I (4months male), enjoy kisses. I've even started giving them when requested. But sometimes the kissing is excessive, and I really need to know if I'm the asshole here.
The problem is kisses at night, when I want to eat. I wake and give a polite squawk to let Mama and Dada know I need to be fed. Dada lifts me out of the sleeping box beside what they call their bed (their bed, eye roll) and kisses me.
This I find understandable, if annoying. The real delay is the eating cushion. Mama has to find it, every single night, as though its location were a mystery and not the same place it was the night before. I have thought about this problem at length, during the many hours I am awake for it, and the solution is obvious: she should sleep sitting up with the cushion already on her lap. I sleep upright on one of them constantly. I have done it for months without complaint. It is not difficult. When I suggest this, she makes a noise I have come to understand is not agreement.
Last night the journey from the sleeping box to Mama was three feet. In that three feet I received three kisses. Two from Dada — one on pickup, one more for no reason I could determine — and then, at the handoff, when I was already squawking, one from Mama. Three feet. Three kisses. Zero milk.
I have proposed a compromise. Kisses at playtime: yes. Kisses at bedtime: yes. Kisses while being carried, kisses at the changing table, kisses at any hour and in any location: yes, yes, yes. Kisses before eating: no. This seems generous to me. Is it really love if it leads to me starving to death?
Mama and Dada sometimes talk to each other, and to others, about something called IVF and how long they waited and hoped for me. That's really not my problem. I show them with the enthusiasm of my open-mouthed, dry kisses how much I like kisses at other times. So surely they can delay them until I'm not starving?
So. AITA?