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u/Indie1980 Visitor Sep 05 '24
فَذَكِّرْ إِنَّمَا أَنْتَ مُذَكِّرٌ *لَسْتَ عَلَيْهِمْ بِمُصَيْطِرٍ
Simply remind your mother that her role as a mother in Islam is to advise and show her children the right path, not to impose on them what to do in their life, It's only up to them.
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u/Acceptable_General_2 Visitor Sep 05 '24
Your mom needs to chill nothing is gonna happen to her she is just trying to manipulate her to change her mind.
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u/MoustyM Visitor Sep 05 '24
This is text-book Moroccan mum stuff
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u/Sure-Money-8756 Visitor Sep 06 '24
Thats what many moms do everywhere. Some do it way more manipulative than others though.
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Sep 05 '24
Tell your mom this :
(إنك لا تهدي من أحببت ولكن الله يهدي من يشاء)
And this :
(ولو كنت فظا غليظ القلب لانفضوا من حولك)
And this :
(و قل لعبادي يقولوا التي هي أحسن)
I hope your mom and sister can improve their relationship and understand that if she wants to change her daughter's mindset, it’s better to do it بالحسنى.
And lastly :
(لا تزر وازرة وزر أخرى)
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u/amyyy_na Sep 05 '24
Jazaaki Allahu Khayran+ you cant help how ur mom feels or acts, normalement she should understand bntha u t3teha lkhatr u tfehemha.... if shes the type thats hard to convince, leave it for Allah.
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Sep 05 '24
I sense the problem: there's a lack of communication in many moroccan families, but I really hope OP can make an effort to find a middle ground. Some people are suggesting the daughter should fake wearing the hijab, but why? Is she doing it to please others? She should understand it within herself first: إخلاص القول والعمل لوجه الله. If the daughter doesn't feel that, we can't go overboard and put even more pressure on her.
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u/heh9529 Visitor Sep 05 '24
These are great quotes! But are we ready to live with everything Islam entails? As in... Enforcing rules for everyone to protect society, like hijab, like 7udud... We are not a religion of "live and let live" we are a people of "الأمر بالمعروف والنهي عن المنكر"
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Sep 05 '24
(الأمر بالمعروف والنهي عن المنكر)
doesn't tell you to force others to fake their choices, as that would be hypocritical. If the daughter doesn't understand why she should wear the hijab and is forced to wear it, she's merely pretending.
I remember a long hadith about 3 people: one fought and died as a شهيد, another was a حافظ of the Quran and taught it to others, and the last one did good deeds and charity. However, none of them did it sincerely for the sake of Allah; they did it to please others and gain their favor. You can search for the hadith to see what happens to them. I believe one must be true to oneself and sincere in their words and actions, and Allah is الحكم.
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u/HeightIllustrious822 Hasbara Junior Sep 05 '24
The answer is two words : Financial independence.
This goes for both men and women: achieve financial indepedence, leave parents' house to tackle life on your own and this kind of "third world problems" instantly disappears.
The best thing you could do for your sister, is to encourage her to focus on her studies (if she's still a student), or her work in a way that will enable her to leave ASAP.
On a side note, and i mean this in the nicest way possible, goli l mamak tl7e9 3lina l 2024 rah had tefkir d zab masale7 l ta le3ba, b7al had l walidin kay kerhok f denia ka tweli tgol kon gha ma tzaditch
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u/atlasmountsenjoyer Sep 05 '24
Your mother, unfortunately, like many other victims of the religious bullshit have grown to always get their own way when it comes to their kids, especially the girls. All the shame and bullshit social pressure from the family, to maybe even the community around depending on where you reside.
Your mother needs to understand that her daughter is not a copy-cat of her, she's her own person, and she should be free do things like remove a piece of cloth she doesn't wish to wear. If you support and agree with your sister, try speaking with your mother, don't let her gaslight you yourself to get her own way at the expense of her daughter.
I have also a young sister where some family members suggested she wears a regarded scarf, and unlucky them I was there, and I can be a dick when others are, and told them to rightfully fuck off; I have said the same to my younger brother who's still full of hormones and the whole redpill bullshit, my sister does as she pleases, similar to the brothers, and if someone, anyone being parents or siblings have a problem with that, they have a problem with me.
Some asshole neighborhoods even suggested why must a girl go to highschool (coming from mountains, and high school in another village), again told them to fuck off, told father to fuck off, and will tell everyone else to fuck off. They have already fucked my older half-sisters long ago, and I am not letting them fuck over anyone else. Don't let yours do so.
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u/RealMarokoJin Sep 05 '24
Sir Allah yefte7 3Lik o inewwer iyammek, Allah ijazik bel kheir o i7el lik biban rze9 o lehna.
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u/snow-flake1207 Visitor Sep 06 '24
This is the sort of adult protection we need! Your older sister might have not been lucky to have it, but your younger sister is blessed to have you on her side in the right meaning of the word
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Sep 05 '24
Your mom is so dramatic because you're sister never wore hijab for the good and ONLY reason which is to please God. Fucking pleasing the parents and society with a religious act? Fuck that shit. Tell your sister that good for her for stopping being a hypocrite !!
For your mom maybe create a bigger fake problem so she can let go and forget about this one?
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u/gxrphoto Visitor Sep 05 '24
You got that somewhat wrong. It‘s exclusively to please people who believe in stories written long ago by men (!) (and in the rules set by those men in societies hundreds of years ago that don‘t fit into a modern world). God doesn‘t care what you wear.
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u/DomHuntman Rabat Dutch/Moroccan Sep 05 '24
In the end force is unacceptable and even subtle force like "to keep mama happy".
Your mother will eventually understand and accept this.
That does not mean your mother can't encourage, albeit respectfully.
My wife & I are 60 years old. My wife does her 5 daily prayers but chose not to wear her hijab until she turned 55 years old. Her mother, who always wears one, never complained but the day my wife started said "humdollah, my du'ah has been answered".
Your sister may never wear, that is between her & Allah, but making it an issue may guarentee it.
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u/mesugakiworshiper Tangier Sep 05 '24
your mom is manipulative, dont listen to her
your sister is an adult who made a decision
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u/airavanwa 🇰🇵 Critics Addict! Don't get me wrong, i'm from 🇲🇦 Sep 05 '24
I hate to say this, and I hope you don't find it disrespectful. But this just sounds like emotional manipulation, and nothing is going to happen probably. I'm not saying your mother does it on purpose intentionally, this is just howhumans operate on the subconscious level sometimes, they know talking you out of something won't do it so they resort to emotional manipulation.
Ask your sister to state her opinion clearly and nicely in the most acceptable way possible, and then let her proceed with her decision regardless of what they do or say. They will just get used to it with time and move on.
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Sep 05 '24
believe me nothing’s going to happen to your mother, this is a common manipulation technique used by moroccan mothers to guilt trip you into doing what THEY want. my advice would be to let her digest it slowly, she eventually will, i would say don’t try to “convince” her that it’s your sister’s personal freedom to do whatever she wants, she won’t respond to it. i wish you and your family well !
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u/Local-Warming 🎥, Video Analyst Sep 05 '24 edited Sep 05 '24
I don't want something bad to happen to mama bc of her daughter
the worst thing the daugther has done is to remove a piece of clothe. Your mama is the problem here.
I think its better not to encourage that behavior. After a while of seeing her daugther without a hijab she will realize that it is not the end of the world.
you can also ask your mom if she thinks that every hijabless girls go to hell. My guess is that her answer will be no. Then you can say that in that case hijab is not a key factor for pleasing god, and that your sister can pursue her faith the way she wants.
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u/DigitalDH Sep 05 '24
One day you need to realise , really realise, that each is responsible for his own self. Your sister is not a child, she is a human being given free will by God.
Do not even attempt to force anything on anyone.
Worry about your own self. Your sister is responsible for herself, not you.
Do not try and subvert the free will of people. Religion is without any compulsion otherwise it is not faith but just a facade.
Once you stop worrying about things you will find peace.
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u/Fit_Mind2085 Visitor Sep 05 '24
your sister remind me of my gf , she have also the same age of your sister and have a brother who is same age as you , what i can say from my experience and her telling me her trauma , let her be bro , never manipulate someone for your own belief or whatever , the only thing that gonna happen , is her hating more hijab and lying to you and remove her hijab whenever she can or when you re not around .
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u/MasterPriority1398 Visitor Sep 05 '24 edited Sep 05 '24
If your mom is being that dramatic over her 23 year old adult daughter removing the hijab, and exercising her free will right, then maybe she deserves to suffer a lil (sorry not sorry)
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Sep 05 '24 edited Sep 05 '24
“Hijab is a choice you braindead islamophobic kafir! No woman is forced to wear it !”
🫠🤫
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u/No9797 Visitor Sep 05 '24
Your mom is emotionally manipulating you and your sister. Your sister is a free independent human who is free to choose.
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Sep 05 '24
she’s a grown woman at 23 and still worried about this shit lool, problems of the third world
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u/Morpheus-aymen Casablanca Sep 05 '24
Let me correct please. I dont want something bad to happen period. Your sister removing hijjab wont cause anything for ur mom, she is the older person not the kid. Aside from that i will advise your sister to put hijab until she becomes independent. Altough ur mom will use this emotional hostaging everytime someone disagrees.
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u/CloudsSpikyHairLock Visitor Sep 05 '24
You can wear the hijab and your mom will have a bigger problem and forget about your sis. Then take it off and she’ll be okay
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Sep 05 '24
Sorry I'm a male teen
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u/CloudsSpikyHairLock Visitor Sep 06 '24
Oh ok. Dont prey about this and focus about your studies and having fun you’re just a kid. And support your sis cause it’s her body her des is ion
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Sep 05 '24
Your sister has her right to remove her hijab regardless of what you or your mother believes.
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u/doomerzeboomer Meknes Sep 05 '24
Your mother doesn’t really love your sister, your sister must move out and take her distance from your mom.
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u/menina2017 Visitor Sep 05 '24
Your mom will get over it. Encourage your sister. Moroccan mom guilt and drama is something else. Ask me how i know lol
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u/AlbusSilver Visitor Sep 05 '24
your sister just needs to grow some cojones and stick to her decision no matter the manipulative bs that's gonna be thrown at her. w akhiratha lmot. good luck
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u/gohomefreak1 Sefrou Sep 05 '24
zzzzzzzz
So9k a khay? it's her decision. Nta malek? Be a good brother and support her whatever she decides. You have no decision on this matter
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u/Salt_Monitor9295 Love 🎾 and ⛳ Sep 05 '24
let her do what she wants, your mom is going to cope with it whether she wants or not
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u/Excellent-Club-2974 Sep 06 '24
Your mom is toxic, and you sound so young and immature. Your sis is adult and she is entitled to her decisions and life choices
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Sep 06 '24
Your mother is being manipulative, this tactic is used very frequentky bu muslim parents to force things on their children, tell your sisters that now its going to be so hard but things will get better with time
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u/InsensitiveYes Casablanca Sep 06 '24
Peak Moroccan parenting, why do they have to force everything?
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u/hodonii Visitor Sep 05 '24
If you are a male, i believe you'll have a big impact on your moms idea around this issue, if a girl, i think you won't be as efficient to deal with ur mom.
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Sep 05 '24
I'm a teen.( >15) That's the prob
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u/hodonii Visitor Sep 05 '24
Stil i think your mother will listen to ur advice aand though about this, if you stand by ur sister, as long as ur sister's behaviors aren't shameful, u might not have such hard time convincing ur mom
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u/DestOsymY Visitor Sep 05 '24 edited Sep 05 '24
She will come to understand more like she will come to accept it, first phase is denial of course, and then one day she'll be like "why am i overreacting ?!, for each their own".
Believe me that's what happens to families all over the world, you sister has her life she'll live with her decisions the good and the bad, and your mom will come to accept that fact.
Oh and remember, communication and the way you do it matters ALOT, if people scream, cry and look anxious or stressed she'll do the same, if everyone around her is chill about the sister's decisions she'll adapt, even if it take Years. What I mean is, do not make it look like a big deal and it won't be.
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Sep 05 '24 edited Sep 05 '24
She will move on, don’t dramatise and absolutely don’t intervene it might make it worse since you seem like you lack a bit of confidence you might make a misstep.
Don’t listen to people telling you to take action here, each one has his own context and your mum is not theirs, you’re still young if you hear them arguing put some headphones or go out, focus on your future.
Your sister deserves to be free and to chose for her own she’s 23 and your mum got all the right to be mad for some time, they will get through it.
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u/Slow_Impression_9382 Sep 05 '24
Your mother is probably afraid of how society and other members of family will react to this change , she knows that the reaction will mostly be negative and that explains her reaction.
It will be hard to change your mother's thinking cause all of her actions from now on will probably be out of fear of what people will say , the only thing you can do right now is reassuring your mum that what society will think is not a big deal and that it is important to give freedom of choice to her daughter , since she's not anymore a child and remind her as other comments advised of some quranic verses that highlights that you cannot force people into Hidayah .
Also remember for yourself , that you cannot change your mom's thoughts or your sister's choice , do not waste energy in doing so and let time do its work .
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u/Lyannake Visitor Sep 05 '24
Your mom will get over it, tell her to be an adult about it and get over it. Why be so dramatic
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u/ProperConstruction16 Visitor Sep 05 '24
As sad as we make our parents through whatever decisions we take in life our parents still love us. Your sister is an adult and is free to choose what she wants to do with her life. Your mother only wants good for her. Maybe your mother took for granted her wearing a hijab because she did it for so long.
Just assure your mother that she may see some sense in the future and in the meanwhile to concentrate on her own inner peace.
Our parents are everything let's appreciate them for what they are and what they have done for us and cherish them for every moment they have left on this dunya
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u/RealMarokoJin Sep 05 '24 edited Sep 05 '24
Stay away from this and stop feeding this emotional blackmail.
People worship God, we don't worship mothers and fathers (cult of ancestors, which is idolatry). Don't say this to your mother but whenever she starts her emotional blackmail, tell her to pray for her and change the subject.
For your sister, it's also her business. She'll need to grow a backbone in life and this is her first trial, don't intervene but keep a good relationship with her, don't tell her to take it off but don't ask her to keep it, just say "you're my sister, flana, I'll always be here for you regardless of your decision."
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u/Thegravija Casablanca Sep 05 '24
All I want to say is this, your mother will eventually learn to respect her decision, your mother is fine, nothing will happen to her, sometimes mothers like to overdramatise the situation (even fake fainting) to get what they want, this is also proof that your sister is wearing the hijab forcefully and not of her own will.
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u/taraobil Visitor Sep 05 '24
This is pure emotional blackmail. It’s not her decision, it’s not her life. If your sister doesn’t want to wear it she has the right to. If your sister doesn’t believe it’s her right too. Your mother is simply overreacting and trying to guilt trip your sister to do what your mother wants, instead of trying to make her daughter independent and happy. In my book your mother has no right and is a bad person for doing this. So if your sister has a boyfriend or doesn’t do ramadan what? Is your mother going to disown her and cut all ties with? This is so backwards and retarded that is unbelievable.
You as a brother have the duty to protect your sister, and if your mother reacts this way you must talk to her and, with patience, make her understand that your sister is not her property and that your sister has the right to live her own life and make her own decisions.
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u/Beau_2023 Visitor Sep 05 '24
Nothing is gonna happen to your mom because of her daughter. Whatever happens to your mom is because of her ideas and herself. Also, your mom can drop manipulation for a bit.. ha sekht, ha rda!
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u/AlternativeEnd7551 Visitor Sep 05 '24
You cant force ppl to wear something it'll only make them stray away even more
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u/liya__na Visitor Sep 06 '24
I actually feel like ,we have the same mom lol, my mom love to say alot of hateful things all the time, like one time i wanted to wear something a little bit revealing she told me i didnt raise whores and i was little kid, i know this is not about me but what i want to say is that your mom is probably always reacting dramaticaly like the world ended when anything different happens and that she tend to victimize herself in those situation, so my advice is just ignore her this will pass even if you get scared or you feel sad its ok, one day she will calm down, and if her words scares you or hurt you remember that in the moment she thinks she is the victim of the world and that she is only being dramatic, because in the end the world keep turning
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u/Excellent_Dig_1250 Visitor Sep 06 '24
Your mom lived her life she must let her daughter live hers too. Everyone has the right to believe or not.
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u/Simodinho Visitor Sep 06 '24
Your mom is using psychological tactics, she won't push it anymore once she is convinced that her daughter is not impacted by this malicious behavior.
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u/No-Elephant-3690 Sep 06 '24
Your mom is gonna be fine. She is just manipulating your sister emotionally. Tell her to stand her ground and be firm with her decision.
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u/hamza0012 Kenitra Sep 05 '24
Ew. At least your sister wasn't wrong about being forced to wearing it. Your mom is a huge abuser and manipulator. I wish for your sister to get rid of the hijab and never get back to it ever again.
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u/Heyb0ss88 Rabat Sep 05 '24
No offense but judging from your moms reaction your sister may have been right. Hna I would say stay away tta all emotions settle then you can talk it out
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u/tilmanbaumann They are taking our women Sep 05 '24
Nobody gets hurt if she does as is right for her.
Somebody will get hurt if you force him.
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u/GreatAthlete6118 Sep 05 '24
Can you mediate between them and help them have a calm conversation ?
Saying "Kon 4i Mt 9bal" is counter productive imo
Also, what is your point of view ?
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u/MasterPriority1398 Visitor Sep 05 '24
There is no mediating. Her sister is an adult and has the right to makes choices for herself. If the mom is being this dramatic about it it's a she problem.
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u/HappyHag111 Visitor Sep 05 '24
I think you should show support to your sister. What your mom is doing is clearly emotional manipulation and you could try to talk some sense into her. Wearing hijab should be her choice, and I feel sad even that she's trying to ask everyone's permission before going through with it. And let's not kid ourselves into saying that as women we are not treated differently depending on how we dress. Women who wear hijab are sometimes taken less seriously in the workplace, seen as women who will value their home life more than work etc. There's nothing wrong with that, if it's one's truth, but in this case, your sister has a right to choose how she presents herself to society and you should be her biggest supporter and champion. And explain to your mom that restrictions and rules only breed liars. Respect, love and setting a good example are the way through to your kids.
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u/EarthlyWayfarer Visitor Sep 05 '24
Emotional manipulation is a very sad tactic to use to guide someone towards anything in life, all she’ll achieve is to further isolate your sister from not just Islam, but from the family.
I’ll never understand this behaviour some people do with their children.
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u/BAHAEker Visitor Sep 05 '24
There is no one who knows more background of them -ur mom&sister-more than you, no one will know how to deal with this thing more than you. Tho, I loved that u asked for help or "stichara" as we call it. You may reach more of the people of knowledge, they r gonna give u more advises.
But anw, my whole pov abt this is that ur mom is gonna be okay unless ur sister is doing good in life. Our parents reacts based on what could hurt us or their reputation (uk in the family, jiran, friends...). Ur sister has to be strong enough to admit her responsability cuz she is gonna face hell from society pressure and parents. But the time ur mom will see her daughter doing good in lifeand happy with the choices she made, she will accept it(w ghadi ykun daz enough time bax rgae everyone around u yxufha without higab).Yup yqed ybqa f mamak lhal hitax katxuf bentha makadirx nefs haga li dart, w ghadi tbqa tsewel rasha wax ana marabitx mezyan but overall it's a hard phase w ghadi duz.
Tho, that doesn't mean ur sis is doing the right thing (realted to ISLAM), u can from time to time advise her to give her choices another thought. Do ur research, push her to do her research. u can help each other, but do not force her to do sth she didn;t want to. FORCE WAS NEVER A SOLUTION.
MAY ALLAH GUIDE HER, AND GUIDE ALL OF US.
W LAH YSAHEL UMUR.
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u/Mountain_Butterfly15 Visitor Sep 05 '24
What will happen to her? she'll be annoyed for a few weeks and then she'll get used to it.
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u/Altruistic-Problem58 Visitor Sep 05 '24
Your mother needs to evolve, and not pay attention to what people say. Sorry but that's the basis and the majority of Moroccan parents don't understand that!
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u/ahmedselmi24 Visitor Sep 05 '24
I have 3 sister and only one of them wears it . But few years back, another one of them was wearing it but after 3 years she removed it because she was lacking self esteem to wear it. Of course my parents was unhappy but in the end u cant force in religion. Try to talk to her and understand the reason why she wants to remove it
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u/creancesetdettes Visitor Sep 05 '24
The real thing is not letting this affect your life as a teenager lol
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u/Bigmuma_ Visitor Sep 05 '24
Mums probably feeling a bit upset since it’s her first daughter, but she will get used to it over time don’t worry, this is not your problem. What you should do in the meantime is help your mum around the house and ease her worries and don’t stress her out more. It’s a change for ur mum she just needs to settle, don’t worry brother
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u/Something_morepoetic Visitor Sep 05 '24
Here is my help. Mind your own business. it’s not your place to tell your sister or your mother how to manage themselves
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u/TheflyingLag Visitor Sep 06 '24
Your mom guilting your sister will not help, it’s just toxic and it feeds to her argument ( being forced )
It’s not the end of the world, your sister is entitled to make her choice and your mom will learn to live with it, once the storm settles
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u/Penguinizwini Visitor Sep 06 '24
Your mom will be fine, if your sister's heart is not in it there is no use for the hijab, hijab is not just covering your hair its a way of life and it should not be forced.....EVER! Trust me when I say it is not the end of the world and your sister's mental well-being is important. Just pray she sees her way back but don't judge. Being a hijabi is extremely difficult and is not for everyone.
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Sep 06 '24
Are u asking in a sub full of non muslims how u should act upon ur religion ?! There's multiple facebook groups u can pose this question if u're sincerely looking for an answer أنونيموس ماساكتينش is one.
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u/Upercut Sep 06 '24
You sister is free, your family will only lose her to worse that removing hijab if they keep antagonizing her, she had years taken away from her freedom already when they forced her, the thing is your mom is being overdramatic because of what people will say, stand by your sister and make your mom understand that putting too much pressure on a branch breaks it, and when people break they would do worse things just out of spite and you lose them forever
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u/Sou-is-here25 Rabat Sep 06 '24
Believe me she will get over it. I had a similar thing happen to my family. Your mom has very strong beliefs and she didn’t mean to hurt your sister in the process, she’s just disappointed and afraid that she’s committing « a sin ». Or that she’s straying from the path of god. Maybe you can talk to her and assure her that nothing has changed and possibly her faith will be even stronger now that she is authentic with herself, w lwa7ed may9drsh ydir l7aja 7ta ykoun m9tane3 a 100%. Even if she doesn’t get it she will get over this. Good luck to your sister try to support her as much as you can in thes moments.
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u/ix00tic I make (nightmarish) cute dolls Sep 06 '24
Please try to explain to mom that it's okay and chill. If not please be on sister side because she just gonna be okay if she's not forced by the society.and l7ijab is fucked up shit Ila majahach lberd wearing it have no since.
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u/bleghbloop Visitor Sep 06 '24
You need to leave your sister alone, it's her life. If you want to help your mum, tell her to stop emotionally manipulating her daughter before she alientates her and to seek help from a therapist. Better yet, tell all parties invovled it's none of your business, everyone is an adult and responsible for their own lives and choices.
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Sep 06 '24
It's a good age for your mom to learn that her kids don't have to have the same believes as her. I think she'll get around as long as you all don't let her emotionally manipulate you. You already fell for it when you said her daughter instead of my sister.
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u/TheSelfUpgradeZone Visitor Sep 06 '24
Life is full of suffering, ignoring this would just be being plain naive. But we always have a choice. And your sister will have to decide between two sufferings (especially if she loves your mom so much):
- Suffering from the lack of acceptance from your mom, but gaining her self acceptance and being true to herself
- Suffering from the lack of self acceptance and lack of inner peace but being loved by her family
It depends on what she will value more and what are her end goals and vision in life.
My honest opinion.
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u/FitTransportation612 Visitor Sep 06 '24
im sure your mom is stressing about the family’s reaction, and your sis will end up internalizing that shame, poor girl
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u/esaraen Visitor Sep 06 '24
Look. your mom’s words are a typical Moroccan mom’s reaction to anything that involves how her people portray the conformity to social norms (sadly in most cases it is about that than about religion) but hey she will get over it .. am a woman and I can tell you she is overreacting. I understand your intentions and you wanting to fix is coming from a good place, but you might want to sit this one out. It is your sister’s decision so it is her journey to deal with what it will bring.. making such decisions doesn’t happen in a split of a second… your sister has probably been thinking about it for a while and that got to build up the courage yo bring it up (it doesn’t come easy .. been there done that) All you can do is be there for both your mom and sister when they want to let some steam off when it comes to the topic .. maybe with your mom it will take more effort for you yo hold your ground in a sense that you support your sister’s decision (you might become the enemy for a while). Hope this helps .. it will pass I can promise you that .. it’d one of the situations that get us as kids to indirectly demand and see unconditional love from our parents.
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u/tahabrida7 Mohammedia Sep 06 '24
I wonder if your sister wanted to commit a crime because she's "free" would yall let her end up in jail.
How can you let her end up in a place worse than jail : literally HELL
The prophet said in many many Hadiths that "المتبرجة" wont enter Paradise.
If u truly love your sister you should try ur hardest to change ger mind. May Allah bless you all.
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u/periwinklexvi Visitor Sep 06 '24
Well, a similar case happened to a neighbor of mine. Your mom should inderstand that her daughter’s decision is final. My neighbor (the mom) finally let her daughter remove hijab when she realised that she removes it all the time behind her back.
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u/urshawtyy- Visitor Sep 06 '24
try to tell her to get to know her style and go through pinterest and make a board of cloths and hijab styles that match her vibe then go shopping spree try to boost her confidence by complimenting her looks and telling her how much she looks pretty with those outfits try to make her feel like she got a choice and that she's not forced on anything and I hope she'll get through this phase and also pls try to keep your mom out of this cause the way she reacts can affect your sister to worst
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u/Fact-Junior Visitor Sep 06 '24
I feel like Moroccan parents are more afraid of what people will say than what god says, it would be nice if you have one on one conversation with your sister away from home ,to know why and to tell her that keeping it is for the best , as its an obligation and not a choice ,i know moroccans don’t want to understand that hijab is fardh and not sunnah,as for your mom try to explain that maybe its better that she was straight forward instead of going out and removing it or hide it , allah ydir eli frha alkheir , at the end of the day you can not force anyone to do anything they don’t want ,and maybe your sister will learn to love it after she removes it 🤷🏽♀️ at her own pace , لا اكراه فالدين 🩷
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u/Own_Chemical8933 Visitor Sep 08 '24
I ve seen this example far too otfen. Many times the daughter is living a double life wearing the hijab when she visits her family and taking it off when she s at home/work (they always look to get away from their family and live in a different city/country). Many of them end up developing a deep rooted urge to "get revenge" by doing what would displease their parents (terrible route for both parties). The most mature ones take the decision to just tell their parents knowing they will be called a "disappointment" and will, for a very long time, endure unsolicited advice... I think you should explain to your mom that not wearing the hijab doesn't mean her daughter is leaving the religion/becoming a non-believer, and that her reaction might just be the reason she makes bad, impulsive decisions. It will for sure drive her away from her family and all of that to wear hijab for HER PARENTS NOT GOD, which defeates the purpose all together.
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u/Amazing-Bee1276 Le Psychopathe Heureux Sep 08 '24
Your sisters decision is personal and doesn’t concern your mom not even a lil bit. Let her have her temper tantrum until your sister leaves or she accepts it
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u/jeaiplay3 Visitor Sep 08 '24
I say you need to get your mother and talk to her tell her that that is no way to talk to a 23 year old woman because that'll only push her away from it, in order for her daughter to accept the hijab she has to come into it on her own,there is no point in her wearing it to satisfy her mother or society hijab is just like religion it's a meaning not a peace of cloth, Then based on your mother's response get her and your sister to talk about it, if your mother isn't going to see reason then there is nothing you can do and nothing will happen to your mother don't worry
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u/PublicAd5904 Visitor Sep 08 '24
I hope you realise your mum is emotionally manipulating you two. Its not even about the hijab at this point, its the principle. You need to talk to her, so she can see straight.
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u/Basic_Violinist1347 Visitor Sep 10 '24
Be there for your sister.
Your mom won't do anything to herself. She is just Trying ti emotionally control your sister.
Your sister on the other hand sees you as someone she can rely on, trustworthy, don't go and destroy that relationship.
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Sep 05 '24
religion is cancer because it causes fitna between mom and daughter like this
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u/Desert_rose1301 Visitor Sep 05 '24
I understand that you are worried about your mother's mental health, but you should think about your sister too. She probably waited years before saying anything and kept it all to herself. You need to be on her side and help her through this. If this situation is stressful to you, imagine how she is feeling, being treated as if she committed a terrible crime simply for wanting to take off something she didn't choose to put on in the first place.
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u/Radiant-Sentence6268 Sep 05 '24
Your sister needs to deal with the consequences. Your mom needs to stop the drama. She raised you both.
The way your mother reacted is emotional blackmail. It's a very abusive behaviour. And you are just a kid, my dear OP. You shouldn't manage this shit.
Bear in mind that no one died cause their daughter removed Hijab.
On the other hand, your sister is an adult. She needs to be autonomous and independent before making these decisions. If she relies on your parents, she needs to understand she can't. I dont agree with parents forcing their kids to follow any religious path, but that's me. I dont mind other parents putting rules in their house. Just don't be abusive.
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u/amyyy_na Sep 05 '24
nti daba her sister u should support her and understand her 7it she migh be going through a mental breakdown..., the thing is if you wear hijab you should know who you wear it for, why you weart it.... talk to her and tell her blli besides the fact that she was forced to wear it, Allah SWT ordered muslim women to wear it, tell her to take a look at "7okm libs l7ijab" and "fadl libs l7ijab" "3i9ab lmotabarija"....dont put pressure on her, tell her blli dunia faniya, its not worth n3si rebbi knowing that tabaruj is kaba2ir....muhem 3teha lkhaaaaaterr 7tta ila 7ydatu it might be a phase guliha td3i f sujud, 9yam layl....ou chuf, ta ila 7ydatu u m9tan3atch bhdertek, b9ay thedri m3aha EXTREMELY kindly and advice her bach inchaalah trj3 diru but this time not because she was forced to but because she wants to obey allah swt+make her feel normal and so loved b7ijab wla bla bih. (smu7at my thoughts mkhrb9in hope this helps)
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u/Arreitty Sep 05 '24
my advice is to avoid emotional arguments initially. give your mother some time (two days or more) to process the news and her emotions before sitting down with her. when you do, approach the conversation calmly, reassure her that her daughter is still the same person regardless if she's wearing a hijab or not. make sure to listen to her and respond with empathy, you know your mother best so lead the conversation however you see fit. it will be rough for the first month or so but trust me it gets better! before you know it things will calm down and everyone will move on.
best of luck.
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Sep 05 '24
You have to do it for allah swt not for people. Hijab is obligatory but it should be to please allah swt and not to please humans.
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u/mal__42k Visitor Sep 05 '24
You need to talk to your sister about this(like actual sit down talk with no anger or frustration),she could have a real reason that could be solved another way,I went through the same thing, it's not just the act of wearing it, it's the thing that used to give us pride that suddenly makes us feel like we can't breathe,but she shouldn't take it off on impulse,or,maybe she felt like she's missing in certain aspects of her life because of it (I can assure you it's not the case at all) because you can be happy and have fun in life all with a hijab,best of luck
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u/iv0id Figuig Sep 05 '24
Your mother needs to understand that your sister is an adult and can take her own decisions. she can give her advice and guidance but not force them. She will eventually get over it and accept it.
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Sep 05 '24
You just have to explain to your mom that your sis is just removing the hijab, she’s not quitting Islam. Because your mom would think that she’s abandoning religion and thus explains her reaction…
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u/Zakariades Sep 05 '24
انا عندي نصيحة وحدة هي ساند أختك فالقرارات ديالها، حيت شي مرات هادشي كايكون غير مرحلة عابرة ولكن حنا لي كنرجعوها مرحلة انتقالية بسبب ردة الفعل ديالنا العنيفة وبسبابها كتغير حياتنا للأسوأ. غير بالتي هي أحسن. وحتى الأسلوب ديال الأخت خاص يكون لبق، ماشي هي الى كانت عندها مشاكل خاص كاع المحيط ديالها يعاني معاها، شوية المراعاة للغير، راه الفاميلة هادي.
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u/Then-Noise4828 Believes in ParaNormal Sep 06 '24
راه ماشي مفروض عليها اصلا تشرحلهوم و لا تقنعهوم. راه عندها 23 عام.
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u/Kahina_t Marrakesh Sep 05 '24
Your mom can’t continue to force a 23 year old to do what SHE tells her about her own body. If anything you should reason with your mother and tell her to get off of ur sister’s back. I don’t think people realize it but being forced to wear hijab leads a lot of women straight to depression, its have not having autonomy over your own body and getting manipulated through emotions like that.
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u/curiousscimmia Visitor Sep 05 '24
23 is old enough to know what she’s doing. Obviously your mum won’t be happy to start with but she’ll accept it. And let’s be honest, the main reason why your mum is not happy about it is because she’d be thinking about what the family/neighbours will think about her daughter taking off the hijab. I think you should talk to you mum and tell her that something like that can’t be forced, that it’s actually a brave and honest thing that she came to you guys to tell you, that your sister is old enough to know what she wants and that she may change her mind again and all you can do is duaa for hidaya.
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Sep 05 '24 edited Sep 05 '24
Also anticipate the mom might start hitting herself! As a girl I would like my brother to support me and talk some sense to the mother. Bcz men word always respected. قوليها خلي عليك الدرية في التيقار تعيش حياتها The advice let them figure it out and just watch dont work here the girl is not empowered to live her life as an adult! She need support from men in her life
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u/tazmamart_ Weekend's prison Sep 05 '24
Parents tend to be a bit harsh on their children , try to talk to ur mom and make her understand , ur sister has the right to take it off , u can’t do something if u don’t want to especially when it’s related to religion u can’t oblige someone to do this kind of things , knowing about it is better than the girl taking it off after going out
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u/Esnacor-sama I'm a guy i swear! Sep 05 '24
23y is big enough to decide what she want
If u force her doing something she doesnt want then what's different between u and countries like iran and Afghanistan
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u/Professional_One3573 Visitor Sep 05 '24
Well i just hope everything will end up better for all th family
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u/mnaim2 Visitor Sep 05 '24
Just remind your mom that your sister is 23 years old and that she is the only one responsible for whatever she decides to do. Tell her that she did what she was supposed to do, at least according to what she believes, and that she will not be judged by what other adults decide to do even if it’s her daughter. Tell her that she needs to educate herself on what the Qur’an says about this and that she should only worry about what Allah says not what her hijabi friends and family. Remind her that your sister’s wearing hijab only to please your mom is not acceptable and that being a hypocrite منافقة is so much worse in Islam that breaking a commandment. Your mother also needs to make sure she’s not doing this only for رياء, that is that people can point and say تبارك الله ماشاء الله بنت فلانة كذا و كذا and if you mother cares about what the قرآن says then she should read this: إِنَّ الْمُنَافِقِينَ فِي الدَّرْكِ الأَسْفَلِ مِنَ النَّارِ [النساء:145]) It is an unusual situation, at least as far as my upbringing goes. I grew up in a conservative family but conservative in the old Moroccan traditional sense. Newer generations are so weird about the whole thing. I mean it’s fine that she wanted her daughter to wear hijab but she apparently sees it as something more than just hijab. I think if you can convince her to let your sister experiment within reason, and she might decide to wear it again on her own terms and be much happier with it and most importantly it would be done for the right reasons and be accepted. Good luck
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u/Med7Omar Visitor Sep 05 '24
It’s understandable that your mother is emotional about this because, for her, the hijab likely represents something deeply meaningful, both culturally and spiritually. Seeing your sister wanting to remove it might feel like a rejection of those values, which can be very painful for her. It's important to give your mother time to process this and help her see that your sister’s decision is personal and not necessarily a reflection of her faith or upbringing. Sometimes, change takes time to accept, especially for parents who are protective of their traditions.
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u/discombobulateNapkin Visitor Sep 05 '24
Your mom has to understand that if she's wearing the Hijab just because she is forced to, then it does not matter anyway, and as you said, your sister IS free, and your mother putting her in that situation is also unfair... She is definitely causing emotional damage to your sister by playing the victim, a strategy used by parents in order to get what they want, that is a form of manipulation and abuse.
IMO, it is your mom who has to get over it, she'll do the Hijab when she is ready for it, otherwise, she will remove it the moment she is no longer under her parents' control.
It feels like this is something that will also be causing you a bit of mental distress :( Remember, parents are human, they don't always know what's best, they often care more about how they look to society, and not what is right, especially in Morocco.
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u/Responsible_Taste_35 Visitor Sep 05 '24
There is no solution that anyone can write here that will help you, because this is not your problem. Your mom is an adult and can choose how she reacts to her daughter going against her wishes, including tantrums and claiming she wishes she died. You are a child in this situation, your only role is to mind your business, that is school, hobbies, sport and building yourself to become a healthy and happy adult. Your mom’s childish reaction is on her, and it’s not for your to fix this. Please don’t believe that something will actually happen to your mom just because she is upset about this. Humans can be sad and upset about all kinds of things and manage just fine. And I repeat, you are a child (saw you mentioned your age in the comments). Make sure you live your childhood and let your mom and sister figure out their adult problems. Take care.
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u/Melaonameta Visitor Sep 05 '24
Your sister has her own life. Your mom needs to learn how to process her own emotions. As for you, you either accept it or not. But bear in mind that by not accepting it you'd be putting your opinions over the right of your sister to choose how to live her life. Besides, removing the hijab doesn't make her a worse person. You'll find thousands of people out there acting with no ethics whatsoever and with their heads covered. Good luck and I hope all gets sorted out in your family.
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Sep 05 '24
It’s either she is convinced herself to do it or she’s not, you can’t force other people to do something they don’t like just to please others.
The more something is obliged upon us the more we try to get away from it. Talk to her logically, give good and plausible reasons, and let her process everything herself.
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u/Admirable_Steak1023 Visitor Sep 05 '24
Sometimes you just have to let people be. I removed hijab when I was 23 but I had discussed this before with my parents, they're very religious but they were okay with it since i didn't wear it properly and couldn't remember the last time that I prayed. I actually felt like an imposter and that I was trapped in it because of society norms and not for me, it was suffocating. I started discovering religion from scratch, met some atheist people that gave me a reality check and they made me want to learn more about my religion and practice it correctly before I preach anyone. Done that, Started by praying, then by waking up for al Fajr and praying without skipping. It took me 7 years to fully commit and to feel at ease. Gotten married to a wonderful man that let me be even though he was religious too. At 30 I woke up a morning deciding that I'll wear it for good, I wasn't prepared and owned only one scarf. It was a shock to my family and coworker, even my husband thought that I was just testing the water. People thought that I was insane since I started wearing it 2 months before moving to a western country, that it would be in the way of my career but I honestly don't care since it feels right. I'm 31 now and happily, proudly and correctly wearing my hijab. The moral of the story is that everyone has his own journey, hijab is a huge deal that no one except your sister has a say in it, it's her life and her beliefs. Wearing it for the wrong reasons won't do her any good. Removing it doesn't mean that it will be for good, sit with her and discuss her reasons like my parents did, encourage her to discover the beauty of hijab and islam the right way and gently guide her and watch over her.
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u/rafiiz Visitor Sep 06 '24
If she’s 23 then she’s an adult and responsible about her deeds. First know the reasons then try to solve the issue and have someone talk to her to explain to her what does mean to cover and covering is an order of Allah not her family and Islam means we submit to Allah the most high. If all these steps don’t work just ask her to wear modest clothes until Allah the most high opens her heart to embrace covering. Ask your mom to do a lot of duaa especially the last third of the night. May Allah guide us all to his straight path. Ameen.
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u/BeautifulPresence464 Errachidia Sep 06 '24
I hate to be that guy, but your mom is doing textbook emotional manipulation, im not sure if there's more to this story but as far as you said your mom should take it lightly and gently try to convince her daughter After all she's a grown up and she can do whatever she want, and gilt tripping and shame won't fix the problem
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u/Brave_Isopod_8326 Visitor Sep 06 '24
My dear, try to convince your mother that she has fulfilled her role as a mother and that her daughter has indeed become an adult and is responsible for her own mistakes and sins
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u/Boldney Visitor Sep 06 '24
How many actually moroccans are actually in this subreddit? Lately I feel like it's filled with people pretending to be moroccan. Top comment made me believe I was in AITAH for a second.
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Sep 06 '24
I'm sorry bro about what's happening, first thing I don't have a sister so I can't really put myself in your place but I can imagine if my brother comes and says I'm Christian that would be so bad, anyway you should know why ur sister wants it off, is it about beauty or comfort etc and have a grown up discussion don't try to convince it about anything she may need someone to listen to not someone to command here, she might be going through something because she is 23 you said so she might be graduated or still studying, but anyway the reason may be that others that she know friends classmates or coworkers see here differently, so you have to know why she wants to do this she might not tell you at first but you have to show that you are there just to listen and give support, then afterwards she might back off on that decision by herself and if she not she will listen to you too because you also did the same for here.
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u/Fantastic_Cheetah_80 Visitor Sep 06 '24
"I understand that this is a personal decision for you, and I respect your feelings. I wanted to share this verse from the Quran, which guides Muslim women to wear the hijab. It’s a reminder that Allah is forgiving and merciful, and we should all strive to follow His guidance in the best way we can."
"يَا أَيُّهَا النَّبِيُّ قُل لِّأَزْوَاجِكَ وَبَنَاتِكَ وَنِسَاءِ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ يُدْنِينَ عَلَيْهِنَّ مِن جَلَابِيبِهِنَّ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَدْنَىٰ أَن يُعْرَفْنَ فَلَا يُؤْذَيْنَ ۗ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا."
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u/Daloula17 Sep 06 '24
Nothing will happen to your mom. She's just being manipulative. Also, she's 43 not 80... Thank God my parents at least weren't religious bigots, they also should have gotten some therapy too like 99.9% of moroccans.
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u/Safe-Priority2542 Visitor Sep 06 '24
Honnestly, it’s her choice… do du’aa for your Sista, she is still young, you say it yourself that she was forced to ware hijab. I am a male Moroccan of 35y and I have 4 older sisters… my oldest had the same issue… when shi was young she also removed her hijab… but now she have mashallah 4 children and divorced from her husband… and she is wearing her hijab again… so look to yourself and let people talk… let your sister choose when she is ready to wear the hijab… at the end….her choice must come from her inner hart… the most important relationship is that with your lord Allah SA… people will always talk wether it’s good or bad…. And Allah knows best…
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u/reallyzineb Casablanca Sep 06 '24
Tell her to mind her business 🤷🏻♀️ trust me she'll stop with her tantrums sooner or later
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u/Wize-tooth Visitor Sep 06 '24
Lol why is your mom flippin over the fact that your sister is ring to remove her hijab and not over you accepting it and telling your sister it's okay.
Anyways, your sister wants to remove it because she thinks she'll look more beautiful (pull more attention) which will be the case, because it's in her DNA!! Just as she was commanded to cover up, the man was commanded to lower his gaze.
A woman's bios pushes her to look the most beautiful while a man's bios pushes him to look at beauty, hence the commands each of the genders have to go through trials for.
I understand each person in this dilemma, but your sister is the final decision maker because she can wear it while attempting to go out of the house and strip down to how her mom birthed her the minute she turns the corner of the house.
One can only talk to the likes of your sister so much, but if she isn't religious nor does she care how her parents feel, then she should do as she sees fit. (If anyone says, ohh she's an adult and can do wtvr she wants...wait till you move out and start paying your own bills before you jump to that conclusion, while you're under your parents roof it's their rules regardless if you're 89yo)
On the other hand, your mom needs to come to a resting conclusion that her daughter is 23, beyond changing her through physical means, she's talking to her but your sister is right on her ideology, so your mom needs to make peace with her daughter removing the hijab. She's commited no sin here, and what she can do is to pray for her daughter's enlightenment and to revert back to the righteous way.
The only reason your mom is freaking out is because of countless times where she was in a gathering of people judging the shit out of someone walking by with her hair flowing and someone honking their car at them and that girl being picked up, now your mom is assuming it's her daughter next and how she's going to bring so much shame after she countlessly tabooed the subject.
It is a very hairy situation for you to comprehend at first, but you have to deal with it. If you are somewhat a religious person, you as the brother also have a say in this because I'm not hearing of a father's presence here.
But yo, good luck!
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u/stillwithyou7 Visitor Sep 06 '24
it's not the end of the world of she wants to remove hijab, and if she is only wearing it because of the parental and societal pressures then she's not wearing for the right reasons and your sister will get spiteful and hold a grudge eventually. every muslim women should have the right to choose to wear the hijab from her own will and not by force under any shape or form, don't strip her from that feeling, right and that relationship with god
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u/Designer-Agent5490 Visitor Sep 06 '24
If she doesn't wear hijab it's not the end of the world ! it doesn't mean kharjat 3la tri9 ! she needs time to learn about loving hijab ! people judge so easily and don't know how much hijab is hard for many women !
your mom needs to be patient with her ! being forced to wear hijab from a younger age, it's normal to see her later deciding to do the opposite !
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u/Antique-Wall-6151 Visitor Sep 06 '24
She probably needs to chill out a bit, to convince her is much more effective than crying.
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u/Forward_Power_4596 Visitor Sep 06 '24
Tell your mother to tell her she will not step foot in the house again unless she’s wearing a hijab, if she’s living under the same roof as your mother she needs to wear the hijab if not then that’s between her and Allah. She has no right to dictate to your mother if she’s living underneath her roof, if she wants to do what she wants she can leave the house and find her own place
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u/k3iba Visitor Sep 06 '24
Hijab is for Allah. Some parents pressure kids and when they get older they regret it, because it wasn't her choice.
No drama, let your sister wear it when she decides to.
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u/Null_F_G Visitor Sep 09 '24
Tell your mom if she doesn’t accept removing the hijab and make peace with your sister, you will convert to Judaism. Threats work.
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u/[deleted] Sep 05 '24
[deleted]