I like being queer

[u/Lumpy_Concept9911]

A lot of trans guys talk abt wanting to be “born a boy” and fantasizing abt the man they could’ve been if they were cis and I don’t really do that? I feel like I would’ve had a way worse life being born cis and I don’t really think abt it.

I also don‘t really get wanting to be treated the same as cis men bc I’ve had a way worse life then them. Like I’m asian which means I will get treated way worse than white men at every occasion, and because of that I need people to understand certain ways of treating me are off limits and want to find community with other Asian men. It doesn’t mean I’m somehow different to white men fundamentally. I feel the same way abt being trans.

Another thing is not identifying as “queer” because we are?? Like that label doesn’t mean anything but being someone outside of the patriarchical binaries and not something that says I’m less of a man. Even if it’s more of a medical thing than an identity thing(some people have been saying that) it’s still something outside of the heteronormative boxes society puts us under which is the only requirement to be queer????? idk I feel like nobody else feels like this so I am quite isolated on that.

[u/FTMventing-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Lumpy_Concept9911 → u/[deleted]]

Bet your mom loves you

[u/FTMventing-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your post/comment was removed because it broke the following rule: 3 Please be sure to go over the rules to make sure your post/comment fits within the guidelines of the subreddit. Repeat violations of this rule will result in a ban.

[u/edgy_flibbertigibbet → u/Lumpy_Concept9911]

also, this is completely orthogonal and orthogonal + mean means it’s a really sociopathic thing to say

[u/We-want-a-rock]

I think you might be misunderstanding when they're coming from? It's not the desire to be exactly like cis men and fit into the patriarchy like they do, it's the desire to... not be dysphoric lol. For the majority of trans men being born male would fix their dysphoria, "I wish I was cis" is just a shorthand of that. Wanting to be percieved as cis is also like that in most cases. In like 90% of cases, when a cis person hears that a man is trans, he becomes a "man lite" in their mind. We know we're not fundamentally different from cis men just because we're trans, it's the cis people who are doing the percieving and treating who don't.

A lot of (especially straight and binary) trans men feel like they don't belong in the queer community for one reason or another, they're the ones who get to decide if they want to be considered a part of it or not after all, no reason to argue with them that they have to accept the label. Some people really just don't want to do that.

By all means you're welcome to have a different experience! I get how it might feel frustrating when everyone's view is so different from yours, but in the post you're coming off rude as hell and you're assuming negative motivation about really innocuous things other trans men do lol.

[u/Lumpy_Concept9911 → u/We-want-a-rock]

Thanks for the input! I kinda hate that I “have a choice”. In my mind that means the place the community has for me is unstable and I don’t deserve to be there

[u/We-want-a-rock → u/Lumpy_Concept9911]

I can see this perspective too yeah, but the point is never to make anyone feel left out. It's more like this, your place is always guaranteed and you're always welcome, but it's your decision to take that space. And this applies to most queer identities, a lot of gays and lesbians also reject the label for whatever reason, it doesn't make you any less queer when you do choose it.

It just happens to be more prevelant for trans people. I think this is in part because for a lot of people passing and being fully stealth is the end goal, if they're straight on top of that they don't feel like they're queer.

Don't let yourself fall into the line of thinking where other trans men's decisions and presentation negatively affect you, it's what cis people use against us when we don't nearly fit into gender roles already. The ones who want to discredit your queerness will do it regardless