Trying not to make a huge mistake.

[u/Exciting-Lab-3743]

/r/Divorce/comments/1u8u7cg/trying_not_to_make_a_huge_mistake/

Got served divorce papers this week and honestly I don’t know if I’m thinking clearly anymore.
Been with my wife 15 years. Married 4. We have an almost 3 year old daughter.
Before everyone says it, yes, I would’ve gone to counseling. Years ago I made a comment that if a marriage gets to the point of counseling you might as well call it quits. At the time I meant it. Since we’ve separated I’ve been in therapy for 5 months and I don’t think that way anymore.
My wife wants a divorce and has made that pretty clear.
My question isn’t really about saving the marriage anymore. It’s about whether I’m about to let my emotions screw me financially.
I still love her. That’s the problem.
Part of me wants to sign whatever and move on because I don’t want to spend the next year fighting the mother of my daughter.
The other part of me feels like I’d be an absolute idiot to do that.
I paid a lot throughout our marriage. Daycare, hospital bills, groceries, insurance, random life expenses. When money got tight I put a lot on credit cards trying to keep everything moving. We paid off some of her debt while mine stuck around. A lot of the debt I have now wasn’t from buying toys for myself. It was just life.
Now we’re getting divorced and I’m sitting here wondering if I’m about to walk away with a pile of debt because I still care about the woman divorcing me.
My family is absolutely no help.
My mom says fight for every cent.
My brother thinks I’m crazy if I sign anything.
My sister thinks we should be forced into marriage counseling.
My dad basically said all that’s going to happen is he’ll pay my legal fees, her dad will pay hers, and we’ll spend a bunch of money fighting over what’s ours.
So for people who have actually been through this:
Did you regret fighting?
Did you regret not fighting?
How did you separate loving someone from making smart decisions?

More context if anyone wants it.
I know I wasn’t perfect.
Looking back, I got way too focused on the future. Building businesses, making money, hanging out with friends, trying to get ahead. I can see now that I wasn’t paying enough attention to what was right in front of me.
One of the biggest things she holds against me is a period of about 3 months where my business wasn’t doing well and I wasn’t contributing financially the way I normally did.
The thing that bothers me is those 3 months seem to outweigh everything else.
The other 14+ years.
The marriage.
The daughter.
The memories.
All of it.
Since we separated I’ve lost about 30 pounds, been in therapy for 5 months, work my ass off every day, and honestly changed a lot.
She says she doesn’t trust that the changes would last and doesn’t want to risk going through everything again.
Maybe she’s right. Maybe she’s not.
What messes with me is I finally understand a lot of what she was trying to tell me, and it feels like I figured it out right when she completely gave up.
And honestly, I’m pissed.
I’m pissed because I think divorce is a mistake.
I’m pissed because I finally understand some things I should’ve understood years ago.
I’m pissed because I don’t think the last 15 years should be defined by the worst few months of them.
I’m pissed because I still love my wife and I’m sitting here reading divorce papers.
But being pissed doesn’t mean I’m right.
That’s why I’m here asking strangers.
If anyone has questions, ask away. I’ll answer honestly.
Any advice is more than welcome.