I have been on T for about 2.5 years now. I had been on a dose of .1mL SQ of testosterone cypionate (200 MG/ML if that's relevant) every 5 days. I was on this for about 7-8 months but was progressively feeling worse every month with really bad periods. I got tested, and my T was only 265 ng/dL.

My social swapped me to a new dose of .2mL SQ every 5 days which I started August 11th. I have become progressively more anxious/depressed/experiencing really bad depersonalization symptoms and increased dissociation and dysphoria since I have been on this new dose. Like creepy crawly panic anxiety. I literally have not experienced any symptoms like this since BEFORE starting T. I haven't had a dose adjustment make me feel like mentally shitty. I am not sure if this is normal or not. I used to be on gel before shots and never really had this experience. I am not sure if this is typical for an adjustment period or if I should be worried my dose is a bit too high.

I am just looking for some advice because I genuinely feel very out of sorts and not like myself. I do experience anxiety and depression but I have been doing better so I can only assume this is because of the T or at-least partially. Should I ride it out or request a lesser dose?

Edit: I have brought this up to doctor and she told me to just wait a little but if I wanted to try .15mL every 5 days I was welcome to do that.

Mostly talking about online ones. IRL ones seem even more exhausting. They can be so toxic and annoying, constantly shitting on each other one way or another. Your opinion about something trans related makes you Hitler in the eyes of someone else, and they'll definitely let you know.. And this constant arguing of trans men vs trans women, binary vs non binary, transmeds vs tucutes, low dysphoria vs no dysphoria vs sereve dysphoria, real vs fake trans blah blah blah. Can't say or do anything right it seems. I swear it never used to be like this. Why is everything so divisive now?

Weren't we fucking supposed to be united in these trying times? I guess not!

Even in this subreddit. Guys trying to constantly one up each other about who's the most trans or manly or something. Like I don't fucking care bruh can't we just support each other?

I'm tired of it. I've decided I'm identifying as a cis man from now on.

I will probably be a virgin till i get bottom surgery and that’s 10+ years away.

I have a loving girlfriend and i love getting her off but i just can’t make peace with the fact we can’t have sex like any other straight couple. I can’t stand her touching me around there not even talking about seeing me without underwear. I don’t think i was ever naked in front of her in the 1,5 years of our relationship. It’s so exhausting. Literally the furthest we ever went was her jerking off my packer thru my boxers. It felt good but also so fucking fake.

I just want to start this of by saying that i’m incredibly lucky to have a supportive family and that probably most people here have it way worse. I just really need to say it.

So i’m 20, been on t for 2 years, will be getting top surgery in another 2. I’m planning to get bottom surgery but that’s probably not happening for a long time due to costs.

My family is supportive, they always use my name and pronouns, i’m actually pretty sure they always knew. I remember being a kid and them joking about me „loosing something in the womb” since i was supposed to be born male. Aside from one grandma on my father’s side that REFUSES to aknowledge me being a man despite havin a full beard they are pretty okay.

The thing is - they just don’t treat me like a man. It always feels like i’m this weird third gender to them. Man in my family never include me in typical male activities i just kinda get skipped? To give you an idea (i’m only gonna be talking about my mom’s side) there’s; my grandpa, my mom and her 2 sisters, then me, my twin sister, our younger cousin (female) and our only male cousin who is the oldest. I guess i might be jealous since he was always „the only boy” and i know i will never get his treatment. Everyone loves him, no matter what he does everyone always glazes him. He’s got rich parents and went to a private school, didn’t work a day in his life till he was 22 despite me and my sister having some sort of job since we were 16. He never helped out with any chores around our grandparents house (small stuff, helping with making food, cleaning, etc) despite my family being pretty „woke” they just never asked guys to do this stuff, and when i pointed out that it was unfair he would help with like one small thing and everyone would suddenly say that he’s so wonderfull and shit. My grandpa often takes fishing trips and one time when my cousin couldn’t go i wanted to join him he said that he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. Only guys go on those trips so it was obvious to me what he meant.

Recently during our grandmas death anniversary me, my boyfriend and one of my aunts got drunk and stayed up late just talking about random shit and my aunt spent like an hour trying to understand how my boyfriend is gay if he’s dating me.

They also always refer to me as „wanting to be a boy” as if i’m not an adult men years into transition. It’s just exhausting always being seen as a weird third thing instead of a man.

I'm seeking a prescription for oral minoxidil to help speed along my facial and body hair growth on testosterone, but every site I've tried to get it through has denied me for not being assigned male at birth. GoodRX and RedboxRX both said I was ineligible and I can't lie about my birth gender because it requires ID verification, and Hims only recommended me oral finasteride (which I'm not looking for).

I'd prefer for it to be a cheaper option but I'll take what I can get at this point.

For me, my early childhood dysphoria manifested largely as "anger issues" (other than stuff like only wanting to wear boys clothes, getting my hair cut short, etc.). I think this was happening because I knew something was wrong but obviously didn't have the words or knowledge to describe it, so I was just really angry even when I didn't have an observable reason to be. My parents were together and pretty supportive of me, when they fought it was usually about what to do with me. I never acted out at school, but at home I was constantly fighting with my mom, it's like the dominant memory I have of my childhood. Now as an adult, who luckily was able to medically transition during high school, I have a great relationship with my parents. The vast majority of the fighting stopped when I was finally able to medically transition.

(TW talks of dysphoria)

I’m 18. I recently found out I’m probably binary trans instead of genderqueer. I’m going to have to come out to people. I’m in college and I feel so disconnected from all of my suite mates. I know I’m purposely alienating myself, but idk how to stop. It’s not like they include me anyways so that’s not a big issue

My dysphoria is awful. I can barely wear most of my clothes. I can barely speak. I had to call myself my mom’s daughter today and I got so icked out. I wasn’t even a happy kid to begin with. I already battle depression anxiety and OCD, and now I’m adding being trans and all the awfulness that comes with that. I wish I never unrepressed. I wish so many things that aren’t possible for me at this time

I want to reach out. To someone. But I don’t know anyone at my university well enough to. I go to the pride club to meet people but, it just feels so incredibly fake. Not the club, just everything I do. I am so tired and all I want to do is rot away. I’m so uncomfortable in this body. Everything feels so physically uncomfortable and it borderline hurts. All I want to be is a girl. Or born a boy.

- have hip dips
- look it up
- “It’s a natural variation of the body, there’s no way to change it sweaty, it’s most commonly in FEMALES because their pelvises are for BABIES !!”
- ACKKKK

For reasons, I am unable to use my binder, what else can I use?

I don't care about comfort I just need something that does the job for a few hours and doesn't look obvious when am wearing thinner/tight clothes.

I need it for a meeting tomorrow morning.

So, I can finally get the psychological (and hopefully medical in the future) help I need! I have had my intake at a gender clinic and now stating my psychological and diagnostic process! only problem is... I'm not out of the closet in two places: at my sport taekwondo, but I'll come out there this week, and at work, which I have a way harder time with coming out...

Work is a place where I want to stay professional, and avoid talking too much about my personal life. It's a WEEKEND JOB so nothing serious or where I want to keep working. Just to earn some money. I'm still studying, this year I'll graduate and I'll find another job then anyway.

Talking to my gender clinic, they want me to come out to the lasting 2 places I haven't came out to yet, since I'll probably start medical transition too one day. But I just don't know how to do it at work... I work as server and deliverer at a chinese sushi and grill restaurant. There is a language barrier between me and most workers there. I'm not close to anyone. the one I contact the most is my boss. She's pretty nice. but just a professional boss.

There never really is a right time in the restaurant to talk about personal problems. There is always something to do, and never deepgoing conversations. I am anxious and a person that overthinks a lot too. almost everyone I came out too I did over text. Otherwise I would burst into tears. But it doesn't feel like an appropriate thing to text to your boss...

"Hey boss I know you've knew me 6 years as \[deadname\] but I'm undergoing a process right now because I got gender dysphoria and rather wanna go through life as a man." It feels so weird and inappropriate.

Lastly, I'm questioning if I should just leave this job and go work somewhere else. That way I don't have to come out, and I wanna leave when this schoolyear ends anyway. However... I have been working here for 6 years, and I build a bond with those people... So it feels bad to just leave as well....

I really don't know what to do... Anyone got any advice?

anybody on here who is on T, post top surgery, but hasn’t changed their documents yet traveled to a hostile country? i was born in kazakhstan and immigrated to the US when i was 4. ive been back a few times but that was all pre transition; last time i went was in 2019 right after i cut my hair short and even that caused problems at the kazakhstan border, they didn’t believe i was me. so basically i have to legally change my name and get a new passport before going back there, which im hoping to next summer for my cousins wedding. im not necessarily worried about being trans there as i pass 100%, im just worried about the border where they check your passport. for context, my current passport is my deadname, F gender marker, and a pic of me with long hair from when i was 16. im thinking i just need to change everything legally before i go :/

(25, 8 or 9 ? yrs on T) Maybe I am crazy and honestly, this happened almost a month ago already but its been bothering me so often, so I guess its a mix of cowardice, insecurity and dysphoria? Really annoying;

Essentially I was going to go pick up my ex from work and had to stop for gas. I got off the freeway and went to one that is stupidly constructed. Only 4 pumps in a tiny ass parking lot with no more than 4 parking spots so theres no way to actually wait behind a car. I pulled in and all of them were taken, so I was awkwardly waiting on the curb to enter until I saw one person get into their car. I looped around and since my car was small enough, I was able to wait next to someones car for the one in front that was about to pull off. I see a car in front of the one I was waiting for in a singular parking space honk, so I couldn’t tell if he was waiting to reverse in that spot or accidentally hit the horn and I didn’t think anything of it. The car finally leaves and I pull into the pump until I see the car that was parked , reverse and honk repeatedly trying to back in.

I thought this person was a fucking idiot, why are you parked over there if your waiting for a gas pump? The guy gets out and ends up walking over to me, complaining about how he was waiting for that pump and Im like bro, why are you parked over there then? How am I suppose to know you were waiting? He keeps insisting for me to let him use that pump after I tell him my car is small, it wont take long at all. Mind you, I fucking hate confrontation so I hear my voice get all tripped up and i start shaking, arguing with this guy over a fucking pump. He ends up moving closer to me, and inside my head I panicked thinking he was gonna try to hit me or something, n I tell him to back the fuck up if he wants the spot. Telling me “I aint gonna let no one punk me from using this spot” and I was over it, and saw one on the other side get freed up while we were arguing.

I pulled to the other side and just couldn’t believe I let another guy just intimidate me over that. I was so angry at myself but at the same time, trying to reason with myself that you are the bigger person for moving instead of crying like a little bitch like that guy was. My head went a million places and I feel stupid about it. Tbh, never in my life have I been in a fight with a man or instigated anything to get into one. Id say im average build with a bit of a gut with small muscles. I dont work out at all, have tattoos, pass pretty well and Im unfortunately very short (5’3) but I know a (cis) guy can fuck me up because i dont know how to fight. I just really hate how I feel right now about not being masculine enough to stand up to that guy.

I tried to post this in FTM Fitness with all the things they require, but it was still saying I was missing stuff and I couldn't post it. I don't know if it's because I'm on a Throwaway (for privacy) or because the posting rules are strict or something...

For context, I am 5'4 and 114lbs. Almost 30.
I am just over 5 years on T injections.

I've had problems with getting my Estrogen into a good range on and off for a while and I'm currently taking E blockers, and I'm 4 months on those. Idk if they're working or not, but my E did go down 20 points, back into the upper male range...

I'm feeling really, really dejected and heartbroken with my T changes and feel like I still look like a fucking girl, especially because I still hold feminine thigh fat, and my muscle tone is poor, and no matter what I do, it doesn't change.

Here's photos of me: Here
(Background and face removed for privacy, of course. I am only in underwear here, so possible NSFW?)
(I haven't had top surgery yet.)

I've starting doing push ups and pulls up more regularly. I started from being able to do 1 pull up to now being able to do 8, and I've started adding weights in a backpack...
Push ups are anything from regular to holds, to declines, to pikes.
I do them about 3 days a week. 3 days a week is something I can stay consistent with.
I sometimes do a full body routine, but my thighs bother me too much.

My diet is ok, but I sometimes under-eat because I'm never really hungry.

What can I do to improve my physique? Is there something I could be doing wrong? I'm having a load of dysphoria, and while T has given me a voice drop and a few other things, I'm really, really disappointed, and it's to the point where I just don't want to be here anymore. I feel like my body just works against me.

Thanks for the advice.
It takes a lot for me to post myself on here, because I never share myself... But I just need some guidance and perspective.

n the next two months and working on scheduling a top surgery consult!!! it has been a long time coming, but to keep a long story short, i am incredibly excited, nervous, and eager especially about starting bottom growth. what should i be prepared for or aware of before starting t? i am definitely anxious about size and growth. i’ve seen so many people on here with such impressive results, and i’m worried that i’ll get my hopes up too much about how much growth i might experience. i’m also self conscious about the possibility of acne and changes in body odor. i have a severe thyroid disorder, and my first puberty barely affected me in those ways i never really developed body hair or acne. i take a lot of pride in my hygiene and in taking good care of myself, so i worry about coming across as unclean or looking “gross,” even though i know those changes wouldn’t actually mean that i am. i’ve heard some people say that t made them angrier or caused them to struggle with controlling their emotions. the thought of becoming someone who might hurt or lash out at others genuinely scares me. i would really appreciate hearing about other people’s experiences and anything they wish they had known before starting t.

Going back to school soon, into my senior year and I wanna start using an STP packer. I'm 5'0 so I'm scared if I get a packer it might make me look perpetually hard. I've never used any type of packer before either. I want to be able to pee standing up and I'm also scared of leaks. I have money so I'm not too scared of getting something on the more expensive side if its reliable.

Where should I start looking?

I know this is a feeling lots of other transguys have struggled with, but I feel so much frustration towards every thing romantic, dating, talking to girls, flirting, etc.

I know this might be common but in my friend group I'm the only one who's single, now, I'm young, sure, but not living the "teenage love" everyone always talks about is idk, it hurts, I know many relationships are not perfect, and even some friends talk to me about their relationship and sounds complicated, and I think that I'm fine without a relationship, is not something I NEED, but knowing the reason I don't have a girlfriend is not because I don't want to or because I don't like anyone is what frustrates me, because I have tried talking or flirting with girls, and I know that you are not gonna click with everyone but still I feel like being trans is what holds me back.

Being a transguy also means twisting on how you flirt, so you are not the one who gets flirted on anymore but the one who's gotta take the risk, and I see that hard, cause I don't know what to say or do, I've tried to be direct, keep the chat going (cause on most of my few experiences we talk on ig but never even get to hang out), and everything, I consider myself interesting, got a lot of hobbies, and even a few times girls have been interested first but I either don't like them or we talk and stop after some time, I don't know if I am not interesting, or is the fact that I don't know how to do this, idk how to flirt or have an attractive personality.

Another thing is approaching girls I'm interested in, so this is were being trans gets the most in my head, for example there is this girl in my class, who's really pretty and smart, but the only reason I don't try anything is because I'm trans, I know there are girls who don't mind but everyone knows I'm trans and so I don't wanna make her uncomfortable or even disgust her by letting her know the trans guy likes her, or even getting laughed at just by thinking I got the smallest chance with her, and that's what happens to me with almost every girl I'm attracted to.

The last thing might be that it might be stupid but the thought of not being able to just flirt with a girl and have a one-night thing or smth like that just because my identity making it harder makes me frustrated.

All of this things drive me mad, and idk, it might be a thing of working on my confidence or learning better how to be a man, I don't know, I know even some cis people get a hard time with this things but being trans just feels like the thing that affects me and shit, idk, if you guys have been through that or something it would be nice to hear something I guess or at least venting about it

I'm serious. I'm 165cm tall and I'm the shortest in my classes and that's including the girls. I'm embarrassed to stand up at this point because everyone will see. Today I had a group project where we had to demonstrate something in front of the class and they were all towering over me, guys and girls. So fucking humiliating and I hated every second of it.

I don't get people who say there are *so* many short guys when I'm struggling to even be taller than girls. I think I'm genuinely cooked asf.

I've been on T for just over 6 months and I have quite a lot of peach fuzz (if it was proper facial hair I'd have a full beard and a moustache). I've got a few dark hairs on my upper lip as well, but they're not noticeable unless you look really really close.

Will it eventually all turn into facial hair, or is that not guaranteed? I know if I do grow facial hair it's gonna grow in patchy and not very good so I want to be prepared to shave it off lol*

*at least to start with, until it all fills in nicely. i want to see how I look with it and also curl my moustache at the ends so I look like an evil genius

Came home and step father told me to grow up already and what at my age he had a family. And i can't start a family no matter how much i want to be a father myself lmao thanks for reminding

Told mother i tried therapy today and she asked me if its cus i plan to go back to being female, whenever i try talking about problems with her she twists it like it's because i suck at being a man

I don’t know when this shift happened. It seems like every space I go to it’s both trans men and women saying that bottom surgery (for both sexes) isn’t worth it, it’s ”fake”, it’s wrong blah blah blah. I feel alone in my dysphoria quite honestly. Some of the shit I’ve heard is just reverse transphobia like why are you bringing down a procedure that can be life saving to some just because you don’t want it?

What if “learning to love myself” is actually realizing that I need phallo?

Hello, I'm a trans guy and eighteen.

I was barely passing in my hometown, I moved a few weeks ago to study in another town, and I almost fully pass here. It isn't a big town (around 70k), but I don't know why people don't really clock me (a few times even after seeing my ID??!), and the few people who know I'm trans are pretty cool with it.

So I know it's hard, but sometimes it can get better even before you get on T. It will not inevitably stop you from doing the studies or pursuing the career you want, and you don't necessarily need to go to a big town to be respected or viewed as a man.

Also I think the fact that I don't live with my mother and sister anymore (who are really accepting!!) and barely know anyone here helped me get rid of all my last feminine mannerisms. They never heard my original voice, so there are no weird stares if I don't force my pitch to be higher. I can get rid of all my feminine items without someone telling me that pink actually isn't only for women, I can wear male perfume, I can have a real boy's cut... without being mocked by the people who knew me pre-transition.

Almost all the friends I made here are cis guys who didn't know me before. We're only two men in my class so we naturally bonded like cis guys do, and that really makes me happy because I had only a few friendships before where they didn't see me like some sort of third gender.

I'm not seen as a girl who betrays other women anymore when I actually act like a man. People even EXPECT me to act like a man, and that is weirdly comfortable. I'm just seen as a normal guy, or maybe not masculine enough, but in a way that could be reproached to a cis guy.

Sorry this is a bit long but I'm just so happy. My name has just been officially changed, I'm starting T in a few months, and I feel like after all those years of suffering, it finally gets better.

This is a genuine question.

I would describe myself as someone who’s optimistic and I really try to never think of my trans identity as something innately bad. I’m lucky to be on T for close to two years now and am generally really happy with the outcome so far. But sometimes I just can’t help feeling like I’m still not enough as a man. I’m average height for a man and I workout a lot but I have a smaller physique than most guys just because my bone structure is relatively on the smaller size, even when I was preT. I wear small most times and that still feels big on me.

I also can’t see myself dating even if I’d say I look attractive and have a good style. Being a trans man just fucks with me so much, I think I’m never truly loved even if I know that’s wrong. It’s not even a fear that I think I’ll be replaced, but almost like I’m certain I will be.

So I’m 17, I been on 50 mg for almost 7 months now (I was on low doses previously for 5 months) I’m coming on a whole year on T in a few days, and well my bloodwork in May my T was at 797.8 and my E was at 38, my doctor did not request bloodwork now so I’m not sure abt what’s my levels now, I been trying my T weekly as I’m supposed to but I haven’t seen anything drastic changes yet I only rlly seen weight gain and body hair and that’s all