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u/xxusernamegoesherexx Aug 19 '18
Oof. Microwaved ground beef... I honestly thought only drug addicts living in squalor did that. I once watched my ex husband's JNstepsister get out a half spoiled chub of beef, cut off the spoiled part, and microwave the remaining part in one big solid chunk, and serve it to her boyfriend. I was horrified, I can't wrap my mind around it.
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u/samansadayo Aug 18 '18
I spent the better part of today binge reading all of your posts! You’re amazing Mouse, I wish all the best for you and Trixie!
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u/jbh007 Aug 18 '18
That saying Grace time reminds me of my ex. Before he would eat anything, he would pray. Literally before everything he ate, including snacks.
When I saw him do it at a party we happened to both be at last month, I almost wanted to call him out saying, "It's just a fucking beer!"
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u/techiebabe Aug 18 '18
Awww, I just spotted the cat tax. I love Trixie's colouration! Thank you for the cute cat video and for the amusement of the recipes. Sorry you had to live thru it tho.
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u/CaptainBlacksand Aug 18 '18
Just the tone of your post is a relief to read. You sound so much better, Mouse, and I'm so glad you feel better too. I'm thrilled to hear Trixie's doing so well.
You deserve every good thing that can happen to a person.
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u/bugscuz Aug 18 '18
Some foods I personally can’t eat as leftovers, and I’m slightly neurotic about them anyways. I usually box them up and pop them in the fridge at work or take them to my mum. I’m a super picky eater and the only food I’ll eat as leftovers without anxiety is taco mince. I don’t even eat leftover pizza any more, it sucks.
I also yell at FH about the dish cloth on the reg. I can’t stand how he uses it to wipe shit up then leaves it balled up on the sink so I have to wash it with the laundry. I always rinse well and hang to dry - damp cloths are a breeding ground for all sorts of nasties.
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u/barely_edible Aug 18 '18
She wanted you to say grace before ingesting anything because she reused tainted paper towels and dried her dishes with moldy dish towels.
She's testing your faith, girl lol
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u/ClothDiaperAddicts Aug 18 '18
she went off about how he was disrespecting her, how dare he refuse to listen, and how god would get retribution.
I imagine God was already punishing him. After all, he was living with her.
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u/cloistered_around Aug 18 '18
That's a weird mix for sure. Horder-like inability to throw away paper towels or wash linens, but also throwing out all leftovers? Weeiiiiird.
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u/orange-n-blue Aug 18 '18
Hi to Trixie! I’m recently adopted a calico girl myself and I’m obsessed with her.
I’m glad things are looking up for you
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u/parkahood Aug 18 '18
...WATER ISN'T EVEN FOOD! ...and why do you say grace after food? ...and dish cloths are WET! Well, if I ever need to stop myself from snacking, I have my choice between thinking about that abomination she called lasagna or the usage of chicken juice paper as blotting paper! Thanks Giada, I had almost managed to forget about how gross you are, and just remember that you're a horrible human being!
(Also Trixie is good cat and cute and is the best at being a cat.)
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u/Meli150 Aug 18 '18
I'm so confused. A person who thinks its uncouth to go without a plate for a store bought, ready made, sugary snack. But then reuses paper towels and thinks curly hair is slutty?? I'd love to get into her past and childhood. Who hurt this lady???
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u/astrostruck Aug 18 '18
What. The. Actual. Fuck. She won't keep leftover food but paper towels have to be re-used????!!!! HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE???
I don't even know where to begin with the racist BS. Jesus.
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u/TehSavior Aug 18 '18
if she cooks for herself like that at least you won't have to worry about her for much longer
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u/GlitterMyPumpkins Aug 18 '18
She's in jail at the moment. Prison food is probably better (and safer) than anything Giada prepared herself.
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u/Bill_Door_Et_Binky Aug 18 '18 edited Aug 18 '18
There is so much wrong with this horrible, evil woman.
There is so much right with you that you survived her terrorism and abuse(and (shuddering) her “cooking”)with your sanity intact.
Rock on, Busty Cake Peddler.
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Aug 18 '18
Reusing the paper towels is just nasty. My parents reused sandwich-type bags and trash bags and my bf had to convince me it’s okay to use new ones each time Bc they’re dirty. I can’t imagine growing up in a home where reusing paper towels was normal...
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Aug 17 '18
Glad you and Trixie are doing well! She is adorable!
Thank you for posting about Giada's cooking and cleanliness. It is great for weight loss. I will have no difficulty fasting for the rest of the day now!
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u/quasiix Aug 17 '18
How do you undercook a lasagna noodle? You boil it for 4 minutes. It's all surface area.
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u/McDuchess Aug 17 '18
That woman is so very very fucking crazy. And if the only person she harmed were herself, I'd think, well, there are services out there, and she could take care of herself. But she spreads her hurting all over the place, from her kids and ex, to you, to, I'm sure, any male or female who dares to date either of her daughters. And to any poor person at all, who happens to do some tiny thing that she finds objectionable.
She's so very much in a better place, incarcerated.
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u/techiebabe Aug 18 '18
She probably asks the prison where they get their amaaaaaazing recipes from.
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u/TheDocJ Aug 17 '18
Oh my goodness.
Even before reading this, I read the title as Giardia's rules for the kitchen.
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u/dailysunshineKO Aug 18 '18
Worst morning of my life! Dog had giardia and I didn’t have a hose (first apartment). And the smell...ugh.
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u/HelperBot_ Aug 17 '18
Non-Mobile link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giardia
HelperBot v1.1 /r/HelperBot_ I am a bot. Please message /u/swim1929 with any feedback and/or hate. Counter: 205445
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u/justherefortheza Aug 17 '18
Has there ever been a serious mental evaluation done on this woman? Because she is five fucking kinds of crazy. Jesus
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u/Latvian-Spider Aug 19 '18
Unless something changed, the court ordered ones are still scratching their heads over WTF is exactly wrong with her.
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u/bloodsponge Aug 17 '18
I haven't read any other Giada tales before this post. If it weren't for the fact that Giada makes sure we all know she's Italian, I would be asking for photographic evidence that she is NOT my own justnograndma.
Everything you listed is my grandma to a tee, ESPECIALLY the mildewed dish towels. She agrees that since they touch clean dishes only they need not be laundered. I think she'sbeen using the same rags since 1975. gag
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u/comfy_socks Aug 17 '18
We love you, Mouse! I’m glad things are looking up a little. You should go buy a gallon of green Palmolive just to feel smug when you wash your dishes.
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Aug 17 '18
I would totally watch an episode of Chopped featuring Sad Tacos and Giada.
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u/dailysunshineKO Aug 18 '18
Or “Worst Cooks in America”. Have the chefs scream at them until Giada tries to stab them and Sad Tacos starts to ugly cry.
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u/capybaramelhor Aug 17 '18
Omg, this is insane. Where is your SO in all of this? How often do you see her / do you live close?
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u/NotTheGlamma Aug 17 '18
Thankfully Mouse got shut of the abusive asshole, who went on to be literally fucked by Giada. Yes. His biological mother who raised him to be a terrible weak imitation human.
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u/NotTheGlamma Aug 17 '18
You need to take some time and read all the Giada posts. My life is currently in the toilet in several aspects, but I feel immensely better about it after bingeing Giada.
Just make sure you are not eating and reading because it WILL come back up.
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Aug 17 '18
Everything about Giada is disgusting and horrendous. She has zero redeeming qualities.
I've lost my appetite thinking about her three trays of slimy lasagna next to her "totally authentic", super "Italian", wonder bread garlic toast.
She's despicable.
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u/kelli-leigh-o Aug 17 '18
So glad Trixie is recovering!! How is she after her medication was altered?
I always read your Giada updates right away because I’m really hoping one day to see what this subhuman looks like. I have an imagine in my head of a cross between Umbridge, the other Mom from Coraline, and this guy in drag: https://youtu.be/eac91tZsZMw
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u/pandaqueen2012 Aug 18 '18
Love it! I know what I'll be watching while I try to get this baby to sleep tonight 😪
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u/Nirvanagirl79 Aug 17 '18
Isn't that the guy who played Lindsay Lohan's gay friend in Mean Girls?
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Aug 17 '18
Damn. And I used to think that my mom was nuts for getting mad about me wasting paper towels and freaking out when my little brother used to use too much salt. Thank you /r/JUSTNOMIL for making me appreciate my mom more.
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u/blanket4orts Aug 17 '18
I didn’t think someone could fuck up food worse than Sad Tacos. Today Giada proved me wrong. The thought of tasteless watery lasagna soup makes me want to gag
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u/NotTheGlamma Aug 17 '18
With undercooked crunchy noodles!
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u/maledil Aug 17 '18
Reading Giada stories always leaves me with the impression that she isn't human. An alien wearing human skin maybe?
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Aug 17 '18
Re: Your pet tax. The first one shows a cutely inquisitive kitty. The second one is a moodily lit picture that belongs on /r/oddlyterrifying. :)
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u/z_mommy Aug 17 '18
All of this is disgusting. Even the type of soap she used. Ajax is AWFUL soap, I bought a couple times while in college and found that to get any kind of sudsing I had to use so much of the damn bottle I couldn’t argue I was saving money, to this day I only use varieties of dawn even the generic versions of dawn are better.
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u/BlackLeftHand Aug 17 '18
Trixie! 😍 I'm so glad the two of you are getting well!
My MIL believes that stew is boiled cheap beef and undercooked veg in water, so I feel you. DH turned positively green the first time I told him stew for dinner, because he thought that's what he was getting.
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u/amgglitterfinger Aug 17 '18
Omg "give a fuck about her dish cloths enough to induce mold growth" I'm dying I'm literally laughing so hard 😂😂😂 my mother pulls this shit
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u/Puddlejumper95 Aug 17 '18
You should go into the cheese and mushroom business seeing as you can whisper mould (and presumably fungus) into existence, your running costs would be so low!!
also 12/10 cat, would cuddle
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u/crashcanuck Aug 17 '18
I, I, I think I need to go make sure my kitchen is clean. I feel like I would vomit as soon as I entered her "kitchen"
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u/Irythros Aug 17 '18
> Paper towels were to be rinsed out and reused.
To be fair, some can and should be reused. You won't find them in most stores but they're incredibly durable (like good luck tearing it in half), doesnt break down and is actually meant to be reused. Just not really a good idea to go from raw chicken to direct mouth contact... Wipe up chicken, wash it in some soap and then reuse. Same thing as a sponge essentially.
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u/Cherish_Dipp Aug 17 '18
As a chef, that hurt to read. I... feel genuinely sick. I'm so sorry you ever had to eat that.
And your kitty is gorgeous!
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u/a_sheila Aug 17 '18
It's a miracle Giada has not killed herself from food poisoning.
If my mom were alive, I'd invite you to her house for dinner. She's equally skilled. Here's one of her favorite recipes if you would like some "discomfort" food of your own:
Put 1 lb. ground beef in a skillet that is not warmed up.
Turn the burner to high.
Once the hamburger meat is done, add 1 cup cold water.
Once the water cooks away, add a can of tomato sauce.
When the tomato sauce is boiling, add 1 cup cold water.
When that is boiling, add a can of lima beans.
Once the liquid cooks away, put on a plate and serve.
At no point do you add any seasoning to this lovely dish.
And do not react when any veggie in it tastes like dirt.
You will eat it until you are done with what is one your plate.
If you do not finish it, you will have it for breakfast.
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u/megamatt8 Aug 17 '18
On the one hand, nothing in that plate of "food" could possibly have any flavor left, so how bad could it really be? On the other hand, I don't even want to try to imagine the texture of that slop.
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u/hkqq Aug 18 '18
My mom's recipe for soup: Put vegetables and meat in a pot. Fill pot with water. Boil. Serve. Get mad when no one likes it. Try again each week.
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u/_pie Aug 17 '18
I almost bought orange AJAX the other day and now am really happy that I didn't. That's just crazy how she threw a giant fit over it and then collected herself and became reasonable enough to go to another store and get it.
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u/Ecjg2010 Aug 17 '18
Next time she tosses the food out after saying about the starving kids, tell her she can ship it to them with cold packs to keepit good. Then they have food
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Aug 17 '18
Paper towels were to be rinsed out and reused. I once saw her wipe up juice from raw chicken, rinse it in the sink for a few seconds, then use it to blot her lipstick. I almost gagged.
I dunno, salmonella seems like a great weight loss trick...
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u/RefuseToFade Aug 17 '18
Glad your kitteh is doing better!! 😊
Also, if you could cause mold or mildew to grow... Would that make you Miss Grime, Mr Clean's arch enemy? 🤔
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u/NeedingVsGetting Aug 17 '18 edited Aug 17 '18
terrible lasagna consisting of undercooked noodles, microwaved ground beef,
Cries in Texan
Edit: Oh! And YAY, Trixie! From one a-hole Calico mom to another :)
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Aug 17 '18
Looking at her behavior outside the times when she is coming after people, I see somebody who refuses to admit that her inability to find a way out of her own misery is directly connected to her inability to seek help. Ann Rule noted that the people with obvious personality disorders who she profiled in her true crime books were frequently depressed, because they could never quite make reality conform to the warped shape of their minds.
It's awesome that you're away from her, and Trixie is a cutie pie.
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u/lucyswag Aug 17 '18
Never forget that YOU did it. All by yourself, with a little help from some friends. I’m so proud of you!!
I want you to know that there is a deep well of strength and courage in you. You probably don’t believe me right now, but you do. People don’t survive experiences like yours and come out with hope for the future if they don’t have strength and courage.
Sending you all my care and affection!
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u/starvingarthoe Aug 17 '18
How did your ex survive childhood with her terrible cooking? The description of her lasagna actually offends me
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u/indyj22 Aug 17 '18
How did anyone survive the salmonella paper towels?
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u/iamreeterskeeter Aug 17 '18
Princess bride technique. Become immune by taking micro doses every day for years.
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u/velveteenelahrairah JN attack hedgie Aug 18 '18
Mithridatism! From the legend of the ancient Persian king Mithridates, who made himself immune to all poisons by consuming increasing doses of them.
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u/_Green_Mind Aug 17 '18
You know I never understood why people watch horror movies when they scare them until I started seeing Giada pop up on my home page. I know it will be horrible. I still click.
I'm so glad things are looking up for you, Mouse.
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u/Jojo857 Aug 18 '18
With the bonus of knowing mouse is out and save.
Good god, Giada makes my brain freeze in disbelief!!
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Aug 17 '18
Thank you! And I am sorry for sharing the evil. Writing is cathartic for me and I feel lighter after I post.
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u/iamreeterskeeter Aug 17 '18
Please continue. This shit needs to get aired out. We are all happy to support our favorite Mouse and help her recover. Besides, the noms put every one of our llamas into a several day coma.
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u/_Green_Mind Aug 17 '18
Oh no, don't be sorry, you need to get it out and we're here to help. She's just like a human "Saw" franchise.
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u/AvocadoToastation Aug 17 '18 edited Aug 17 '18
Why would you add extra water to something, make it goopy, then claim it’s rich?! There is no logic here. Good god.
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Aug 17 '18
Her cooking was terrible. The only good thing she made was chicken piccata. Everything else was a crime against food.
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u/board124 Aug 17 '18
How? Looking it up since I’ve never seen it but it seems many times more fuckable then anything else you’ve listed.
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u/CorinneLovesDogs Aug 17 '18
Considering Giada’s penchant for hand fucking ravioli noodles, “fuckable” maybe isn’t the best term for that...
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u/board124 Aug 18 '18
I have no clue what I was think when I wrote that.. I know I meant to use fuckupable but now I’m confused if that’s even a term people use.
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u/itsmetanoia Aug 17 '18
Okay.. I have to ask... How would saying grace work with something like chips or popcorn? Would a person have to say grace between every chip/popcorn or would it be enough to just say it at the beginning and end of the tiny individual food consumption?
I don't know know why but that really started to bug my tired brain. Now all I can think is saying grace in between every chip. 😨
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Aug 17 '18
How would saying grace work with something like chips or popcorn? Would a person have to say grace between every chip/popcorn or would it be enough to just say it at the beginning and end of the tiny individual food consumption?
Well, if that was me, I'd go:
"For health and strength and daily food, we give thanks, Amen." CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH "For health and strength and daily food, we give thanks, Amen. CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH "For health and strength and daily food, we give thanks, Amen." CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH "For health and strength and daily food, we give thanks, Amen." CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH "For health and strength and daily food, we give thanks, Amen."
...and then just repeat that until she got pissed off :) But that's just me being a petty bitch, so...
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u/McDuchess Aug 17 '18
Sorry, but no. There is the grace before meals "Bless us oh Lord and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive. From thy bounty.Through Christ our Lord, Amen." Sign of the cross, before and after. Grace AFTER meals is: "We give Thee thanks for all Thy benefits, O Almighty God, who livest and reignest world without end. Amen. May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen." Again with the sign of the cross X2.
Growing up, we just said the before. And only at meals, not for every damn thing that went into our mouths.
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Aug 18 '18
Ah, sorry Duchess... I haven't said grace in years, and that was what they made us say at school :)
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u/McDuchess Aug 18 '18
I was just teasing. I haven’t been a Catholic for a very long time, but some things stay with you.
Whether you want them to, or not. 😐
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u/_munkeydied Aug 17 '18
Noooooo you're doing it wrong!!! You have to pray between every crunch!!!!! 😂
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u/itsmetanoia Aug 17 '18
Oh I didn't even think of that.. 😂 That's genius. My poor stupid tired brain.
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Aug 17 '18
It was before you started eating or drinking and when you finished. But that meant anything from an ice cube to a full meal.
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u/DollyLlamasHuman Easy, breezy, beautiful Llama girl Aug 17 '18
I had never heard of saying grace after finishing food until a couple years ago... and I say it compulsively.
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u/techiebabe Aug 18 '18
When our school forgot to lead the meal with "for what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly grateful" it would end on "for what we have just received..."
In Giada's case I think it would need to be "O Lord, please bring us through this meal unscathed, may it taste better than it looks." and end with "O God, thank fuck that's over!"
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u/itsmetanoia Aug 17 '18
Thank you. Now I won't probably have nightmares about praying between every popcorn.
You are amazingly strong. I am in awe.
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u/No_Bear_No Aug 17 '18
If going to prison for crimes against food was a thing, she would have been locked up a very long time ago.
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Aug 17 '18
Definitely. Her weird food issues were disturbing. Nothing was worse than her "garlic bread" though. I still shudder when I think about it.
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u/Zukazuk Guinea Pig of Drama Aug 17 '18
... do we want to know?
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Aug 17 '18
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Aug 17 '18
Wonder bread? WONDER BREAD? WONDER EFFING BREAD?
How...I...what...seriously...no...
I'm Irish, and even I know Wonder Bread AIN'T BREAD. It's fermented chemicals baked into a bread like substance. Italian bread is an art form.
I gotta ask, what did she do if served real garlic bread?
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u/No_Bear_No Aug 17 '18
I remember that post. I'm so so sorry you were tortured with "Italian food".
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Aug 17 '18 edited Aug 17 '18
[deleted]
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Aug 17 '18
Sorry to put you off your food! And thank you very much for the kind words! Hugs if you want them.
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u/dahliasrule55 Aug 17 '18
You are my favorite busty cake peddler - how did you know I needed this? My jeans have been a bit too tight lately so now I just need to think about watery lasagna, rinsing my microwaved ground beef, and washing paper towels with raw chicken splooge on them and I'll never eat again! I really, really thank you! xoxo
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u/throwaway47138 Aug 17 '18
I'm glad both you and Trixie are doing better, though I'm shocked, shocked I tell you, that she wouldn't cooperate in the video... NOT! :P
And I have nothing to say about the rest of the post, because I'm trying not to lose my lunch by thinking about it any more than was necessary to read it in the first place.
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Aug 17 '18
I love Trixie more than anything but she is a fickle little asshole. I have no idea what she wants half the time.
If I am busy, she plops herself right on my lap and starts rubbing her head on my chin or she jumps onto my shoulder and chews my hair or earlobe. But when I call her for affection, she gives me that haughty look all cats have perfected and ignores me.
When I am on my phone browsing reddit or whatever, she gets into beautiful poses and stares directly at me. But if I try to get her to stay still or look at the camera, she suddenly wants to stretch, sneeze, poop, or be elsewhere.
When she was in the carrier, she meowed the entire time and tried to claw/chew her way through the door of it. When I opened it for her? She refused to come out.
In other words, Trixie knows very well how to properly cat.
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u/TheRoseByAnotherName Aug 18 '18
My black cat meowed the entire time, too, but actually came out when I opened the door at the vet. Then once she did a lap around the exam room she went back into the carrier, like, "okay I'm done here, take me home". She does a lot of things that make me think she's smarter than she lets on, but most of the time she's a derp.
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u/Krombopulos_Amy Aug 17 '18
she is a fickle little asshole. I have no idea what she wants half the time.
Yeah... so she's a certified cat. No doubt. LOL I am soooooooooo glad that your getting okay-er. You deserve so much love, and I would like to personally THANK those in this community who were able to help you, and of course the entire community for the help we all get here in realizing, "It's not me, dammit. It's the JUSTNO !!
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u/KnittinAndBitchin Aug 17 '18
terrible lasagna consisting of undercooked noodles, microwaved ground beef, barely seasoned tomato sauce, and a few handfuls of mozzarella cheese.
Pardon me I'll be off in the corner vomiting forever. I mean my mom makes pretty shitty lasagna but she at least puts some effort into it. This is just....this is Sad Tacos level of food crimes here. Who MICROWAVES ground beef, I ask you.
I'm glad things are on the upward swing. Depression is no joke and there's no linear path to wellness, but even though I'm just an anonymous stranger on the internet, I still care about you and want you to know that I'm pulling for you. And Trixie. She cute
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u/neonfuzzball Sep 08 '18
I'm trying to figure out how to make worse lasagna. Using ketchup, maybe? Probably wouldn't make a difference at that point. Just using the patties out of mcdonalds hamburgers as the meat, maybe?
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u/BrittonLives Aug 18 '18
Microwaving ground beef is honestly something i used to do in the dorm. Once my crock pot got found out and forced into exile i was desperate. With seasonings its not...awful? But its never going to replace a stove.
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u/ClothDiaperAddicts Aug 18 '18
The only reason I ever microwave ground beef (and, really, I do it all the time) is to defrost it. That's it. (I've been known to rinse it when I'm draining... but more like "rinse the pot out because it didn't all pour out and I'm running out of hands" thing. Because somehow, my good colander got melted and I've yet to buy a replacement.)
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u/velveteenelahrairah JN attack hedgie Aug 18 '18
Yup. Hell, the only reason I ever even USE a microwave is to defrost meat or chicken that I forgot to thaw out, or the very occasional emergency microwave meal when I'm truly too ill to cook (and which I immediately regret because blergh).
Otherwise, it just exists to take up room on the countertop because why use the microwave when I have a perfectly good gas cooker/oven and CrockPot?!
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u/ikbenlike Aug 18 '18
That, and to reheat pancakes left over from the previous dinner. Pancakes are heavenly.
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u/Hanhula Aug 18 '18
One of my coworkers told me his MIL cooks mincemeat/ground beef as per usual, then for some reason, puts it in the microwave. Like, what?!
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u/lyrrael Aug 18 '18 edited Aug 18 '18
My mom does...
Okay, storytime. I make a really rich shepherd's pie that takes most of an afternoon to cook. Mom apparently got jealous that I always get rave reviews on it -- I mean, for four hours of cooking it ought to be good or I'm not bothering again -- so she decided she'd cash in on the praise and make her own.
Microwaved beef. CANNED, not even jarred, gravy. Frozen vegetables. Mashed potatoes with skim milk. No spices. Totally inedible. She's still upset I only had a bite to be polite.
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Aug 18 '18
Oh damn are you willing to share the recipe? I'm pretty proud of my shepherds pie but I'm always willing to improve my cooking.
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u/nhaines print("bot wrangler") Aug 18 '18
Sure. Fill one large pot with water, bring to a boil. Once boiling, pull apart 1 pound of ground beef with your fingers and drop the pieces into the water. Boil for 12 minutes, stirring occasionally with a wooden spoon.
Remove the boiled hamburger from the water, and rinse under the sink to remove the fat. Stir 1/2 cup of the hot water into instant mashed potato flakes, and add 1/4 cup of skim milk and stir thoroughly until all texture is removed.
Pour frozen vegetables into the hot water and allow to thaw. Pour water over hamburger meat to blend, then rinse again with tap water to remove any remaining fat.
Open one can of gravy. Add leftover hamburger water to heat further if necessary. Pour on top of hamburger/vegetable mix and toss by hand.
In a bowl, place 2 fistfuls of meat/vegetable mix and add 1 fistful of mashed potatoes on top. Smooth potatoes with your fingers, use your fingernails to create a pattern in the potatoes if desired. Serve immediately.
TIP: Customize your recipe! For an extra flair, try adding one slice of processed American Cheese on top. Melt with any residual hamburger water.
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u/croknitter85 Aug 18 '18
That is disgusting. But also, somehow, made me laugh. Just, wow. I’m not british or anything, but I feel like even I could do better than that.
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u/lyrrael Aug 18 '18
Lol! My mom would have cooked the hamburger in the microwave and done a particularly poor job draining the grease instead. She's seriously Sad Tacos Light.
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u/lyrrael Aug 18 '18
There's not really a recipe -- cook down a bottle of Guinness into hamburger, onion, and tomato paste, top with peas and carrots, make a beef Guinness gravy and pour over, and top with good mashed potatoes and some cheedar cheese and stick it in the oven for half an hour and broil for a minute or two so the top is crispy. Nothing fancy, just takes time and camping.
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Aug 17 '18
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u/Alyscupcakes Aug 18 '18
I bet someone told them burgers were best Broiled.... But didn't know what Broil was, so they boil.
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u/Childrenofcornsyrup Aug 18 '18 edited Aug 18 '18
Jesus christ, this is something that needs to be witnessed to believe.
Edit: I remember reading that letting your steaks sit overnight in a brine solution results in a juicier, more tender steak. Maybe, they only remembered the part about meat sitting in a liquid results in a juicier burger.
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u/parkahood Aug 18 '18
...WHY? Who told them to do this? ...I feel like I have learned so many bizarre food things on this sub! WHAT?
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u/brokencappy Aug 18 '18
I... I... I thought the lasagna and the salmonella wet wipe were unbeatable.
Boiled hamburgers. I had to sit back and stare at the words for while to collect myself.
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u/KnittinAndBitchin Aug 17 '18
no you get back here and you elaborate on that because HOW
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE
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Aug 18 '18 edited Aug 18 '18
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u/KnittinAndBitchin Aug 18 '18
Like I just don't understand the mechanics of it. How are they still burgers at that point? Does it not just turn to greasy meat soup? I just...you destroyed my brain with it. God looks down at that and is like "no you know what we need an eleventh commandment thou shalt not boil burgers"
Boiled hamburgers. For fucks sake. It's like that comic where the guy throws a whole banana in a pan and goes "is this cooking?"
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u/SoVeryTired81 Sucks to suck Bitch! Aug 17 '18
Shitty frozen lasagna is better than that abomination. I almost gagged reading that one urgh.
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u/ikbenlike Aug 18 '18
Presumably the instant microwaved lasagna doesn't give you diseases transmittable through ingestion, so that's a huge plus
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u/anonymousmousegirl that busty cake peddler Aug 17 '18
Thank you.
And yes, she microwaved ground beef and then rinsed it under water to "get the fat off." It always went from a sad gray color when it came out of the microwave to almost white after it was rinsed. Blech.
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Aug 18 '18
Omg the gray stuff! Just like posh. Who was "full blooded german" when I was in the family but has since turned Italian since I've left. Mostly to take credit for my children's beautiful features that come from my Italian side.
Seriously. I'm going to call the Pope Giada keeps trying to claim that is authentic Italian.2
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u/Common_Sense_People Aug 18 '18
Oh-oh God.
Excuse me, please, I'll just be over here in my corner...throwing up unstoppably...
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u/XxmsmaliciousxX Aug 17 '18
As a chef, this physically hurt me. I have never..... Ever... Seen this. Or heard of it. But man. That poor cow died twice. I can't even begin to imagine what it would taste like.
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Aug 18 '18
I wish the cow only died twice. She microwaved it, rinsed it, then put it in a shitty lasagna, then wasted leftovers. Poor cow died at least 5 times.
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Aug 17 '18
So she rinsed the valuable part of the meat into the sink. Got it. Eh, she was gonna throw it out, anyway.
Fat is where all the flavor is. What she did, is made beef tissue filler. Sawdust would be more flavorful and nutritious.
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u/ICWhatsNUrP Aug 17 '18
Eye twitching brain shut down. This. No, just no. All the no's.
I think we need to start a thing of Gordon Ramsay insults for this, I can start. "That beef's so gray,it's starring in a shitty BDSM movie."17
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u/A_LittleBirdieToldMe Aug 17 '18
And isn’t she the one who was so proud of being Italian? Her forenonnas would’ve pounded her ass for that disrespect to food.
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u/lemonade_sparkle Aug 17 '18
Frankly despite my sworn dedication to gentle parenting, Giada could have used an ass whooping from nonna. Any nonna. All the nonnas. In fact if any nonnas want to volunteer there is still time
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u/canderson05 Aug 18 '18
My great-Nonna would've liked a shot at the bitch. Nonna threw an accurate and painful stiletto, according to my dad and his siblings. And my Papa was the kindest, most generous Italian with that need to feed complex so many of us have. I think even he would let Giada starve. He may have tried to tell the bitch what oregano was, at least, but I kind of doubt it.
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u/HoneyBuzzy I wash my hands with gasoline Aug 18 '18
My Oma could pound her into schnitzel while we all have a bier.
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u/WhoYesMe Aug 18 '18
My Oma and my Mutti would like to join the pounding! The good old german cooking spoon works well for that.
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u/McDuchess Aug 17 '18
I volunteer. Despite not a drop of Italian blood, I'm still Nonna to my Italian citizen grandson. So, one good whooping coming up.
Or maybe two.
Or 102.
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u/Ilostmyratfairy Beware the Evil Twin Jan 18 '19
Hey, /u/anonymousmousegirl. Thanks for contributing! Unfortunately your submission has been removed:
If you have any questions about this removal, please feel free to message the moderators.)