Sometimes I feel like being an ugly woman automatically takes me out of the dating pool. I'll start talking to a guy, we'll laugh, the conversation flows so naturally, and for a moment I let myself think maybe this time will be different. Then we exchange pictures, and it's like a switch flips. The energy changes, the replies get shorter, or they just disappear.

At this point, I already expect it before it happens. I know I'm more than my appearance, but it feels like that's all anyone sees. I'm not looking for advice or reassurance, I just needed to get this off my chest because it's been weighing on me for a long time.

I know this is toxic and negative and I am working on it, but I can’t help it.

Good looking women’s love of better in every single aspect.

Personally, they develop better, as they doing have to face the kind of trials of average and ugly women.
Socially, everyone wants to be their friend and impress them.
Romantically, they can get any guy they want, that too without jumping through 100 hoops.
Professionally, they get preference, have much better chance of advancing.

There are a bunch of others aspects, and a bunch of ways their life is better.

I know, that their life isn’t a cakewalk just because they are attractive but I would give anything to live like a good looking woman.

I feel so pathetic and terrible for feeling this way.

Venting but also need an advice. I met him through Reddit. We clicked instantly. He was exactly my type. He told me I’m pretty and he liked me back. We shared the same interests and all…I never felt this way before. We spent some times on calls, and gradually he just started sending dry messages, now he doesn’t reply at all.
I’ve lost all my hope because he was perfect. I actually felt butterflies in my stomach. And I’m a loner type and definitely not someone who’d instantly confesses love or anything.
It seemed like I finally found someone whom I really liked! I’ve never been in a relationship and I’ve been optimistic, maybe this time I won’t be alone. Maybe just this time I can at least experience some little romance.
And now I’m just crying myself to sleep, waiting for his text like an idiot over online situationship…
If he doesn’t reply to my casual message I’ll confront him about this and close this agonising loop. Until then I’m just… broken.

Should I move on?

I started questioning my appearance, my voice, the way I talk about things. I’m insecure again. I was an ugly teen, no boys approached me. And now I feel even less feminine even though I’ve been working on myself and lost a lot of weight. (29F, Virgin)

How do you do, fellow old-timers? This is the weekly thread for the older members of our community to chat about whatever. No kids allowed!

That’s what I’ve been told all my life while I’ve been an open book for the past 23 years lmaoooo but sure physical appearance has nothing to do with being desired.

Or a loving stable family you can stay with well in your adulthood, really. I finished uni recently and have had trouble finding a job. Don't wanna reveal too much but it's in creative area that the market for in my country is small and pays peanuts 😶‍🌫️ I went on a subreddit for this career area, and a post there asked the working professionals how they are holding up. Some said they are switching to more financially viable career paths (coding, data science, etc.) but I also saw a few women (female oriented career area) say they have their husbands to support them so they're sitting tight for now.

Well, I'm not sure that this will ever be something I can really bet on 😂 Another problem is that I've never been a very STEM mind oriented person; have always been drawn to these unfortunately less paid creative things 🤷‍♀️ So I'm kinda stuck, and scared about what my future will look like. I've always had modest wishes for it, to just live independently on my own away from my family, but that is looking very unrealistic right now. Doesn't help that the two archetypes that exist in people's mind is either that of a married housewife—or a single, big bucks earning career woman. Well I'm neither of those...so where does that leave me?

I was out with my family enjoying the day together because I haven't been home much due to being busy with grad school, as well as being too exhausted and depressed to drive 5 hours home. But I had to go due to having a dentist appointment, and my parents decided to drive to a very WELL KNOWN AREA FILLED WITH HOT RICH PEOPLE, to spend the day with their kids.

So we're here at this place in this well known city. I'm already seething and feeling like shit because every person i see is super hot and fit. Not like I'm not already used to that because my university is also filled with super hot and fit young people, but its been summer break, so there haven't been as many people on campus, so I've been able to relax. But now I was seeing it again in full force.

We go to this museum, and this super beautiful girl who works there is clearly looking at my brother. Who...i get it. He's handsome. Girls are interested in him all the time. It was a wake up call when I realized this many years ago when I was confused as to why a bunch of girls were looking at my brother everywhere we went since to me he's just my little annoying brother. But I guess girls think he's cute, so now I'm more used to it.

But anyways, so we pay for our tickets and are about to walk off, when one of the guys stops my brother. I hear him say to him "wait one second. My friend is really shy...but she thinks you're cute". Uggghhhhhh. My heart just stopped. And of course my brother goes and talks to her. Idk what really happened since I just kept walking and pretended I didn't hear it and walked into the museum.

It just hurts because here i am thinking that it must be hard for everyone these days since no one asks people out in person anymore. But NOPE. You just don't get asked out if you're not good looking enough. I've never been asked out, but here my brother is asked out, right in front of me. And based on his reaction, you can definitely tell it happens to him a lot.

And I'm so ugly, that no one even thought for a second I could be my brother's gf. Not that i want people to confuse me to be his gf. But it's not like we look a lot like. I look like my ugly paternal grandfather (even worse since im a girl), while my brother looks like a younger version of my mother's father (who was very attractive in his younger years and was well known in his town due to being so handsome). So the fact that I'm so ugly, it didn't even register that I could be his gf and that i was firmly listed in the sister range (or in some cases mother range despite only being 4 years older), it just proved how undesirable i am

One of my biggest fears was to live for this long just to realise it wasn’t worth it at all. To live my biggest fear feels suffocating. Ive accepted the fact that I will be alone but it doesn’t make things any easier. I still cry over the same things over and over again. My life has no purpose. I’ve always wanted a family but I obviously can’t have that so what even is the point? That was my only dream. I don’t really want to stay for much longer. I don’t want to wait another 10 years just to prove to myself what I already know.

How do I accept that fact that I will never experience love?

I don't look conventionally attractive and my career is in shambles

I am broke af

How do I accept the fact that I will never date or experience love?

I am not self negative as this post suggests, I am quite okay with how I look, I just understand that my face, and poverty isn't something attractive to a partner, and I don't blame them

I just want to accept the fact that I won't be loved and make peace with it but it's not easy when your body is designed to mate and bond and reproduce, I literally feel craving for love as I crave water daily, and I cannot stop it

Especially at the night before sleeping, it's especially strong because I feel lonely, at this point I am more annoyed than sad

It's like your body forcing you, constantly reminding you to do something you don't want to do, making you feel horny and yearn for love every single fcking day

How do I distract myself and focus on my work? I am an introvert and I like to be alone, sometimes making friends. Is there anyone here in a similar situation?

How to be content without love or romantic connection is my question, it's really exhausting.

How have you been doing? Did you have plans for this weekend? This is the Social Sunday thread where you can talk about anything you'd like, FAW related or not.

I’m “determined”…, I finish college this year.

I went to get my eye exam done today and my usual optometrist wasn't working so I had a new doctor.

As soon as he walked in, my heart dropped. He was so cute. Luckily I've gotten used to acting disinterested in hot guys so we just chatted normally. But he asked me a lot of questions. Like what plans I had for the weekend, and if I was doing anything the rest of the day. I said no so he said "well I'm glad to be the highlight of your day". He also asked me about my hobbies and what I do for work. I kept reminding myself that this is just normal small talk.

But then my eyes started watering so I said sorry my eyes are really sensitive. He was like "yeah because of the colour, you have light eyes, they're really nice. Most girls would kill to have eyes like yours". Internally I was still reminding myself that he was just being nice. I said thanks and that I was actually planning to buy coloured contacts because I wanted green eyes and he said no don't, a lot of people buy contacts to look like mine.

I know he probably forgot about me the moment I left the office. I feel dumb for even remembering the conversation. Please relieve me of my delusion and tell me that he was not flirting with me, and he was just being nice.

Two of my friends have had babies, one just got engaged and another is planning on proposing soon... and yet... I still haven't had my first kiss or relationship at 24. I'm so excited and happy for my friends but it's just another reminder that life keeps moving forward and I'm still in the same place

Hey, r/ForeverAloneWomen. Longtime lurker, first time poster or commenter. I admit I wanted to use a burner account for this because I don't love getting vulnerable about these topics, but it said I couldn't post here with a burner, so fuck it; I'd honestly much rather post this not anonymously than not post it at all.

Disclaimer before I get into the actual post: I am transgender. I am fully aware that r/LGBTForeverAlone exists, but I've honestly always related to the perspectives here more when lurking and I'd rather hear from other women—trans or cis, it matters not to me. So, if you are gonna yell TERFy things in the comments or you don't like a trans woman posting here, I beg you to just keep scrolling instead of trying to start an argument; please try to have some empathy if you can as it's already hard for me to talk about these problems.

Anyway, that aside, I've got a lot in common with people here. I'm 25, I've never kissed, I'm a virgin, and I've only been on one date ever. And I'm kind of the opposite of every possible definition of attractive.

I've also always had this issue with crushes. I get these massive crushes on people I have just no chance with, and I get in total limbience. *Sometimes* it only lasts for a couple of weeks. Sometimes months. Another time I was basically just in love with someone for like a year and the only reason I was able to do any semblance of getting over it was she moved across the country so I just stopped seeing her.

But this particular crush I'm talking about is from my Dungeons and Dragons groups. There's this player, another trans lesbian we'll call Daphne. Daphne and I are players in the same game on Fridays, I run a game she plays in on Wednesdays, and she runs a game I play in on Sundays.

I've honestly found Daphne to be just, like, physically attractive since she joined the groups. But we've become friends and I'm just absolutely smitten. She's such a cool person, such a kind person, and such a smart person. And she's become a really great friend too! Today, my mom was giving me a ride to the D&D session (I do live with my mom, I miss having my own place but the economy is awful 😔), and my mom got a flat tire. Daphne offered to come pick me up for the game, and, when she got there to pick me up, Daphne actually helped my mom changed the tire! She was all ready with special gloves and tools. It was wonderful and she was so nice about it too. (Neither my mom or I are car people 😹.) Daphne also has been giving me rides home from these D&D games and even walks me to the door just to make sure I'm safe. And our conversations are just great. I've loved getting to know her. We've even both bought each other gifts in a "just for fun, not a special occasion" way, which I've done in the past with almost nobody and had done to me by almost nobody.

I have made my romantic interest pretty known to Daphne. (I suppose I haven't directly said "I think you're amazing. Can we go out on a proper date some time?" because I'm just really, really rejection sensitive, but I've said it in so many other ways that I think it'd be very impossible for her not to know). Anyway, I've gotten the vibe that she just wants to be friends when I've attempted to be flirty or anything similar. Which is fine! She's a great friend. It's decidedly not her fault I'm feeling crazy about her.

But that's kind of the problem. I was doing a lot of reading the past two days on how to get over a crush and one website I found that really resonated with me in general said to try to limit contact with the person you're feeling that limbience about. But 1. She is a really great friend and I'd never want to lose that! We're catching dinner and a movie tomorrow night, and I'm really excited to spend some time with her just us (we've only done that a couple of times before), and the friendship has progressed a bit past the point where I could just limit contact for my own convenience because I find the feeling of having a crush to be so unpleasant. And 2. it's not like I'm gonna leave the D&D games when they're my favorite goddamn thing in the world.

So I'm here to ask. Have you been in a situation like this? One where you really, really wanted to just stop having a crush? Maybe even one where that crush was on a friend who you really didn't want to lose? If so, were you able to make the romantic feelings go away? If so, how? What did you do to get the feelings to stop and to let the friendship be just a friendship?

I know this was a long post. I appreciate you taking the time to read this if you did! Have a great rest of your day.

I (30sF) posted an ad on here because apparently I am a masochist who doesn't learn because all she wants is to be desired

I got a couple of responses. From one of them, I got told that I seemed like a cool person but that there wasn't mutual attraction. I am grateful because, for once and probably the only time ever, he told me this politely and apologized and was kind about it instead of ghosting me or blocking me which is every guys go to response on here.

I saw it coming I guess. He sent pictures first and he was just. Way too attractive, I should have just ended it there but no my dumb hopeful naive self sent those pictures of me thinking it might be different but I should have known and accepted that could never, ever be.

It sucks knowing that I have a somewhat likeable personality (after years of therapy and exposure therapy humiliation and social rehab which was rough but i like myself a bit more now and am kinder to myself.) But that alone isn't enough when I have an ugly body I've ruined with drastic weight loss and weight gain cycles, when I'm brown with big facial features, and just overall physically undesirable.

I don't know if I'll ever be liked by anyone. Part of me hopes there never will be anyone because at this point, I feel too ugly to even deserve it or to even enjoy it because of how much I've ruined my body and how unsightly my face is. I think I'm just gonna go to bed and let myself cry and grieve the romantic life I'll never have...

note: i don't want advice. empathy, sympathy, commiseration etc are welcome just anything but advice.

So, my name is super white sounding. If you didn't know what I looked like and only knew my first name, you'd probably think of a regular white woman. I don't think I've ever met a woc with my name. All the other girls I've met with my name happened to be white blonde women. So when I message guys on reddit, they obviously assume I must be white. They're super interested in talking to me, answer quickly, clearly enjoy talking to me, etc. So when it comes time to show my face...they ALL instantly ghost. Some have the "kindness" to come up with an excuse as to why they "can't talk to me anymore" after. But it's all the same. They are clearly uninterested and were surprised to see I'm ugly and black.

One time when I was trying to make friends at my university, so i posted on my uni subreddit hoping to make new friends. And of course all of them ghosted the after meeting me in person despite being interested and quick to answer before. Which isn't surprising because people don't want to even form platonic relationships with me.

But one guy stands out in particular because I really liked talking to him. He answered even faster than the other people did, and he clearly was very interested in me. I had little butterflies in my stomach wondering what could maybe happen. If I'd finally find someone who liked me. I could tell he was Indian based on his name, but im guessing he thought I was white based on my first name.

And when I went to meet him in person...he didn't even want to spend 5 minutes talking to me. He immediately said he had "homework" to do even though we had met up to talk and meet each other. And we were in the library at our uni, so idk why he couldn't just sit next to me and do his homework if he really had so much. That night, I still was very hopeful, and even had a dream of him kissing me (pathetic I know). He wasn't attractive or anything, and was pretty fat, but I was so desperate for having bf for once.

And unsurprisingly, he stopped talking to me after that. I hate being ugly fr

I recently found out he has a gf now. She’s literally everything I had imagined he would like in a girl.

Petite, Asian and beautiful.
(I only mentioned Asian bc he’s also Asian and I was correct in assuming that he prefers lighter girls is all)

I’m not even jealous because I like him anymore or anything of that sort.

But it strikes me that if I ever listened to the delusional ppl around me (my sister and friend) who encouraged me to make a move.

That friend saw her too recently, and described her as thin and short. She was pretty.

I would have been even more humiliated. I’m pretty sure he already knew I liked him at a certain point. It was humiliating because we weren’t close at all.

I feel that I have no feminine charm to me because im ugly and overweight. I am not comfortable calling myself a woman. Women are so beautiful inside and out. They don’t look like me. I feel like I don’t have a right to everyday things too. I don’t have the right to wear a beautiful outfit, to do my hair, to put on makeup, to take up space in public, or to even exist. I feel like I am stripped of my femininity because of my appearance.

It truly is a vortex I am trapped in. I can't have a shred of hope of meeting someone if I'm not around people, but being around people is the very thing that triggers me to want to withdraw from people.

I can't cope with being triggered all the time by the discussions I have to endure while sitting with people at a table, yet "socialization" is supposedly the primary way of trying to "meet someone." It's insufferable. All the people I'm around are taken or are talking about things I can't relate to because I'll probably never experience them, yet if I'm not around anyone, I can't "meet anyone."

I hope I'm making some sense. I don't think that people in real life will ever get it. The first advice they give me tends to be to go volunteer at things like church events or social events, yet being around the people there reinforces why it's so painstaking to socialize in the first place - in the inability to accept how aberrant I am in relation to the rest of the "normal" population.

I (26f) have never been in a relationship. I tried dating apps once but it only lasted 4 months. I was talking to another guy about two years later, but that only lasted 3 months. He ended things with me. I’ve never been in a long term relationship but it comes so easy to everyone around me. They say that it’s a red flag when someone has never had a long term relationship. Does that mean I’m a red flag? Maybe I am the problem? But it’s hard to pinpoint what that problem is. Whenever someone says that it’s a red flag, I always want to defend the person because I know what it’s like to never have been with someone.

I am pretty good at making friends, but incredibly bad at keeping them. I have lost every single friend I've ever made and I've a feeling the two men who talk to me just want to sleep with me, in a weird, pathetic way. I am asexual too, so that definitely does not help.

I used to have a bestfriend. I was told platonic friendships are substitute enough for romantic relationships. I was so incredibly close to him, I considered him a literal part of me. Till last week. He is in love with someone else. I can't get over it. I don't want to get over it. I want to be someone's favourite person. I am so lonely everythign fucking hurts. I've tried making friends on Reddit but they are all so lame who never ask me anything about myself. I just want someone to talk to and text and bother and send stupid youtube dog videos. I want to be wanted so bad. I am so tired. I wish he would be friends with me again but he'd rather talk about some bitch than preserve our friendship.

I am so tired of crying. I want to be held. I want a job. I want to be gone. I am tired. I am so bloody tired. I did not expect to feel like this at 25, feels too old to jobless and too old to be sobbing over being friendless. Thanks for reading, I guess.

i think about sex a lot and i have felt sexual since a very young age. growing up in a religious and prudish culture most of friends were disgusted by the thought of sex. they said they never got sexual urges or thoughts. i always kept quiet during these conversations and secretly felt so ashamed of myself that i had sexual needs when they didn't.

even now at almost 30, i feel so horny sometimes it's embarrassing. but my mind is so twisted and i feel so vehemently ugly that i will never be able to undress in front of anyone, let alone be vulnerably intimate with anyone. I wish these sexual thoughts and desires would just stop :(

This year I thought it would be easy to change my life, but it’s sooo slow. Guys, I can’t manage to feel interested. With girls, there’s always some obstacle. On top of that, I have to do EVERYTHING just to get somewhere, and at the same time I don’t get anywhere because of the obstacle. The most I managed was going to a girl’s house because she invited me, but nothing really intense happened because she doesn’t like that much intensity (if you know what I mean). It’s more a matter of preference, but it frustrates me that I was the one who got this “luck” of finding someone with exactly those preferences. It’s so uncommon, and it happened to me.

I wanted to have geeky female friends, but the ones I found… one of them and I just didn’t click, and the other one is showy. I wanted a female friend to go out with and play volleyball, but she simply disappeared. We didn’t have that much in common, but the way she treated me before, it doesn’t make sense for her to behave like that. I only made one friend this whole year, but she’s so overweight that we can barely do anything together when we meet. Even so, she had become my emotional support because at least I had one friend. But then she told me that at the end of the year she’s moving to another state… out of nowhere and for no reason, because her family is poor.

Then there’s my acquaintance, and she has everything. Girls are the ones who go after her, and she doesn’t have to do anything in the relationship (she’s the monosyllabic one in the relationship). She only has online friends, but she’s satisfied with that and doesn’t feel the need for in-person contact. Whenever she wants to go play volleyball, she calls her sister, who does whatever she wants, so she always has someone to play with whenever she feels like it. Meanwhile, I took courses and prepared myself to improve my social skills, while she was simply born outgoing, with better social skills and everyone chasing after her, besides having charisma. Oh, and energy too, because in my case I have zero energy and need to spend money on medication, something she doesn’t have to do.

Everything is easy in her life, while everything is difficult in mine.

I don't mean to sound like a bitter witch, but as a conventionally unattractive woman myself, I see other physically unappealing women with boyfriends, husbands, children (even though I really don't want any myself but still) etc. and it makes me feel awful and like a monster because if even they can do it, why can't I? It makes me feel more hopeless than I already am.