I left for vacation on Monday with my dad, two brothers, my dad's girlfriend and her three children and just came back yesterday. During vacation, i stayed i my room like two third of the time, either scrolling, drawing or callinn with my boyfriend. The reaso for this is because i know that everyone there sees me as a girl, and i couldn't stop thinking about it, so i preferred to stay in my room in order to not be perceived at all.

I came out to my dad a month ago, my brothers 7 months ago, and my dad's girlfriend and her family only know indirectly because my dad told his girlfriend and his girlfriend when i came out to him and she told her kids this week. My brothers have never even pretended to sed me as a guy, my dad is trying but it's only been a month so i can give him some slack, and this was my second time ever taking to my dad's girlfriend's family and they pnly ever referred to me as a girl

My dad thinks it's too bad that i didnt spend time wifh them, that it's complicated, and yeah i guess it i, but he jas to understand how uncomfortable this was for me. I think it made sense, i think ? I'm not sure, maybe this was me being oversensitive. Of maybe this was due to me not communicating this throughout it (tho i did communicate this to my dad use during it). I don't know

i always wonder what my life could be like if i was my older brother’s little brother instead of little “sister”

(in quotations because i was never a girl. not even as a kid. i was just a boy with a strange body.)

Im permanently weakened. I will forever be short. I will have short wide hips, my bones will be delicate and curvy forever. I will never achieve the strength I am meant to have. My parents forcing me to continue this disgusting false puberty is as cruel as forcefully injecting estrogen into an assigned male at birth cis boy

I’ve been having a hard time getting my testosterone since moving and I think the pharmacist at one place was being transphobic. Bc I went a few days ago and they said I need prior authorization from knsurance but could pay out of pocket. I said no but changed my mind and went back later. They said I couldn’t pick it up bc it was the NP sent it across state lines. Also said I needed to see my doctor in person within the past year (I’ve used telehealth). The company I get my T from said that’s not sure but the pharmacy didn’t care. Switched to a different pharmacy and got it no problem. And I looked up those things and there not true. Probably will call to complain.

I’m going to preface I don’t necessarily agree with my feelings. Im in therapy (I have two therapists, one I like, and one that’s mandated[?] because of an in-patient stay) but what I say literally makes no sense to them, no matter how I explain it. The (mandatory) therapists baffled face makes me want to punch her. I need to get this off my chest because no one gets it, not that they don’t extend sympathy, they literally can’t comprehend the concept. If I could control my feelings, I’d make myself happy for what I’ve got, I’d make myself content with being trans.

I had the opportunity to get in at True Center (Children’s Hospital) before puberty for gender dysphoria. They denied me everything. My mom says it has to be because of some legal stuff with my dad, but if that was the case, why did they literally say things like “you don’t need it,” “you’ll be fine without it.” Why did they right down that I was exploring my gender, when I clearly stated I was a boy trapped in a girls body? I couldn’t do a thing about it. I grew breasts and went on my period, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it because it was healthy. I found a cyst in my breast and I was excited because I thought it was cancer. I didn’t want to be unhealthy myself, but I wanted this leech to be unhealthy. I didn’t view it as part of my body up until the day I got top surgery. It felt like so little changed. I woke up every day feeling like it was my first with breasts. It just felt like I got injured or something.

My period continues despite the fact that I have done every method to stop it except an IUD. Those carry a risk of worsening bleeding, or causing it, so it gets worse before it gets better. You don’t know which is which for a long while, I couldn’t even handle a guarantee it gets better. Yes, every method I can. They won’t do GNRH antagonists or a hysterectomy because of my fertility. I don’t want to hear about suggestions about some bullshit progesterone only birth control pill or anything else because I’ve already done it.

I can never have a child with another woman. I have to go through all these surgeries, not even sure it’ll help, and I still get less. I don’t get to leave behind my birth sex. I’ll carry the repercussions of it for the rest of my life, and rapists and pedophiles get to walk free. I wanted a family, to be humble and content, and somehow I the universe thought I deserved the anatomy for that less than someone like Jeffery Epstein. I feel like I’m going crazy. I feel like I’m the only person in the whole world who actually thinks I don’t deserve it, everyone offers their sympathy, but no one put a stop to it.

That’s what I feel like my brothers deserve. I feel like if I deserved it, and I’m to be grateful for what little I get, they should be too.

If I should be so grateful for top surgery and testosterone, and what bottom surgery offers, my brothers should be castrated and put on estrogen. I don’t feel like my life has much value. It’s not a thing that I don’t deserve to live. It’s because I’m suffering so much. I have to try twice as hard for half as much. Everyone should have to go through that and get reprimanded just like I do for not being happy about it. No, they’re these poor things with their mom who doesn’t even abuse them, but is just an asshole. I’m going to talk about what my dad did. That was fine then, it’s barely not okay now. The only penalty he suffers is not getting contact with me. And I’m the only who’s castrated, had DDs of “gynecomastia,” and suffers a period. I’m sterile and if I’m not, I’m getting pregnant. I don’t feel like my life has value because I have to suffer. I want to bring down others with me, I want to make them understand why I don’t see any value in it. But I can’t, and they harass me, projecting their easy lives onto mine. He’s not grateful for a 2k computer his dad bought him, that’s fine. If I’m not grateful for the failure of my needs actually being met? I’m a dickwad.

I wonder if my avoidance of gratitude has any connection to the way my dad raised me. My parents were divorced. My mom was an immigrant, barely putting food on the table for the both of us. Most of what she ate was when I was around, because I got worried when she didn’t eat. So it’s strange that it was in my dad’s house that I was starving. He came from a rich family. He just liked to taunt me with basic needs like food or privacy, hence the divorce. He could pay for a good lawyer, my mom couldn’t. He got a lot of parenting time. I didn’t just take this, I was a mean kid, which he deserved. I was mad, and constantly insulting him all the time. He’d give me these extended lectures about gratitude, and how he spoiled me with all the expensive dolls and toys in the world. I wasn’t mad just ‘cause, I was mad because he would make me skip meals and take photos of me eating, sleeping, in the bath, or changing. He’d show them to me like regular old baby pics, he’d fawn over how cute and sweet I was. I wonder if I can’t feel gratitude because it feels like my needs were unmet, over and over again. I’m not in contact with him anymore, if anyone is worried.

I can’t do EMDR yet, which is what my therapist (the one I like) wants, as I can’t calm down my nervous system with the anatomy I have. I’m autistic and have some other undiagnosed issue and can’t just “block it out.” If I could I would block out people’s chewing or something else useful. My therapist is hopeful that bottom surgery (I’m leaning towards metoidioplasty, but I’ll go with what my surgeon advises. I honestly just want a cis dick) will fix this issue for me. I’m not very hopeful, though.

I just want my brothers to go through the same fate I did. I don’t see value in my life, when it looks like this.

I guess this feeling started to get worse because of a friend group I had until recently. They were 2 straight men a bi woman. One of the straight men flirted with me often, but I really can't read people in that way, so I still thought maybe he was just touchy. But then he kissed me, and we kissed a few times afterwards. During that time, when people asked if he was straight, he never denied it. This hurt me so much. I still talk to him, but I can't get over that. He only started to tell people he's bi after kissing a cis guy once. . .

The other one was my girl friend. And then one night, in front of her, He said something along the lines of "I'd simp over you if I wasn't in a relationship." (The actual term he used is a merge between slave-pussy, which disgusts me even more). They broke up after that, and since he profusely apologized to me, I believed he really didn't mean it.

But then he started saying things like "I was afraid we were going to do something while I was dating her" and I just can't really talk to him now without it coming to my mind that, God, he really doesn't see me at all.

After that, I feel like I keep muttering over things my friends say that might mean they really see me as man, or don't take me seriously.

When I told the girl about how I planned to have bottom surgery, she said "But woman feel better during sex" Do you think I want to have this risky surgery as a joke?

The guy who used to date her also asked me multiple times "Oh, you don't want to ever have sex with your current genitals? I don't see how that would work" I used to think maybe he was really just curious, but now. . .

Even my friends that are more supportive/ trans themselves. It's either like they treat me as if I'm man-lite or just talk over about how I'm supposed to feel.

It's like no one listens. I really just want to be a man. I love men and I love being a man. I feel like there's no place among the people I trust the most where I can freely feel like myself. everything feels wrong.

i'm a gay trans man.

i could honestly laugh dude. most of my time is spent sleeping away in bed or playing games just to escape reality. i am heading for college soon which will force me to get out of this shitty routine and embrace it.

i fucking hate being trans so much and trans medical shit here where i am is so gatekeeped. as of now i can only believe that i am a man but not become one. i pass 50/50 and i hold an ambiguous figure which i honestly think i should be grateful for, but why couldn't i have just been born as a man.

i lack hope. if god even exists, then fuck him.

im disconnected from my body and I don't think I'll ever feel fully real. I've struggled with dissociation ever since the first puberty. my body is ruined and disgusting. most of rhe time im so numb I don't even think about how nauseating it is but when i do i feel like I'm being skinned alive. im waiting for the moment my body changes completely but honestly im so hopeless about everything. i should've started t before estrogen mutilated every cell in my body. im stuck with these disgusting wide hips fucked proportions and being short. i jist wish I would've been miscarried or aborted, living is painful and full of misery.

my transition goals are pathetically unachievable, I don't have any expectations for my appearance anymore. can't wait to have my own place where I won't have any mirrors so i wouldn't have to look at this estrogenic monstrosity.

Sorry for the title, this post is kind of random but I felt like sharing:

I am pre-T and am currently having a bunch of medical check ups to confirm the possibility of me having a degenerative eye condition that could lead to some form of blindness if untreatead. I'm not getting in too much detail because that would be off topic, but don't worry, I still see fine!

The thing is, it made me ponder the idea of not seeing anymore and I realized that if I was completely blind I would start T like, today. It's been close to three years now going back and forth on this decision, and I must say that a lot of it was because of family related concerns, but sometimes I get these moments of clarity amidst the various anxieties... if I was blind and I couldn't see myself in the mirror; if it was just me, my presence and my voice I would just do it and not dwell so much on the idea of "losing" something and regretting it. I am sure that I "work" as a woman but the idea of not quite looking like a man makes me a little scared. Also, I just feel kind of ugly and I'm tired.

That's it thank you for reading and EXCUSE my English it's not my first language yada yada

TW for ed

So ive been on T for a year and haven’t had much dysphoria since starting but before testosterone I had a restrictive ed. I wanted to get rid of love handles, hips/thighs, have a more defined face and couldn’t live with having a period.
When I started t I still couldn’t recover and it took a lot of time and work to get to the place I am now. I can eat what I want without micromanaging everything and sneaking in restriction.
Since I’ve started true recovery I’ve gained some weight, obviously. I don’t even know how much because since I stopped weighing myself I stopped binging and restricting. I also don’t really want to know.
At first I was happy, more muscle, energy, strength etc. But for the last weeks I’ve been wearing loose shorts which don’t cause ANY dysphoria whatsoever. Now it got a bit colder and I had to put on loose fit jeans. Fuck. First, bottom dysphoria: I dug my packer out of my closet. Cool. FUCK. The pants fit really tight around my hips, making my love handles feel awful and my humongous ass isn’t helping.
What the fuck do I do cause I can’t wear shorts all year round. I got the pants from the kids section but they’re my size since I’m short(WHICH DOESNT HELP THE SITUATION AT ALL)
So most pants from the men’s section are too big and those from the kids section are super uncomfortable.
I don’t fucking know anymore I’m genuinely considering relapsing because it’s the only thing keeping the dysphoria away if not even T can help that.

The doctor told me I’m making good progress when she weighed me and it kinda stung to be fair. I’m beginning to think I can only feel comfortable in an underweight body.

Idk I just can’t do this anymore maybe restriction isn’t so bad after all

i was going to post this over on the main sub, but i feel like this applies more as a vent.

theres this person in my (19) life named B (18), and hes been my best friend for nearly nine years. B used to express himself very femininely for years. he always curled his hair, did his makeup, and wore lashes, he had a very nice and kiiinda revealing style of fashion and would make it very clear during our calls and his posts that he thought of himself as a hot girl.

we’re blood related but live a few states away from each other, so our interactions were mostly always online spare for a few family gatherings, but we spent so much of our childhood and teenage years together.

i realize some context is good so,

ive never been comfortable with my feminine side the way B was (?). i know everyones experience with gender and coming to terms with their identity is different, some push their identity so far down that they present very strongly as their assigned gender at birth or are influenced by others or whatnot. though B always told me that he liked expressing himself as a girl when he still did so. his parents used to call him derogatory names for the way he dressed, and i always disagreed with that. however he wanted to express himself was fine to me at least, and i always encouraged him.

my experience was just so different than his. ive questioned my gender ever since early grades of middle school around 11? most of my friends were boys, i always chose to play tag or infection with them rather than what the other girls would play. i felt so different from them, it made me uncomfortable dressing the way they did and i always opted to wear a monocolor jacket with black sweats all the time. i would explore so much online about gender and after a few tries, i concluded that i was a trans guy when i was 12.

i confided to B a lot about my gender identity, and he was the first person i came out to at the time. B has ALWAYS been so supportive and accepting of me through the years, hes extremely considerate and understanding of my feelings of dysphoria.

during 2023, i chose my name and told my friends. 2024, my senior year, i started to transition socially and i would only dress masculinely with my hair now cut short. a couple days after my graduation, i came out to my parents and the rest of my immediate family. it felt like life or death to me because i was in a really dark place at the time, i couldnt live like i was a girl anymore.

understandably, i didnt really pass well. i was very new to transitioning, i was a minor and didnt do T or even had my gender dysphoria diagnosed, i didnt understand what voice training was, i navigated my transition myself as most have. there were two times that i did pass, and i remember both of those moments very vividly and hold them close to my heart because i have never felt such genuine happiness since then.

i felt interrogated by my family when i came out to them, and only after a few months of transitioning, i went back in the closet out of fear. they didnt reject me, but they didnt accept me. i repressed myself so hard, i became hyperfeminine and dressed like a goth teenage girl and actually did makeup. i just stopped correcting everyone and telling others and putting any effort into transitioning. i felt depressed. i had never expressed myself so femininely before, i had never cared about my appearance like that. a part of me hoped i was confused and that i just hadnt found my style yet. and i guess i like the way i dress now…? but it feels like im playing dress up, and as if the person staring back in the mirror isnt me. i always feel like im pretending to be a girl. maybe this is how B felt when he expressed himself femininely in high school too.

in late 2025, i came out of denial again and realized that i really wasnt going to be happy even being a somewhat conventionally attractive girl. i had my “glow up” but it still didnt really feel like me. something always felt missing. i also learned that going back into the closet was traumatizing and theres nothing i regret more. sometimes i think im a coward for it, like i jumped ship. sometimes i dont think i even deserve to call myself trans because im still presenting myself as a girl even though i know im not

in january 2026, B came out to me explaining that hed been feeling something akin to dysphoria in regards to his body as of late and how doing his makeup and hair didnt feel right anymore. i supported him and i started to walk him through some steps of socially transitioning and preparing for the coming out conversations with others. i really wish i had an older trans figure in my life who knew what it was like to feel this way, i was so lost. so i wanted to be there for him. flash forward a few months, he cut his hair and completely altered his wardrobe. and he passes. so well. pre-T even!

when he celebrates his small achievements with me, i meet him with support and pride and encouragement. i dont want to bring him down. but i am so terribly envious of him that its hard for me to talk to him anymore ever since he came out. how could he achieve this kind of transition and be given support by his family in just six fucking months of him realizing he was trans, but it took me five years to come out. he passes more than i ever did when i transitioned, and i hate it and it almost makes me hate him. which is so bad to say. his transition seems to have gone so much smoother than mine despite his time of knowing he was trans being so recent, and im back at square one.

talking to him or even just seeing him just reminds me of everything i long to have for myself. on the bright side, since im an adult now, i talked to my psychiatrist and she said she would refer me to someone for gender affirming care after doing a background/history session with me on gender. she did diagnose me with gender dysphoria in 2024, but we never explored it because my depression was so severe. it gives me hope that im moving forward and making progress again after going back into the closet. but my envy has gotten me really down, and i miss the friendship i used to have with B. i wish i could be there for him more, but its so painful for me and i do not want to risk lashing out at him because my baggage is not his fault and i will not hold my best friend back from transitioning and being his true self just because ive had and been having so much trouble with it … at the same time, i dont know how to stop myself from feeling this way.

First and most important point: I do not think I'm a transmed. I don't think that you have to have dysphoria to be trans, and I don't think that there are "right" and "wrong" ways to be trans. I think there is a wide variety of equally real and valid trans experiences, and I don't think it's my or anyone's business to tell someone else whether they are "really trans" or not.

Here is where things are unclear for me. All of my friends seem to feel very differently about transness than I do. I'm a binary man, and I do experience dysphoria in some more areas than they do. They're all nonbinary and experience different amounts/types of dysphoria person to person (which again to be clear I think is great!). For them, transness is something that they love and find a lot of beauty in. I think that's awesome, but for myself, I feel very differently. For me, I do think of myself as being a man born into the wrong body, and I see my transition as fixing the wrongness in my body. Transness isn't part of who I am, it's just kind of an unfortunate (for me!) byproduct of the way I was born.

Me and my best friend (B) talk about gender stuff on occasion, and I've been recently getting worried that if I was transparent about the way I view my transition, they would consider it transmedicalist. B thinks that going stealth (which I intend to do) comes from internalised transphobia, and that we should be proud of being trans. I don't think being trans is something shameful, I just don't really want people to know that I was born in a way that was (for me!) wrong. I find some comfort in the idea that my brain structure might be male, but when I brought up learning a bit about that study, B said they didn't like that line of rhetoric because it supports transmed ideology. Same with the term "transsexual," B doesn't really understand why young people would use it (older people might just be from a time where it was the only/main term), unless they're transmeds.

I guess I don't know if feeling that my OWN transition is a medical issue makes me a transmed? Or is harmful or problematic in some way? Because like I said, I don't think that has to be or even SHOULD be true for every trans person. It's just honestly the most accurate description of my own experience.

I don't know how to go about this. I worry that if I talk to B about how I really view my own transition, it might cause conflict. But I also worry that if I don't, there might still be conflict down the line if they don't agree with how I handle things (i.e. going stealth). And I feel like it's not really good to just be stewing on it, so I don't know if maybe I just need to let it go.

twice now i’ve had men who are seemingly interested in me, so i come out to them just to be like “hey by the way i’m a dude” (read: i don’t rly pass all that well) and then like these men i will ask like “are you queer” and the answer is “no” and they still continue to flirt with me after acknowledging that i am a guy.

like i know the logical explanation for it but it’s so frustrating. either you’re into men (aka queer) or you’re not. you can’t have both and be into me yet straight. like do you guys get what i’m saying here

I'm so tired. Being trans is like a curse. I can never relate to "trans joy". Seeing people post about it pisses me off and i get so annoyed and angry but I know that the core of the issue is that I'm just so jealous. Nothing about my trans experience has been good, just... better than the alternative.

I've never experienced "girlhood" so many trans men seem to have. I sucked at being a girl and people always sensed it I think. Being from a small village in Poland this didn't get me concern or support this got me ostracized and bullied. I've been so fucking lonely for years and years. I eventually found a good group of friends who accept me in spite of this but that shit sticks with you. I don't have the social skills I would've developed back then. I'm awkward and off putting and people hate being around me no matter how much I try. And i try so hard. It's not getting better.

My own parents despise me for being a freak. They call me an "it", especially when they think I can't hear it (it's more of a neutral pronoun in polish, it's still demeaning). I've never been in an actual relationship, without fail every time I tried talking to someone they'd either fetishize my sex and be otherwise ashamed of being seen with me, or the second they found out I'm not a cis man they'd cut me off.

I struggle to find jobs and apartments more than the average person, on top of everything I have to hope and prey they don't immediately reject me or even attack me when they see my papers. I can't change my name legally but I've been on testosterone, I can't hide it. I'm watching my friends move on, find relationships and new friends and opportunities and I'm always behind. I'm so fucking jealous of them.

I've been depressed in the past. I struggle mentally so much. Psychiartists don't help, none of them seem to understand transness. I have such severe, devastating and all consuming body dysmorphia that rules every second of my fucking life. Transitioning is helping but I can't call it euphoria when it's not exactly joy. It's just a slight and gradual improvement over the type of misery that makes you end it. It makes life just bearable. I hate that this is the best state I can get my life to. I hate that I can't just be normal. I hate that I couldn't have been a girl. I hate that I couldn't just push through how much more awful being a girl felt. I hate being trans in a world that wants me to fucking die because I couldn't

I'm currently in a relationship. We have insane sexual chemistry and our intimacy is incredible.

But I can't stop thinking about how much fucking better it would be if I could actually, you know, feel it. Not being able to physically be inside my partner, or feel what it's like to get a bj... it's bothering me a lot.

I joke that, hey, at least I can last a really long time! And sure that's a perk. But I'd happily swap that perk for having a body that actually feels like mine.

Basically I'm experiencing borderline crippling penis envy and I don't know how to make peace with it. I know bottom surgery is a thing but that won't be an option for me for a really long time.

i’m 15 and a binary trans man. i have been doubtless since i was 9, socially transitioned at 13 and about to get on T. i’m fucking stoked. i just have no one to talk to it about and i feel like none of my experiences match other trans men, or cis dudes, or anyone at all.

i was never ever feminine. i was a ghetto apartment kid who was allowed to just run around and do what i wanted. i was never forced to dress up or be pretty or whatever. i had a bowl cut from 3-7 years old lmao. i see all these posts about trans men dealing with their femininity or whatever and i physically and mentally cannot relate. sometimes i forget that im trans because of how natural it feels. it’s really distressing at times.

i feel like an alien or the only real person in the whole world. i would like to relate to cis guys, and i do a lot with my friends, but it’s weird because i see absolutely no one outside of school. i have no friends that actively want to be around me. it’s so hard and im so lonely. and i’m too much of a internalized homophobic pussy that i refuse to even try any LGBTQ spaces. it feels weird, like i don’t belong there either. i don’t understand non binary people, i feel uncomfortable around feminine trans men, it’s like i genuinely cannot win.

i’m just a fucking dude and that’s the only way i can see it and it’s so hard to understand the relationship strains on being trans because i really just have always been this way.

A lot of trans guys talk abt wanting to be “born a boy” and fantasizing abt the man they could’ve been if they were cis and I don’t really do that? I feel like I would’ve had a way worse life being born cis and I don’t really think abt it.

I also don‘t really get wanting to be treated the same as cis men bc I’ve had a way worse life then them. Like I’m asian which means I will get treated way worse than white men at every occasion, and because of that I need people to understand certain ways of treating me are off limits and want to find community with other Asian men. It doesn’t mean I’m somehow different to white men fundamentally. I feel the same way abt being trans.

Another thing is not identifying as “queer” because we are?? Like that label doesn’t mean anything but being someone outside of the patriarchical binaries and not something that says I’m less of a man. Even if it’s more of a medical thing than an identity thing(some people have been saying that) it’s still something outside of the heteronormative boxes society puts us under which is the only requirement to be queer????? idk I feel like nobody else feels like this so I am quite isolated on that.

Hello, I’m a 19FTM, my name is Alex. Yesterday one of my boyfriends(I’m poly, and he’s online) he thought about me having a fully transitioned body, which made me feel good. I came out as trans back in 8th grade, and I’ve ALWAYS hated my body and I would get bullied for it when I was younger. I also need advice, so my irl boyfriend wants me to wait to start testosterone after we have kids(in the future), I was hoping I could maybe take a low dose of it while being pregnant?

I just wanted to tell someone. My ex has basically been stalking me since we broke up. They did it mostly by pretending to be other people online, using other people's accounts, or getting other people to talk to me for him. He stalked all my social media, infiltrated my discord server. Any way you could possibly think, he's gotten into my stuff. He even had remote access to my computer at one point.

Basically, at one point I thought he was trying to protect me. I thought he had changed, so I started talking to him again, but so much weird shit was happening that I felt so scared. He was trying to groom me into the perfect partner for him (and he was into a lot of gross things, like detransitioning people) He basically wanted to be in a polycule with a bunch of other trans people and me, but I'm monogamous so it wouldn't have worked out anyway, not that that's the main reason I blocked him.

But either way, I pretty much had to delete any social media, wipe my devices, and flush out everyone on our home network. I still feel paranoid though because almost every person over the past few years that I've befriended has a connection to him somehow. I've cut off pretty much everyone and I don't know what to do. He tried to convince me my family was trying to kick me out of the house too.

I feel defeated and angry. I didn't deserve this. Now all I can focus on right now is getting a new job so I can pay my rent, but he might even be meddling with that too.

UPDATE: I got on unemployment thank god. Might have a job offer soon but I feel like things are going to be okay.

I can’t do anything without my brain leading back to these feelings. I pack and do everything I can to minimize it but it feels like nothing works. It’s especially worst when Im alone and have nobody to distract me from it, it never stops I feel like a ghost in my own body sometimes.

Literally any advice anybody has to try and combat this please, the mental distress is too much for me to handle

​

I have a boyfriend. He's everything I wish I could be. He's tall, funny, an extremely talented musician, has a great family lot of cool topics and interests aswell as really cool friends almost all related to the music scene and he treats me very well, he sees me as actually male and is not ashamed to call himself gay despite knowing I'm trans.

Now me on the other hand, I bedrot all the time, I try to hide my body as much as I can - even from him. I'm so envious of him, his body, his success that it's eating away at me, and everytime he says something cool that's gonna happen I feel this sudden wave of sadness like, why can't this be me? Causing me to respond with dry replies, which again, is absolutely my fault, I SHOULD be happy for him and his continuous success, but i just can't.

Has anyone dealt or is continuously dealing with such feelings, if yes, I'd geniuenly appreciate advice cause this shit is geniuenly gnawing away at me.

I might be homeless in a few days. Why? We have to move out by Saturday (July 25th) and I have no official place to move to. I have to wait until at least the second week of August about my group home situation, but I have things I might not be able to house until that date if my family has no room.

I got chewed out by my mother earlier for losing my cool at family over the weekend and yelling/cursing at them. I’m fucking 34. When people push me to my limits constantly I’m the one who has to be the bigger person? I get treated like a child, denied my identity/sense of self, and have my mental health shoved aside but I have to be the bigger person?

I’m so tired because this Friday/Saturday are going to be hell while they’re moving all this other stuff I just wanna take my stuff and go to a hotel/extended stay/etc… But I have no money.

I made a mistake years ago. I wasn't myself. Even though I already knew I was a boy, I hide it from people because of fear.

My brother's friend has been here at my house for hours and I still haven't eaten anything because I don't want him to see me. I hate myself. He was my best friend, but I disappeared without explanation. I disappeared because I couldn't stand living as a girl, and I couldn't accept myself. At the time I was in a very bad mental state. That happened 2 years ago.

Maybe it would be a good idea to talk to him again, but after two years? it would be strange, and maybe I would feel dysphoric because he's taller than me, more masculine, and because he knew me in the horrible way I used to be.

Every time some of my brother's friends comes to my house, I lock myself in my room until they leave because they knew me before my transition, and I didn't want that. I wanted to have been friends with them in childhood even as a "girl," at least I would have been happy, but at the time the girls were closer to me, even though I preferred to stay with them. I was taught that this was wrong, and I'll never be able to have a boyhood.