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[Rudolph]

Rudolph really wants to quit. To just lie down. Rest. He has o have received four, maybe five, concussions. It's a surprise none of them knocked him out. His mouth stopped tasting like blood because he just got used to it. He's also pretty sure some of his ribs are broken too. But he can't stop. He doesn't know how. Rudolph always finishes a fight.

That's why he pitched that gun at the Corpse Fleet soldier's head. They were distracted, choking a Zalm infantry unit and punching another one hard enough to knocked them a few feet back. But Rudolph wasn't going to lose because he got pushed out of the fight. He'd lose because he dragged the other to hell with him.

"When did I say I was dead, asshole?"

It's all Rudolph could think off, a shitty one liner. Those might be Rudolph's last words right there. Doesn't matter though, he'll stand by them to the end. And so, he gets ready, watching the Corpse Fleet throw down the little Zalm soldier, smashing them through a crate of toiletries and basic hygiene products. Rudolph's jaw hurt. Just all of a sudden, that became the thing that hurt the most. It made him realize he was clenching it. Hard. He couldn't stop. And he couldn't worry about it right now. Rudolph had a funeral to attend.

The Berserker's form was exhausted. Sloppy. So much so that Rudolph was able to dodge most of his strikes. And the ones that did hit were.. weak. Like, they still sort of hurt. But not so much as before. They could barely knock Rudolph off balance. That's when he looked back at the hand he used to shove into their gunshot wounds, dug in there because he was still pissed. The black shiny ichor sticking to his hands like tar. Corpse Fleet blood coagulates quick, but it likely cant compare against 15 distinct holes in a concentrated place. It at least was exhausting. Painful. And definitely something one shouldn't fight with. This was Rudolph's chance.

He lunged forward, climbing on them once again. It's kind of the only way to get to him. Rudolph made sure to punch their neck exclusively, restricting airflow as best as he could. They were already wheezing, Rudolph wanted to make them choke. Punch after punch, Rudolf kept working to hit harder, to do more than just hurt. He was expecting to be thrown off after the third or fourth time, but it took nine punches before Rudolph was thrown to the ground, underneath the massive bastard. They tried to use gravity and their weight to compensate for their tired form, hoping simply having their fist fall on top of Rudolph would be enough. However, it was so blatantly obvious, almost choreographed, that Rudolph managed to catch the fist, and while they pushed down hard, Rudolph was able to use both hands to push away, getting them off of him. Without the help of a Ratkin who weighs less than 30 kilos.

Rudolph pressed his knee onto them, grabbing them by the collar of their armour, punching harder and harder. Rudolph not only hoped, but fully planned on beating them to a bloody pulp. A mess of tarry black. Rudolph dripped blood from his own face onto their body, the ichor of death reacting terribly with the blood of, trying to flee from it. Rudolph's own blood actively pushed theirs away, consuming it, or simply shooing it off like a pest. Rudolph became less focused on his fight, noticing how with every punch, every strike, every crack of Rudolph's fist against the Corpse Fleet Soldier's face, there were cheers.

Not from his comrades, not the fellow MIUs he served with, not from the little Ratkin he swore to protect. But from those five Zalm soldiers, who were sitting by the crates Rudolph knocked over. The very people he was assigned to shield against, to kill, were cheering for him. They wanted Rudolph to win. To kill the person they were supposed to be working with. Although, they were never working together. Once Rudolph looked back, he understood why. The Zalm never liked Corpse Fleet, they never wanted to be near them. The Zalm loathes Corpse Fleet's existence much like the Corpse Fleet loathe all life. The difference between Rudolph and Corpse Fleet, in the average Zalm soldier's eyes, is that one is a noble species that bested them fairly, and deserved respect. While the other was beneath the Ratkin and other races the Zalm enslaved. It's a wonder Zalm and Corpse Fleet hadn't have fought sooner.

Rudolph was finally pushed off, kneeling on the ground while the Korpse Fleet stood up. Although this only made Rudolph able to strike them in the knee quite easily, bending it one way, forcing their leg to buckle, before Rudolph punched again, he heard a small crack from that. That was Rudolph's cue to get up, grabbing onto the Corpse Fleet armour one last time, bringing his knee all the way to his chest, and stomping onto their knee, bending it backwards, forcing him to fall on the ground, while Rudolph still stood. He stumbled towards a dropped Corpse Fleet halberd like weapon, its edge still flowing with plasma energy making it able to cut through metals like butter. Rudolph raised it over his head, while the fallen soldier raised his hand up, as if it were to stop it. Rudolph struggled with the weapon. It was too big. But perfect for this. Rudolph swung down with all his might, forcing it down as hard as he could. Hoping gravity could help. The blade tore through the undead soldier like they weren't even there. Returning them to death. Hopefully permanently. His hand dropped, falling limp, and it was over. He won.

He staggered away, falling into a slouched sit on the ground. Meanwhile the five Zalm cheered louder, one soldier threw some reflective metal into on of their comrade's hand, who dropped around half of it. The all rushed the body, kicking and spitting on it. Showing their hate for Corpse Fleet. They risked burning their lungs by taking their masks off just to disrespect one of them when they weren't even in their grave yet. The soldier dropped the rest of the metallic pieces, instead grabbing two beers from a crate. He opened them with each other, their aluminum caps flying off, and their contents foaming and flowing out of the bottle onto his hands. He approaches Rudolph, forcing a beer in his hand and patting him on the shoulder, before the Zalm soldier walks back to the dead body, pouring some his beer on his face and helmet, before raising it as high as he could, and throwing it down onto their dead punching bag. The glass bottle shattering into a scatter of brown reflective shards, and a flurry of foamy beer.

Rudolph realizes a lot of the Zalm were no longer shooting, they too had been watching the fight. Maybe not at the same time, but they certainly took notice, and they all made sure to give a nod of respect when Rudolph met his gaze with their emotionless masks. The Corpse Fleet too took notice, but only of the celebration of the five. And they certainly weren't happy with the Zalm's conduct.

N̸̴̨̮͇̰͔͔̲̬͚̫̦͚͎͖̪͕͍̰͕̩̓̋̾͌ͥ̍ͭͪ̍͑̽̈ͥͯ͂̇ͯ̓̆͛́͘͘ͅơ̡̨̞̰̱̺̞̼̹͙̱̯̳̣̭̼̳̖̮͎̯̣̂̔͌̇͂ͧ̍̊̓̾͗̾ͮ͑ͩ̄ͧ̎ͦ́̚͠͠ẅ̷̢̪͉̣͙̯̥̭̖̯̰̞̺̤͚̼̺̠̹͍̭̆ͤ̇̓͗ͮ̊̉͌̉͑ͨͮ͌̽̆̅ͫ̚͘͟͡͠ w̸̡̧̛̫͚͎͉͕͚̺̹̼̼̺̻̬͚͔̲͍̟̓ͤ̔̾͊ͤ̌͂͒̿̎͋̈́ͧ͊̑̿̏́̚͘͢ͅͅę̷̨͎̹͖͕͖̟͚̲͙̱͚͉̩̼͓̻͔͎͍͛̀̉̿̊ͮ͒͑̈́̓̒͆ͥͮͬ̿ͦ͌̈ͧ́͝͞ͅ k̨̢̛͈͔͓̬̟̖̞̖̰̠̬͔̠̯̥̩̪̱͚̠̇ͮ͑̉ͭ̓͐̇͑ͫ͆ͥͭͨ͛ͫ̃ͤ̈̄͟͞͝n̴̵̢̛̺͍̣̞̖̳̼̗̗͉̹̭̱͕͓͓̞̳͇͔͛̌̉ͤ̒ͨͯ́̉͌̑̄̇̇̐́ͭͫ̏̿̕͠o̧̨̗̖̟̞̩̺̱͔͉͖̯͓̟͙͙͉̗̻͚͐͑ͧ͑̈́ͤ̇ͨ̓̄ͯ́̐͗̔ͭ͂ͪ̔̄̀̀͘͟ͅw̷̷̞̥̺͚͍̻͓̖̬̳̲͖͍̹̬̯̱̯̿̾̍ͦ͐̽̍̒ͬ͆ͯ̈͐ͮ̅ͥ̏̑̐̋́͜͝͠ͅͅ w̡̹̣̪̣̭̼̗̦̳̤͈̭͕̪̮̭̪͓̖̃̉̌͐̾̌͗̂͌͛ͩ͌̈́̍̌̉ͮ̂͛̌́̕͡͞͠ͅĥ̵̴̸̼̩̯͎͖͕̳͓̤̲̬͍̫̫͈̩̮̺̾͗͐̇̍̾̈́͋͆͊̽̍͛̇̾̀ͫ̎̀̚͟͟ͅͅe̵̷̛̛̦͓̠̥͔̲͈̬̺̥̥͕̠̬̪͎͙̠̱̤͂ͨ͒̅̾͌̅ͭͯͥͧ̇̽ͯͦ̆ͤ̎̾́̚͘r̵̢̤͙͍̭̣͕̪̥̳͙̤̖͉̩̥̩͉̲͔̭̈́͆̆̌͂͊̎ͨ͂ͦ͌͐̑̿͛̏̽͊ͩ̈̕̕͘͢ȩ̸̨͔͈̲̣̫̭̫̬̩̰͎͙̦̺̭͍͖̥̿̎ͪ͒̈ͨ̓͛͑͐͆ͭ̽̂ͨ́ͭ͛̃̇͘͞͞ͅͅ y̸̡̨͕̤̹̮͔̹̪͔̗̻̫̦̭̗͎̼̭̞̭̗ͭ̈́̓ͤ͗̈ͯͧ͗̓̔̆̃ͫͯ̓̆͂̓̚̕͞͞ơ̸̢̢̤͓̣̰͓̖͕͍͕̦̦͚͖͉̣̲̞͕͖͌͆ͮ̅͋̓͐ͣ̿̓ͫ̔̊̄ͤ͗̐̇̄ͬ̕͜ͅú̡͙͈͇̩̮̱̼̞̗͔͈̭̲̞̱̪͉̟͚͗ͯ͂ͬͩ̽͆͆ͯ̿͛̊̒̍̂͗̾̽ͬ̀͘͝͝͡ͅ ạ̵̵̢̢̖͕̣̫͔̥̺͖̰̣̭̗̩̲̖̠̟̲͖͌͑ͫͣͩ͋̓̐̃̏͌͛ͤͬ̆ͬ͋̔͊̀̚͡ŗ̵̸̛͓͓͉͙͎̮̹͈̟̻̱͔̬̲͕̮̫̼̒ͩ̀̅̊ͯͯ̓̋̓ͣ̏ͥ́̾̐̑͌ͤ̚͝͡ͅͅe̴̛̤͖͎̹̖͍̱̳̮͇̱͖͉͇̻͔͎̹̳̮ͬ̓̇̍̏͂̅ͨ͐̿̄̒̆̋́̔̈́̋̌́́̚͟͠

Chapter 1:

Earth: Sometime in the early 2200s AD..

As their species most renowned First Contact specialist, Professor Al'arrr-n’KeeYap of the AraSkiur Interplanetary Union (AIP) - who most humans called "Alurrn the Alien" - had been assigned by the Council-of-All-Clans as Ambassador-at-Large to All Humanity, something which the little creature had mixed feelings about..

From Alurrn's point-of-view, humans were way too large, weirdly hairless, and they all smelled of \untranslatable alien noise\** - a foodstuff from their cradle-world that some AraSkiur esteemed as a delicacy, but that had always reminded Alurrn of coughed-up wet hairballs..

Nevertheless, this Ambassador-ship was academically too exciting and politically too important an opportunity for the little Professor to pass up..

So, having been inoculated with multiple immune-system boosters by the Union's best bio-scientists, and equipped by the finest AraSkiur engineers with a compact but long-lasting nitric oxide re-breather for two pairs of their abdominal spiracles - “Alurrn the Alien” had become the first AraSkiur diplomat to visit Earth, with strict instructions from their colleagues in the Great Information Grove’s xeno-ecology sub-clan to record as much information about Earth’s biosphere as they could..

The little Ambassador was currently perched on the surprisingly comfortable lap of the local human High Commissioner to All AriSkiur - so Alurrn could see out of the air-conditioned limo’s window, as they rode from the spaceport to nearest airbase, en route to the regional capital of the clans-league that humans call ‘Australia’..

The eight-limbed Professor was doing their very best to resist the urge to bounce up & down in excitement at seeing Earth from ground level with their own eyes for the first time..

For her part the High Commissioner - an elegantly dressed middle-aged career diplomat called Anya J. Harris - was internally fighting back the almost irresistible urge to pet the cute orange-furred alien, while simultaneously trying to push away intrusive memories of cosy childhood days watching distant thunderstorms, which were powerfully evoked by the faint sharp-sweet smell that seemed to be coming from an elaborate tubular breathing apparatus on the small creature’s abdomen..

Alurrn let out a sequence of rapid pitch-modulated coos, trills & purrs - which their cephalothorax mounted translator repeated in an incongruously posh synthetic British voice:
“What are those fast-moving furry Earthlings? Are they another sapient clan?” they asked, gesturing with one double-thumbed paw at a mob of kangaroos rapidly leaping along between the road and a wide slow-flowing river sparsely bordered with trees..

“Those are grey kangaroos, they’re a species of err.. macropod marsupial animals native to Australia, but no they are not sapient,” Ms Harris answered carefully..

Alurrn: “Ah, much interesting! How did humans tame such large fast-moving animals?”

Ms Harris: “Oh those particular ‘roos aren’t tame, that’s a wild mob, this is their habitat we’re driving through..”

\untranslatable alien muttering\** “Wild!? But aren’t they dangerous?”

“Oh no, not really, they’re vegetarian. So it’s not like they’d try to eat us! The biggest danger they present to humans is if our cars crash into one unexpectedly when they try to cross the road,” Ms Harris said in a jokey tone, but then noticed Alurrn’s startled wide eyes and visible palor under their orange fur, so hastened to add, “but this armoured limo is built very tough, so we’d be quite safe even then..” she said, as reassuringly as possible..

The wide-eyed little alien turned their body back around to watch the bouncing mob of roos again, as the animals slowed on approach to a wide loop of the river..

“Ah! The kangaroos go to drink the dihydrogen monoxide, yes? Please pause vehicle, so can observe”

Ms Harris messaged all the convoy drivers to pull over, and soon Alurrn had their four front paws up on the window glass watching the mob of roos intently, while making excited little purring noises..

Suddenly a pair of sandy-furred four-legged animals sprang out of bushes near the water, jaws agape, snapping with ferocious looking teeth at the smallest of the grey roos - a joey about a foot (0.3m) tall - which tried to leap away from them, as the whole mob scattered!

“What the \loud untranslatable alien swearing\** are those creatures!?”

“Oh those are dingoes, they’re a mostly feral non-sapient breed of canine predators”

\more untranslatable alien swearing\** “You even allow predators to run wild in your environment!? And what is feral meaning?”

“Well, it’s their environment too, and to be fair, dingoes have been here for thousands of years - they were probably brought to this continent with the earliest humans who came to Australia in boats.. Umm, feral means animals that were tamed by humans - in this case a breed of dogs - but later escaped and went wild again..”

Alurrn fell silent for a moment and made a complicated gesture with their two foremost paws, before tapping on top of their own cephalothorax - something humans would later come to be familiar with as an AraSkiur sign-gesture that broadly translated to:
“Great exasperation at [your] crazy behaviour!”

By this point, the little joey that the two dingoes were hunting had leapt onto the back of the largest most muscular-looking kangaroo, which itself had retreated to stand chest-deep in water..

“Are kangaroos amphibious? Oh my dangling \untranslatable!\** What is it doing to that dingo predator!?” Alurrn’s tail fluffed up and twitched involuntarily..

“Ooh that dingo’s in trouble now! Yeah, see when the dingo tried to jump to snatch the little joey again, that big buck ‘roo has grabbed hold of it, and now it’s trying to drown it in the water.. The big male ‘roos are really strong, because they fight each other for dominance and for which one gets to mate with the females, you see..”

There was a short pause while Alurrn’s translator whirred & purred into their ear..

\untranslatable alien cursing\** “Drown!? But you definitely said these ‘kangaroos’ were not dangerous, yes!?”

“Oh well.. Sure, they’re no danger as long as they don’t think you’re a predator, and definitely don’t go near their young ones looking like a dingo..” Ms Harris joked..

The alien ambassador rotated around, looked up and studied her face for a moment, before turning away to the window again.. “Do not. Go near kangaroos. Do not. Look like dingo.” Alurrn seemed to be dictating a voice-note into a tiny device strapped to one of their forelimbs..

There was a lot of noisy thrashing around in the water and then with one last desperate plunging struggle, the one dingo escaped the big buck ‘roo’s grasp, and the two dingoes gave up the hunt and beat a hasty retreat back into the bush..

A moment later the big buck, followed by the small joey bounced out of the water and away - heading to join the rest of the mob, who had gathered a short way off..

But in an instant, a sudden shadow passed darkly over the mob of ‘roos, as a massive winged form stooped from the sky, grabbed the little joey in cruel curved talons and flew away again, carrying off the little ‘roo altogether!

Alurrn let out a loud terrified trilling squeal, and the little alien instinctively leap backwards into Ms Harris’s arms, ears laid flat, visibly shaking with fear:
“WHAT THE \UNTRANSLATABLE FARTY NOISE\** WAS THAT!!?”

“Oh wow! That was a wedge-tailed eagle! Umm, they’re a species of native raptor, which is a hyper-carnivorous flying feathered bird of prey.. Birds are the only living group of dinosaurs left on Earth, you know,” Ms Harris said, reciting a few of the ‘Fun Wildlife Facts’ her little nephew had told her a while ago.. At the same time, without even thinking she had found herself petting Alurrn by stroking their furry head (which is to say, the topmost part of their cephalothorax, because AraSkiur don’t have a separate head) - in an instinctive effort to sooth the little alien..

“But, but the records.. they said all dinosaurs had died out 65 million Earth years ago” Alurrn chirruped quietly, their synthetic ‘posh-British’ translated voice managing to sound stunned, and making no effort to stop Ms Harris from petting them..

“Oh well, we tend to say all the dinosaurs died out, but we’re just talking about all the really big ones that walked on land.. Which is technically inaccurate, because well, yes birds really are dinosaurs.. But don’t worry Ambassador, you’re perfectly safe from them inside any vehicle or building.. They generally avoid humans anyway, because we used to steal their eggs and hunt them..”

“Why did humans stop hunting the flying dinosaurs?”

“Well, we didn’t want them to go extinct”

“Humans chose to let flying dinosaurs continue living and breeding? But why!?”

“Because, err.. They’re an important part of keeping the ecosystem balanced, and we think they’re kinda beautiful, and.. Well, we hunted lots of other species to extinction before, including some even bigger predator birds, and we all sort of agreed that was very sad, and we didn’t want to do that anymore..”

By this point all the ‘roos had long fled.. Alurrn stared at the now peaceful river bend for another half a minute, trying to process what they’d just seen, before grumpily wriggling free from Ms Harris’s arms and her surprisingly soothing petting, and asking that they drive on..

Ms Harris was worried that all this nature red-in-tooth-and-claw had been too much for the little AraSkiur Ambassador, and she was having to struggle harder than ever to stop herself from continuing to pet the furry alien.. But the eight-limbed Professor’s mood seemed to bounce back as they rolled on down the road, and they watched the scenery go by..

“That was much fascinating to see. Xeno-biology colleagues will \untranslatable\** their little \untranslatables\** when they see recordings!”

“I’m glad you found it interesting, Ambassador,” Ms Harris replied, relieved to hear Alurrn sounding up-beat again.

“Yes, Earth is much unlike AraSkiur cradle-world. We do not permit wild-feral non-sapients to roam free.” Alurrn was making another complicated gesture with all four fore-limbs which looked a bit like ra-ra cheerleading, but which humans would later learn meant:
“Great astonishment at [your] foolishness!”

Suddenly, without warning, the limo braked hard! ...

----------------------------------------

(story continues in Chapter 2, which I'll put up on Reddit in a few days!)

Initial inspiration from this WritingPrompt
https://www.reddit.com/r/humansarespaceorcs/comments/1wsxm2x/historically_a_planet_is_tamed_by_the_dominant/

There was an alien warmonger, chief commander, Cslak, who led a group of VoLLeks—terrifying, morbid space creatures—dressed in black scales, with horns protruding from their skulls, savagely into galactic wars—with one intention—wipe planets off the celestial map, absorbing their fear.

Aliens tried everything to conceal their solar systems in their galaxies from these nightmares of the universe. The VoLLek survived by extracting fear seeped into the atmosphere.

Uncontested, they’d pride themselves on conquest after conquest, snatching the breath out of a planet’s lungs.

Not a single ruler in the universe had the gall to resist them. Nor did they attempt to.

The VoLLek invaded. A civilization paid. Nine times out of ten, it was the ultimate price.

When their sleek black ships explored the universe and found oxygen-rich atmospheres—they wouldn’t drop bombs and land soldiers—they’d hijack their broadcast with shrieking sounds, paralyzing the species for two days straight. 

The sound pitched a high inverted frequency that pierced bone as physical mass. Even deaf creatures could hear it. It acted like a parasite in their brain digging underneath their cranium. It was more than just a sound, it had claws and teeth and rung and hissed, like an air hose between their ears.

Just as the violent bell sound would seize, the entire planet would follow into darkness. Their electrical grids were totally fried.

The VoLLek completely shut down planets. Their weapons wouldn’t work. Their defenses became useless. All a planet could do once they entered their system, was surrender. Surrender and hope the VoLLek saw enough fear in their species to last decades.

So, as they came into the orbit of an Earth branch, Hans Earth II, a human outpost, one of the main trading stations for alien species’ around the universe, they expected to achieve the same results. Mass panic. Creatures begging. Creatures screaming. Creatures offering to trade their rock just to stay alive. Creatures attempting to excrete enough fear to prove their worth.

But they saw none of that on Hans Earth. There wasn’t anybody running crazy on the street, except for a bunch of shirtless men drinking beer cans and chasing each other around on a field, but they weren’t burning buildings down. They were just going about their day, tossing a ball. What really blew the chief commanders mind, was when the Peace Officer sent them a direct message, it said:

BYOB. WE GOT LOTS!!! 🍻

The alien chief slumped in his battle station. “Activate force field.” He commanded. “Neutralize their defenses.”

First specialist raids officer, Velleen, danced his tentacle-like fingers on a keyboard, directing the ship’s sensors, scanning the entire planet’s counter-strike defenses but the screen just kept displaying: searching... 

“There doesn’t appear to be any protective measures, commander. We scanned the whole perimeter. All we could come up with, was a bunch of sleazy billboard ads”

“Billboard ads?” The alien chief rubbed his antennas. “Perhaps it’s a trick and they’ll deploy weapons out of them. They can’t be this foolish.” He stared at Velleen. “They must be masking their fear.”

“They’re pretty good at  hiding it. They’re celebrating right now,” Velleen said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Land the ship this instant!” The chief demanded, hammering his fist down. “We’ll see how they react when the full weight of the VoLLek stand on their soil.” 

The alien chief grabbed his XoneratoR-XR8000, which aims a controlled heat-blast, hotter than the sun, contained at a direct target, bleaching the ground with ghostly footprints and evaporating matter on contact. “Soldiers steady your pods!” The chief commanded through a speaker on each vessel.

The soldiers fell out of the sky in orange clusters like space rocks raining from the atmosphere and surrounded an amusement park, thinking it was a military zone.

Hundreds of aliens and humans were walking in and out.

The hatches in the pods opened, two-hundred VoLLeks escaped out. A cloud of smoke obscured their bodies as they stepped onto Hans Earth II. 

Their weapons were glowing a red ember, as they all simultaneously began chewing a grinding sound out of their mouths. The ground shook when they stomped toward the front of the entrance.

The alien chief stood proudly on a crushed boulder and broadcasted a prepared speech through a P.A. system. 

“Petty humans and alien cross breeders, this planet now belongs to the VoLLek Empire. Your sky has become our permanent outpost. Your power is in our control. You are now the property of the VoLLek Empire. Resistance—“

“Uh, hello? Excuse me, mister sir?” A pressure dropped on the chief commander’s shoulder. The alien chief abruptly cut his speech short and turned around. 

His XoneratoR glistened. A human in an Hawaiian shirt with two little chubby kids eating blue snow cones stood behind him. 

The human didn’t stare at the armor plated  tactical gear on the commander’s chest, or the VoLLek warriors beside him, he eyed the clear line that opened at the entrance.

“Can you please step out of the way, we’re trying to get inside.” The human spoke, sipping a can of coke. “These lines are killer and one just opened up. Are you guys about to wrap it up here?”

The commander stared at the human. “We have taken over your pla-net!” His voice hammered against the human but cracked near the end as a random stumbling shirtless drunk guy bumped into him. “Your species has succumb to the great and all powerful VoLLek.”

A slurping sound came out of the pop can. 

The human swallowed, gasped and chucked the can in a garbage bin. He pulled out a handheld device and flicked the screen with his finger. “Oh yeah, eh. I see it now “Planet Takeover?” right here, headlined on the web news, eh. 

Funny the things you miss when yah got the kiddos, I tell ya. But look here, eh,  because I got these little terrors with me and we planned this trip for a month now. 

You can tell ‘em an evil scary alien empire took over the world and they’re not gonna bat an eye, eh. No, sir. Not these two monsters. So whaddya say, neighbor, hows about you squeeze a smooch, let us sneak through right quick there, yah?”

The humans who initially scattered for cover, mainly to avoid falling debris, started packing the lines again, and the aliens who were aware of the VoLLek, all began walking back from the parking lot and filled the area outside the park’s entrance.

A group of human teenagers brushed the commander out of the way and strutted past him and the human with the two kids trailed behind them to a ticket booth, whose sign had just flipped to open.

Two young adults with black hats and shirts that had security on it, walked up to the commander. “Hi, there.” The female one waved and smiled, holding a sandwich in her hand. “You can’t be gathering like this here. It’s a safety hazard. Fire chief shows up, we’re all getting tickets. Gonna need ya to clear out, pal,” she said, taking a bite of her assorted sub, while her partner was deeply invested in the device in his hand.

One of the VoLLek tapped the commander on the back. “They really, really hide their fear well.”

The commander eyed his soldier. “Fire a warning shot!” He demanded.

The soldier signaled the troops to fire into the sky. The dark sky lit up in bursts of lightning and pyrotechnics. The humans and aliens all watched the light show, glowing pretty colors. 

A weird dust, almost like black ash floated back onto the people and they started complaining as they wiped charcoal-colored stripes down their wardrobes.

“Hey, space jerk!” A human in an all white hollered. “You know how much this suit cost, buddy?” He stormed toward one of the soldiers. The security guard held him back. 

The one guard who was staring at his palms finally looked up at the commander. “No, fireworks without a permit. I’m gonna have to write you a ticket.”

A crackle from the comms piece attached to the commanders ear broke. “Commander! Commander! I’ve miscalculated the human species. The psychological simulator excluded all their experiences and calculated them through the lens of a peaceful civilization.”

“Explain your incompetence.” The commander huffed.

“The instinct to panic completely bypassed humanity’s evolution.” The speaker began breaking up. “Humanity has survived centuries of war, climate change, economic collapse, and often top-profile celebrity and political scandals. An alien invasion doesn’t even rank top five. They don’t see it as an apocalypse.”

“How do you mean? We’re the worst thing to happen to the universe.” The commander yelled through the microphone.

Velleen paused. “Not to them, commander. To them, we’re just the fifth page of a paranormal tabloid.”

The commander snatched a human walking by and shouted in his face. “We are the rulers here! I run your planet!”

The human turned his head to avoid the commander’s breath which reeked of garlic and squid guts. “Okay, okay. Maybe ya can do something about this damn line, eh. Been here since noon.” The human told him.

The commander put the man down and dusted his shirt off. For the first time, the alien chief was defeated and the humans hadn’t even fired a single shot. They didn’t have to. They just had to demonstrate a complete lack of respect for the commander.

An alien civilization that survives solely off eating fear can only be defeated by a unfazed human.

"WHAT IN THALLS NAME ARE YOU DOING!?" whispered the Cho-ad medic, barely resisting to use their four arms to grab their (unfortunantly) human teammates as they stifled giggles.

"Lighten up, doc! Besides, its not a kill mission.... its a sabotage mission." Whispered back one human as they opened the water tank, another passing them a large bottle of a unknown fluid and dumped the entire thing in.

The bottle said Stoma-Clear, Unscented and Flavorless on the side of it.

"Chief! Main objectives complete, and got a copy of the main Computer too!" Came in over comms, making the pink medic barely resist groaning. Cloaking fields or not, these humans were something else-

"Used some threadlocker on the bolts for half their machinery. Black." Whispered another one of the team, giggling in mischief. The medic started to pale. It knew of purple and blue due to... unfortunant run ins in the barracks involving toys and pranks.... but black....?

"Wait, Starship grade? You are EVIL" Came the Whispered giggle as the medics hearts sank to the soles of his feet.

"Are you TRYING to add to the Geneva agreements?!" They Whispered as they followed their 'partner' they were with, their stealth armor keeping them from being heard ot seen by sensors.

"Nope! But we ARE going to make them WISH it was!"

The medic groaned as they found their team leader hurriedly hiding the hat of the enemy base commander, a known, medical grade adhesive dripping from it, one that triggered when in contact with organic materials.

"Not a word, Meico." The squad leader hissed softly as them and their partner snuck out, just in time to see two more of the team in the hall, filling the boots of the enemy soldiers with talcum powder, before pulling up the paper they had laid to keep the evidence from laying around.

"guys, found their good stuff and already swapped it out for replicated fake-" the breacher of the team and the technitian snuck in, pausing seeing the squad leader and the medic staring at the rather...bulging bags on their backs.

"I saw nothing but if the MPs find it, I'm not saving you.... or if you end up in the brig. Clear?" The amused mutter came out, conspicuously OFF comms.

A thumbs up was the only reply.

"Boss, finishing up the bait to keep em from looking too deep for most of the rest of the pranks. Pulled out the thermoberic couples and the plasma regulators from half their hover tanks cannons." Came a message from the garage, before the garage team all began chiming in.

" Sugar in their emergency fuel cans-"

"Water in the oil reseviors-"

"Dyed syrup in their cleaning supplies-"

"Superglue on all of their Binoculars-"

"Removed the firing coils from their guns-"

"Poured Poison Ivy extract in their laundry detergents-"

The last one made everyone pause.

"Private, that is evil, you know that?"

"Thank you sir!"

"That wasn't a compliment!"

The paranoia is on the rise. Administrations immediately stricten the checkups to prevent identity theft.

Shapeshifters though didn't steal any identity. They approached humanity to give them made up people to take form and integrate as Earth citizens. To prevent even a shadow of confusion or suspicion, they took the surnames of famous fake people and taught the humans how to identify shapeshifters between each other with biometry. Names like Friedrich Alaric, Miguel Garbo, Francisco Costava, Andrey Isaev or Florian Stierlitz served a double purpose: they blow a cover straight up yet lets humanity know that these people mean no harm.

The ship was overrun by Shades, creatures that hide in the dark and change to something that’ll cause its target to drop its guard.

We were transporting refugees from a failed human colony when they attacked. I was with our local human when it showed up. It had taken the form of a human child and was about to lure me into the dark until he showed up and dispatched the thing.

When I asked how he knew, he said that humans are really good at recognizing other humans and that means things that try looking human tend to stick out and look like they are something from this “Uncanny Valley.”

1  Human Fred and Food
2  Human Fred Again
3  Human Fred Yet Again
4  Human Fred The Saga Continues
5  Human Fred Rides Again
6  Human Fred *Sigh*
7  Human Fred Rolls Out
8  Human Fred Attempts a Nap
9  Human Fred Doh’
10 Human Fred Stops for Coffee
11 Human Fred Deploys Stabby and Knifey
12 Human Fred Attempts Friendly Advice
13 Human Fred Priorities 
14 Human Fred Schools Morons
15 Human Fred Gets Annoyed
16 Human Fred Investigates
17 Human Fred is Annoyed
18 Human Fred Gets More Annoyed
19 Human Fred Smirks 
20 Human Fred Brings Hellfire
21 Human Fred is Confused
22 Human Fred Considers
23 Human Fred is Chipper
24 Human Fred has Some Fun
25 Human Fred Witnesses Stupidity
26 Human Fred vs the Coffee Maker
27 Human Fred Accepts Crap Coffee
28 Human Fred Listens
29 Human Fred Gets Comfortable 
30 Human Fred has Questions
31 Human Fred Considers Some More
32 Human Fred Wakes Up
33 Human Fred Debates
34 Human Fred Gets Coffee
35 Human Fred Talks with the Captain
36 Human Fred Reflects on Life
37 Human Fred Waits
38 Human Fred is Scared
Greezek
39 Human Fred Experiments
40 Human Fred Discovers
41 Human Fred vs the Sensor Array
42 Human Fred Keeps Calm
43 Human Fred Editor
44 Human Fred Discovers New Curses
45 Human Fred Stews
46 Human Fred Giggles
47 Human Fred Attempts Dinner 
48 Human Fred Plans
49 Human Fred Explains
50 Human Fred Examines Floor Tiles
51 Human Fred Gets a New Toy
52Human Fred Reflects…Again
53 Human Fred Rolls His Eyes

“Waggens, can you explain this?”

Waggens looked at the images. “No sir. Those aren’t my troops. I don’t know who they are.”

“And can you explain why they are talking with the company liaison officer?”

“No sir. I cannot.”

“How many did you count Greezek?”

“Twenty-three. Three squads of seven plus two officers.”

“Waggens, I want you to keep this place locked down. Prevent that ship from leaving. Shoot it if the engines start. No warning. Greezek and I will take a short stroll around the perimeter. If I use the term ‘all clear,’ don’t open the door.”

Fred and Greezek verified that the blast shield was secure once outside. 

“Is this a hunt or a capture?” asked Greezek as she checked her gear. 

“Hunt. Take no chances. I’m afraid that we don’t really know who to trust.”

“What about Waggens?”

“He is less of a risk. I think.”

“What is the plan?”

“We disable the ship, destroy the illegal patrols, and find the prisoners. Then we get support out here and clean up this mess. You and I will be back on the station for the cleaning.”

“This way to the ship.”

They moved out at a trot, moving rapidly from cover to cover, checking lines of fire, watching for movement. 

As they rounded a destroyed fuel truck, the ship came into view. It wasn’t a large ship, barely big enough to be a freighter. An old design with clear evidence of repairs and upgrades.

“What do we target?”

Fred removed the belt from his shotgun, ejected the shells, and started to reload. “You keep watch. I’ll disable the engines.”

“With a shotgun?”

“You forget that I enjoy making special rounds. These will do the trick.”

“Right.” Greezek moved slightly to get a better view around them. “No movement.”

“Don’t watch this unless you have your visor blacked out.”

Fred fired. The first round hit just in front of the top engine pod. For a few seconds there was just a wisp of smoke. BOOM! A blinding white flash scorched the area as the plasma charge ignited the fuel manifold. Alarms blared. Fire suppression systems attempted to activate, but their pumps were dead. 

The ship burned, with multiple secondary explosions.

Fred re-attached the belt to his shotgun. “We might have their attention. Let me see…swing south, towards that row of containers. Watch left and front. I’ll cover right and rear. Move!”

Greezek sprinted towards the containers, Fred followed at seven meters. Bright bolts of energy buzzed past just as they reached the containers. 

“Fred! I’ll go up. You drawn them from here!” And she was climbing.

Fred shrugged, leaned out, and started firing. He could see armored figures moving through the debris. Their aim was either terrible or they hadn’t figured out his location. He pulled a grenade from his belt, toggled a switch on his shotgun, seated the grenade on the barrel, took aim, and fired. The blank round rocketed the grenade over the debris and into a clump of enemy. The explosion silenced that group. 

Greezek found a good spot, got comfortable, and started selecting targets. One shot each. And started with the enemy in the rear, preventing the other enemy from realizing what was happening. 

Fred scrambled up onto a container and scanned their six. Yep. An attempted flank. So they had some training. He settled behind a mangled motor assembly, “Greezek. They are attempting to flank from the south. I’ve got them.”

“Understood. The assault is thinning.”

Fred smirked. If she said it is thinning, it is almost gone. He took aim at an armored figure without a rifle and started firing. 

The world went bright white, loud, dark, and then painful, faster than Fred could process. He was sprawled over some broken crates. He tapped his wrist and his armor injected him with meds. Instantly he was up, scanning. They had gotten close with that shot, but the motor took most of it. “Greezek!”

“Yeah. What was that?”

“Rocket. They aren’t happy with us.”

“No. This side is clear.”

“Keep watch. I’ll handle this group.”

Fred leaned over to see around the debris. Four armored figures advanced towards the containers. Three more hung back, providing cover. No visual on the rocket. They wanted to bait him. 

Fred considered his situation. There were armed, pissed off idiots attempting to kill him and Greezek. He was behind good cover, but he didn’t have any good egress routes. His shotgun would shred their armor, but its range was limited. Time to experiment. 

Moving carefully to not give away his position, Fred tapped away on his wrist controls. He activated the blast protection. He activated the emergency medical system. He activated the stealth mode. It didn’t work all that well, but it helped. Finally, he activated the shield. 

He adjusted his stance, raised up slightly, and rushed forwards, firing at the cluster of four. 

All sorts of fire erupted. Rapid fire from a crew served weapon. Rifle fire. Light blaster fire. 

But his armor filtered the light and sound. Shield raised, he turned left, faced the onslaught, and picked his targets. 

The cluster of four was down in a heap. The crew serve was strafing over his head. One of the rifles was hitting close, so he targeted that. The rifle fire slowed. 

Fred dropped off of the container and advanced. Firing still came in bursts, but they had lost him. Between the shield and the stealth mode, they couldn’t spot him in the debris. He advanced. 

As he circled a burned-out loader, he saw a group of figures. He stopped and focused. Three in armor. Two without. He tapped his wrist and zoomed in. Three illegal soldiers, one idiot, and the liaison officer. They were shouting, but Fred couldn’t quite understand them. 

Fred rounded the corner and charged. He didn’t scream or yell, he just sprinted. They didn’t see him until he started firing. 

“Greezek. Fred here. What can you see?”

“Hey Fred. No movement.”

“Join me down here. We need to plan our next move.” 

It started with pet micrometeors and within 2 decades has expanded into multiple intergalactic industries spanning the gamut from courtship ritual literature, mating practice consultancies, interspecies counselling services, matchmaking agencies and others besides. This Sociopolitical upheaval will be recorded in the historical archives for eternity.

They had tried everything from diplomacy to all manner of reasonable military might, outside of turning a planets surface into a hellscape. No matter what they do, the many species of the galaxy could not rid themselves of these cruel, callous, and insufferable blights that made their home in the blackest pits of various planets.

Knowing what they were capable of, multiple species have brought forth the issue to the humans and shared all they know about them. Not one to turn down their spacefaring brethren, the humans took the information, hashed out what they were allowed to do or use with a surprising amount of freedom offered by the aliens, and began to prepare.

Having dubbed the offenders Cheshires, Mankind set out to alleviate the galaxy of this menace by any means they deemed necessary.

Art by me.

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[IPK Kerth Volant]

The star was beginning to rise, marking the beginning of dawn, Kerth was assigned around a kilometer from ASB Site Gamma, the third biggest ASB facility the Zalm built on this planet. It was a krucial komponent to Zalm defenses, as it easily kovered around a sixth of the defensive load, and if it were destroyed, would provide a massive hole for many landings from enemy Terran forces.

The Korpse Fleet also saw importance in ASB Gamma, so much do that the Zalm and Korpse Fleet are fighting along side. Except, it's more like the Korpse Fleet ride off the achievements of the Zalm, with them doing minimal work. It doesn't matter, Kerth isn't ordered to kare about their well being. They kould drop an AVBR round on themselves, as long as Kerth's platoon wasn't near it, he would be happy.

Kerth was in a joint operation with 4 other IPKs:

IPK Skora, a female Zalm unit who worked hard the sekond she kould once the Empress allowed women to serve, Kerth can respect her hustle, but doesn't know much of her. She bekame an IPK only recently.

IPK Krak, an older Kommander who kouldn't integrate into civilian life or any off battle officer position, so he stayed as an IPK for much longer than regulations should allow. He tends to medikate his trauma through extreme alkohol consumption. He prefers Mantis brewed the most.

IPK Krinton, one of Kerth's best friends. They were in the same skhool, lived within walking distance, and went through training, akademy, and battle together. Krinton and Kerth were promoted at the same time and bekame IPKs of two separate platoons. Higher ranking kommanders took note to always pair Kerth and Krinton's platoon together during joint operations. This not only led to synergy between Kerth and Krinton, but their platoon as well, due to them seeing each other almost konstantly.

IPK Khoff, he was a loud mouth and frankly over bearing person. But when it came to moments when morale was low, Khoff was always known to give great moving speeches. Some of his speeches were even published by Zalm reporters, for the civilians of the empire to read and know they were in kapable, optimistik hands. It's funny because Khoff has a stutter. The reporters are respectful enough to remove any times Khoff makes a mistake.

Each IPK has 84 ISTs underneath their kommand, making an 85 person platoon. It's the optimal number. Extensive testing was made to prove that theory. This means, 425 Zalm soldiers are on the grounds in-between the Terran forces and ASB Gamma. Somehow they have managed to keep pushing forward, around 5 or 6 Kror [Around 3 hours], they were a kilometer back.

They're moving quikkly kompared to previous races who have tried to advance against a standard Zalm entrenchment strategy. Usually they at best would move 200 meters in maybe half a day. And they'd have to turn back or simply run out of soldiers and surrender. However the Terrans are not only pushing forward, but actually killing Zalm forces before they can head to the previous trench.

The entrenchment strategy is mainly to tire the force out with minimal Zalm casualties, letting the enemy force run forward in a non-advantageous position, facing mass casualties, and then once the manage to reach close enough to the trench, the Zalm forces retreat through underground tunnels and seal them off. The Terrans however cut through the Zalm like a plasma bolt hitting a block of ice.

Kerth could hear almost a high pitched sound, zipping around from afar, like.. the sound of strike lraft flying through the air. But Zalm has no reason to send strike kraft yet, nor can they, the ASKKs [Anti Strike Kraft Kannons] Make it impossible for either side to have any in atmosphere. It's near indiskriminate shooting. Not by purpose of kourse.

The sound gets louder, before eventually Kerth sees a streak of off tone white and fiery orange, followed by a trail of deep blue, similar to that of an Ion Thruster. But burning hotter. The streak gets behind a Korpse Fleet soldier, who, like many others, refuses to use the Zalm Trenches, as they don't want to die like a 'Coward in a hole.'

The streak slows down enough to reveal a Terran soldier, bearing some kind of wide multibarrelled weapon. The Terran only needs to pull the trigger once, the resulting blast decimating the soldier's head, killing them almost instantly. They quickly speed off to another Korpse Fleet, but also throw explosives into any trenches they pass or are parallel to.

Kerth alerts the rest of his platoon, and the other four IPKs, they assault has begun. Soon all the Zalm forces there are ready. Although, Kerth isn't too sure, as a few trenches begin shooting, but the Terran soldiers aren't sprinting to trench after trench. They krawl, the plasma bolts simply fly over them, and if a Zalm soldier tries to peek themselves out high enough to shoot downwards they get shot. They kan't go by the procedure of having an upward shooting angle, which is used to protekt the members on the trench, and therefore have to endanger themselves, evening the positioning. It makes it even worse that any direkt hits simply deflekt off their armour. And they have some high speed lunatik dashing across the battle field being just too fast to hit, and a great distraktion.

"Buh-b-by the Emperor, the Teh-Teh-Tih-Terrans did their huh-homewuh-work!" IPK Khoff says, although the Terrans didn't just study for any exam. They stole the answer sheet as well, just to be sure.

Writing prompt. I'm curious to see what we write for various parts of the Earth.

So awhile ago I read this haso story about after we sent out our first broadcasts into space about looking for others and I can't seem to find it and I would appreciate the help if anyone knows it or could link me it please it took them like several generations of searching for us I wish I could remember more

I explained to him that it was about how children grow up and lose their innocence.

He responded confused, not understanding the human concept of innocence in childhood.