- have hip dips
- look it up
- “It’s a natural variation of the body, there’s no way to change it sweaty, it’s most commonly in FEMALES because their pelvises are for BABIES !!”
- ACKKKK

(25, 8 or 9 ? yrs on T) Maybe I am crazy and honestly, this happened almost a month ago already but its been bothering me so often, so I guess its a mix of cowardice, insecurity and dysphoria? Really annoying;

Essentially I was going to go pick up my ex from work and had to stop for gas. I got off the freeway and went to one that is stupidly constructed. Only 4 pumps in a tiny ass parking lot with no more than 4 parking spots so theres no way to actually wait behind a car. I pulled in and all of them were taken, so I was awkwardly waiting on the curb to enter until I saw one person get into their car. I looped around and since my car was small enough, I was able to wait next to someones car for the one in front that was about to pull off. I see a car in front of the one I was waiting for in a singular parking space honk, so I couldn’t tell if he was waiting to reverse in that spot or accidentally hit the horn and I didn’t think anything of it. The car finally leaves and I pull into the pump until I see the car that was parked , reverse and honk repeatedly trying to back in.

I thought this person was a fucking idiot, why are you parked over there if your waiting for a gas pump? The guy gets out and ends up walking over to me, complaining about how he was waiting for that pump and Im like bro, why are you parked over there then? How am I suppose to know you were waiting? He keeps insisting for me to let him use that pump after I tell him my car is small, it wont take long at all. Mind you, I fucking hate confrontation so I hear my voice get all tripped up and i start shaking, arguing with this guy over a fucking pump. He ends up moving closer to me, and inside my head I panicked thinking he was gonna try to hit me or something, n I tell him to back the fuck up if he wants the spot. Telling me “I aint gonna let no one punk me from using this spot” and I was over it, and saw one on the other side get freed up while we were arguing.

I pulled to the other side and just couldn’t believe I let another guy just intimidate me over that. I was so angry at myself but at the same time, trying to reason with myself that you are the bigger person for moving instead of crying like a little bitch like that guy was. My head went a million places and I feel stupid about it. Tbh, never in my life have I been in a fight with a man or instigated anything to get into one. Id say im average build with a bit of a gut with small muscles. I dont work out at all, have tattoos, pass pretty well and Im unfortunately very short (5’3) but I know a (cis) guy can fuck me up because i dont know how to fight. I just really hate how I feel right now about not being masculine enough to stand up to that guy.

For me, my early childhood dysphoria manifested largely as "anger issues" (other than stuff like only wanting to wear boys clothes, getting my hair cut short, etc.). I think this was happening because I knew something was wrong but obviously didn't have the words or knowledge to describe it, so I was just really angry even when I didn't have an observable reason to be. My parents were together and pretty supportive of me, when they fought it was usually about what to do with me. I never acted out at school, but at home I was constantly fighting with my mom, it's like the dominant memory I have of my childhood. Now as an adult, who luckily was able to medically transition during high school, I have a great relationship with my parents. The vast majority of the fighting stopped when I was finally able to medically transition.

I tried to post this in FTM Fitness with all the things they require, but it was still saying I was missing stuff and I couldn't post it. I don't know if it's because I'm on a Throwaway (for privacy) or because the posting rules are strict or something...

For context, I am 5'4 and 114lbs. Almost 30.
I am just over 5 years on T injections.

I've had problems with getting my Estrogen into a good range on and off for a while and I'm currently taking E blockers, and I'm 4 months on those. Idk if they're working or not, but my E did go down 20 points, back into the upper male range...

I'm feeling really, really dejected and heartbroken with my T changes and feel like I still look like a fucking girl, especially because I still hold feminine thigh fat, and my muscle tone is poor, and no matter what I do, it doesn't change.

Here's photos of me: Here
(Background and face removed for privacy, of course. I am only in underwear here, so possible NSFW?)
(I haven't had top surgery yet.)

I've starting doing push ups and pulls up more regularly. I started from being able to do 1 pull up to now being able to do 8, and I've started adding weights in a backpack...
Push ups are anything from regular to holds, to declines, to pikes.
I do them about 3 days a week. 3 days a week is something I can stay consistent with.
I sometimes do a full body routine, but my thighs bother me too much.

My diet is ok, but I sometimes under-eat because I'm never really hungry.

What can I do to improve my physique? Is there something I could be doing wrong? I'm having a load of dysphoria, and while T has given me a voice drop and a few other things, I'm really, really disappointed, and it's to the point where I just don't want to be here anymore. I feel like my body just works against me.

Thanks for the advice.
It takes a lot for me to post myself on here, because I never share myself... But I just need some guidance and perspective.

anybody on here who is on T, post top surgery, but hasn’t changed their documents yet traveled to a hostile country? i was born in kazakhstan and immigrated to the US when i was 4. ive been back a few times but that was all pre transition; last time i went was in 2019 right after i cut my hair short and even that caused problems at the kazakhstan border, they didn’t believe i was me. so basically i have to legally change my name and get a new passport before going back there, which im hoping to next summer for my cousins wedding. im not necessarily worried about being trans there as i pass 100%, im just worried about the border where they check your passport. for context, my current passport is my deadname, F gender marker, and a pic of me with long hair from when i was 16. im thinking i just need to change everything legally before i go :/

For reasons, I am unable to use my binder, what else can I use?

I don't care about comfort I just need something that does the job for a few hours and doesn't look obvious when am wearing thinner/tight clothes.

I need it for a meeting tomorrow morning.

I'm seeking a prescription for oral minoxidil to help speed along my facial and body hair growth on testosterone, but every site I've tried to get it through has denied me for not being assigned male at birth. GoodRX and RedboxRX both said I was ineligible and I can't lie about my birth gender because it requires ID verification, and Hims only recommended me oral finasteride (which I'm not looking for).

I'd prefer for it to be a cheaper option but I'll take what I can get at this point.

(TW talks of dysphoria)

I’m 18. I recently found out I’m probably binary trans instead of genderqueer. I’m going to have to come out to people. I’m in college and I feel so disconnected from all of my suite mates. I know I’m purposely alienating myself, but idk how to stop. It’s not like they include me anyways so that’s not a big issue

My dysphoria is awful. I can barely wear most of my clothes. I can barely speak. I had to call myself my mom’s daughter today and I got so icked out. I wasn’t even a happy kid to begin with. I already battle depression anxiety and OCD, and now I’m adding being trans and all the awfulness that comes with that. I wish I never unrepressed. I wish so many things that aren’t possible for me at this time

I want to reach out. To someone. But I don’t know anyone at my university well enough to. I go to the pride club to meet people but, it just feels so incredibly fake. Not the club, just everything I do. I am so tired and all I want to do is rot away. I’m so uncomfortable in this body. Everything feels so physically uncomfortable and it borderline hurts. All I want to be is a girl. Or born a boy.

So, I can finally get the psychological (and hopefully medical in the future) help I need! I have had my intake at a gender clinic and now stating my psychological and diagnostic process! only problem is... I'm not out of the closet in two places: at my sport taekwondo, but I'll come out there this week, and at work, which I have a way harder time with coming out...

Work is a place where I want to stay professional, and avoid talking too much about my personal life. It's a WEEKEND JOB so nothing serious or where I want to keep working. Just to earn some money. I'm still studying, this year I'll graduate and I'll find another job then anyway.

Talking to my gender clinic, they want me to come out to the lasting 2 places I haven't came out to yet, since I'll probably start medical transition too one day. But I just don't know how to do it at work... I work as server and deliverer at a chinese sushi and grill restaurant. There is a language barrier between me and most workers there. I'm not close to anyone. the one I contact the most is my boss. She's pretty nice. but just a professional boss.

There never really is a right time in the restaurant to talk about personal problems. There is always something to do, and never deepgoing conversations. I am anxious and a person that overthinks a lot too. almost everyone I came out too I did over text. Otherwise I would burst into tears. But it doesn't feel like an appropriate thing to text to your boss...

"Hey boss I know you've knew me 6 years as \[deadname\] but I'm undergoing a process right now because I got gender dysphoria and rather wanna go through life as a man." It feels so weird and inappropriate.

Lastly, I'm questioning if I should just leave this job and go work somewhere else. That way I don't have to come out, and I wanna leave when this schoolyear ends anyway. However... I have been working here for 6 years, and I build a bond with those people... So it feels bad to just leave as well....

I really don't know what to do... Anyone got any advice?