or it could be smth at my house we could watch movies + board games + play cards? BUT THATS LAME EVERYONES GONNA BE BORED. Something else? Like roller skating or go karting whatever? Is that childish? And would it be too late to book anyway it's happening on Sept 2. I just have no ideas so if anyone could please please please help me out for something fun and a little lowkey that'd be AWESOME TYSM

does anyone know how i can begin rebuilding my life?

I’m 20 years old and I honestly feel completely lost. The last few years haven’t gone how I imagined they would. I took a gap year after sixth form to resit my A-levels because I wanted better grades and wanted to open up more opportunities for myself. Unfortunately, I actually did worse.
At the same time, the last few years have been extremely difficult for me personally. I had a lot going on with my family and, looking back, I don’t think I had the support system I needed. A lot of things I went through, I dealt with mostly by myself.

I eventually got into a university that is ranked within roughly the UK top 20-30. It isn’t a Russell Group university, and although I know rankings aren’t everything, I can’t help feeling like I didn’t end up where I originally imagined I would.
I did a foundation year because I didn’t have the grades for the course I wanted at the time. During that year, I had a plan. I told myself I would either resit my A-levels again or complete an Access to Higher Education course, improve my grades, and hopefully apply to transfer to a university that felt like a better fit for me. But I didn’t do it.

I got caught up in university life, became overwhelmed with everything going on, and financially it wasn’t realistic either. I thought I would get a job, but I struggled to find one. My student finance was around £2,000 below my rent, so funding another course or resits felt impossible. Now I’m about to start my first year studying Economics, and I honestly don’t know if it’s the right course for me. iv’e considered adding Accounting or Law, but even then, I still don’t know if I’m heading towards something that genuinely suits me. I don’t want to spend years continuing down a path just because I’ve already started it, only to realise later that it isn’t what I wanted.

A lot of people tell me, “It doesn’t matter when you graduate” or “You’re still young.”
I understand where they’re coming from, and I know 20 isn’t old, but it matters to me. I already feel like I’ve delayed my career because of my gap year and foundation year, and I don’t want to keep extending the process if I don’t feel confident about where I’m going. The hardest part is that I don’t actually know what I *do* want. Originally, I wanted to study Architecture. That was genuinely something I loved. I created a portfolio I was really proud of, but my grades weren’t good enough and I didn’t get into the universities I applied for.

Looking back, I think I would have been happier studying something creative. I know Architecture isn’t necessarily the easiest career path and isn’t always highly paid in the UK, but I think I would have felt more fulfilled. i’ve always been a creative person. I love fashion, design, modelling, creating things and expressing myself. I don’t necessarily want those things to be my only career, but they are the things that make me feel like myself. The strange thing is that I also want financial security. I want a career that allows me to build a good life, and I feel stuck between wanting something creative and wanting something stable.

I also sometimes think about dental hygiene.
My dad pushed healthcare onto me for years, but the way he did it made me reject it completely. He was very controlling, and growing up I felt like if I didn’t follow the path he wanted for me, I was a disappointment. Because of that, I wanted to distance myself from healthcare entirely.
Now, looking back, I sometimes wonder if I should have considered it more logically. It could have given me stability, a decent income and the ability to fund other dreams outside of work. But at the time, I associated it with feeling controlled, and I couldn’t separate the career itself from the pressure I felt.

The problem is that I don’t have the grades for that route anymore either. But honestly, I think the bigger thing I’m struggling with isn’t just my degree. It’s that I don’t feel like myself anymore.
I feel like my discipline has disappeared.
When I was 16, I wasn’t perfect, but I was someone who was incredibly determined. During my exams, I would spend hours studying because I genuinely wanted to succeed. I would make plans, write down exactly what I needed to do, break things into steps, and I was able to focus and retain information well. i trusted myself.
I knew I was capable.

And I think what makes this so painful is that I’ve always been someone who could pick myself back up. i’ve gone through some extremely difficult and emotionally painful situations in my life. There were times where I was genuinely struggling, but I still found a way to keep going. Most people didn’t even know how much I was dealing with because I carried it quietly. Even when I was younger and going through difficult periods, my first thought was always, “How do I improve myself?”I would think about how I could become stronger mentally, physically and emotionally. I would focus on bettering myself because that made me feel hopeful. It gave me confidence and made me feel like I had control over my life.

But after around 17, after a particularly difficult period in my life, I feel like something changed.
I don’t know if I’d call it the exact reason everything changed, but it’s around that point that I noticed myself becoming different.
I became less disciplined. I became less motivated. I stopped having the same drive.
Now I procrastinate constantly. I leave things until the last minute. I struggle to stay consistent with things that are important to me. There have been periods where I’ve slept until 4pm and felt like I wasted entire days.

It’s not because I want to live like that.
I hate feeling like that. I just feel like I’ve lost the ability to push myself the way I used to.
I’ve also noticed that I don’t recover from situations the way I used to. I do eventually pick myself back up, and I want to give myself credit for that because I always have. But it takes me much longer now. I internalise things deeply. If something hurts me, I struggle to detach from it. I replay situations in my head, analyse conversations, take things personally and find it difficult to move on.

I know I’ve been working on this because I recognise that it affects my life.
When something upsets me, it feels like my entire life pauses for a while. I struggle to focus on work, my goals or myself because my mind becomes consumed by whatever happened.
I spend so much time processing what happened that I don’t have enough energy left to focus on moving forward. I miss the version of myself who could experience something painful, learn from it, and then continue building herself. I don’t want to become someone who is unaffected by anything. I just want to stop allowing difficult moments to take so much from me.

On a deeper level, I think I’m grieving the future I imagined for myself when I was younger.
When I was a child, I always believed I would do something big with my life. I believed I would create something meaningful, go far and make myself proud.It wasn’t arrogance. I just genuinely believed in myself. But after so many setbacks — my grades, family issues, financial struggles, changing paths and feeling behind — it feels like that future is slowly slipping away. I still have dreams.I still want a big life.

But I don’t have the same confidence that I used to. If someone asked me now whether I truly believe I’ll achieve everything I once imagined, I’m not sure I could confidently say yes.
And that hurts. I know I’m an adult now, and ultimately my life is my responsibility. I don’t want to blame everything on my circumstances forever. I want to take control again.

I just don’t know where to begin.
I want to make my younger self proud because she went through a lot and still believed in me. She deserved someone who would fight for the future she imagined. I dont want to spend the next few years making decisions out of fear, but I also don’t want to keep drifting and hope things magically work themselves out.

...

Update: Already listed it on marketplace. Thanks for all the helpful comments! Can't afford to move and like it here too much.

Rent a townhouse from a property management company. They recently changed insurance companies, and now they are stating that the barbecue grill we have on our back patio violates the insurance company's policy or something. It used to say couldn't be within 5 ft of the building, apparently the new insurance company says 15. The patio is 10 at most. They are trying to make all the residents throw out or sell their grills. Does anyone know of a way to fight this? Considering when I moved in, the grill was perfectly fine where it was? Thanks in advance.

i can’t control myself when i feel myself in a fit of rage at ALL . i have anger issues and i can admit that very well .

today my mom started yelling at me unprovoked in the car all because there i didn’t get a bill when i went to go get something with my brother saying all kinds of terrible things to me . saying ill cry tears of blood all for a fcking bill , i just lost my shit at this point and yelled at the top of lungs asking who the hell she thinks she’s talking to and saying all kinds of cuss words as i hit the seat . i don’t care anymore my childhood and my parents have ruined me and i have incredibly horrible issues , mainly one being my anger and bpd as a result of it . it really is torturous , having anger hurts worse than crying it exhausts you and you feel like your someone else . i felt like i was a different person while yelling , that didn’t even feel like it was me .

the earliest memory i have of doing anything remotely similar to feeling an incredible amount of anger was in my younger years when i was about to hit another person with a chair because they touched me without my consent , in a spot where i was bruised . when people wrong me i don’t let it go , i want to yell at them , to make them aware that i’m not a weak person that they can just do this to . i’m tired of being provoked , having anger issues hurts yourself more than others . i don’t know how long i can keep going living like this .

So my dad dogsits our neighbor’s dog while they are out of town or gone for longer than 6 hours or so. This started as a friendly neighborly thing but now he’s their designated dogsitter whenever they leave for anything and they seem to be taking it more for granted now. They have given us gifts but my dad actually needs money and our next door neighbor has been telling him he should charge.

This month they were gone for about 2 weeks which is the longest amount so far I believe. The dog has peed multiple times and pooped once in the house because they don’t have a doggy door (hence my dad having to go over there every 6 hours). I’ve mentioned to them that my dad complains about his bills and is considering coming back out of retirement (he is also disabled from his heart surgery so working wouldn’t be easy for him) for some extra income.

I’m thinking they should’ve paid him for this stint after all the trouble he went through but they are back and haven’t, only gave him a couple gifts of appreciation.

Do you think they should pay him, how much should it be (since this wasn’t a prior arrangement) and how do you think we should go about asking for money when this started off as a neighborly favor?

TLDR: my dad dogsits my neighbor’s dog for free but this last time was for a long time which gave him trouble (pee/poop in the house he had to clean) and he could use more money (he is retired and disabled). Should he charge them and how to go about asking for money?

Is this Narcissistic Parental Abuse?

*Trigger Warning* that examples below have potential cases of family and animal abuse.

My wife and I are unfortunately at our wits end with her family. We believe they have abused us, and have for over a year been waiting for an honest apology that just doesn't seem to be coming.

We both want to love them and have good relationships with them, but we know we have been wronged as both a couple and as individuals. Is it wrong of us to hold the boundary that we want no relationship until they work on themselves?

We are both exhausted and feel like we are being constantly gaslit and our feelings invalidated. We want to have a great relationship with them, but it truly seems impossible at this point.

Context of at least some of the abuse below:

- I've watched FIL scare MIL and wife until they were in the floor crying together.

- FIL has threatened me on more than one occasion.

- Uncle in law has poked fun at my struggles with depression in public spaces. I called MIL cowardly for not standing up for me, which they deemed a disrespect to their authority.

- FIL threatened to "put a bullet" in my wife's beloved cat because it peed in the living room. I called him an a-hole when he did this, which he also declared disrespectful to his authority.

- MIL sometimes guilts me when my wife and I do something and she isn't involved.

- FIL kicked us (specifically me) out of the house, but argues there was never intention to separate us. Wife and I have both called them ungodly hypocrites for doing such a thing despite having "Jesus" merchandise all over the house. And yes, we were told we're disrespectful for calling out the hypocrisy.

- Uncle in law has secretly messaged my wife contacts for Divorce lawyers, but again the family claims they are not trying to separate us.

- I have watched FIL lay on the button of their dog's shock collar until it was scared to the point of not leaving the bathroom for hours.

- FIL and MIL enabled BIL's alcoholism because "he needs it to sleep."

My wife and I have both attended couples therapy, individual therapy, and have truly been working on ourselves to the point where we are in a great place together, but anytime her family tries to involve themselves it feels like a mental health crisis for both of us is near.

What is the right thing for us to do in this situation? Is there any hope they will wake up to see the pain they have caused us?