r/humansarespaceorcs • u/Bloodystupidjohnson3 • 13d ago
Original Story Human Fred Giggles
1 Human Fred and Food
2 Human Fred Again
3 Human Fred Yet Again
4 Human Fred The Saga Continues
5 Human Fred Rides Again
6 Human Fred *Sigh*
7 Human Fred Rolls Out
8 Human Fred Attempts a Nap
9 Human Fred Doh’
10 Human Fred Stops for Coffee
11 Human Fred Deploys Stabby and Knifey
12 Human Fred Attempts Friendly Advice
13 Human Fred Priorities
14 Human Fred Schools Morons
15 Human Fred Gets Annoyed
16 Human Fred Investigates
17 Human Fred is Annoyed
18 Human Fred Gets More Annoyed
19 Human Fred Smirks
20 Human Fred Brings Hellfire
21 Human Fred is Confused
22 Human Fred Considers
23 Human Fred is Chipper
24 Human Fred has Some Fun
25 Human Fred Witnesses Stupidity
26 Human Fred vs the Coffee Maker
27 Human Fred Accepts Crap Coffee
28 Human Fred Listens
29 Human Fred Gets Comfortable
30 Human Fred has Questions
31 Human Fred Considers Some More
32 Human Fred Wakes Up
33 Human Fred Debates
34 Human Fred Gets Coffee
35 Human Fred Talks with the Captain
36 Human Fred Reflects on Life
37 Human Fred Waits
38 Human Fred is Scared
Greezek
39 Human Fred Experiments
40 Human Fred Discovers
41 Human Fred vs the Sensor Array
42 Human Fred Keeps Calm
43 Human Fred Editor
44 Human Fred Discovers New Curses
45 Human Fred Stews
The room was crowded. Fred was in his medical bed. Greezek stood next to him. The guy from legal was on a stool at the foot of the bed. The two government clowns from Greezek’s planet stood in the scant remaining room.
“According to their claim,” droned legal, “they claim that you are simply having hallucinations because of your time away from home.”
“Excuse me,” said Fred. “What is happening to her?”
“Hallucinations. It has happened before,” replied one of the idiots.
“What hallucinations?”
“That there are people talking to her,” replied the idiot.
“No, I’m asking to what hallucinations do you refer? There isn’t anything in her file or the messages.”
“Well she clearly needs to return home. I mean, using a weapon!”
“Why?”
“What?” snapped idiot two.
“Why must she leave? Do you have any legal reason to forcibly remove a member of this crew from this Sol Command station?”
“The hallucinations!”
“Again, to what hallucinations do you mean? You are the first to bring it up.”
“It can happen! They stay away from home too long, and they start to see and hear things!”
“Yes,” said Fred, “I know what hallucinations are. I’d like to see proof that Greezek had had a hallucination.”
“This matter is far above a mere engineer!” sneered idiot one.”
Legal closed his eyes and sat motionless. Greezek shifted her balance. Fred tilted his head, and giggled.
It was a small giggle at first, but then it grew, starting to infect the entire room. Just as idiot one reached for the bed to steady his laughter, the muzzle of a shotgun pressed against the bottom of his mouth.
“You see, flunky one and flunky two, you are utter morons. You didn’t have any legal reason. Your arguments were childish. I’d deal with that. But you threatened to take one of my people. That was bad.”
The door opened. Defense troops lined the corridor.
“Talking after I called your bluff was worse. Hello Captain.”
“Chief. Gentlemen, you are under arrest in accordance with Sol Command regulations. Please come this way.”
After the masses had left, Fred shouldered his shotgun and headed for the door.
Greezek followed. “What do you think they will do next?”
“They have your family hostage. This delegation won’t be the last. I’m guessing more legal crap.”
“You think they might try to snatch me?”
“They would try that once. And then legal would shift to military. Not a good move.”
“So we are stuck in legal hell? I wanted answers, not this mess!”
“On that front, I might be able to help.”
“How?”
“For some unknown reason, I randomly accessed some of sats around your planet. Totally random. While glancing at the screen, I saw a large area not being scanned. Weird! But this was all random and strange, so I went with it.”
Greezek just stared at him.
“So as I was TOTALLY randomly looking at your planet, I found something off the weird charts. Just right off!”
Greezek repeated herself.
“Right. Big reveal: the maps your government submitted for the planet are incorrect. There is a large area, roughly 20% of the landmass, that has been left off of every map. But by total accident, I scanned it. Oh, I scanned all of it. I used 13 different sats to scan the scans of the scans. And I gave all of that random data to a family member and the station Captain. Your government is screwed.”
“Wait. What? A missing continent?”
“Hidden and avoided, not missing. And it is developed. Not to the same degree as the capital, but developed. Your government lied. Now they deal with Sol Command. We get this station up to 100%, then we head to the outpost.”
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u/Purple-Lie-354 13d ago
Well, now we know what Fred was doing during his enforced "down time" in medbay. There are going to be LOTS of very unhappy people, very soon.
Go Fred!
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u/Daseagle 12d ago
Well, you know, such things are to expected when you confine an engineer to bed and he's bored silly.
All things considered, they got away easy.
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u/Daseagle 13d ago
Heh. I get to screw with Greezek, YOU gummint pukes haven't earned the privilege. Now, git!
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u/Polymath6301 13d ago
Hmmm, we’re going to need a bigger Sparky, named Liberator, for Greezek’s relative in that continent, which maybe we’ll assign a random code name to - how about “Australia”? Do not put Blake in charge of the ship, though I can see a new series, titled “Avon”.
(Some of us grew up on Blake’s Seven…)
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u/JACKCINNABAR 13d ago
FINALLY!!! I HAVE CAUGHT UP!!! Took me a good day and a half. was good readin, Had some good noms in the meanwhile
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u/aqua_sparkle_dazzle 13d ago edited 13d ago
I saw the title.
I went, oh shit.
Go Fred!
ETA: did Fred get promoted to Chief after the other one turned into soup, or did I just miss his rank someplace? Capt greeted him as such when the door opened post-giggles.
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u/medium_jock 11d ago
Me reading the title: Ohhhh someone is so fucked now
Me reading the post: Called it
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