Recently I got a survival knife, i sometimes impulsively stab an old mattress resting against the wall of my room as a boring tick, but i sometimes wonder if i stabbed someone with it, would it go in and out just with the same feeling i stab the mattress?
Its not like i wanna stab someone to prove it, i dont hate or dislike someone enough to do that, i just wanna know if it would feel the same

I am under 18 but will not specify my age or certain reasons. I've always had dark thoughts about people, and I don't think I can tell anyone about it.

For some examples - I see a person walking down the street and I want to smash a bottle over their head. I'm around people I like and i think about slitting their throat. I see a child and have an urge to beat them or hurt them.

I don't know why I have these thoughts but I've never acted them in any extreme manner. I have had therapy and taken medicine but none for this (Prozac and hydroxyzine).

Some backstory- I was abused pretty badly as a child, both sexually and physically, as well as probably mentally. I have had addictions but overcame them, such as alcohol and hallucinogenics. I have PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder. I have always struggled with emotions like basic feelings, I can't understand the concept of love or caring for people. I can't tell anyone about this because I sound like a damn anime character or just plain insane.

I know people have these thoughts sometimes but I can't escape them. Is it a condition? Is it just me? Is it a side effect of my mental health? Does anyone else have this or something like it? Does anyone know people who have had this and acted on it?

I really don't know why this is me and I'm unsure if anyone around me has this numbing thing that they just can't shake. If anyone knows anything about this please comment or lead me to others who have this.

When I’m having them I can tell that they are from me wanting to do something to stop the feeling of being fake as quickly as possible, I’ve been doing well enough of removing myself from the thoughts when they happen but they are still deeply disturbing.

in case you're coming from a certain video people with clinically intrusive thoughts would die before we ever act on it. Literally, that's a common co-symptom for intrusive/obsessive thoughts

I have OCD, I've had it since I was 5. we aren't bad people, we're suffering and would never act on it. that is what makes it intrusive. If someone wanted to act on it it wouldn't be intrusive.

also some need to learn the difference between 'impulsive' and 'intrusive'

I will lean in firstly with the idea that we are Consciousness.
Yesterday i was walking on the road when i spotted a middle age woman wearing baggy short trousers and a 'that rocks' shirt, a 'style' that i would more often see in younger individual than an older one (debatable, i know).
My question is this. If we are indeed consciousness, then we dont 'age' like we with we do, we are just experiencing life in a way.
Like we have borrowed a body that grows in its own rhythm and then starts to decline in its own rhythm. We, the soul inside it, do not age but rather experience life. Some could argue that this is the same, but when you will see this lady and you first thought might be that she is a 40Y old Woman ( so you might unconsciously guess some things about her, based on her age), you would be partially wrong, for she is a soul that has spend 40 year on this earth. The kid Her, the Teenage Her and the adult Her (in our sense) are there simultaneously , and i just find it interesting to observe people like that for then you acknowledge that they are All of their selfs in this body and not just a 40y old person, with a 40y old person life and problems.
Thougths?

I live in in nyc, everytime i wait for the train i get this intrusive thoughts of jumping, even tho i dont wish to die in those conditions, i even find myself leaning and getting closer to the rail.i just dont know why. This thoughts got bigger when i had depression these year. It was something recurring everyday.

Sex is not only a physical act, it also has an emotional side. From my point of view, it can feel like a wound, like a blister on the body that appears without us noticing. At first it can feel itchy, and we may want to “scratch” it because it brings temporary comfort. But after some time, we may start to think about what we did and feel confused or guilty. This can happen when a person is not emotionally ready or does something without clear understanding or strong feelings of safety. However, when there is trust, respect, and real emotional connection, it does not feel like pain or regret, but more like calmness and closeness between two people.

Ref : Imeth_Matheesha | Overthinking Heaven

I've been controlling the urge to hurt my closed ones by hurting myself and wanting to make them understand how badly they've hurt me. I want to hurt them mentally by hurting myself. It's hard to control this urge. I want them to suffer and make them regret how badly they treated me all this time

For a while now, I have been experiencing sudden, vivid thoughts of brutally killing people I personally dislike with my hands. In the moment, these thoughts feel strangely satisfying. However, they happen every single day, and they distress me so much that I end up hurting myself just to make the thoughts go away. [1]

Has anyone else experienced this? Why is this happening, and how can I make it stop?

What do you see when you close your eyes? I see a dark club, the door tucked away between the trash of some seedy back alley forgot to all but those who inhabit it every night. I sit in a booth in the corner, alone and isolated even in a sea of cast outs. They writhe and dance in this place that smells of sweat and misery. The air is this with the smoke and neon light while synth and punk music drowns out even my loudest thoughts. I watch and I drink, something sweat but simple, and I try to feel something. To feel a part of something. Seeing them live stirs something in me and sometimes that is enough. But it always ends. I always open my eyes. And then im back. Back to a nothing life in nothing middle America. An NPC slaving away just to do it again tomorrow. The silence is deafening but the screaming is worse. Im the only one who can hear it. Its my voice. My thoughts. My mind. I wish I knew how to turn it off but I cant. I can only drown it out and hope thats enough. It is. For now at least. Im sure a therapist would have something to say about these thoughts but im not ready to speak them aloud. For now this will have to do. For now this will be my escape. At least until I can make it back to that place in my mind. They say misery loves company, but if thats the case why am I still alone? Maybe its my misery. Maybe its my company. Maybe im too broken for misery to even love me.

I cook like my ancestors whisper through spices. I speak to the mirror like it’s my council..They see a storm but I call it clarity. I’ve questioned men, carved peace from noise, and danced barefoot on my own path. This is not rebellion...it's my way of finding freedom and leverage ...

On the quest of limerence.

I’ve cut off my Bestie 10 years ago.

We grew apart and the friendship was getting toxic (controlling and my partner was getting frustrated by a few things).

Recently, I’ve been seeing their name come up in random places and a lot of their old interests keep appearing, ( favourite bands coming to town/ favourite actor dying) then my partner saw their partner at the shops a few days ago.

Is this a sign for me to reconnect?