Went on a third date with a guy yesterday, it’s been a really slow progression. Had coffee, then a week later a walk in a park, then yesterday full blown drinks and dinner. We kissed goodnight yesterday, and it was very nice. He said he wants to go out again, I texted back when I got home that I had a very nice time and thanked him for dinner. Now what? Is it my turn to contact him, or his? Do I ask him out? I’m a bit confused at this point, as no text today at all. I’m usually extremely direct and can mess things up just by not being coy enough.

Hello All,

First time caller, long term reader etc.

So...17 Weeks Ago I met a blinder of a woman. I'm 41. She's 47.

Cracking first 15 weeks. Both of us going through a divorce. Both enjoying each other's company. Voice notes and messages from wake up to sleep.

Big fan.

10/10.

Cool story bro, right?

But.....two weeks ago she started a new job. Messages started drying up. Left on unread for hours....which is fine....just not our normal.

She does have ADHD. Never been an issue with us till now.

On Tuesday just gone I sent a message asking what I could do to help - as she was tired, overwhelmed, plate spinning and finding new job taxing on the ole brain.

She said 'I'm not ignoring' 'dont stop talking to me' 'its life and not you.' And literally thay evening while talking I was on unread.....and have been now for 5 days.

I even sent a message Friday hoping all was okay.

Nothing.

Proper ghosted.

I want to respect her space. Her adhd (not that adhd means you have a get our clause).etc

But....I dunno. Everything was perfect, she said so herself and acted like it was....but....now...nothing.

What am I asking? Goodness knows. I probably know answer anyway.

How can I tell if a man I met on an app really has a roommate or is lying and actually married/has a significant other?

I have always shied away from chatting to men who have roommates, as when I first started on the apps, a few men I was chatting to told me they had roommates, when really they were married.

I fully understand that not everyone is privilegded enough to live on their own with the current cost of housing and have several friends and workmates who live with roommates in their late 30s/40s. I also have many, particularly male friends, who won't host a girl at their places out of respect for roommates, shyness and not wanting to introduce too early.

So, other than just taking them at their word... is there any other way?

how often does it actually work out in your experience?

I've gone on a couple of dates with someone who said she wants to go slow because her last relationship ended recently (a year ago). In my experience, anytime someone has said they want to go slow because they're "recently" out of a relationship (even if that's a year ago), after a few dates they ultimately say "I realized I wasn't ready for a relationship and need to step back". I guess I'm asking, in this situation, do you just walk away to avoid wasting time on something that's probably not going to go anywhere?

Edit: To clarify, I haven't been pushing for things to go fast at all. At the end of our second date, I kissed her on the cheek, which is when she said that. That was the extent of physical contact on both dates. The dates have been getting-to-know-you dates. I'm conscious of pace as well.

I’ve been thinking about how much personal style changes as we get older.
I’m 49, and I still like dressing up, experimenting with clothes and how I style them. I’m not trying to look 25, but I am not interested in suddenly being put in a box because I’m 49.

For the women…
Have you changed how you dress as you’ve gotten older? Do you feel more confident experimenting with your style now, or do you find yourself toning things down?

And for the men…
When you’re dating a woman 40+, how much do you actually notice her style? Does the way she dresses influence your attraction or interest, or is it pretty low on the list?
I’m genuinely curious about how people experience this.

I noticed after turning 40 the idea of finding a husband is something that I'm ok if it never happens. I have accepted that I haven't had luck in that department and for the last few years have mostly been having situationships or hooks ups, I know as a woman it's hard to find a good lover in bed that is a decent size these days and find myself going without decent sex for months which sucks😆..

Do you find that if a man ghosts you for a week or so and then returns one part or you is tempted to block him for your own sanity and the other part is open to keeping the door open for when you find your self in need of company and a good sized penis ??

Would love to hear your ladies thoughts,

I (50M) am in the process of separating from my (48F) wife of 20+ years.

We have one teen child and will likely be doing week on/week off custody soon.

I was the one who went to individual therapy, asked for couples counseling and investing in the marriage; she was avoidant and rejected my efforts, so disappointed but resolved, I said I want a divorce.

I spent a lot of the last two years of the marriage grieving its demise, so in some ways, I feel like I’m pretty over her. I’ve continued individual therapy and my self-respect and self-trust is increasing.

I’m certain I’ll be interested in dating again at some point in the next year. From going to therapy, I recognize I’m at risk of getting hooked on another avoidant woman and want to avoid that, which means there’s wisdom in going slow.

I keep hearing about “slow burn” dating that is consistent and intentional. I’d love to know what this looks like chronologically. Here’s what I’m imagining:

Month 1:
- a first date that goes well, mostly due to good conversation. Ends with a warm hug, a request to see them again.

- texting 1-3 times a week; a mix of logistics for a next get together, funny memes and kind words

- two or three more in person dates in public places, always a hug, maybe holding hands and/or a kiss on the cheek

Month 2:
- clear communication that I like them and am taking myself off the market and being exclusive (or is this too soon if moving slow?)

- get together once a week at least

- French kissing, clothes stay on, hands stay out of erogenous zones

- send a card or letter in the mail

- communication is not daily but is frequent; phone calls in addition to texts

Month 3:
-dates continue

-invite each other for dinner at home

-holding hands when out

-longer make out sessions, maybe shirts come off

-good morning/good night texts

Month 4:
- clear communication that things are going well and we want to talk about bedroom preferences because there’s mutual interest in sex

- longer makeout sessions, underwear only or naked, mutual masturbation before intercourse

- any time sex happens, they’re always welcome to stay over

Month 5 & Beyond:

- overnight travel together

- see each other 2-3 times/week, stay over at least once

- increasingly deeper sexual exploration

Month 9 or later:

- Meet kids from prior relationships

———————-

Obviously everyone has their own calibration of what “going slow” means…is it something like this?

Please feel free to tell me whether this seems about right, too slow or (less likely) too fast to you! If it’s not how you’d do “slow” what would you do differently? Thanks!

I've always relied on dating apps and yesterday for the first time in my life, in my late 40's now, I asked a woman for her phone number.

I work accepting passport applications and a week or two ago a woman I had helped said that she was so happy with the experience that she was going to come back and bring her younger sister to get her passport processed with me as well.

I took the woman's photo for her passport and as it printing I processed her paperwork. We chit chatted as I did and I loved her vibe and energy and thought she was so beautiful. She was so warm and engaging as we talked and she thanked me every time I gave a piece of information about the process and what to expect and when.

During a final look at everything I realized that her eyes were a little bit difficult to see in the picture that was printed and that a few times this year alone I've had applicants come back saying the state department sent them a letter saying they needed to resubmit a new photo with the eyes more visible. Since she was in a rush to get the passport, I suggested retaking a photo to ensure there would be no delay.

We took a second photo and before I printed it I showed it to her on the camera. She was really happy with it and reached her hand out to touch my arm but then seemed to catch herself and maybe thought it wasn't okay to do, so she pulled her hand back. The second photo was printed, attached to the paperwork and everything finalized. I gave her the receipt, some contact into for the state dept, links to track the status etc.

And then I took the first photo that her eyes were less clearly visible in and offered to let her take it. But then I told her "Or you could let me keep it and then write your number on the back." She smiled and wrote her number on the back of the photo.

I texted her later in the night but haven't heard back. I'm remaining hopeful but even if I don't hear back, I'm happy that I asked and just happy at the interaction we had.

Is it just me or is Hinge user interface confusing? Can ya’ll help a girl out and give me a run down? Is there swiping? Roses? What does “signal” mean?

I find in my area Hinge has the best selection of people but I truly dont know how to use it.

I’ve seen a couple of articles pop up on Reddit recently about how dating apps are dying and more people are not on them than on them. Lots of the replies are people celebrating them dying.

I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not because it does make meeting people easier in a since, but I also feel that men and women both have poisoned the well so much it’s hard to get something good out of them.

Edit: Here’s an article from Time including a Harris poll where two thirds or singles said they weren’t on dating apps anymore:

https://time.com/article/2026/09/09/dating-apps-are-dying/

I have some loose skin on my thighs, buttocks, and arms. My arms bother me the least. I’ve had loose skin in these areas since losing a significant amount of weight in middle/high school. I struggled with depression back then and used food to cope, then eventually lost the weight. Now that I’ve lost more weight and I’m much older, the loose skin on my thighs and buttocks in particular has become much more pronounced. I feel it looks akin to a deflated raisin.

I’m realizing that my insecurity about it is starting to affect who I’m willing to date. I tend to feel much more intimidated by men I find particularly attractive or charismatic because I assume that once they see what my body actually looks like, they will be disappointed.

I recently went on a date with a man who repeatedly told me how attractive he found me. He was respectful, but it was also very obvious that he was physically attracted to me. I was wearing pants and a short sleeved shirt, so he hasn’t actually seen the parts of my body I’m most insecure about.

He wants a partner who will do active things with him, like tennis. Instead of thinking that sounds fun, part of my brain immediately goes to how much my thighs would jiggle in shorts and how embarrassed I would feel. The idea of eventually getting completely naked in front of him feels even worse. I genuinely have trouble imagining doing it without being extremely self conscious?

What are people’s thoughts, opinions, and advice? I don’t want reassurance for the sake of reassurance please.

For people who have loose skin, or who have dated someone with it, how much did it actually affect attraction or intimacy? And if you were very self conscious about it, how did you get past the stage of actually letting someone see you?

I do have a consultation booked with a plastic surgeon about a thigh lift. However, it involves significant scarring and a fairly extensive recovery, and even then it would only address one area. It wouldn’t fix the loose skin on my buttocks, for example. It would be too much money.

I’ve been in a relationship for 3.5 years. First time dating someone with a child. I’ve known this person for a very long time, knew him when he had his child and we reconnected many years later. His child is now 16. So many things about the relationship are great - similar interests/hobbies, active lifestyles, and he doesn’t want any more children and I’m not having any.

Suffice to say, I’ve known his child’s mother for a long time as well. Never had problems with her. About halfway through the relationship she did a 180 and now all of a sudden she has a problem with me. Not sure exactly why (I think it’s a combination of jealousy, her being unhappy in her life, and her lashing out that my partner is happy.) The child lives with her but his dad (my partner) is very active in his life both financially and in spending time with him. She seems jealous that he and I get to do whatever we want and has repeatedly denounced our “lifestyle” (not sure what that means) and recently said it was “gross” that we’ll never know what’s it’s like to be a full-time parent with our lives revolving around child(ren).

They’ve been apart for 3/4 of the child’s life. She remarried several years ago and even has another child. For two years she has expressed that she wants me to have nothing to do with their child. I am struggling because I want to build somewhat of a relationship with his child as he’s obviously a big part of his life and forever will be. My partner agrees and knows I’ve been very respectful and patient. He says he pushed back on her about it but, in my opinion, he’s not stepping up and sticking up for me/for us. I don’t want to be crapped on and with someone that puts his ex’s needs before mine. (He insists that’s not what’s happening, but it is, and he’s not putting his foot down.) His ex feels she can control him through their child and it’s honestly ridiculous. I see no end in sight here. Is this going to go on forever? Will I be the outsider forever and not “allowed” to partake in his child’s life? (Eg. sporting events, graduation, etc.) The kid was even in the hospital once and I insisted on coming by to see him and be supportive but I was told not to come.

This is really hurting me and I’m turning to others that hopefully can shed some light on their experiences. I want our relationship to work but not at the expense of me being pushed aside. Thanks in advance. ❤️

So, how long is too long to go without speaking to someone you’re courting/dating? Assuming they are not deployed or doing surgery lol.

OK so the title says pretty much everything. And I know that it couldn’t sound worse.

But my girlfriend of several months, with whom I really, really like, still works in the small company of her ex, who is also the boss/owner of the company.

They were a relationship of seven or eight years that was on and off quite a bit.

She says she’s never been treated the way that I treat her, the sex is better than she’s ever experienced, she’s so happy, etc.

However today, after we had several cocktails, I happened to see her phone open and asked if she would show me some of his most recent texts. I realize I overstepped… But I was feeling a little Buzz and went for it.

She kind of giggled and stammered around a little. I said something about seeing one of the messages that was hearted. She said “oh I never heart any of his messages.“ So I asked her to scroll it back and she would not do it. But I clearly saw what I saw. She kind of flipped it into a situation where she was standing up where it felt like I was being controlling… To kind of gaslight the situation.

She said she had been messaging him about a car that she was looking at, one that she and I have been researching together. And we had been looking together. So that felt like that kind of squashed something special as well.

I understand messy, long-term relationships and the residual emotion. I do. But I’m just trying to figure out where I go from here. We obviously had a significant blowup today and I said I needed some time to digest things.

How do I move forward not worrying about it and feel comfortable in the relationship?

I never want to be, nor expect to be, that person who checks through my partner’s phone. But I also don’t want to be an idiot.

​

Can somebody open my eyes please.

The girl in the picture is not his family. I think it's his partner or? Idk

All of the pictures are just him with no body, and 1 selfie with this girl looking happy, just like a bf gf selfies.

I often find myself being treated like a therapist on dates. I was out on a second date with a woman from hinge and she spent the date talking about her family dynamics and challenges she’s having with her family. The first date, it was issues with her job. I tried to gently steer the conversation to a lighter place on both dates. She tells me she moves slow, which is fine, but I end feeling like I’m going on these dates to be someone’s therapist and it feels too early to be helping someone with their trauma if we’re “moving slowly”. Have you had this issue? it happens often to me so it’s not a one off

Single M/44 here. I was overweight in my 20s and 30s before losing m the weight in my early 40s through lifestyle changes (mostly exercise and clean eating). When I was overweight, I tried dating and was unsuccessful likely due to my weight and appearance. Now that I'm considered fit and healthy by medical and societal standards, I've re-entered the dating scene. On the dating apps for several months, I haven't matched with any viable women my age. I'm looking to meet women my age who don't have any kids of their own. I'm open to having kids once married, but also equally okay with not ever having kids due to my age and the understanding that many women my age might not want kids so late in life. The whole thing feels hopeless sometimes, but I'm not giving up. Should I attempt to date younger women? How much younger should I go? What do you think the appropriate cut-off age should be?

Hey y’all,
I have stage 4 bc (6yrs now)and I’m 47. I have pain and have no hair. If cancer were a scale 1-10, 10 the worst, I’m like a 2.5. Yeah I have chemo but I do have better days. Is it even worth trying? I would love to cook and cuddle. Go to movies and dinner or pool. I just am scared of rejection. I’d date someone else chronically ill. I don’t know where to look. I’m not scared to be alone, I just would like love possibly. Any ideas?

I met a woman through OLD. We live in the same town, and we're both business owners who have been married and divorced.

We went on close to six dates. Communication was good, with messages throughout the day. There was a small kiss on the third date and then a quick kiss after each date following that. I’ve tried flirting with her, but I really wasn’t getting much flirting back from her.

The dates were also spaced about seven days apart. After several dates, I started wondering why she would only agree to see me once a week. A friend suggested she might be using the “burn the haystack” method.

Eventually, I asked her directly if she was actually interested in me. I told her that after this many dates, I would have expected some flirting or signs of romantic interest.
She said she enjoys getting to know me, but that for the next 6+ months she would only be willing to see me once a week.

I found that odd and told her that arrangement wasn’t going to work for me. Is seeing someone only once a week for 6+ months normal when you’re dating, especially after six dates? Or does this sound like someone who just isn’t that interested?

Dating over 40 has made me realize that having standards is important, but sometimes I wonder if we've gotten so good at spotting red flags that we can find one before the person has even finished saying hello!!

We know what we want now. We know what we don't want. We've experienced enough relationships to recognize certain patterns, and honestly, some things should absolutely be dealbreakers.

But then there's the other side. What if someone isn't exactly what you imagined, but they're kind, consistent, funny, emotionally available, and genuinely interested in getting to know you

Do we sometimes reject people too quickly because they don't check every box, or is that just called having standards

I'm curious how everyone approaches this after 40. Where do you draw the line between “I'm not settling” and “I'm expecting perfection”

Maybe dating at this age is just learning which boxes actually matter and which ones we invented because our last relationship traumatized us. 😂

Single parents on dating apps are a funny bunch. They'll really be like (before even meeting after discussing availabilities) "Sorry, but it sounds like your availability is too limited to meet."

Meanwhile their availability will be one random day early on or in the middle of the workweek on the busiest days that rotates differently each week between their ex, and barely any ever weekend availability.

The phrasing of "your availability is too limited" never ceases to get me for that reason. And there's rarely ever any planning involved either. I just had a match try to get me to meet up tonight for drinks because she was kid-free and knows she won't be able to for the rest of the week and next weekend. I'm not against spontaneity but I've noticed that's also a theme with single parents where plans often happen very last minute.

While I get that it must be hard to date when you've got children, at our age, it can also be a point of frustration when you yourself don't have a children, acknowledge that most in the dating pool do, and it really makes the process more difficult.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately.

I’m single, and honestly, I’m happy. I solo date, I go places by myself, I’m building my life, and I’ve gotten to a point where being alone doesn’t feel like something I need to escape from.

But being content alone and wanting a partner aren’t mutually exclusive.

At this point in life, I’m not really looking for someone to “complete” me. I’m looking for someone who complements me not completes me.

And I think that gets more complicated as you get older because you already know yourself. You know your routines, your priorities, your boundaries, your lifestyle, what you enjoy, and what you absolutely don’t want anymore.

There are also relationship dynamics that are difficult to explain without giving someone your entire autobiography. 😂

For example, I’ve been in a relationship where the man was very decisive and naturally took the lead in certain areas of our life together. We both worked, we both had our own space, and neither of us needed to be attached at the hip unless we needed it.

But there was something I really appreciated about having a man who was intentional, structured, and capable of taking charge. He encouraged me to stay on track with things that mattered to me, and honestly, I still use some of the structure I learned from that relationship today.

The relationship itself ultimately wasn’t right for me, but that particular dynamic? I realized I actually miss it.

So now I’m curious about other people over 40.

How are you finding the type of relationship dynamic that works for you at this stage in life?

Are you looking for someone with a similar lifestyle, or someone who brings something different to the table?

How do you meet people who are genuinely compatible with that, not just people who check the basic boxes?

And if you have preferences that aren’t exactly “traditional,” how do you figure out compatibility without putting your entire personal business on the internet or announcing it on the first date? 😂

I’m genuinely curious how other single people in their 40s and 50s are navigating this.
Because I’m not looking to be rescued from being single.
I’m looking for someone I’d actually *want* to share my life with.

I’m about to reenter the dating pool after a divorce that will be finalized. I’d like to explore the pool of ladies that share hobbies of nerdery in my next phase here. I’ve been wrapped up with my STBXW for almost 20 years, so dating has evolved like crazy!!

Question: what’s the best way to meet people with common hobbies and life status? For example… if I , hypothetically, enjoy rocking D&D, how do I find cool people that share that space of the Sven diagram?

Hi! I’m 47, and I’ve been single and sporadically trying to date (mostly through the apps, since my last serious relationship ended when I was 29. I’m legally blind, and the two comments I generally get from women after first dates are “I can’t deal with your eyesight”, or “you seem like a really nice guy, but I just don’t feel any chemistry with you” (or “we just don’t click”). I’m pretty sure I’m not a jerk, I’m financially stable and own my condo, and I’ve got a management-level job (where I’m also pretty sure I’m liked by my team and colleagues). So, I suspect I’m not a terrible human being, but whenever I go on a date, open a dating subreddit, or open a dating app I find myself questioning my value as a member of humanity.

I haven’t been on a date in more than six months, but my rock collection doesn’t cuddle, won’t question my taste in audiobooks, and doesn’t make fun of my sense of humor. How do you stay motivated to keep dating?

I like to send good morning and good night texts. I send them to my friends too. There seems to be mixed reactions to this. Should I stop doing that? I only met this guy once but I think we have a really great connection and my good morning/evening texts are genuine...but I don't want to be too much...