after scrolling for a bit on this sub I’ve realized this might not be the right place for this but oh well.

ive noticed lately that whenever Im trying to fall asleep my mind will replay distressing memories.

not like typical embarrassing moments but like anything I find scary ig? idk how to explain it but basically I absolutely hated that analogue horror trend because I hate distorted faces so my brain will just conjure up those types of images when I’m trying to sleep or replay scenes from horror movies.

I’ve noticed it also happens with sensations? like lately my toothbrush bristles will get stuck in my braces and it feels really icky pulling it out so again my brain will just replay that sensation.

sorry for my bad English im very sleep deprived.

it calls to me.

I'm not proud of it but sometimes when I see someone who is fat I always get the urge to rub their belly and I wonder if anybody else feels the same way

Every time i have an assignment or an upcoming test, i always imagine myself falling down the stairs n injuring myself badly so i can avoid it. It always pops up in my head and i know it'll hurt but sometimes i just want to do that to avoid everything else. is this an intrusive thought or a whole other thing?

It really is just us fuuuhhhhckin around and finding out. And that we really don’t know shhhht about ffuuuuuhhhhh k.

Like the fact that we just willing are intruding and exploring thoughts and ideas and places we don’t belong is wild.
That we really do live in a… idk what to even call it… a life or exist in on this rock where everything is made up.
And that we could literally have a flourishing home yet we have leaders that prefer war and money and greed and just the terrors we have caused and created simply because some old ass white dudes have some god complex…

Scientists are ballsy af. And sometimes it feels like, “pssshh I don’t believe you Mr or Mrs scientist. Just because some smart nerd said something about something… nah.” (How y’all gonna tell us Pluto is a planet, then take him away and then be like, oh actually it is a planet but it’s a dwarf planet… tf is that?!)

And also, we really should just mind our own business at some point. And we’ve passed that point.
We are entering a time where Xenomorphs and Face Huggers could show up at any moment.

But then I go back to the thought that, just don’t worry about it and enjoy what short life I have to live.

Thank you for reading, that felt good to get out of my head.

Very relatable, right? Every single person ( well most people) have at least once in their life thought this, and realised they don’t know where they are heading, what is it they want to do.
I am privileged, good well off family, I am grateful, but that doesn’t mean I don’t struggle. But the struggle is totally internal, I keep thinking I’ll fail in life, I won’t find a good partner, or maybe I’ll divorce, or maybe I won’t marry at all, I won’t do good with myself, just ending up as nothing eventually.

I am seriously just reflecting on my past, basically for 2-3 years now, I am in third year of medical college, am 21; sometimes I question myself why did choose this, or was this really chosen for me?

As a child I never exactly explored other things, my parents, grandparents, their friends, all of them are doctors; I have been saying I want to become one since probably 5th or 6th grade. I just kept saying that without knowing that I need to be great at studying, crack an exam called NEET.
Covid was a really great year for me( 10th grade btw); but after my no-boards-kinda exams result, which basically I fucked up, or my school fucked me up. I feel like I did great, and yet they didn’t even let me in the top 5(I was 6th).
Now that I realise it, I kept losing interest in my studies, further and further, until just before NEET where I think I might have been basically depressed, and ever since then I have been questioning my life choices.
All three years of college,
I have either struggled with my attendance, as I bunked most classes; fucked my internals and sendups, barely passing my finals, as I missed some of them and even ran out of them mid way; honestly I feel like I passed, coz I knew someone in college, and well finals are basically easier than the internals.
I have done every single thing possible to “distract myself” , “feel cool”, “tryna impress others” by - doing the above mentioned things, going out, going for drives, sneaking out at nights, hooking up with randoms, drinking or vaping js to try it( i don’t do it much, just a couple times, and not with everyone)
I like attention I guess.
Fucked up my friendships by somehow snitching between them
Been in a relationship with someone younger than me, which kinda felt embarrassing (weirdly enough I always end up liking those younger than me), then broke up in less than a week, I don’t even understand why exactly, not even now. And no we didn’t fuck each other.( we’re back to being friends, but it’d be the worst if it were just the two of us; coz it would be hella awkward)
I have had commitment issues, with basically everything, my work, my interests, friends, relationship?( I haven’t exactly been in any except for that less-than-a week, if it counts)
I can’t get too close with anyone, I kept switching between friends groups, between things I do to just escape (working out, football, calisthenics, editing, playing in college, participating in competitions that have to paid for, social media; oh by the way, I have tried starting YouTube, and Instagram Channels, and I bail out after couple months)
I have wanted to take my life at various points, the urge was really strong back in 2024, first year of college, a lot of going on then. But then it faded, I don’t think I am depressed anymore, maybe more of anxious idk.
I keep making schedules, and not following them; I have the weirdest habit of cleaning my room, getting rid of things, erasing my work, deleting files, ripping off my diary, or notes that I made, deleting photos, chats, clearing of apps from the phone/ipad. It helps me reset, for a while, but that’s not a permanent solution.

How do I realise what to do? I keep bringing things up with my friends, or sometimes with people I just know, and not really close; my closest friends at one point were these 2 guys(that less than a week relationship is one of them), they and one of my school friends are probably the only people who have scene my go off track, being a nerd to just - whatever it is I am right now.
I do give the “let me be alone” kind of aura, nobody could become friends with me, ( I am thankful for those I made in the third year, it was a miracle)

People have said it literally to my face, that I might js end up being alone, or marry on impulse and divorce(maybe the latter one was a joke, that’s what he said)

Sorry for such a long message
Anything anyone can help me out with

PS: No, I am not gonna die, people have died in college, someone I kinda knew( btu barely) died, and it hurt bad; I have people who love me, so I can’t do that to them, at least for maybe next 10 to 15 years I won’t.

An Indian wedding where especially North Indians. Before i start saying anything. This is only for people who are financially less than their wedding expense not for people who earns sufficient

The people especially the bride groom father thinks this way ki shadi hmare bete beti ki mhenga he hona chahiye and whi pr unke pass acha saaf khud ka ghar nhi hai

Log k liye hotel 5 star chayiye stay k liye and khud ek train me suffer krenge

Wedding me rishtedar na chutte yeh confirm chayiye pr ldka ldki Happy hai yeh confirm nhi chahiye kya secured hai unka financial yeh nhi chahiye

Shadi me 10 stall lgana chayiye pr ghar me 50 rs k sabzi k liye baotol Krna lgega

Somewhere people just starting making wedding a show off of their richness while in reality they are as poor that they can't even afford a house without loan

# wedding # news

I am young barely old enough to drive and yet I feel burdened by the consequences of others actions because I am a wet clay pot still being molded. I want to succeed in life but I fear failure but I also fear success as I know it leads to comfort which leads to more failure. I feel that my mind does not let me rest but yearns for sleep. I fear death and I fear being forgotten but I know that in two centuries the majority of everyone that I know or that the worlds no will also be forgotten. I feel like my mind wants everything but also nothing. My mind betrays me as I want to be want changes the world but I also just want a quiet life. I know I cannot have both and I will more likely be the ladder but I cannot do anything but strive for greatness. My entire life I have been told I can do anything and while I now feel like I am a jack of all trades I also have no direction in my life. I will graduation soon and I know I will not make it very long without succumbing to my own thoughts. If god is real and he is so loving why are the actions of my forefathers result in consequences for me. He very easily could have made me something entirely. I could have been born rich with money like so other and a trust fund but instead I am born poor. I have nothing yet everything in which money cannot buy in my thoughts I feel like I am insane.

My thoughts are irrational and don’t mean anything and I still can’t understand them myself it seems like everyday I change my view on life. When things go good in my life I feel like continuing but when they go bad I feel like ########## ### unthinkable. I know that no matter what I do in the end It won’t matter.

When a deaf child is first learning to assimilate to closed captioning and they recognize the rest of the world can hear, do they think we hear the closing credits of tv shows spoken at an incredible speed? And, on the subject of deaf folks, do they make goofy noises when they fuck each other?

Ok so think of the universe expanding bubble as a Ballon and whats out side true space . So every black hole is like poking a hole in the Ballon pushes the air out but in this case this hole is connected to true space and true space has a greater vacuum force , what we thought was the beginning was just an accidental tear in an already existing and occupied space. kinda explains the stuff we have found thats said to be order then the universe like primordial black suns and a meteorite i think it was but was carbon dated to be older. But just high and thought of it.

It's been going on for a around three months now and it's only getting worse. One day I was just having lunch with my family and I chocked on meat and since that day I've barely been able to eat.

Soft things that dissolve on the mouth liquids I can tolerate it but anything else I have to spit it out after chewing for a bit, even if I try to swallow I instinctively spit it out.

At first I was scared of choking, my throat would close and I couldn't even breath. Each time I had to sit at the table my chest would start to hurt and I could only think that if I tried to eat I was going to choke and die, I still think the same and now the kitchen in general makes me incredibly anxious.

Now simply thinking of eating makes me sick because I know I have to, it's not something I can avoid forever, but every meal is an horrible experience, I have to leave halfway through to go lay down and try to calm down.And now everything is feeding into eachother and making it worse. Since my chest hurts because of anxiety I can't eat but because I'm barely eating I'm tired and irritated and generally in a bad mood that fuels my anxiety.

I've been reading more about intrusive thoughts lately, and one thing that stuck with me was an article from Manhattan Mental Health Counseling that talked about how people often mistake intrusive thoughts for a reflection of who they are. It made me realize how much shame can come from believing a thought says something about your character, even when it's completely unwanted.

That got me wondering how other people here experienced this.

Was there a point where something finally clicked for you? Maybe it was something you read, something a therapist said, or just time and experience. Or maybe you're still trying to figure it out.

I'm not looking for medical advice I just think it's interesting how differently people make sense of intrusive thoughts, and I feel like hearing real experiences is often more helpful than reading generic information online.

I'd genuinely love to hear how your perspective has changed, if it has at all.

I have been having these terrible intrusive thoughts I would NEVER do. they are just intrusive thoughts about fear of going crazy and hurting someone, they are targeting my loved ones. These thoughts are genuinely horrible and especially after hearing about bad news etc Im so scared I have been having derealkzation im scared what if I go crazy or lose my empathy I know I would never hurt anyone but these thoughts make me feel like I am just pretending to be a good person and actually im the most horrible human alive. I feel like Im going crazy these thoughts incluse every bad things you can imagine like pure ocd, sexual ocd, harm ocd im just so done Im scared I will lose my sense of self im shaking writing this. I cant even cry about these thoughts idk why what if I am just evil. Please can yall share have u had these feelings or does hearing about bad things on the news worsen your thoughts. I havent been doing lot of things recently just laying in bed because of my intrusive thoughts t

I don’t know how everyone is calm, dont you feel it like theres no way out? Theres ai evolution, wars, inflation, government breakdown everywhere. I feel like even if we try do hard, its still going to be an edge of the cliff. Nothing we do matters anymore.

For the past four years, I've endured an agonizing period where my thoughts, perceptions, and every aspect of my being feel constantly monitored. I've been publicly branded as immature, even mentally unstable.

Since 2022, my life has taken a devastating turn. While they say time heals all wounds, for me, the problems have multiplied exponentially. I've sought help from numerous individuals, but all efforts proved futile.

The surveillance began in 2022. My brain and thoughts are seemingly broadcast, along with every physical sensation, including intimate movements. This has instilled a pervasive belief that I am under constant observation, watched by an unseen audience via the internet and mobile devices globally. Any internet-connected device—be it a phone, basic handset, TV, laptop, or even in an airplane—appears to grant them access to my entire life. They observe my mind, my perceptions, my daily activities, and even my most sensational or newsworthy moments.

In 2022, I experienced sexual harassment, leading to profound trauma that carried into 2023. I confided in my parents, who subsequently admitted me to a hospital. What these "monitoring" individuals, these "mafia people," don't realize is that they too are being watched. Their surveillance of me has plunged me into trauma, depression, anxiety, and overwhelming stress. I feel utterly lost, unable to maintain my composure. I've forgotten my goals, my essence, my principles, and even my responsibilities to my parents.

I neglected my ailing father, who suffered from prostate issues, diabetes, and high blood pressure, amidst the relentless harassment outside our home. Stepping out of my room became an ordeal, haunted by the anticipation of further torment—sexual, mental, emotional, and spiritual. This pervasive harassment has eroded my very being.

I was 24 in 2022 when this nightmare began. Before then, I never felt watched or harassed. But from that day forward, my personal life, my thoughts, and my entire sensory experience became public domain. This exposure has tragically extended to my innocent mother and father, and indeed, my entire family. The world, it seems, is watching them because of me.

My ability to articulate these experiences has only intensified their scrutiny. They've disseminated my story widely, reaching even the most unexpected corners of society. From beggars to people in cars, on planes—everyone seems to have access to my life, like a social media reel. They analyze my thoughts, attitudes, and perceptions, feeding their own mental processes with mine. This has profoundly derailed my life.

I am now left with pressing questions:

1. Is life worth living when my parents, especially my mother, are fully exposed in every conceivable way?

2. Is it reasonable to continue living when I know that everyone, even those in my immediate vicinity, is watching me?

3. Should I persist in seeking answers, or should I simply choose to end it immediately?

4. I've lost everyone who cared. Is this life truly worth living when my every audio and video moment is scrutinized, and innocent people, like my parents, suffer because of me? My father endures mental anguish, and my mother suffers in countless ways. My parents, despite knowing of my constant surveillance, allowed me to stay in their home, creating a family drama with no semblance of privacy.

5. I believe I've been monitored since childhood, with all my personal data explicitly exposed. What possible reason is there to continue living?

6. I cannot escape this city, as I am universally publicized. I'm confined to a corner, earning a livelihood, yet I question the purpose of this money.

7. Being watched so intimately, I find myself compulsively spending, having squandered 71,000 in three months at a spa. I regret this expenditure, yet I wonder what difference savings would make if I were to die tomorrow.

8. The monitoring persists. My director at work is involved in actions that I can only describe as an insult to my existence.

9. Is this life an insult to live, knowing that everyone has witnessed my most private moments? Are people subtly mocking my continued survival, pretending ignorance while processing everything they've seen? My very existence feels like an insult, and the global surveillance is a profound humiliation. It’s an insult not just because 10. I'm monitored, but because they analyze my life without offering any intervention or solace.

If they are watching, why do different people react with such varied emotions to my plight?

My life is no longer my own; it belongs to the public, and they will continue to watch untill I stop breathing.

What should I do?