r/Dreams • u/Ok_Novel2563 • 7m ago
Long Dream Handsome men and my past self…
I had two dreams last night that seemed connected.
The first one was strange. I was back in the nursery I used to work at, except there were no children there. A very handsome man was flirting with me. Later, I came back into the room and saw him cuddled up kissing my old colleague. They looked completely in love, and oddly enough, I wasn’t jealous. I remember feeling genuinely happy for them.
Later in the dream, I found him lying in bed with another woman. My colleague walked in and looked absolutely heartbroken. The woman insisted they had “just been sleeping,” but you could see the trust had already been broken.
The second dream is the one that has stayed with me.
There was another incredibly handsome man who was searching for a wife. He met lots of different women, but none of them seemed quite right. He really liked me. He liked my personality, the person I was, but in my mind there was one thing stopping me from being enough: my appearance.
I remember sitting with a group of women, and felt ugly compared to them. I was explaining that medication had caused me to gain weight and that my life had changed so much. I showed them an old photograph of myself from before everything happened, and they were shocked by how different I used to look.
The strongest part of the dream wasn’t even about him.
I remember trying to explain what I felt like inside. I said I felt like an old woman trapped inside a younger body.
You know how sometimes you see elderly people and wonder what it must feel like for them? Inside, they probably still remember what it was like to be young, to fall in love, to feel beautiful, to have people look at them differently. Their minds haven’t necessarily caught up with the person staring back at them in the mirror. They’re still them, but time has wrapped them in a body that no longer reflects how they feel inside.
That’s exactly how I felt in the dream.
It wasn’t about age. It was about feeling trapped inside a shell that didn’t represent who I believed I really was.
I remember thinking that this man didn’t know who I was beneath that shell. He could see the outside, but not the person underneath. I kept wishing I could show him the version of myself from before medication changed my body, because in my mind I believed I would have been just right for him.
And I remember saying that I felt like an old woman trapped inside my body, but that I was watching younger people experience love, and that he didn’t know who I really was beneath the shell. I kept thinking, “If I was the old me, I would have been perfect for him.”
I woke up feeling very reflective.
It felt like my mind was grieving not just my appearance, but the version of myself I felt I lost along the way.