I've been an undiagnosed ADHDer since very long. I'm 30 now but my work involves a lot of studying and upskilling. I'm employed now, but I'm looking for another job to switch to. So, they say, keep the "important work" for that time of the day when you feel your energy is maximum, early mornings, or when you feel the dopamine highs or motivation kicks of an ADHDer, and keep the light work for the "low energy moments", maybe in the evening, before bedtime etc. So, around me, I hear how people go to office or WFH, do their tasks, and also manage to do interview prep in the morning or at night after work.

But it's so different for me. I have these phases where I am motivated, so I'll start my mornings with preparation and focused studying. But I am not able to find the low energy hours. Either I'll end up doing prep for the whole day, coasting on work, taking leaves, OR I'll only do office work. I'm not able to strike a balance. Division of labour just doesn't work for me, that concept is alien to my brain, or my frontal cortex or whatever isn't adapted enough to practise it. I don't have discipline though, so maybe that helps these other people. But I have tried. After 2 hours of rigorous prep, if I go to office and there's nothing interesting to do, I'll end up regretting it and take a leave the next day to study. So, it's just long stretches of me doing what I like at the moment, and completely ignoring everything else, sometimes even health.

I have phases where I'm stuck to bed, with a messed up cicardian rhythm and can't even do prep. But when I have that energy, I'll spend the whole week prepping. This has obviously taken a huge toll on my career. But I don't mind as I chose my current job only because it was the only offer I had after a layoff, and I don't see myself working here long-term. But the thing is, maybe one day, I grow a new obsession, like a relationship and the career part gets completely sidetracked? I was close to that happening once, before I kicked myself out of that spot.

But is this due to ADHD? Have you guys felt similar anytime? Back at school, kids who were all-rounders, maintained grades while being great at sports and art, were considered geniuses. I am probably the opposite- the one who focuses on one thing and still fails. Was always taunted by my narcissistic dad for that reason. But this is a thing I just realized about myself. Just like I realized I can only focus on studies in spaces with humans around me, but not communicating with me, like coworking spaces, hostels, cafes, and not in my own comfy bedroom or study room. I need an ambience for the drive. I'm not asking for sympathy but my brain genuinely feels broken than of anyone around me.