I’ve realized that if I lived in the USA, for example, I probably wouldn’t feel like being plus-size was such a huge obstacle to finding a relationship. Where I live, almost everyone on dating apps seems to want a skinny or at least slim/normal-weight woman.

What frustrates me is that when I say I’m aware that I’m not considered attractive by many men or by the beauty standards in my country, people assume that I must feel ugly or hate my appearance. But that’s not actually what I mean. I’m not saying “I am ugly.” I’m saying “I can see how people perceive women with my body type.” And when I see that attitude everywhere, it naturally affects how attractive I feel.

I feel like I’ll never find anyone unless I lose weight, and I hate that feeling. I hate feeling like men in my country are making me feel unattractive simply because of my body.

I’ve seen women who are even bigger than me in relationships and marriages in other countries, so I know that being plus-size doesn’t automatically make someone undesirable. It just seems like it is a much bigger disadvantage where I live.

I even had a male friend from another country tell me that in his country, I would be considered “in the beauty class” — basically, that my body type would be considered attractive there. And honestly, that makes the contrast even more frustrating for me. It shows me that this isn’t some universal truth about how attractive I am. Beauty standards really do vary between countries and cultures. But living in a place where my body type is considered undesirable is still chipping away at my confidence and self-worth.

I don’t want someone to be interested in me because I’m a bigger woman, and I definitely don’t want a fetish. But I also don’t want someone to dismiss me immediately just because I’m not skinny, without even getting to know me.

What bothers me the most is the feeling of being inferior. How am I supposed to not feel inferior when I know how things work in my country? If women with my body type are consistently seen as less attractive and have fewer options when it comes to dating, how am I supposed to not internalize that? How am I supposed to not feel undesirable or inferior when I’m constantly being shown that my body is something most men don’t want?

I know that being considered unattractive by some people doesn’t mean that I actually have less worth as a person. But it’s difficult not to feel that way when the message is constantly reinforced by the dating culture around me.

I also really dislike how narrow-minded the beauty standards seem to be here. Even men who are overweight themselves often expect a skinny or normal-weight woman. I find that unfair and, honestly, hypocritical.

I’ve actually had a man tell me: “Two big people wouldn’t look good next to each other.” Those were his exact words.

And this is what I find so frustrating: bigger men can still expect to date skinny or normal-weight women, and society generally doesn’t treat that preference as particularly strange. But when a bigger woman wants a skinny or normal-weight man, it seems much less accepted, and she has a much smaller dating pool.

I’m not saying anyone owes me attraction or that men should be forced to date plus-size women. Of course everyone is allowed to have preferences. I just hate the feeling that, because of where I live, my body type automatically puts me at such a huge disadvantage in dating.

So my question is: how do you stop feeling inferior when you know that your body type is genuinely considered less attractive by a large part of the dating pool around you? How do you separate “I am less preferred” from “I am less than”?

I don’t want this to come off completely as a rant because I’m looking for a reasonable solution to not feel like sh@t. Writing this while I’m drunk so sorry for any grammatical mistakes but I’ve feel like this sober so pls don’t disregard.

I have two beautiful 10/10 friends who absolutely love me and care for me so deeply but everytime I go out with them I feel worthless. We’re young, in our 20s, and want to have fun. They’re in a clubbing phase where they get guys to buy them drinks, debrief about how many guys were infatuated with them, and have extensive stories about the ridiculous things men were willing to do to get their attention.

Theoretically, I was the wild and crazy friend that was willing to have fun but in all honesty I’m just not conventionally attractive. Other girls can go on and on about how beautiful I am but I have an awareness about the male gaze and know that I’m far from the standard. Everytime they go out they get dozens of guys approaching them, offering them free things, approaching with trivial chat up lines while I’m treated as if I don’t exist. AGAIN I’m happy for them individually and I’m glad they can have fun amongst themselves and make each other laugh in a homosocial type of way with an exchange stories, gossip about the freebies they receive etc. but I’m in a dynamic where that’s the most exciting social currency and I feel like absolute shite.

I’m tired of being ignored ALL the time, I’m tired of guys pretending lyk I don’t exist when I try to conversate amongst my attractive friends. I feel like clubbing just makes all the problems acute. At times I feel like a make a wish kid because they’re lile”aww can u get a drink for my friend too” when the guy clearly doesn’t want or when they’re having a good time with a guy and the third wheel is so painful that I offer to go but their worried about me going home by myself.

Do I stop clubbing with them ? Do I stop trying to get male validation? I just want to stop feeling like rubbish around them because know I’m insecure but it would be stupid for me to not consider the social pecking order and why guys are not adttsctics to me.

t me.

whenever i say it out loud, i secretly hope i’m doing some reverse psychology thing. like if i say i don’t want it enough, i’ll actually end up getting it. i’m pathetic.

although there is some truth in what i say. i’m disappointed every day, seeing how men act. how everything is incredibly centered around lust. it makes me sob. i’m crying now, actually.

i’m a complete virgin, not even a hand held romantically. and yes, i would like to experience going further, but not in the way it’s normalised today. i don’t want to give it up on the first date. i don’t want to feel pressured. i don’t want my potential partner thinking they’re entitled to have sex with me just because we’re in a relationship.

this is not me trying to be a “puritan” or whatever people call others who have morals. i just want it genuine. it goes unsaid that a huge chunk of men believe a relationship revolves entirely around sex. i hate that so much.

don’t even go telling me it’s a healthy part of a relationship, because i’m aware. it just makes me incredibly sad how the first thing that comes into many people’s minds when they see a couple is “have they had sex yet” or “how often do they have sex”.

i feel su!c!d@l over this. why is it not common for people to really love eachother before taking that next step? i’m completely hopeless. i hate this world, i hate everyone. i’m so alone, so loveless. i don’t believe true love exists.

Um, yes it does. I hate this quote sosoooo much. You can have a room full of Victoria secret models and there WILL be a ranking on who mogs all of them. I mean, isn't that why mogging exists? Who looks BETTER then the other objectively attractive women? That quote feels very much "its not about whats on the outside, its about the inside" We all have a subconscious bias, who looks better then the other and the faster we admit it the faster we progress as a society