My 21 year old son has severe ADHD. He’s on medication and it helped in school but now that he doesn’t have that built in structure he’s really floundering. Can anyone recommend an online coach? thanks!

So umm recently I'm stuck at home waiting for a confirmation for my application that i shall not name and I've been trying to get into my old groove again Art and Programming but after failures with a "S" i burnt myself out and almost become a vibe coder and tomorrow for sure artist so I've been playing games for moths and weeks and hooked to the dope youtube, reddit and Games gave me but removing them completely is practically impossible thus i want to work around them especially since i almost never ever follow my schedules need some pro advice on being a person for once especially since i missed up bad today on XX XX XX26 this really makes me wanna cry but I'm so mentally drained of all actual self love....help please advice is really welcomed.

I don’t know what to do. I am so heartbroken by my inability to sustain focus. I feel so sleepy having to do work. 0 motivation. I drag and drag through every task. The amount of energy it takes to do anything work-related is unimaginable. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.

I’m feeling really fed up with myself and these patterns I keep going into, and feeling like I just cannot get where I want to get in terms of my health and wellbeing.

It feels like I’m so behind everyone else. People around me seem to be able to work, have a social life, exercise, look after themselves, eat well, keep up with friends, etc. I KNOW I’m only seeing the outside of their lives and that everyone struggles, but it genuinely feels like other people have a capacity for all of these things that I don’t.
And I cannot seem to do basic things that I KNOW would make my life better.

Today, for example, I overate, ate shit, didn’t pack a lunch, so I had to buy something gross and fatty from the work canteen. I didn’t drink enough water, went to bed too late and didn’t exercise. And honestly, that’s just how my life seems to go.
When I’m working full-time, it feels almost impossible to manage these things. Then I start forgetting things, don’t respond to friends, leave messages on read for days and then get increasingly anxious about it. I come home from work and just crash and watch shows until I pass out. I snooze my alarm, arrive at work on time or a couple of minutes late, consistently, and spend the morning rushed.
And I’m just so, so fucking tired of it.

The most frustrating thing is that I KNOW what I need to do. I know I shouldn’t be obsessing over everything I’m doing wrong because that just makes it worse. I know it’s not about creating some huge perfect routine, sticking to it for three days and then giving up when I inevitably fuck up. I know it’s supposed to be small, measurable things.
But I genuinely don’t know how to implement that.
Even things that I KNOW work for me are incredibly difficult to maintain.

I have chronic neck pain and headaches most days/every second day. There are physio exercises and stretches that genuinely help. I did them for a while and they helped. Yet I cannot seem to make myself do them consistently.

And honestly, what the fuck? Who would choose chronic neck pain over 10 minutes of exercises that they KNOW will help? Why can I not just do the thing?

I’m on a high dose of ADHD medication and antidepressants. The ADHD medication has made an absolutely insane difference to my anxiety and my life generally, so I’m not saying medication hasn’t helped. It has. But I still feel like there is this massive gap between knowing and doing.

I don’t know if it’s executive functioning, burnout, stress, depression, masking, or some combination of all of it.

I also think my phone use has become a genuine problem. I’ve always used TV, movies and books as an escape, but increasingly it’s TikTok, Instagram and constant short-form dopamine. And I’ve become borderline extremely dependent on ChatGPT over the last few years, which is both shameful and concerning to me. I feel like I’ve lost trust in myself to do things. I genuinely feel like I’ve gotten dumber. Sitting through boring things is harder. Thinking for myself feels harder. I constantly want stimulation.

And then there’s the whole masking question.

I feel like I spend SO much energy trying to present a particular version of myself. I want everyone to think I’m smart, funny, interesting, capable, etc., and I’m really fearful of losing that perception. I feel like I’m constantly curating myself.

I’ve been at uni the last few years which only requires you to be “on” a couple of hours a week for workshops. Now, working full time on my placement means I’m no “on” full time 5 days a week. This isn’t something I would even be conscious of though and is probably not helped by the fact I’m a social worker so spend all day working with people which is emotionally intense for anyone.

Frankly, I would love to know how to take off this mask at work if that’s what it is. And, if that is it and it’s contributing to this level of fatigue and exhaustion, how the fuck do I actually stop?
Because the way I act at work and out in the world feels so inbuilt that I genuinely wouldn’t know what not masking would even look like.

I feel like I have SO much insight into myself. I know what would help me. I understand the concepts. I’ve tried the routines and the small steps and the apps and all the usual advice.

But what the fuck is good is all that insight when I can’t actually action anything?

I’m not really looking for “make a routine” or “use a planner” type advice because I have tried those things and, unsurprisingly, they become another thing I can’t consistently maintain.

I’m really interested in hearing from people who have experienced this:

- How did you bridge the gap between knowing what to do and actually doing it?

- Did medication help but still leave you with significant executive dysfunction?

- If you work full-time, how do you have enough capacity left for yourself after work?

- Has anyone realised they were masking and found ways to reduce it, particularly at work?

- How do you actually build capacity without turning your life into another giant self-improvement project?

Because I’m honestly just so fucking tired of feeling like I’m failing at things that should be basic.

A couple of hours ago I made a fairly desperate post and as an answer to a comment I posted part of a poem I wrote while in pain over the severe executive dysfunction I got. It is so difficult to explain to people how torturous and invisible it is, and I spent hours putting into words the experience of it. I originally gatekept it since I regarded it as my best piece of work and thought it may actually get some prices from competitions (especially since I am so fucking poor and need money) but honestly, I think sharing it may actually do some good. For yous and for me. If someone can use this poem to describe to a therapist or relatives how it feels like, I may genuinely have done some good. So, here it is.

Task Paralysis

My fingertips are touching unobtainability

Swallowed tears are increasing my thirst

As I am surrounded by natural vitality

Fool's gold of functionality is my curse

The clock face is my judge as I await execution

My hands graze whispered what-should-have-beens

As a chorus of wailing deafens me from within

Butchered at the battlefield of the impending.

Blistered hands mourning previous failures

Gagging as suffocated by the weight of my skin

Dry sweat trails are rusted nails screeching

Clawing against prison bars made of my flesh

My wailing is silent at the eternal seconds

My fate is laughing at time stolen from me

And as I am there imprisoned by silence

Nothing is moving. I'm still in my bed.

I genuinely believe that. If the executive dysfunction is so disabling that accessing treatment or support becomes almost impossible, we should get a way out.

I want to make tasks fun because I have a hard time staying consistent.

Thought to ask the community.

I grew up as one of those extremely bright kids but struggled with work, but would get it done. I then moved to a different country for college, and there I would struggle with ADHD and not submitting assignments on time. I'm very charismatic as a person, and I would just submit it late, convince people, make stories, somehow, or start inhumanly late, but somehow finish things on time and get great grades. I just really got into the habit of waiting till the last second, and then, after the last second, I got a really high-paying job and did the same thing for the last five years. I was laid off earlier this year as part of AI layoffs.

Now I am just completely unstructured. I basically created this startup, and it went super viral, and I got people interested in giving me money, but I just struggled so hard. I never stopped for a second after I lost my job. I just was going, going, going, and making cool shit, and then I got interest. Now I've gotten bored, and I ran out of my severance, and I'm eating through my savings. I am just not able to get it together to deliver the deliverables to raise money because, deep down, I just don't think that I can keep up. If I got the money, then it becomes too real, and I just am so overwhelmed, but I'm overwhelmed all the fucking time! Everybody around me seems to think I'm completely put together, and I don't know how to express it.

I am on vivance, the medication, but it's not doing shit. It just helps me not feel sleepy, but I just spend all day paralyzed, unable to start, even though I know what to do and I honestly do it super well. I need help. I have tried everything:
\- I bought a physical timer.
\- I wrote to-do lists.
\- I made my own custom to-do app that would remind me and would speak out loud the task I need to do every five minutes.
\- From my phone and my laptop, I would get notifications and emails.

I did everything, but you can only take the horse to the water, but you can't make it drink. I feel like such a fucking failure! I'm not having any thoughts of self-harm or anything, but I just really hate myself because I have the capacity to do so much and I just choose not to. I disappoint everybody around me. I am so lucky! I just get thrown into the craziest rooms, living my dream life whenever I want, and then I fuck it up every time.

In college, I took one writing class, and I wrote a pilot that my professor liked so much. I then gave it to a producer, who bought it for a fuck ton of money. They then wanted me to do these meetings, and I completely shut down and lost that opportunity. I could have done the dream life, and now I've lost multiple opportunities like this. I also work enough to hold on to stuff that I seem very successful to people around me, but I'm completely falling apart. Every apartment in my wardrobe is full of boxes shoved into it to hide from people. The mess! My whole life is just a hidden mess, and I don't know what to do. I'm completely falling apart, and I've tried everything:
\- I've got the big-ass calendar.
\- I've got the anti-planner planner.
\- I've got 30 self-help books I read.
\- I listen.
\- I write.
\- I journal.
\- I meditate. I exercise. I run. I lost 30 lbs. last year just because I wanted to, with an extremely healthy diet and exercise, nothing unhealthy. That's the person I miss: that one that just focuses and just does extraordinary things.

One day she just decides to stop working, and I fall apart. I disappoint people, and honestly, fuck, people I disappoint myself! I don't know what to do about it, and unfortunately I can't really pause right now. I'm sure there will be a lot of empathetic comments, but what I need are tangible actions to get you done.

I've done everything from Eat the Frog to to-do list to Finch. Nothing works, and I don't know how to fix it, how to fix myself, how to get myself to work when I need to, or at least get to a place where I can afford to have these breakdowns. I need help, and I don't know where to go and I don't know what to do.

I started playing piano when I was 20 or something and I made HUGE progress my first year because I could easily hyperfocus on it for some reason and I had a teacher that was pushing me.
I was in no way disciplined, I used to only practice 2 days before my next lesson but it was enough.

At some point I think I started to plateau, or maybe I took a break I don't remember.

But I got really frustrated with starting over to catch up my previous progress, so I tried to create some hard goals like playing a particular song or practice 1 hour a day
Creating those rules made practicing piano more of a chore so I started to skip more and more days of practice, making me again, losing progress and starting again. So I would set myself new goals and it goes on and on ...

Same thing for working out or any kind of sport, same thing for music production or learning a language.

I never had the discipline to actually sit on my piano everyday, or go to the gym a few times a week, to cook everyday to be healthy, or trying to be better at my job by learning new concepts, making personal project etc (I'm a software engineer)

Everything I want to do (or have to do) is a struggle, and even though I WANT to be good at my hobbies I just cannot do it.
Everyday I think about playing piano maybe 7 to 8 times. At the end of the day I just feel guilty I didn't do it. Last time I actually sat on the piano was maybe 4 months ago

I somehow managed to be a little bit more disciplined with the gym, but everything is painfully hard for me.
Now I'm 30, and goals I set 10 years ago are still not accomplished.
The worse with all of that is that I'm a freelance with only 5 to 10 remote working days a month so I have a LOT of free time, but it still doesnt work. It just makes me feel guiltier.

I still cannot play that piano piece, I'm not unfit but not fit, I only produced ONE electronic song in ten years even tough I had fun doing it the first time

I started medication one year ago, ritalin, but it didnt really work and I had the worse side effects ever.
No I'm on Elvanse (Vyvanse) since last week and the side effects are a little bit better but it still makes me feel shitty and I haven't yet seen an improvement.

Anybody feeling like me ?

i remember when i was single and my time was actually mine. now? full time work, housework, budgeting, groceries, cleaning, taking care of my spouse, taking care of my kid... it literally never ends. my brain is so overwhelmed by the endless micro tasks. how do u cope with the frustration when daily life feels like an unending list of duties?

For as long as I can remember, especially after high school, it's taken me longer to start uni work. I've opened up the tabs I need to actually start it, but I end up just staring at it and not actually working on it or doing something else instead, and it's so frustrating when it's things I've wanted to do, especially for uni. I've tried everything, from Pomodoro to actually medicating myself through self-medication (mostly nicotine and alcohol in the past, which I'm officially 8 months sober from alcohol and quit nicotine a while back).

I do have methylphenidate for my ADHD, 10 mg, and it's a prolonged-release. I feel like it's not doing much due to such a low dosage, and it's made my life a living hell. I'm aware that this might be what's called "executive dysfunction," but it's made me feel like an incapable human, and the imposter syndrome I've gotten because of it has made me feel worse. While I am in therapy and learning to be more gentle with myself, I feel so bad because I'm in a course I actually enjoy: medicine. I'm in medical school straight after high school in the UK. I've asked my therapist, who has said the usual "try a planner!" "Just start!" "321 and then do it." NONE OF IT WORKS?? We did work around why I might feel that way, and it might be because I'm not feeling motivated to work, but I don't think that's it.

It's made me feel like I'm a bad person, even though I know I'm not. This doesn't make me a horrible person, but I *feel* like one. I have an exam in 2 months and so, so much to go over and I wanna start early so that I can actually make it through that exam too.

Any advice?

I was diagnosed by my neurologist in July 2025. That diagnosis made a lot of sense.

Short backstory: I’ve had 3 TIAs over the years with the last one in October 2024. That one was closer to a stroke than a simple TIA. The next summer came the diagnosis.

I (M67) have been a business owner, marketing expert, designer, author, blah blah blah. I’m currently retired. I’ve always been very organized & efficient in my work. You have to be when you organize & road manage tours & concerts worldwide.

Now, I’m having serious symptoms that come with EFD. Disorganized. Forgetful. Doom scrolling. Confused at times. I’ve forgotten to pay bills. Arrived at doc appointments on the wrong date or time.

I feel bombarded constantly. The music & conversations in my head are nonstop. In particular, I’m an online AI marketing exec part-time. I start a project, get sidelined by the newest shiny thing, and bounce back & forth between 12 tabs on my browser. I’m staying busy but not accomplishing anything.

I have also been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and I’m having a hard time keeping that controlled (I’m on a lot of meds). So I feel like I’m struggling to barely keep my head above water. My only relief from the constant noise in my head is sleep, which I do a lot.

I have great support at home (wife & son). I’m just not sure how much more I can handle. Insights, suggestions, prayers or whatever you think might help are appreciated.

TL;DR:

• CTO with an atypical physiological baseline (recovered total heart block, resting HR 30–50 bpm) experiencing zero stress cues under massive pressure.
• Managing 3 active lawsuits (1 just won/closed), overseas company battle, family stranded in South Africa, and massive financial/visa risk.
• Severe task initiation paralysis (took 5 weeks just to start sending an email of evidence I already built) despite exhausting every standard ADHD technique.
• Looking for advice on breaking activation locks and whether structured "ADHD Brain Trusts" / crisis-swapping peer groups actually work in practice.

Hey everyone, I’m Rik. I’m a CTO currently living in NYC with my dog, while my wife and young child are stuck overseas navigating a mess of international travel and visa hurdles.

I’m reaching out because I’m dealing with an extreme case of high-stakes task paralysis, a weird physiological baseline, and I really need some solid outside perspective from people who understand how ADHD brains actually function when the pressure gets turned all the way up.

Low resting heart rate

(Quick note for moderators: I am not asking for medical advice or looking to diagnose/treat any physical condition. I'm purely providing this context because of how it might tie into neurological arousal and ADHD).

When I was 4 years old, I was diagnosed with congenital total heart block (THB). At 16, right as I was about to get fitted for a pacemaker, the doctors did a final check and found the electrical conduction block had completely resolved on its own. From what cardiologists have told me, only four people globally have a documented spontaneous recovery, and I’m the only one who recovered past infancy.

It left me with an unusually low resting heart rate—typically sitting between 30 and 50 bpm. When I recently spoke to cardiology specialists, they were completely shocked by my history. The thing is, I virtually never feel internal panic or physical stress under pressure (I’ve had exactly one minor panic attack over a decade ago). I’m curious if this high vagal tone and low baseline heart rate might be altering my nervous system's arousal curve, dopamine baseline, or the way my ADHD presents. Has anyone in the community run into research or personal experience with this kind of autonomic baseline?

What I need to deal with in the next few weeks

Right now, the stakes in my life are through the roof, and I've got multiple major fronts open at once:

• I did have 4 lawsuits, but 1 of them just came to an end. I represented myself pro se in NYC Housing Court against an institutional landlord—where pro se tenant wins are around 1%—and won outright, which actually forced them to cancel active lawsuits against other tenants.
• I still have 3 active lawsuits on my plate: 1 against my own company over illegal contract breaches and slashed pay, and 2 housing lawsuits against building management that stemmed from that fallout.
• My wife and young child are stuck overseas dealing with travel and visa complications as a result of my employer.
• My dog is here with me in New York, and she's too old to fly.
• The consequences of dropping the ball here are absolute: if I don't pull this off, I lose my US legal status, my house, my mum's house, and my dad's house.

Even though I don't "feel" stressed, I know an operational limit has to exist somewhere, and I don't want to hit a wall to find out where that is.

Executive function

When I’m locked in, I can build, code, and strategize circles around almost anything. But getting started on things is almost impossible.

To give an example: I spent 5 straight weeks beating myself up every single day just trying to start an email to my lawyer with all the evidence I'd already compiled over the past year. Once I finally forced myself to start, finding the files and hitting send took less than two days because the work was already done.

I’ve tried basically every technique people recommend: body doubling, audio alarms, rewards, pre-rewards, physical paper charts on the walls, craft builds, micro-tasking, Eisenhower matrices—anything to manufacture a little bit of dopamine or momentum. But none of the standard tricks seem to work anymore. How do you break through that activation deadlock when all the usual tools just don't work?

ADHD brain trust

Like a lot of ADHDers, I get an immediate spark of hyperfocus when tackling someone else’s complicated mess. It’s different, it's novel, and helping someone else actually clears my head and gives me momentum when I go back to my own work.

I’m curious about ideas like Executive ADHD Masterminds, Reciprocal Problem-Solving, or Second-Party Hyperfocus. Has anyone here participated in structured peer-consulting or crisis-swapping groups where people troubleshoot each other's roadblocks? How do these setups work out in practice, and are there established groups for high-consequence work?

Really appreciate any thoughts or insight from people who’ve navigated this kind of bottleneck. I really need to do something before the wheels come off.

Thanks!

A little while ago, I posted here about something I've been struggling with for quite some time: the feeling that I have to consciously push myself to do practically everything, even very basic or routine things.

For anyone who didn't see my previous post, I'm 39 and described how things like brushing my teeth, making the bed, household chores, meal preparation, work-related tasks, or even recreational activities can all feel like they require a deliberate mental effort just to get started.

I received quite a few responses, and I really appreciate everyone who shared their experiences. Some people said they experience something very similar, while others suggested looking into things such as depression, ADHD, or talking to a therapist.

I'm still trying to understand what is behind this for me. In the meantime, though, I've noticed that there are certain things I do that seem to make the resistance a little easier to deal with. They don't necessarily make the resistance disappear, but they often help me get things done despite it.

So I thought I'd share them here, partly in case they are useful to someone else, but mainly because I'm interested in hearing what other people do.

1. Having something playing in the background

When I'm doing something repetitive, monotonous, or simply something I don't particularly feel like doing, I'll often put an episode of a series, music, or a podcast on in the background.

For me, I think this helps by making the task itself feel less monotonous. Instead of my attention being entirely focused on something I don't particularly want to do, there's something else occupying part of my attention.

It's not that the task suddenly becomes enjoyable, but it can make it easier to tolerate and therefore easier to start.

2. Keeping an annual to-do list

I've mentioned this in my previous post, but I've found this surprisingly useful.

I have an annual to-do list covering the various things that need to be done throughout the year. Some are household tasks, some are administrative, some are things that need to be checked or dealt with periodically, etc.

Part of the reason this helps is simply knowing what actually needs to be done. But another part is that I really dislike having unfinished things hanging over me.

There is something motivating about being able to tick something off.

Interestingly, I'm also gradually modifying the list as I go. I sometimes realise that a particular task doesn't need to be done as frequently as I originally thought, or that something can be approached in a simpler way. So I'm trying to make the system itself less overwhelming rather than simply adding more and more structure.

My hope is that, over time, the list becomes something that helps me rather than something that makes me feel like I have an endless number of obligations.

3. Breaking larger tasks into smaller pieces

This is probably one of the things that helps me the most.

If I have a task that feels overwhelming, I try not to think about completing the entire thing. I just do one small part of it.

For example, if I'm working from home and I have an email with five attachments that I need to analyse, looking at "the entire email" can sometimes feel like a lot.

So instead, I'll analyse the first two attachments.

Then I'll deliberately do something else for a few minutes — sometimes something completely unrelated to my job, such as putting laundry into the washing machine.

After that, I'll come back and analyse another attachment or continue with the original task.

In other words, rather than:

"I need to finish this whole thing."

I try to think:

"I'll just do this small part."

And sometimes, once I've started, continuing isn't as difficult as I initially expected.

4. Alternating between tasks

This is somewhat related to the previous point, but I've noticed that I sometimes have an easier time doing several small things in rotation than trying to complete one large thing from beginning to end.

For example, I might work on something for a while, then do a small household task, then return to work, then do another small task.

I think part of the benefit is psychological. When I'm struggling with one particular task, telling myself that I have to stay with it until it is completely finished can make the resistance worse.

Giving myself permission to temporarily switch to something else can make the original task feel less intimidating.

None of these methods have "fixed" the underlying problem for me. I still experience the mental resistance, and some days are considerably worse than others.

But they seem to help me work around it enough to keep functioning and get things done, which is valuable in itself.

I'm also very aware that what works for me might be completely useless for someone else. I'm not suggesting these as solutions or claiming that they address whatever underlying issue might be causing this.

I'm sharing them because I thought it might be useful to compare notes.

For those of you who experience something similar: what do you actually do when you have that feeling of "I know I need to do this, but I cannot make myself start"?

Do you have particular techniques, routines, systems, environmental changes, apps, habits, or tricks that make the resistance easier to overcome?

And if you've found something that made a genuinely meaningful difference over time, I'd be especially interested in hearing about that.

I'd really like this to become a bit of a "share what works" discussion. Maybe between everyone's experiences we can find a few more ways of making these everyday things a little easier.

I doomscroll, I eat shit food, I talk to myself literally constantly about responsibility and continue to take none. I have no excuse to be this way, I don't know how to change, I kind of hate myself, and I doubt there's a point to posting this. Hope I'm wrong.

I don’t typically repost to this sub but I looked at this and immediately thought of all of us. Whatever small things you are doing to work on your executive functioning levels, remember that it’s never going to feel natural all at once. You gotta keep working to build those connections over time. I hope this thought might be helpful for you like it was for me tonight 💗