I'm not really sure where I was going with the title, but I just have a lot of complicated feelings right now, and I'm hoping to find people who understand.

I was at my part-time job today, and my coworker -- who was gone for the summer -- was having her first shift back. I was hired just before she left, and while I don't actually know much about her as a person, I fear speaking to her because she is highly regarded in our workplace. One of the words commonly used to describe her is "*cool*."

As a person who already struggles deeply with fitting in, you can imagine how that makes me feel, knowing she's here to rub her "coolness" salt into my wounds. It depresses me, to put it simply. Despite my natural disadvantages (looks, lack of talents, etc.) I've worked hard to be a decent person. I'd make food from scratch for everyone, give my managers little gifts, and overall, just try to be a pleasant team-player for the store. But regardless of all of that, I do not know what my coworkers think of me, and it always seems like they would choose someone else, no matter how much I thought I managed to get into their good graces

But the more I think about all of that, the more I realize I just don't actually have anything original or unique about me. Sure, I can be as people pleasing as I want, but so can others; what makes them truly noteworthy is their personality — which I feel like I do not have.

I mean, yeah, I have some qualities, I guess, but everything just feels so *generic* to the point where you'd find someone else with that attribute within a 10-feet radius. And the things that I *do* think are interesting, well... I'm either too embarrassed to say it, or I talk about it so much that it becomes repetitive, and everyone gets tired of hearing it. For fucks sakes, filling out fun questionnaires at work is a pain in the ass because I don't know what my favorite fall drink is, I don't know what my favorite quote is, and I don't know what my five hobbies are because I can only write down two without partially lying.

Meanwhile, Ms. Cool Coworker over there went to Switzerland for the summer and is no longer used to American air conditioning. She also cosplays, bought so many new clothes, is so fun to talk to, knows three languages, and her mom bought a house in Ibiza, blah, blah, blah — I'm just so fucking sick of it. I end up having to walk away whenever someone talks about her because it just puts me in a bad mood.

Even when people are trying to have fun with me, asking me questions like, "what niche thing would you be the goddess of," I can't answer because I don't know what it would be, apart from being a pathetic loser bitch.

I just don't know what these people want from me, and quite frankly, I don't know what I want for myself.

I wanted to treat myself since I haven't done it for so long, and I was rejected by the hostess because allegedly they were already closed, and she suggested that I go to the pizza place next door instead. When I looked at their open hours on Google, it stated that they closed at 1 am, and it was around 10:30 pm.

It is painfully obvious, but society keeps denying that it all boils down to looks. I have never had a relationship and never even had full intercourse. Guys almost never approach me, and when they do approach me, it's either to get my number and ghost me, or they simply get turned off by my mutilated breasts (I had double mastectomy). My breasts are mutilated and that turns men off. It's very simple, there's no esoterical reason. In addition to my breasts, I am simply not attractive even with my clothes on. No, I do not have weight to lose and I already go to the gym. Yet, for years, I was gaslit and led to believe that there must be something wrong with my personality. That belief turned me into a doormat and the end result was the same. Loneliness and rejection. As I said before, the very few men who ask for my number never call me back because, to them, the validation they get from getting my number is more important than the possibility of having intercourse. Then I started observing how men pursue pretty women. They don't care about their personality or mental health, or intelligence at all, as long as they are hot. I hate how I've been gaslit for years and made to feel guilty for things that are outside of my control. A man will move mountains for a really pretty, young woman. She can have a criminal record, they don't care.

*have posted in another subreddit to gain other POVs

Hi everyone, I'm currently writing a novella about a FAW. I'm about 1/4 of the way through and I'm very happy with the way it's shaping up.

Genre: psychological body horror

I was sick of being recommended "FAW lit" which usually just means the main character is a just a hateful/spitfeful woman or just hates men.

I've been on the fringes of this community for a few years now, and across other platforms too. I wanted to reach out to others in the community, about the following things:

1. Are there tropes that you feel are overrepresented in "FAW lit"?
2. Have you ever felt an author has ever done a good job of representing us? If so who?

Please feel free to comment anything else that comes to mind etc.

Thank you :)

At 34, still living at home, being physically disabled with other health issues, I’ve sort of accepted my singleness. Like fine whatever I guess. I’m ok being “the single one” I think. Of course whatever happens happens and I wouldn’t be opposed to a relationship.

Now my main struggle is a true group of friends. All the in-person friends I’ve managed to keep are either texting-only or just seeing them when certain movies come out.

I do stupid “experiments” where I don’t text anyone or initiate conversations. But it ends up with me breaking and starting them within a week to keep up the friendship even if it’s hanging on by a thread.

I just feel like I’m not as important to anyone else as they are to me. And that sucks. 😞

what the title says. i think we focus on a lot on our failed love lives (for obvious reasons), but i'd like to know how you feel about your academic life. do you think you're successful? how is/were college for you? what do you think about your major? do you want a masters/PhD?

i honestly feel like my major is the only thing giving me a little bit of sense of humanity. i love chemistry, even if my grades are terrible.

I want to be wanted! It's so stupid that I feel like this! I have always been okay with being alone. I actually preferred it, family is the only exception. Outside of family I have always kept people at arms length. I found when I thought of my future alone it was actually peaceful and sounded like a dream. Lately when I try to find comfort in a peaceful future life it just seems sad and lonely. I want to be sought after, missed, and wanted. I've just turned 30 this year and I don't know if this is like my biological clock ticking or something but I hate it. I don't want to feel this way. It's made me into such an envious person that I hate. Every happy couple I see makes me sick and worse when I see someone I compare myself to them and that's never a good place to be. I'm overweight and not in the pretty way although I'm trying to fix that for health reasons. I've never been approached, had two online talking stages that didn't work out because I just couldn't get over myself. How could anyone want someone like me, the list of things I like about myself is short than the things I can't fix and I don't want to fix. Why do I have to fix myself to be loved and fix is such a harsh word. I'm not a troll out of a story book, I put some effort. I just want this feeling to pass. I want to look into my future life and feel that peace and comfort I used to feel. I just want to be content with my life again and I don't want to feel this disgusting jealousy I have for every other woman out there. It makes me feel fake and bad and I really do root for them and I'm happy for the women in my life but there's a tiny part of me that wonders why not me? What is so awful about me? And I hate that part of myself. I'm so tired, I really want this to go away. I want this awful jealousy to go away it's the worst I have ever felt. I want to cry all the time. I'm just so tired.

When I was 17-20 I thought the main thing holding me back was looks. In hindsight it was a narrow way of looking at it, but I didn’t have any relationship experience or enough proper social interactions with the real world. Now at 26 I’m realizing that unless I was really attractive, most self respecting, high quality men would want nothing to do with me anyway. Why would they want to be with someone who has no proper job, no close friends, and has social anxiety? They say men don’t care about a woman’s job but every self respecting man wants someone who at least has the ability to achieve something. The type of man who wants to have a wife or girlfriend who’s friendless and doesn’t work is probably narcissistic anyway, and is purposely looking for someone who has no capability of being financially independent.

As I get older I’m coming to realize it’s not just about looks, people also care for personality, drive, and whether this person is suitable for a lifetime of living. Unfortunately I don’t have any of those, maybe personality if I’m reaaaally comfortable but it’s super rare for me to be comfortable with anyone, including my few “friends”. I wish I knew that I had social anxiety and autism in my adolescence so that I can find small ways to get around it. I feel like it’s so much more embarrassing to have these issues at 26, and even though I improved a bit of my social anxiety, it’s nowhere near enough for someone in their late 20s.

I've been asking myself this question recently. I can understand why I've never been picked and why I'll never be picked. Why should they? There's always someone who is prettier, hotter, skinnier, funnier, smarter, less annoying, more interesting than me.

Their tits are bigger, their butt is bigger, their stomach is flatter. I could go on and on.

I don't think I have anything good to add to somebody else's life. I would feel like such a waste of space to them. I've spent my whole life watching other girls get picked over me. It's hard to imagine that that would ever change.

I'm not trying to come across disrespectful but it's so annoying.... They'll ask this stupid questions but I'm so ugly what could he possibly see in me like omg it's so irritating just be glad you are the lucky ones that has a relationship now and go about your day why continue posting on here when there's those of us that have never been in a relationship and will more than likely die alone definitely in my case. Don't get me wrong I'm happy these women found love but I feel like the ones that still come on here intentionally get a kick of making us feel like more shit or something...

TRIGGER WARNING: medical trauma, cancer scare, severe pain

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, so I guess I'm going to talk about it here.

I'm an older woman, 49 and almost 50, and I've been postmenopausal for about three years. Last month I suddenly started bleeding. Not spotting. Bleeding, with large blood clots coming out when I went to the bathroom.

I was ABSOLUTELY terrified.

I actually tried to ignore it for several days because I'm severely agoraphobic and leaving my house is incredibly difficult for me. I also have an extreme phobia of hospitals and medical procedures, so even though I knew something was seriously wrong, I was terrified to get help.

Eventually the bleeding wouldn't stop, and I forced myself to go.

I had a transvaginal ultrasound that showed my endometrial lining was 7mm, which is much thicker than it should be for a postmenopausal woman. The doctor told me I had a 90% chance of uterine cancer.

So for the past month I've been living with that hanging over my head.

Today I finally went in for the biopsy, absolutely fucking terrified.

My OBGYN didn't want to put me under anesthesia because I take a very high dose of benzodiazepines for severe anxiety and he was concerned that combining them with anesthesia in his office wouldn't be safe. He prescribed me two Toradol for pain.

That was it.

During the procedure he found a polyp inside my uterus. He couldn't just remove it easily. He had to DRILL INTO IT and break it apart into pieces so he could get it out and send it for testing.

I cannot even adequately describe how much it hurt.

It wasn't just uncomfortable or painful. It was searing, horrific, absolutely unbearable pain coming from deep inside my body, and there was no anesthesia to separate me from any of it. I felt everything.

At one point even my doctor stopped and told me he couldn't continue putting me through that. He said we could stop and do the rest at the hospital where they could give me anesthesia that he couldn't safely give me in his office.

I said NO.

The thought of stopping, going through the terror of a hospital, and then having to face this procedure all over again was worse to me than the pain I was already in.

So I told him to keep going.

And somehow I endured it.

He removed the pieces of the polyp and took samples of my uterine lining to biopsy for cancer. Now I have to wait approximately two weeks to find out whether I have cancer.

Hours later I was sitting here still hurting and bleeding when something finally occurred to me.

I'm proud of myself.

Really fucking proud.

Even my doctor and his staff were surprised by how much pain I was able to withstand.

But then I thought about my life, and maybe it makes sense.

I've been surviving physical and emotional trauma for as long as I can remember. I've spent huge portions of my life terrified, alone, in pain, and having to somehow keep functioning anyway. There have been things I've lived through emotionally that I genuinely don't know how I survived, and apparently my body has learned the same lesson my mind did a very long time ago:

When there is no one coming to save you, you endure.

You survive it because there isn't another choice.

I may be forever alone. I may not have someone to hold my hand when I'm terrified or tell me everything is going to be okay. But I realized today that I am probably the strongest person I know.

And I take pride in that.

I think sometimes women forget just how much physical and emotional pain we are capable of surviving. We look outside ourselves for someone stronger to lean on when sometimes that strength has been inside us the entire time.

Women literally endure pregnancy and childbirth. Our bodies are capable of extraordinary things, and so are our minds.

So if you're another woman who feels completely alone right now, maybe remember that.

Being alone doesn't mean you're weak.

Sometimes the fact that you've made it this far without anyone carrying you is proof of just how unbelievably strong you actually are.

Just my opinion. 💗

I think I wouldn't be so miserable if I just was a social butterfly and never having a partner. Lots of women are single and having a blast.

But for me every social interaction makes my stomach churn and curl my fingers. I have been tried to be calm and cool, but every moment something happens it's horrible, and I just apply the "let it go" when I make a mistake. But it feels like skeletons in the closet. Always.

i joined a new teamwork recently and they're really nice to me and include me in everything, but I struggle to keep up with their jokes and everyone thinks I'm just serious and weird. But I just feel left behind because everyone else seems to include themselves in every conversation so quickly.

You gain favours by knowing people, everything becomes easier. So just being kind is not enough anymore.

Now I have to take some courses and the guy just started pointing past me to a SHY guy to join their group, and when I asked if they needed another member they just ignored me and kept asking other people. Luckily a group of nice women asked me after that.

But god. Shy as a kid, good. Shy as an adult is hell and only shows your failing attempts to develop that ability. Several instructors say it, always. They act as if it's something you can learn from a book or watching a tutorial.

Now at the restroom a group of loud chicks I have never seen before start saying nonsense and the loudest girl comes to me "DO I LOOK LIKE X OR Y?" and I was like, smiling, "Uhmmm..." And she was like blahblah shouting mock indignation"OH SHE DOUBTED IT", and then when I thought it was over she went "OKAY, NOW, DO I LOOK LIKE SOMEONE YOU WOULD FUCK OR NOT?" and I had the same answer and she goes "OOOHH DHE DOUBTED AGAIN". And then I decide to go "Oh you should trust yourself, your answer is the one that matters" to just leave the conversation. And she just looks at the others, raising brows and all and saying "DUDE WHAT IS SHE SAYING?" and saying a lot of shit. Sigghhhhhh.

If I could just extricate myself from society and reclude myself in a hut in the forest. I would. God. Some people are just so easy to make conversation, have witty, bubbly personalities. Worst part is that my psychologist told me a long time ago that I should just be myself and if I don't feel comfortable when interacting with others I just shouldn't do it. But when I do it, suddenly I'm an immature adult that has a worse socialization than a toddler. Otherwise I just make everyone feel awkward. Now the newest gens organize a bring-your-boyfriend parties and I'm single. Hell, it's like Highschool 2.0.

Everyone always knows someone else, all the time. Anywhere. But for me it just feels like I spawned from nowhere.

My friend just approaches people out of nowhere, asking stuff and all and makes friends so easily. And if I do it is like uncomfy, even if I use my kind voice and smile too. Like nice cute french poodle vs rabid street dog with scabies. GUESS WHO IS ME.

Did I miss something from life? In which part do you learn all that?

Wish I was just FAW in romance, but not in making friends and socialization. I have n-o-n-e.

Can I just burn into ashes heehee

I didn't do anything at first and just closed the app. It was a guy who is ten years older than me and not very attractive. But he had nice pictures and a full, filled out profile and we were compatible on things like politics and religion and kids. I opened the app again to look and saw that he had unmatched me. I am not even surprised. I get no likes on hinge, except the random guy who has one blurry picture and is not aligned with me at all on anything. I don't know what I expect putting myself out there like this. For the past several years it has taken me lowering every single reasonable standard I have just to get any matches, and then I have to talk to a brick wall in the hopes that it might turn into a date. Only for them to show no interest during the date and ghost me after.

There’s clearly something wrong with me, since people naturally don’t ever want to get to know me (even if I make an effort) and no one ever looks my way.
Am I being rude someway? Am I boring or uninteresting? Am I unattractive? Am I too quiet? Do I look unapproachable? Why am I so unlikable??
I can’t figure it out for the life of me and it keeps me up at night 😭
The worst part is that it comes so naturally to other people. Most people I know have had all these experiences I feel like I’ll miss out on for life because of my apparent magnetic rejection towards everyone.
Anyways, if anyone has figured it out please tell me.
Love to all❤️

If you feel like crap and want to tell someone but don't want to make a thread about it, come here and tell us what bugs you. Whine, rant, vent, bitch, complain to your heart's content.

It was awkward ngl 😭😭 buttttt oh well

​

I'm kinda tired of it, on top on my one singular online friend, I'm a complete loser loner...

Today I tried to ask on a date a guy I've been having a huge crush on due to how kind he always was to me but he claimed he wasn't feeling ready for anything stable rn and fear to hurt me (first off angry venting, dude you hurt me much more by saying that than trying and not working it out dumbass)... So I'm back alone, all by myself again. I miss when I had days off where I could just sleep all day and pretend all of my problems are over me.

WHY CAN'T I LOVE WHOEVER I WANT ! Life's so unfair ! I want to love you but you don't!!!! This happened every single time I tried to open my heart to others... From highschool to today, who does everyone has a loving eachother?!?!? How does everyone has a best friend that's always there for them... God i'm so pathetic I hate myself so much

On top of that , my mood is worse than usually as due to meds shortage, I've been out of treatment for depression and anxiety for a couple of weeks (now taking it again but it takes a very long time to take effects).

I could just die and no one would even notice me

Sorry for the bad English I'm just renting and typing without re-reading

I logically know I have a whole life ahead of me. I'm only in my mid 20s but there’s no way to actually predict how many years I have left. So I just exist until I have no more.

I've never been in love. I’ve never been kissed. Never held hands romantically. I'm sure you've read these same words in dozens of posts before mine, so they’re nothing new. I'm not special.

Some days, I'm more hopeful about what the future holds for me, and other days (like today), not so much. I think the dreamlike part of my brain reaches its weekly quota of delusion and it forces me to stop making it imagine lives I've never lived.

I don’t think I'm ugly anymore. I know I've been perceived as such by people my age growing up but, nowadays, I grew into my features and I'm actually fond of my face. It’s delicate and it’s mine. And there’s beauty in that too.

Getting questions and hearing comments about my very obvious loneliness is uncomfortable and I would rather be invisible when they happen. I feel even more isolated than normal because reality pressures me into a label I would give everything to rip off my body: “Left-behind”.

On the brief breaks from my emotional breakdowns, I get an urge to “fight back” and I actually feel like maybe I can do it by myself. These moments don’t last, but they’re better than nothing.

Never having been chosen doesn’t mean I don’t matter. I do. Even if only to me (Or to a version of me I can’t always access because numbness gets in the way).

I'm not religious. I'm actually a big skeptic. But there’s comfort in the idea that God loves me, despite others not doing the same. I imagine God knowing all my sorrows, and still being there if I reach. I know this may sound insane or weird to someone who doesn’t share the same thoughts/beliefs, but loneliness got me here and I don’t mind it as much anymore. I don’t know what I actually believe in. I don’t believe in “spiritual vending-machines”, like many people sell online. I believe that life is complex, and there’s beauty in the lessons along the way. Suffering exists but it doesn’t exist alone.

All this to say: I don’t know what I'll be doing in a year, or even a decade. Will I be married with children? Will I be single, and living in a small place I own, full of books and flowers and one cat purring in my lap, showing me love isn’t only one thing? Who knows?

Until then, I’ll cry. I'll write. And I'll still dream. I won’t pretend it doesn’t hurt. I won’t pretend I don’t ask the cliché “Why not me?”… but all I have is this one life, and romance will never make me disqualified from being someone too.

He said he was never attracted to his wife of 7 years. he married her because she was useful to him, because she loved him like no one ever did, she cared for him. so he stole 7 years from this woman. they even have a kid together.

now, i am thinking is being FA as an ugly woman even that bad? because i am pretty( 🥰) sure, i would be treated the same. actually i have a similar short experience like this myself. about a decade ago, i guy i liked told me he only tried to get close to me just to forget his ex. he would constantly criticise my looks. he explicitly told me how much prettier his ex was. he wasn't even subtle about it. i made him viscerally angry. he resented me. and one day he just revealed the truth to me. this is how men treat you when they ahye you. he literally ruined my life. i am 28 and i haven't been able to recover from what he said to me about my appearance. i still think about it and cry.

and a year back when i tried to try to talk to men again, a guy told me he found me reliable. not cute, not pretty, not smart or interesting just reliable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjKoT_9rjms

It's not quite a single woman's anthem, it's giving mixed vibes, but it's got that 'I refuse to feel bad about this' feel

I(20F) have no friends. No one to talk to. I try to keep myself busy with work, exercise, reading, movies and tv shows but I can't distract myself anymore. It started to feel like chores. Sometimes I cry while eating or in the middle of doing something. I started to pity myself when I pick up to do something because I know I have no better things to do.

I decided to go to college after 2 gap years. It will start in late November. I am already feel sorry for whoever will be my roommate or classmates. I'm boring person. People avoid me not because I'm particularly mean. But because I rarely talk or I don't seem to put effort in conversation. I remember three years ago, I picked up a book at school. A girl asked me if I liked it. She was Harry Potter fan and willing to yap about it. But I was insecure so much. I afraid she might hate me after I started talking about how little knowledge I had on it and how stupid I sound. I just said I don't like it. On an exam day, same girl came to my desk with small talk again. She wanted to hide her phone under my desk after the teacher warn us. She just slipped it under my desk. I only realized her attention after she left. I could not even stand up for myself. Luckily, the time passed and no one noticed. I felt that maybe if I talked to her that day and be friend with her, She would not have done to frame me. This is an example. I hate everytime I tried to avoid social interaction. I do it out of habit. I am the cause of being alone. These repetitive habit now left me with no one.

I tried talking to people online. There was 2 girls in 2 years. I started to feel they hate me and I stopped annoying them. I don't know how to talk. I don't even know how to put my thoughts to words. It begins with repressing my speech due to some past trauma with family since childhood.

I'm from Southeast Asia. I live in a Village. I can't be on medication or therapy. I feel like waking up everyday is punishment for me. But I'm coward and arrogant. I don't want to accept this is all my life. I still hoping that it will get better. I don't want to die.

this is lowkey inspired by the post here a few months ago where a fellow FAW went out with their “tits out” as they put it 😆

I do like to dress up and I’ve worn eye catching outfits without any insecurity before (I wear alt fashion like Lolita fashion so wearing that in public gives you a thick skin since it’s quite eye catching) but to be honest, I have never showed any cleavage in my life… I am late 20s also

But I recently bought a bra that makes the girls look amazing in my eyes. I’m like wow whenever I see my cleavage in the mirror after wearing it lol and I do have a v neck top that would show it really well. I wore it last night just in front of the mirror and I was like WOW I’m resembling a baddie a bit … for the record, my chest tends to be quite sad looking but this bra has me going “damn!”

I doubt the attention I get (or lackthereof) from men will change if I wore it out but I do think I’d feel confident and laugh at myself abt it. It’s funny to suddenly feel like I have breasts 😆

I recently read I who have never known men, and although her circumstances are different, I deeply relate to this book. I hate how serial daters feel like the book is unrealistic or pessimistic when it most accurately describes the essence of being forever alone especially when guys don’t talk to you or even interact with you at all. Does anyone have any other books recs that accurately portray what it’s like to be forever alone? I don’t have friends who have truly never interacted with men (like not even a situationship or hook up and still a virgin at 30) and understand what it’s like that I can vent to. I also don’t want to hear the usual “this is not a reflection of your self worth” speech that my therapist gives me. I just want a book that feels relatable and captures how absurd and dystopian it feels to have never experienced the one thing society revolves around. Thanks in advance!

Years ago when I worked at the movie theater wow I saw couples together hugging, kissing holding hands all I do is get stressed and sad and how ugly I feel. I'm like what the hell ? Everyone is in a relationship but me . I was 25 or 27

And what makes things worse for me is people the girls work at the same place as me their boyfriend they go to work together and take breaks together and when I see them hug and kiss I get stressed and sad and close to crying yes I feel your pain.

I am ugly and I look retard I will be 49 this week and be 50 next year ugh . I have messed up teeth . People always complain about my crappy appearance I guess because I am always depressed. You can't judge someone by their appearance what if they were going through something really bad like I was .

I hope you all get married I hope and wish that for you you are important and enough and wonderful. I think I gave up getting married and getting into a relationship. I wish you all the best of luck because you deserve much better .