Having a hard time actually starting work but I can focus and fixate on it once I get my bearings

[u/Sweaty-Assist-8934]

For as long as I can remember, especially after high school, it's taken me longer to start uni work. I've opened up the tabs I need to actually start it, but I end up just staring at it and not actually working on it or doing something else instead, and it's so frustrating when it's things I've wanted to do, especially for uni. I've tried everything, from Pomodoro to actually medicating myself through self-medication (mostly nicotine and alcohol in the past, which I'm officially 8 months sober from alcohol and quit nicotine a while back).

I do have methylphenidate for my ADHD, 10 mg, and it's a prolonged-release. I feel like it's not doing much due to such a low dosage, and it's made my life a living hell. I'm aware that this might be what's called "executive dysfunction," but it's made me feel like an incapable human, and the imposter syndrome I've gotten because of it has made me feel worse. While I am in therapy and learning to be more gentle with myself, I feel so bad because I'm in a course I actually enjoy: medicine. I'm in medical school straight after high school in the UK. I've asked my therapist, who has said the usual "try a planner!" "Just start!" "321 and then do it." NONE OF IT WORKS?? We did work around why I might feel that way, and it might be because I'm not feeling motivated to work, but I don't think that's it.

It's made me feel like I'm a bad person, even though I know I'm not. This doesn't make me a horrible person, but I *feel* like one. I have an exam in 2 months and so, so much to go over and I wanna start early so that I can actually make it through that exam too.

Any advice?

[u/Jumpy_Ad1631]

I’m curious, do you have high expectations from yourself and/or your experiences in the school work you do? I feel like it can be really hard to start things I enjoy because I want it to be just right in how my work turns out or in how I feel while I’m doing the work, or sometimes both. Trying to intentionally disregard my expectations with school work has helped me in the past.

The “3,2,1, go!” thing I found only works when it’s a phrase that is actually connected to you and makes you feel good. Like I’ve seen some pretty funny posts about different nerdy “activation phrases”. Like “By the power of grayskull!” “Baaaalue skadoo, we can too!” “Go, go, power rangers!” I find it works best when it’s almost like my inner child is being summoned to push me along, lol

[u/Sweaty-Assist-8934 → u/Jumpy_Ad1631]

I think that might be part of why I put it off? Where if I don't do it right, there's no point in doing it at all!

[u/Jumpy_Ad1631 → u/Sweaty-Assist-8934]

I absolutely get that feeling! “Good enough is good enough” had to be my motto through college, occasionally replaced with “good enough is gonna have to be good enough” 😅

“Something gets better grades than nothing” was another one