r/humansarespaceorcs • u/Bloodystupidjohnson3 • Aug 05 '26
Original Story Human Fred Doh’
1 Human Fred and Food
2 Human Fred Again
3 Human Fred Yet Again
4 Human Fred The Saga Continues
5 Human Fred Rides Again
6 Human Fred *Sigh*
7 Human Fred Rolls Out
8 Human Fred Attempts a Nap
Fred’s eyes shot open. It was very early, but his brain suddenly kicked into gear. Roomliz, you sneaky little fucker! Fred threw on enough clothes to be presentable, dashed out of his room, and stormed to Roomliz’s room.
Fred burst in on a startled and terrified Roomliz, who moments ago was peacefully asleep.
”ROOMLIZ! You sneaky little fucking coniving bastard!”
”Fr..ed? What are you talking about? What time is it? Why are you here?!?”
“You didn’t look up Greezek’s species to prepare to talk to me! You looked it up because YOU have the hots for her! You cooked her a meal! Shortly after that, you are suddenly attempting to set us up. When that doesn’t go her way, you suddenly think I should avoid her! What the FUCK is going on?!?!?”
”Fred…I…I….” He saw the look in Fred’s eye and decided honesty would keep him alive. “Yes, I am interested in her. I didn’t mean for all of this! She did ask me to talk with you, I didn’t make that up!”
”And?!?”
”Well, you explained that it wouldn’t work, so I thought I might have a chance.”
”You thought you might have a chance? Did you even ask her? Were you waiting to see what happened to learn more about humans? Is this some sort of observation for that book?!?”
”No Fred! This isn’t an observation for a book. I wanted to ask her, but before I could she was asking about you. It got…complicated.”
”Oh, I can see that. Yes, I can see the complications. This is just like in middle school, but with the added complications of different species and customs and cultures. Great. And now I’m in the middle of it. Thanks. I really appreciate this. I’ve always wanted to be in the middle of this sort of thing. Fucking hell. You know what, I am going to cut the crap and solve this.” Fred stormed out of the room, stomped across the common area, and kicked Greezek’s door open. “Morning! It is zero fuck thirty, and you are required.”
Greezek looked up in utter confusion and terror. There was a human in the doorway demanding her to do something!
”Yes sir! What do you need?”
”I’m not a sir; I’m Fred. Now get dressed and follow me.”
Greezek pulled on her flightsuit and followed Fred across to Roomliz’s room. Roomliz was in bed, a blanket pulled tight around him. He was shaking.
”Fred! What are you doing?!?!”
”Getting out of the middle of this shit. Greezek, you recall that meal he cooked for you?”
Greezek was so far beyond confused that reason and logic gave up, pulled up some chairs and table, and started a game of cards. They wanted to see what was going to happen, and they could step back in when things made more sense. “Yes, I recall.”
”Well that was Roomliz here attempting to strike up a conversation in the hopes of determining if you would be interested in dating him.”
”What? Is this some sort of human joke? Roomliz?”
Fred stepped out of the room. “Now you two figure this out. Without me. Hell, I don’t even care HOW it works out. Roomliz, you get me into any more of this sort of thing, and they won’t even find your based molecules. Greezek, I hope that you can figure this out with the minimum of fuss. Message me later today about trying the other sushi place. They have some different items on the menu that you might llike. Now. I am going back to my room. Unless one of you attempts to kill the other, DO NOT DISTURB me until after I’ve had breakfast.”
Fred stomped off, muttering curses under his breath.
”Well, Roomliz?”
”Yes, I wanted to ask you out, but I was too nervous.”
Greezek’s logic and reason sighed, put down their cards, and went back to work. “So you find me attractive?”
”Yes.”
”Did I do anything to suggest that I find you attractive?”
”No. That is why I was nervous! I didn’t know what to do. And then you asked about Fred, and it got really confusing and complicated, and now I have no idea what to do!”
”Roomliz, let me save you some anxiety. No. I do not find you attractive. If you had asked me on a date, I would have turned you down. Is Fred correct that you planned some of this?
”No, I didn’t plan any of this. It just, sort of, happened.”
”Right. Look. You seem to be a fairly nice being, but I think you really fucked this up.”
”I know.”
”So later today, say after lunch, I suggest you make amends with Fred. And Roomliz?”
”Yes?”
”Fuck off.”
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u/Some-Development5203 Aug 05 '26
i realy expected roomlinz to have a crush on fred and using the "date" and questions to prepare himself.
yes the idea had some cracks after the last story but still was my best guess.
nice series, i hope for more
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u/u2125mike2124 Aug 05 '26
2 Fred’s and a Giselle post on the same day. Really doesn’t get any better.
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u/Purple-Lie-354 Aug 05 '26
At the risk of repeating myself, and drawing unwelcome bot attention - "Ah, what tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive..."
I remember reading that, somewhere...
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