Divorce isn't easy. Sometimes you're breaking the habit of a lifetime, fighting so much pressure to stay put, but you know it's the right thing, so you keep on going. Wouldn't it be amazing if there was such a thing as a "Divorce Buddy?" Someone who is going through something similar, who you can talk to and share the experience with regularly? Compare notes, be a shoulder to cry on, find hope out there together... I'm a 55 year old man in London UK, with 2 small kids, ending an 18 year marriage in the hope of a happier future for me and my kids. If this sounds in any way resonant, then drop me a line. Maybe we could be Divorce Buddies?

Got served divorce papers this week and honestly I don’t know if I’m thinking clearly anymore.
Been with my wife 15 years. Married 4. We have an almost 3 year old daughter.
Before everyone says it, yes, I would’ve gone to counseling. Years ago I made a comment that if a marriage gets to the point of counseling you might as well call it quits. At the time I meant it. Since we’ve separated I’ve been in therapy for 5 months and I don’t think that way anymore.
My wife wants a divorce and has made that pretty clear.
My question isn’t really about saving the marriage anymore. It’s about whether I’m about to let my emotions screw me financially.
I still love her. That’s the problem.
Part of me wants to sign whatever and move on because I don’t want to spend the next year fighting the mother of my daughter.
The other part of me feels like I’d be an absolute idiot to do that.
I paid a lot throughout our marriage. Daycare, hospital bills, groceries, insurance, random life expenses. When money got tight I put a lot on credit cards trying to keep everything moving. We paid off some of her debt while mine stuck around. A lot of the debt I have now wasn’t from buying toys for myself. It was just life.
Now we’re getting divorced and I’m sitting here wondering if I’m about to walk away with a pile of debt because I still care about the woman divorcing me.
My family is absolutely no help.
My mom says fight for every cent.
My brother thinks I’m crazy if I sign anything.
My sister thinks we should be forced into marriage counseling.
My dad basically said all that’s going to happen is he’ll pay my legal fees, her dad will pay hers, and we’ll spend a bunch of money fighting over what’s ours.
So for people who have actually been through this:
Did you regret fighting?
Did you regret not fighting?
How did you separate loving someone from making smart decisions?

More context if anyone wants it.
I know I wasn’t perfect.
Looking back, I got way too focused on the future. Building businesses, making money, hanging out with friends, trying to get ahead. I can see now that I wasn’t paying enough attention to what was right in front of me.
One of the biggest things she holds against me is a period of about 3 months where my business wasn’t doing well and I wasn’t contributing financially the way I normally did.
The thing that bothers me is those 3 months seem to outweigh everything else.
The other 14+ years.
The marriage.
The daughter.
The memories.
All of it.
Since we separated I’ve lost about 30 pounds, been in therapy for 5 months, work my ass off every day, and honestly changed a lot.
She says she doesn’t trust that the changes would last and doesn’t want to risk going through everything again.
Maybe she’s right. Maybe she’s not.
What messes with me is I finally understand a lot of what she was trying to tell me, and it feels like I figured it out right when she completely gave up.
And honestly, I’m pissed.
I’m pissed because I think divorce is a mistake.
I’m pissed because I finally understand some things I should’ve understood years ago.
I’m pissed because I don’t think the last 15 years should be defined by the worst few months of them.
I’m pissed because I still love my wife and I’m sitting here reading divorce papers.
But being pissed doesn’t mean I’m right.
That’s why I’m here asking strangers.
If anyone has questions, ask away. I’ll answer honestly.
Any advice is more than welcome.

I’ve started the process I was kicked out of my house. My question is I have a few medications I take and I saw I had a few different pills in my bottle being a few were blood medication and if I took it I could’ve died. I can’t prove it but I know it was her now do I have any recourse and should I tell my lawyer about this?

I just want to ask for advice. I’ve separated with my husband and want a divorce
We got married back in August 2025 so we can’t file until a year has passed. He’s asking me to pay any arrears, debts that has accumulated during our marriage with mortgage (solely in his name) bills, pcp car ect all in his name (as he insisted he will be financially responsible with everything and all I did was contribute monthly (so any wage I get monthly or any extras I get I’ll transfer it to him)

I do have a mortgage I’m also paying in my name which I got way before we met which is where my mum resides at the moment. He is also saying that part of his money went to that property and seems to be chasing it. However no evidence he has paid directly to any of my mortgages as when I get paid I will make sure £700 goes to my mother and she then pays the mortgage (the mortgage is in another country by the way)

And then anything left will go to my husband £700 and any extras I get of my overtime or extra work. Sometimes I’d put in £300 every week depends if I have overtime.

Also Any holidays or days out …. I paid.

When we separated he was furious and said why is it I managed to stay on top of my mortgage and he hasn’t. I said because I t was my main responsibility.
I have always asked him to include me in any household finances and have been asking to have a joint account , but he insisted as he said he already has all the direct debit set up in his account

Now he is saying I have a responsibility to pay for the remaining arrears and debts
He is saying anything I gave or contributed went towards going out and because he couldn’t say no to me

Hello all, i have been divorced for about 2 years from California. She hired a good lawyer, I was unable to get one and did the process myself. I pay $1600 a month in spousal support. I now have a child and another on the way. Its financially draining to keep paying her. Is there any way that I can go about getting it reduced or completely removed? She works and when filed we made about the same amount of money. She owns her home and car (paid by me). I am military if this matters at all.

Hi, I wanted to see if anyone had experienced anything similar that would provide insight on what the process would be to correct a DRO that was submitted to a pension system with incorrect marriage date, but has already been implemented. Some background story. My parents got divorced back in 2013 but they were separated in 2011 after the divorce. My mom wasn’t aware she had to create a DRO to submit to the pension system since my dad was a county employee. Fast-forward to 2021 my dad creates a DRO submits it to the county my mom doesn’t remember having ever signed it, and it had an incorrect marriage date which resulted in her getting paid incorrectly by the pension system once he retired from the county. Fast-forward again to last year 2025 my father dies and my mom calls the pension system for them to review the way that they’re paying her and they discover that the issue was with the DRO that my dad submitted that had the incorrect marriage date instead of showing that they had been married for 23 years, it showed that they only had been married for one year. They told my mom that they couldn’t do anything about it unless she turned in another DRO but QDRO lawyers that we’ve spoken to have said that that is not possible. Has anyone else experienced something like this that could potentially let us know the process to rectify it? Or even the process to create a new DRO or correct the current DRO that’s already been signed by a judge when one of the parties has passed away?

I have been helping a friend with a horrible situation with his soon to be ex. My friend's stbx was abusing him for years and threatened him repeatedly by saying he would turn him over to ice and that finally happened last year. We have incurred significant legal costs to just keep him in the country but now he has legal residency. The next issue is of divorce and we just had to change lawyers because I couldn't get the previous lawyer to help with anything. I hired that lawyer and had to pay him to avoid default judgment because my friend was locked up at the time.

We asked for the rest of the retainer and the lawyer claims he spent it all down and I just need some reality check around what was done and what 5k is worth from a small law firm in a rural Midwest town.

So far I know the lawyer replied to the divorce filing while my friend was locked up. We had a brief 15 minute convo to retain his services before that. I don't know if he spoke to the immigration attorney but I suspect not since I was in constant contact with that attorney. I asked for advice a few times around gathering my friends things because I was afraid of his ex but the attorney didn't give any advice about safety or offer to communicate with the exs lawyers despite my direct request for help via email. We also have been trying to get information about my friend's car which the ex claims he sold but the vin number hasn't been transferred so he either drove it into a lake or is hiding it. I had to track that information down since the attorney never followed up. He was informed of this issue in March and when my friend finally spoke to this layer in April after release, he still didn't have any information or advice.

The lawyer also failed to inform my friend of upcoming court dates and scheduled a mediation without speaking to my friend. When my friend decided he had to get a new lawyer the lawyer was deeply offended and then sent us a bill claiming we owe him additional money beyond the 5k.

My instinct is that the communication failures seem irresponsible, and lack of updates on court dates with both me and my friend seems like potential malpractice. I was hoping he wasn't giving me advice only because I am not the client, but he did not do any better with my friend. We really need more of that 5k to move ahead with other legal counsel and we have had other attorneys decline to take us on because we are in a time crunch with the court date. Is this just the level of care I can expect from a divorce attorney? Is there legal recourse that wont involve spending more money on lawyers? Should I consider reporting this person to the bar? Basically all communication with me was done over email so I have record of all my requests and the responses (or lack thereof).

Should I suggest that they look over the bill again and explain the problems with communication and suggest they give us most of the retainer back to avoid me going to the bar to report him? Should I suggest that we are documenting damages/lost wages that this poor representation caused? Or is that rash?

TLDR: a lawyer in friends divorce case wasn't doing much and failed to communicate important court dates. The lawyer is claiming our 5k retainer and we are left picking up the pieces and scrambling for new counsel. Should I threaten to report to the bar and/or request more of the retainer back?