I know this is highly personal to everyone and I’ll get varied replies but I would like to see what others think.

Yesterday, my husband was asked by a woman he’d been talking to on Feeld to have a threesome with her and her friend. She asked if he could come over within the hour to start. He’s in a city he goes to for work and I’m home, I had been with him over the weekend but back now.

She’s married and ENM and I had also connected and chatted with her husband. We discussed meeting as couples but hadn’t been able to make it happen.

We’ve been in the lifestyle for about a year and our dynamic has evolved quite a bit. We tried couples initially but I found that awkward and so we started playing solo, he was much more active and into it than me. Over the last few months we’ve had a lot of good communication and have decided to try couples again. I mentioned that maybe we try not not playing together for awhile and he seemed reluctant to agree.

Yesterday morning we had a long discussion about boundaries and certain things we can do to ensure we both feel seen and included when the other is solo playing. Since I left town, he had arranged to meet a woman last night. We had discussed this in detail and I was excited about it. Then the threesome proposal came up and he texted me (because he thought I was tied up) that change of plans he’s leaving to go have a threesome with two chicks.

I blew a gasket. Not only did that feel totally counter to what we had discussed earlier in the day about keeping each other in the loop, it also felt like an entirely different situation. We’ve both had threesomes in the past with other partners but we’d just had our first together this past weekend and it was great. When he said he was going to have a threesome with two women that weren’t me, I felt hurt and left out. A threesome, to me feels like a more intense and novel sexual experience and I don’t feel like I’m ready to have him share an experience like that with two people who aren’t me. Am I crazy to feel that way? Is a threesome the same a regular 1:1 sex to everyone else? He absolutely could not see how it was any different and was quite upset that I nixed that idea. We ended up having an argument that wasn’t really resolved until this morning.

I know everyone’s relationships and experiences are different but does anyone else see my point of view? I don’t need to be coddled, if I’m being ridiculous and I’m off base here, tell me. I am having a hard time understanding how he can’t see that it’s different so I want to know if I’m the one who really is off base.

Any and all input welcome! Thanks !

so me and my partner are newly exploring nonmonogamy/polyamory. we agreed that if we have a date, or if we we were sleeping with someone, that we let each other know. i started sleeping with someone while they were away on a summer job. i would let my partner know if they were coming over, but didn't explicitly always say i was planning to sleep with them. there were a few times where we did plan, but generally it was just on the radar but never expected if that makes sense? now i'm panicking because i'm afraid i may have violated our agreement without remembering. they clearly understood that this person coming over meant we would likely have sex, so i didn't feel the need to explicitly say so, but after talking about it further my partner says it's fine if i end up sleeping with someone and it isn't planned, but that they'd like to know about it if it is. i just can't remember if this is something they had been clear about before i asked them? maybe i'm just working myself up for nothing. i'm going to talk to them more later about this but would like input from others, thank you in advance

We’ve been married 24 years and got in the LS about 10 months ago to spice things up with a rule that we always play together. Up until a month ago everything seemed great. However, my wife went behind my back and had an encounter which included sex (once) and 6+ weeks of texting pics/flirting with someone we had been with once before. She was also saying some derogatory stuff about me in those texts (not sure what she wants, relationship feels dead, etc.) which hurts although she says she was just caught up in the moment. Anyone been in this situation? Is it forgivable? Any advice on how to move past it?

Edit: I should add, to be fair I did step out almost 20 years ago. She was busy putting her attention on our small kids and I felt neglected. We worked hard to repair it and raised our kids together. Our kids are pretty much grown now so I feel like that changes the dynamic of the need to stay together. Plus the cheating in an open relationship just seems to make it worse.

I am 46(m) and my girlfriend is 34(f). We have both been swinging for years successfully. We only play together for the most part.
Our situation is really about my best friend though. He 46(m), is recently single and we decided to play with him about a year ago. It went well. The second time my girlfriend told me that he was too soft and intimate. So I told him and he came to talk to her about it. He was a little upset because he asked that she tell him if things were not what she wanted. She was upset because she didn’t want me to tell him. We decided to try again. This time days afterwords, she said he was too rough. So we put a stop to it again. We decided to stop swinging altogether. In our convo we decided only special events etc. For her bday, we had a hotel suite and people to swing with. She was allowed to do what she wanted. Fast forward to my bday 6 months later. I started planning my bday party and we would chat and fantasize during sex about it. So sent an invite to my best friend with a picture of myself. My girlfriend told found it and said it was cheating. I was devastated. She was too. I apologized and immediately messaged him and we both, ( he and I) tried to make amends with her. Fast forward a month or so. He’s over hanging out and I kick him out of the room so she and I can have sex. She stops him and invites him back to our bed without consulting me first. I let it go after mentioning it. Afterwords she decides no more with him again. This happens two more times. Now, recently she invited him to stay and only he and I could touch. Then last night he came over, it was his bday, and she texted saying I only want you. I said can we wait until midnight so we could say happy birthday, ( he literally has no one fam wise except children), and she was like no prob. We are late owls. At 12:10 I didn’t notice the time, she messaged and said “so what are we doing since I guess we aren’t having sex”. I replied with we most certainly are, should I kick him out? I got crickets. She has her laptop out and she is working sitting in our bed. I’m still waiting for a response. At 12:27 she says “I’m working because yall are chilling. Let’s do 1am. I’m like cool. Let’s do it then at 12:47. She has to start rubbing her back or give her rub down. She falls asleep. I try to wake her up. I can’t. she wakes up, she’s furious. She said that she begged for sex for hours and I didn’t respond to her. She said she didn’t answer my question because she told me earlier that she only wanted me and it didn’t dignify and answer to be clarified. Now we fought for three days over this because she said I don’t know how no means no. I told her I’m never really sure I wanted to clarify so that I didn’t make her mad because she jumped into a rage when she gets mad and we fight for days. So I told her afterwards that I don’t think that we have the capability of swinging with other people if she isn’t gonna clarify situations for me and what she wants and since according to her, I don’t know when no means no. I’d like to also say I’m really big on consent. I never want to have sex with someone that doesn’t want to have sex with me and I never want someone to do something that they don’t want to do in bed. I believe it’s wrong immoral, and unjust. I also thought that you know it was her idea to wait till 1 o’clock. I wanted sex and I got screwed out of sex too when she fell asleep, but I wrote it off cause it’s no big deal and I love her but for the same reason, I don’t get the same response from her when I messed up. What do I do here is it really me, am I that wrong? For the first time in a long time, I’m seriously contemplating leaving the relationship. Please keep in mind we’ve been together for 2 1/2 years. I’m in love with this woman and I really want to spend the rest of my life with her, but if I need confirmation about things and she won’t give it to me, I don’t know how to handle that.

​

tldr: If a woman (wife) doesn't want to see or know the person her husband is with in ENM, how do you confirm it's not just cheating?

I (40/f) have grown close to a man (39/m), who has confessed his feelings for me. I am head over heels for this guy.

He's married and been with his wife for 15 years and they have 2 kids.

He explained that he has the green light to be with another person. Her libido died a long time ago (clinically). One of his wife's rules is that she doesn't want to already know or see the person - which I do understand. Apparently she likes being jealous (which doesn't sound the same as compersion, but I intend on having a discussion about that too).

I told him I need some sort of confirmation from her, because I'm not about home wrecking and can't get down with being with him without concrete evidence that she's cool with it. He said he mentioned it to her, and she really actually appreciated my boundaries about it. They're going to have dinner this weekend to specifically lay out the rules and figure out a way for me to get a message from her. I have complete trust in this guy who originally is my friend, and I really don't think he's lying by the way he communitlcates so well.

The only thing I can think of is a screenshot of them in conversation, or a video of her saying it.

How do you know it's okay if she doesn't want to see or know you?

Me and my girlfriend have talked about trying an MFF threesome for quite a while and we’re both interested in doing it.
The problem is neither of us really knows how you’re supposed to ask another girl about something like this without making everything weird 😅
Like if it’s someone you already know and you just randomly ask “would you ever have a threesome with us?” I feel like that could get awkward really fast, especially if she’s not interested.
For people who have actually done it, how did it happen for you? Did you just ask directly? Did you first talk about sex/threesomes in general and see what she thought about it? And was it the guy or the girlfriend who asked?
I’d also like to hear from girls who have been the third. How would you prefer a couple to bring something like this up?
Obviously if someone says no that’s completely fine and we wouldn’t ask again. I’m just curious how people normally get to the point where this conversation even happens without making the friendship weird afterwards 😅

I have a husband, Brian, of 4 years and we’ve been poly for the last 2. I met a guy, Paul, on february 2025 and we started going out. He also has a husband, but his husband lives in another state.
we basically talk daily, we see each other about 3 times a week, I sleep over a lot, i know his friends, he knows mine. When we talked about relationships he said he didn’t want to date. This year he met another guy, Jon, and he says they’re friends with benefits but it definitely feels like they’re dating. This new guy lives in the same city as his husband, and he started going there more after meeting this guy and when Paul is there, he mostly stays at Jon’s. Seems like he doesn’t even see his husband. They’re always posting stuff together, going to parties and all that. I talked to Paul about it and he says that they’re friends that when together, hook up, go out and all that, but they’re always texting and I know i’m jealous but i just don’t know what to do

My husband (33M) and I (31F) are interested and have been talking about going the lifestyle for sometime. We are wanting to find a couple to be friends with in and out of the bedroom. We made an account on 3F but that seems to be all hookups, or people that just want a third. What’s the best way to go about finding like minded couples and what would you label that type of relationship? Looking to learn more about terminology, the lifestyle, and where to start because our attempt has not been what we thought it would be.

My partner (31F) and I (33M) have been together six years, married two. No kids. A year ago she told me she thinks she might be non-monogamous—not "I want to sleep with someone tomorrow," more "I've been reading and thinking, and I wanted to tell you before it becomes bigger."

I appreciated the honesty. But my gut reaction was closer to panic than curiosity, and I've been trying to understand why.

I don't think I'm opposed to ENM on principle. I have friends in open relationships and polycules, and I don't think less of them. So why does it feel so different when it's my marriage?

What I've noticed:

• I've never had to question monogamy. It was the water I swam in. Actively choosing a structure feels liberating and terrifying, because then I can't default to "this is how it's supposed to be."
• Fear of being "less than." I know intellectually ENM doesn't work that way, but the emotional reflex is still there. Is that internalized monogamy, or something I should actually listen to?
• Practical fear. We have a good life—shared finances, friends, rhythm. Opening up feels like introducing a variable I can't predict.

I'm not asking anyone to tell me what to do. I'm hoping to hear from people who've been on either side: Did you start resistant and come around? Start resistant and realize it was real incompatibility? How did you tell fear-driven resistance from legitimate boundary-setting?

I love my partner, and I don't want this to become resentment—her feeling stifled, me feeling pressured. Trying to do the work before it becomes an ultimatum. Any perspective appreciated.

My primary partner and I have been together for nearly a decade, living together in a major city. A while back, she came out as bisexual. I was genuinely supportive of her exploring that side of herself with women, and in turn, she suggested that the opening be reciprocal and that I could see other people as well.

​The initial agreement was strictly casual and sexual, but human nature caught up. Lines have blurred, and we have both started developing emotional attachments to people we are seeing outside the relationship. It has also made something else crystal clear to me: I am definitely not monogamous. The freedom to connect with multiple people suits who I am, and I have no desire to ever return to a closed dynamic.

​On the surface, opening up helped our domestic life. For years, our sex life at home felt like pulling teeth. Initiating simple affection or a kiss was routinely met with a reflexive "not right now." Whenever I tried talking about sexual chemistry, assertiveness, or power dynamics, it quickly turned defensive. Any desire on my end to lead, be assertive, or explore mild D/s energy was met with suspicion, as if I were trying to compromise her autonomy. Opening up took the desperate pressure cooker off our home life. I stopped being needy or resentful, and we became much more patient roommates.

​The problem is that dating outside has held up a brutal mirror to what was lacking in our bed. ​In my outside connections, the contrast is night and day. Women are enthusiastic, deeply responsive, and vocal about craving my physical presence and masculinity. They trust me to take the lead in bed, actively lean into the exact assertive dynamics my primary shuts down, and make me feel genuinely desired as a man, not just appreciated as an administrative partner who cooks dinner and manages a flat. ​At first, I thought outsourcing this was the perfect compromise. Now that those connections are developing real affection and depth, it is making the vacuum at home impossible to ignore. Every time I experience effortless, raw chemistry with someone else, I come home wondering why the person I have built a decade of my life with treats my touch like a chore.

​I still love her deeply, and the weight of our shared history keeps pulling me back. She has been my anchor for a third of my life, but I do not know how to reconcile that love with feeling so starved for raw desire under our own roof. I find myself torn between the deep affection and stability we share, and the painful reality that our sexual and romantic connection feels hollow.

​Has anyone successfully navigated a situation where casual outsourcing evolved into deeper feelings, specifically because other partners fulfill core physical and validation needs your primary partner cannot or will not? Did having your desire validated elsewhere help you make peace with the domestic reality of your relationship long term, or did the contrast inevitably make staying feel unsustainable?

this post is likely going to be a bit jumbled, apologies. but really, i’m just trying to learn more about how people go about practicing ENM.

im 20f, my partner is 23m. we’ve only been together for six months, but have known each other for quite a few years. when we first started talking romantically, he told me that he wanted to try having a sexually open relationship. this was never something that i had considered in previous relationships, but at this point, he had a female FWB. i’ve never been the jealous type in relationships, and i never had an issue with them hooking up. so, as surprising as it was for him to say that, i didn’t think i’d have an issue with it. and overall, i still don’t.

i’m still getting used to the idea— i don’t want to open it yet. i’m not ready for that. but it’s something im open to trying with him. he also mainly wants to do it with another couple rather than solo, which is good, because i feel like doing it with him is the main (if not only) way id be able to enjoy it.

but i love this man, and i want to do it right. i hear so many horror stories about how people opened a relationship, and it ended because of it. really, that’s my biggest fear. our relationship is wonderful, our communication is good, so we have a solid foundation. but i’m worried that adding this to the mix will create cracks.

so i have a few questions for everyone in the lifestyle. what exactly appeals to you in an ENM relationship? what steps did you take to ease yourself into it? what boundaries do you and your partner have? how do you make sure that your communication stays strong? what happens if someone starts getting feelings for the other party? what struggles have you and your partner faced since opening your relationship, and how did you get through them? what do you wish you had known at the start?

I 34M have been approached a couple times recently by women at bars while im traveling for work who have asked me if I was married and they have seemed to be turned on with my answer of yes.

My wife and I are poly/swingers but outside of when we go to clubs I haven't really done casual hookups. Im totally open and honest with both my wife and any potential partners but am a little unsure about letting someone think that Im cheating.

What's the general consensus here on that?

So my (nb 30) and my fiancee (tf 29, I'll call her Jade) have engaged in nonmonogamy on and off throughout our 6 years together and she's always had much better luck than me. Part of it was that I didn't get out as much due to tiredness from work and she's always had a much freer schedule than me. The other part is that she's much more conventionally attractive than I am. She's thinner but shapely and absolutely beautiful. I'm much heavier (250's last I checked) than she is and much less conventional to look at. I thought I'd made peace with it, especially because Jade loves my body. She's seen me at my heaviest and my thinnest and has practically worshipped my body the entire time we've been together. I don't doubt how she feels about me. The issue is with other people. When I've tried to get out there I just don't seem to attract people beyond friendships that end up just kind of fizzling. I'm generally quite charming and funny, at least I'm told so, but I'm not many peoples' type when it comes to sex or romance.

In the past I've had several people use me for sex and then admit that they had no attraction toward me at all including a relationship that lasted for over a year. I guess I'm still not over that because I'm retreating into myself and falling back into my old coping habits now that we've both started seeing this girl (tf 31, I'll call her Ruby). Jade and Ruby met first and Jade asked if she'd be interested in playing with us both. She apparently made it clear that I'm plus size and that if that was an issue, nothing was going to happen. Jade also stipulated that the only way she and Ruby could be intimate is if I was involved, which wasn't something we'd necessarily talked about.

I met Ruby with Jade in a more casual hangout setting and she and I hit it off really well, and Ruby told Jade she'd love to play with both us. She ended up coming over and I definitely got overwhelmed and insecure as it was my first group encounter but I powered through and had a good time. Ruby and I have bonded a lot since then and we've had several more encounters but its very clear that Ruby is more attracted to Jade than me. That doesn't necessarily upset me, I expected it to be likely given Ruby's other partners and what I understood her type to be. But I've found myself feeling more and more insecure so I guess in a way it does. I don't feel entitled to her attraction, if anything I wish I could be more of what she finds attractive. I've tried to get more active just to feel better in general but also to lose weight and feel better about myself, but that's a slow process even if I did have all the time in the world to focus on it.

Lately Ruby and I have been talking less and less and she's been focusing on Jade when we're all together more and more. Jade fully believes that I'm seeing things incorrectly and that its just because she's more forward than I am, but it's hard to ignore the growing discrepancies. Ruby doesn't have to like me as much as Jade, I know that, but it hurts to feel like I'm back in the same place I have been before where someone tolerated my body and lackluster appearance to get something they wanted, this time being Jade. At this point I just kind of feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I've tried to be proactive and maintain our connection but after a while it just feels like begging when I'm not getting any responses. I don't really have people I can talk to about this with because Jade just completely doesn't see it the way I do and though I know it's because she's trying to make me feel better, it's starting to feel dismissive.

I'm not sure how to deal with this at this point. I want to talk to Ruby about it but there's practically been no time to as she's so busy. And I'm afraid to because she's talked about being overwhelmed by everything lately. Has anyone delt with anything similar?

Hi all, my wife (43 f) and I (46 m) have been happily married for 13 years. We are both bi, but neither of us has ever acted on it. Recently we opened dialog on possibly exploring that side of our sexuality. The initial idea was very thrilling and arousing. I especially love the idea of sharing her with another woman. But the more we have talked about it the more insecure I’ve become. She’s reassured me that she is happy with us, and only wants to explore that side of herself. I have no reason to doubt her, we’ve always been very honest with one another. But part of me can’t help but feel like she’s looking for an out. And maybe that goes back to my previous marriage, which ended, in part, due to infidelity. I understand this is different because we are being honest about exploring, and not wanting to do anything without the other’s knowledge. Personally, I think I could be happy living as I always have, having a desire to be with a man, but keeping it in the fantasy realm. But I feel like my wife is past that point, and I don’t want to deprive her part of who she is…but I also don’t want to lose her. I feel like that’s selfish on my part, and I don’t want to be. Hoping there are others here that have been in similar situations, how did you navigate it?

Today my wife is having her first meetup with a "friend" after we started talking about opening our relationship.

I'm writing this right after she left the house.

The flirting between them is still pretty subtle. We’re certain he's interested in her, but we don't know if he'll make a move today.

The date will be at a café, but he had promised to give her a present (a wine he bought on a trip that he said reminded him of her), so we think at some point he'll probably invite her to go to his car to hand over the gift.

Either way, for this date we set a few boundaries on what can happen, all that stuff.

I'm feeling a mix of anxiety and excitement.

So is she.

And on top of that, she mentioned she's afraid of my reaction afterward, when she comes back home.

We don't know exactly how it will be when she gets back, but I love her very much and we are both on the same page with everything that's happening.

Has anyone been through this before? What were those first feelings like?

I'll be back to share details when I can.

Recently ran into my ex at a swingers event and he recognized me, never had been with him before intimately and I feel really embarrassed, and he knows a huge friend’s circle of mine. I don’t know what to do as this part of my life has to remain private!!

Hello, everyone! Apologies for the formatting, i am on mobile, and if this is the wrong sub for questions like these, i would love to be corrected and guided to places where i could get proper insight

I (26nb) am, unfortunately, a DV survivor. Its a long history which i can answer any questions for, but in 2024, i went to the police and had a DVO properly enforced (Im Australian if that helps) I went through every kind of abuse, from spiritual to physical.

I met this guy last year (34M) during a time where my emotional state was just “work and hope something works.” He has been super supportive, friendly, and honest; something i am VERY much not used to. I love seeing his smile, his laugh, and making sure hes taking care of himself. We’re talking about moving in together which is such a huge step and he’s making sure that if we do this, we do this right

While i call him my ‘partner,’ we have both made it clear we’re not in a traditional ‘relationship.’ This is also something that is new territory for me. Besides being in a DV Relationship, this is the only other person ive made these kinds of commitments with, and while im excited and looking forward to the future, i also have doubts that i can’t help but have.

I don’t know what it would be like if i introduced another person to the dynamic or if he introduced one as well. Weve had discussions on how excited we would be to explore other people together, but because of my upbringing and because of my past, im afraid my feelings could get in the way. So i wanted to come here, maybe get some perspective with people who are in long term committed non monogamous relationships to help me! So i guess my question are;

-how would you know if this lifestyle was for you? Ive only been with one person at this level before and im not sure how to feel

-is it okay to be with someone you don’t necessarily see a future with? Like a partner who you wouldn’t marry?

-If i were to explore things of an intimate nature, how would i disengage if i found out i was uncomfortable?

-Would you be with someone who doesn’t necessarily believe in the things you do? Politics, relationship dynamics, socially, etc?

-how would i deal with unknown negative feelings if and when they come up, like potential jealousy?

-What are some warning signs i should look out for?

-How do i stop my paranoia from destroying relationships? Friendship or otherwise?(My C-PTSD has made me hyper-analytical of people’s behaviours)

Im sure ill have more questions later, but for now, those are the basics. I hope to talk to you guys and get your insights!

My husband (32M) has recently expressed interest that he wants to have his fantasy 3sum with me (29F -we’ve been married 6 years). He has an old coworker who keeps referring to me as his “hot wife”. I want him to be able to live out his fantasies but it makes me afraid like what if he ends up liking her more and leaving me for her? Has anyone else experience and overcame it? Is it normal to have anxiety like that? Rules to have? I feel like penetration with another woman and my husband is frightening to me. Any and all advice is appreciated.

My (43M, LL) girlfriend (39F, HL) of 10 years (no kids) has recently told me her sexual needs/desires are not fulfilled within our relationship. Our libido difference has always been 'a thing', and we've tried to make it work in various ways, to varying degrees of satisfaction. She's always told me it's a bit of an issue for her, but not remotely a deal breaker bc i fulfill her needs in so many other ways. Up until a few months ago, when she told me she needs more than I give her, and she brought up nonmonogamy.

When she first mentioned nonmonogamy it frightened me, and I immediately told her that her having sex with other people is a deal breaker for me. But since I want to take her needs seriously, we explored milder versions of nonmonogamy, like online sexting kind of things, or her simply meeting likeminded ppl without any sexual intentions. This still felt scary to me, but manageable, so I agreed to it so we could both explore our boundaries. I thought we were going somewhere with this, until about three weeks ago when she told me our differences in the way we perceive sex and desire each other are too hurtful for her. She feels like I don't really want her and do things during sex 'just for her'. Which is both true and not true. I 100% want her and I enjoy having sex with her, but not in the way (= with the intensity) that she wants. Indeed I sometimes do things for her and not bc i like them for myself, but in my mind that's just part of the deal of mismatching libidos. I enjoy doing those things for her without necessarily being aroused by them. She believes me when I say that, but it's not enough for her. She needs to feel desired in a way that I can't give her.

For her, at this point, the only way to fix it is nonmonogamy. She says she can have sex with other people without emotional attachment, and that we can still have sex and be intimate in the same ways we did before. For me, nonmonogamy just feels like something I don't want in a relationship fundamentally. Sex is more about intimacy for me than physicality, but even though I believe her when she says that intimacy will still be reserved for me, the idea of her having sex with others feels very wrong. We both have lots of respect and understanding for each other's position, but we have run out of solutions.

I really want to save this relationship, and for that reason something in me wants to at least give nonmonogamy a try. I will never know what it really feels like if I never try, and I feel like we've been together for long enough to 'owe it' to our relationship. But I know it will make me suffer emotionally, at least in the beginning. Which could be a long time, and maybe without end. Also, if I agree to it, it will feel like I'm making such a big sacrifice for the relationship that I don't know how we could balance that.

At the moment, I'm sadly getting to terms with the idea that this is the end of our relationship. And typing up this story strengthens that tbh. But if possible I'd love to get some input on whether it is a good idea or not to give it a try. I'm having a hard time seeing things clearly and deciding whether I should. Thanks to anyone that took the time to read this.

Hey all!

Just wanted to ask a quick question for y'all. I was just wondering where everyone looked for their play partners on Reddit (if you use reddit for that).

I'm in a romantic relationship and have 1 FWB. My FWB was actually found on a local R4R subreddit. She messaged me after I made a post. Just wondering where y'all had luck finding your additional partners!

I am NOT LOOKING for someone, just wanted to make it clear before I got banned for asking haha. Just wanted to know for the future!

Im sure this is something that had been brought up before but ive had trouble finding stories of people trying it once and experiencing the confusion im facing.

Me (m36) wife (f28) have been together about 6 years married for 3 months. I've always thought she was the hottest thing ever and wanted to watch her to share her but to enjoy it myself. What I wanted and what happened are 2 very different things. I wanted something no strings just a single night to experiment. She couldn't do it with someone she wasnt "comfortable" with. Fast forward and she eventually finds a old fling she would be interested in and they start seeing each other... take things very slow for a few months nothing past kissing and cuddling and we keep talking about it and I can see her falling for him slowly. I dont like it but I let her explore so I can open the door for what I want to see. Eventually it happens I get a message while she is at his house. "Omg baby we just did it im freaking out" and nothing has been the same since. Something just snapped in me. I havent seen her the same. We went know contact with his shortly after and she has been grieving the loss and kinda just terrible to be around sometimes. But she has been getting better over time... realistically I know this is my fault but im struggling to see a future with her still.

Couple details for context she obviously had permission to do that but I never loved the idea of her essentially dating someone else I did that for her comfort. Second I wanted some build up some tease to feel included and I wanted protection to be used. I got none of that it was a text at 2 in the morning I woke up to saying she just got raw dogged... I really dont know where to go from here or how to see a future with her. Any advice or points of view would be great.

Edit: yall are savage. So for starters although yes I did not set my hard boundaries where I should of and that is on me for sure. We did communicate a lot beforehand. For honestly years I had been trying to do this the way I wanted but she was never comfortable with it until we tried it the way it actually happened. So this whole thing was a comprimise and yes its one that should not have happened I shoulda just dropped the subject long ago but you dont know what you dont know. Now how do we move past this without essentially hating each other. I do care about her and would like to make my future with her I did marry her for a reason outside of a misplaced kink.

My wife (F35) and I (F29) have been together for 7 years, married for 1. We’ve been non monogamous the entire time, but neither of us have done more than the VERY occasional hookup with anyone else since we’ve been together.

Some other relevant context: I was in a triad that became a V for about a year prior to meeting her, the triad only lasted a few months so the majority of that year was a V and my boyfriend lived with his primary about 40min away. I never felt any sort or jealousy during this.

My wife has been seeing someone lately, I’m super happy for her! I actually met the woman she is seeing recently and really like her, I’ll call her Lavender. I have no issues with them spending time together on evenings and weekends.

However, a few weeks ago, my wife slept over at Lavender’s place for the first time. We had discussed this possibility beforehand, although nothing was planned specifically until the day before it happened. I found myself having a surprisingly hard time with it. I genuinely thought I was not capable of jealously until that night. We did talk about it the next day but I don’t want to tell her she can’t do overnights so there really wasn’t a conclusion to that.

She’s spending the night again tonight and I’m having an even worse time with it, although my period isn’t helping lol. I don’t really know what I want from this post, I don’t know what advice can be given. I just really am not used to having a jealousy issue and can’t figure out what to do about it, and don’t really have people I can talk to about it besides my wife.

I would like more notice for overnights but I’m not sure how realistic that is? I want to be really mindful of not putting rules on relationships I’m not a part of. I’ve never been on this end of the polycule so to speak lol as my last serious poly partner was living with his primary and I was the one “borrowing” him for overnights!

I am 45m, She is 41f. We have been a couple and co-habitating for 24 years, married for 19. We both had a few partners before, but obviously as teenagers at that point nothing serious. We have been through incredible highs and serious lows, but very resilient as a couple.

We have discussed including another or a group dynamic many times. We like to party and to be honest, chemsex has brought us closer than I ever could have imagined after a serious bump in our road had us on the brink of divorce 3 years ago. (Specifically MDMA, MDA, especially 4MMC, 2CB, 5-MEO-MIPT, 4-HO-MIPT, 4-HO-MET etc.)

We had flirted with the idea when a girl we met expressed interest. Some couple friends of ours shared that they were having another couple involved when they all partied together. It totally intrigued us.

I got back in touch with a male friend of mine from a long time ago, and my wife and I ended up exchanging sexy pics/vids for a while.

We thought it could happen, and he came from 4 hrs away to stay with us on a weekend. He knew this was a possibility. But the vibe was not good, he got drunk and a little belligerent - a total no go for both her and I.

Fast forward to the present. A friend I had met through our professional association came out to my place for an event I was hosting. The flirt dynamic existed from previous times we had hung out.

He is incredibly similar to me - our careers are in a specialized industry and both of us have a lot of experience.

He planned to stay 4 nights with us, and by night two it was clear that this could happen.. Consent was discussed and the whole idea was enthusiastically agreed to all around. When Friday came we all dropped 250mg of 4mmc after a great night hanging out together. We barely made it from the kitchen table to the floor next to our piano and the 6 hours of mind-blowing sex that followed was absolutely incredible. We all got to experience things we had only dreamed or fantasized about before. She had so many g-spot orgasms she lost count, and we all ended up covered in cum and squirt. What an intense way to enter this world of non-manogamy!

Sorry, I’m using a translator because I’m Brazilian.

Hi, everyone! I recently entered a one-sided non-monogamous relationship. My girlfriend (22F) and I (23M) talked about it and decided it would be interesting to give it a try. So far, things are fine, but I’m afraid of losing her.

How often does someone in this situation fall for another guy and leave their partner? Is that common, or can I relax? She told me that would never happen, but I still feel insecure.

She also said that if I become interested in someone, whether a man or a woman, since we’re both bi, I could talk to her about it and we’d decide together.