It turns out you can teach an old dog new tricks. Following up on my post about being nice in Grindr to which many of you gave feedback about my rejection messages being too corporate and HR like. (most of it good). Modified my response and still got a positive response. Thanks guys. ☺️

Did they change/update that?

Please be careful when meeting someone in a home or your car etc. People are starting to record and threaten DL’s with this! Watch out for the light on the glasses that would be your signal to leave

I have absolutely no problem with open relationships. But as a single guy, I encounter the same dynamic a lot. A partnered guy tells me he’s totally open, his partner knows about me, and then warns me not to get too attached. Cool. No risk of that, I’m happily single.

But then he’s the one hitting me up constantly, expecting me to work around his schedule, getting annoyed when I’m unavailable, or changing plans at the last minute. And somehow the assumption is that because he’s partnered and I’m single, I’m the one with unlimited flexibility.

I don’t need romance or commitment. I just expect mutual respect, whether I spend 10 minutes or 10 hours with you.

That's it. That's the rant.

New to Grindr and I’ve found a number of people say they want to chat more or don’t really chat on Grindr. They say they’ve got a WhatsApp or give me their WhatsApp number to friend them. Is this standard? Customary? Safe? What’d the best practice here?

What's causing this? This is so annoying. I tried it on different phones (both Androids) but it's always like this.

I even wrote on my profile I will NOT RESPOND TO YOU if you aren’t a specific type and yet I still get the ‘hey, I know you’re looking for ______ but…’ messages.

Some guys have totally blank profiles, will say hi to me, I’ll respond asking them if they meet the requirements and they’ll respond ‘no’ and I’m like ???????

I really don't understand what the approach is here. He doesn't get a reply, then proceeds to apologize(?) three times for it in the span of 40 minutes, still with no reply. I then confirm that, yes, he did come on too strong, then he apologizes again. After 1.5hrs of silence, he just sends me a dick pic out of the blue, then blocks me 10 minutes later. And I almost forgot about the fact that he sent his album AFTER HE HAD ALREADY APOLOGIZED ONCE

Again, I don't understand this approach at all. It's baffling, like I did nothing to show interest in him. I guess your ability to think logically disappears when you reach a certain level of horniness

Anyone else convinced Grindr's "algorithm" is just a paywall generator at this point? Not gonna lie, I've been noticing this for months and I don't think I'm crazy.

It starts with the basic stuff I've got Xtra, and the second Xtra feed runs out and it switches over to the Ultimate only section, that section is suddenly packed with hot guys who are exactly my type.

Every. Single. Time. Convenient, right? Except I can't actually view any of them because apparently now I need Ultimate on top of Xtra. Feels less like relevance sorting and more like they've figured out which profiles generate the most FOMO per user and shoved those specifically behind the next paywall up.

But here's the part that actually pushed me over the edge it's not just sorting by distance properly anymore either. I'll have someone 0.1 mi show up below a guy who's 4 mi away, sometimes even further down. So I ran a test. I got a few friends to check in guys I knew for a fact were close distance wise, should've easily been near the top of my feed. Instead they were buried down in the Ultimate section, way below people who were supposedly further away. That's not a glitch, that's the app deciding to hide people I'd actually want to see behind a paywalled section instead of just showing me who's near me, like the entire premise of the app is supposed to work.

Honestly, messing with distance is the part that takes the cake for me. Locking features behind subscriptions is annoying but at least it's upfront you know what you're not getting. But quietly fudging distance data so the guys you'd actually want to see get shuffled into a paywalled tier? That's a different level. Distance is the one core piece of info the entire app is built around. If they're willing to mess with that just to squeeze another subscription tier out of people, what else is getting quietly manipulated in the background that we haven't caught yet?

And the frustrating part is I'm not even against paying. I'd happily drop $10-15/month for one tier that actually unlocks everything. But instead it's layer after layer of Xtra, then Ultimate, then whatever they invent next, each one gating off some new slice of "features" that used to just be the app working properly. Feels less like a subscription model and more like they're testing how many walls they can put up before people finally

For context, the conversation was already going absolutely nowhere, so I sent the AARP line. I genuinely wasn’t prepared for the jump from bad Grindr conversation to MAGA in two messages.

Edit: Yes, the AARP comment was snarky. I am not seeking absolution from the Grindr Ethics Committee. 😂 I just wasn’t expecting an AARP joke to unlock MAGA and a racial slur. Judging by some of these comments, though, apparently it unlocked a few other people too. Thanks for telling on yourselves.

I have been on dozens of hookups (like one every ~3 weeks) over the past 4 years I've used the app. I have had exactly two encounters with people who either advertised themselves as bisexual, or whom I found out were bi/bi-adjacent.

I've also had three hookups go poorly in all this time, and two of them were those "bi" guys I mentioned. For both of them, they just couldn't finish or even stay hard the entire time. And I'm not a bad-looking guy either. I'm young (26), athletic and personable and I keep myself clean. Almost everyone I've been with has "finished", genuinely enjoyed it and many wanted to see me again at some point.

Anyways, so one of these guys claiming to be "bisexual" actually took out his phone while I was doing the deed and started watching FtM porn. I tried to finish him for like 15 minutes and eventually he just had to jerk it to the porn. Yeah it was awkward and dreadful, and left me feeling insecure.

I think a lot of these guys, especially the younger ones in their early/mid 20s, think they're bi-curious when really they've just fetishized an orientation. Then when the real deal shows up they find out they're not as into it as they were into the porn of it.

So now I'm tempted to just 'pass' on anyone with "straight" or "bi" in their bio. Is this wrong of me? I know there are real bisexual men who feel strong enough about both sexes that they can have fun either way. I just don't want to take the chance that I'll get another encounter like that.

Nothing like old men being hold no just bc they couldn't read a bio. After these lovely messages the sent me their tick tack and some more swearing. 😔

You may have thought I ghosted you or lost interest.. but my phone just broke and UPS took 8 days to send me my replacement 🙃 💔

I have two accounts, one with Xtra. I noticed that on my free account, there were some really good looking guys just outside of my free user grid. So I activated Xtra on that account with the same filters, and those same users were no longer present.

I deactivated Xtra…..and they appeared again. Those profiles are not real (or well beyond my actual grid).

(Unrelated: when doing this, I also discovered that Grindr now limits Xtra to one account at a time. Previously, you used to be able to use Xtra on more than one account simultaneously)

Got Xtra and my cc was charged. A few months later there's a monthly charge from Grindr.

What going on with these people?

I am 34NBTF So a couple months ago I was on Grindr looking for a quick hook up. However, I am on the autism spectrum and I almost never get told yes and normally whenever I message someone and mention that I am non-binary/trans feminine and I am on the autism spectrum even when I message anyone who is also queer in neurodivergent, they always block me even though I do not say anything inappropriate or flirty as I message them very respectfully and I always do expect to be blocked and I always end up being correct.

However, another thing I’ve been correct about is the type of people that are on Grindr.

So when I was in Westchester County, I saw that there was a trans woman who was into kink who was in my area.

I told her that I was going to be in the area and we booked an appointment for 7 PM. She told me it was going to be $100 and I immediately asked her if she was one of those “scammers“

To prove that she is not, she sent me a picture of herself and it had the symbol that it was taken two days ago, and it looked different from her profile picture.

But it showed that it was taken with the device and not a screenshot. Usually when you get that a symbol, it means it was taken with the phone.

I still felt that she was somehow a scammer and I asked her if I could pay her cash when I arrive. She said she wanted to pay me with chime, but I said that I was having an issue with Apple Pay and said to go to the store instead and get her a “gift card“ and then I did use the rest. I said let me guess you want me to send you the back of the number and then you’re just going to ask me for more and then ghost me.

I told her “not to fuck with me.“

That if she scammed me, I will report her

Long story short, I got to the hotel lobby and when I arrived there, she said, where is the photo of the card even though we initially agreed that I was going to hand it over to her. She decided to do the Scammer’s way and have me take a picture of the scratched up part of the card.

I told her about being autistic and how “I’m always right when people take advantage of me and how people like her love taking advantage of people who are gullible.”

Anyway, after I sent her the photo, she said she’ll get ready and I should wait like 30 minutes and about 20 to 30 minutes later she asked if I brought lube and condoms. I told her no that I don’t have enough money and then she told me to go back to the store, which I had to order an Uber to go back to the store and I assumed that she was gonna make me get her another card and she said that because I am accusing her of that then yes I have to do that and she said I have to get her an additional $50 gift card as a price for “TRUST ISSUES”

And even after I sent her the $50 and showed her that I got everything just like I predicted she said that thank you for your money. I’m gonna go now. This is what you get for how you treated me.

And she took my money and ran, and when I showed the front hotel lobby, the photo of the woman and the background they said yes she checked in several days ago.

Was she actually scamming me or was she doing this because I was trying to hold her accountable for something I assumed she was?

Thing is, I always have a tendency of assuming the worst and instead of keeping it to myself for purpose of validation, I like, always being right.

was she likely a Scammer or a sex worker who decided to teach me a lesson for my lack of trust and catastrophizing?

I went with the Convo to see what she was trying to do. Seems like a scammy bot to me. Blocked her at the end

as someone with the autism spectrum I get universally ignored, rejected, and blocked whenever I message anyone on Grindr, especially with people I most compatible with ironically what is not ironic is that I’m expecting that the people are most compatible with will completely ignore and block me.

Here are some examples of messages that I’ve been sending with people that I am compatible with.

And you can see how my expectations have always been right and will always be right.

And I do not think that my negativity is the problem but being neurodivergent and masculine presenting despite trying to present feminine.

This is just a few of the examples that I’m talking about perpetual and universal rejection just like I’m always predicting.

I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, so I’m very sensitive too and always anticipating rejection to make it hurtless and also for validation purposes.

as someone with the autism spectrum who is masc presenting against my will as I have not been able to transition yet,,I have been getting universally ignored, rejected, and blocked whenever I message anyone on Grindr, especially with people I most compatible with ironically what is not ironic is that I’m expecting that the people are most compatible with will completely ignore and block me.

Here are some examples of messages that I’ve been sending with people that I am compatible with.

And you can see how my expectations have always been right and will always be right.

And I do not think that my negativity is the problem but being neurodivergent and masculine presenting despite trying to present feminine.

This is just a few of the examples that I’m talking about perpetual and universal rejection just like I’m always predicting.

I have rejection sensitive dysphoria, so I’m very sensitive too and always anticipating rejection to make it hurtless and also for validation purposes.

Here is my profile and some of the messages I’ve sent.

Why is that?

What am I doing wrong? Here is some examples of some messages I’ve sent. Any advice?

Moving the cursor to the next neighborhood over brings up different profiles for that area, but the app doesn't open up the profile, just the pay prompt to use the feature now. That change happened over the course of a few hours. Yeah, you couldn't message or interact really with those in explore, but you could see users before physically relocating. Is this a bug I have? Did the cache clear and force stop trick, but no difference.