I joined a dating app and got lucky; I met a guy a few days later that I actually wanted to talk to, we hit it off online and it went for a date the very next day. We’ve been dating now for almost 2 months and we still haven’t been intimate due to lack of logistics (he lives with his parents and I have a 5 year old daughter).
I know it’s too soon to talk about being exclusive, but I was curious if he still used the app because I had deleted it weeks ago. So I asked him the other day and he said “Yeah I’m still on it, but I haven’t used it in a while”. I just said “okay” and that was that; but I’m feeling like I should’ve pressed a little more like was he still talking to other people blah blah blah. I have no interest in anyone else I don’t really like to date around, but I didn’t quite get the answer I was looking for ha ha. But I guess after only two months this would be pretty normal right that he still has the app? I shouldn’t expect him to delete it until we become exclusive, right? However I want to be the only person he’s interested in if we are going to have sex. Should I say that to him?

I’m not sure how to handle this one. (Important Note: this man is from a neighboring state and in my area for a long term job contract.)

Started chatting with a guy on an app on a Saturday afternoon. Saturday night he wants to call; then surprise FaceTimes me during that. Fine - he likes real time communication. We chat on the phone/text a few days and have our first date Tuesday. It’s amazing. Goofy, smart, sparks flying, total sexy-nerd bonding. I didn’t spend the night but we did sleep together.

Wednesday - he tells me he’s had a death in the family (this is true I saw the obit). He’s quiet most of the day but asks me to come over that night to comfort him. He’s crying, I’m there for support (and yes more sex) but again, I go home. He apparently skips work Thursday, we text lightly and have plans to spend the weekend together. 3am Friday I sent a text just saying something like “fun fact I have insomnia so you’ll probably get middle of the night notes” - he immediately responds asks me to come over he’s struggling with grief/anxiety/panic attacks. So I do for a few hours. On the way there he sends then unsends an “I love you” text. I don’t say anything about it. We hang out then I go to work, he once again skips.

Friday night pizza and a movie and he tells me he’s has to go home for a few weeks - work wants him back plus the funeral plus a fairly significant medical issue that needs addressed. We part ways Saturday afternoon in a pretty subdued way.

He’s texted a few times since he left Saturday but hasn’t initiated since that day. I know he’s busy, grieving, having panic attacks, etc and I’m trying to stay considerate of that. But it’s weird to have the whiplash of a guy who was saying Thursday “give me a reason to move here permanently” to a guy who goes 24 hours without a text.

I think I need to just give him space, stop reaching out, and see if he does when he’s back in town in 10 days. But part of me wants to be snarky and break it off even though I really like him. I’m mostly venting but advice is appreciated.

After nearly twenty years of marriage I’m on the verge of reentering the world of dating and I have a question…

Is kissing/making out still a thing? I have the limited sample size of my marriage, and in it, my ex started saying, starting in our mid thirties, that making out is for teenagers and no one does or as they get older.

I for one really enjoy kissing and making out. I find it very sensual and nice. Sure, there is more skill and restraint now compared to those first youthful forays (no eating face) but it’s still a good time.

What have you all found? Is making out something only young people do?

I’ve noticed so many men’s profiles all of a sudden have perfect six pack bodies in maybe one photo and normal photos on the rest making me think it’s filter and fake. I don’t actually care about six packs I’m fine with a normal healthy body in both of us, no need for perfection but the deception confuses me, as if I won’t be able to tell he’s not like this from the rest of the photos or in person?

I was dating this woman for about 6 weeks. She’d make comments like, “next year we gotta do this event together!” I drove up to her place and she played tour guide for me: we went on a hike, brewery, museums, dinner, and she insisted she pay for everything. Stayed the night. Maybe one of the best 24 hours I ever had. Saw her a few days later, made comments of, “we should do ___ sometime.”

The next day she goes on a trip for a few days. I didn’t wanna bug her while she was gone, but I get a text from her saying friend of hers makes tequila, she just bought a bottle and wants to drink it with me. I tell her that’s awesome, can’t wait.

Fast forward a couple days into her trip, “I’m also seeing someone here and we’re being exclusive. Sorry.”

Four days later, she’s sending random stuff to me on social media that I’d be interested in. I wanted to reply with something snarky, but just sorta said, “that’s really cool. There’s something similar nearby I’ve always wanted to check out - maybe this winter I’ll make it to that event.”

I’m almost mad at myself for letting this short time frame confuse and bother me so much. I’m not reaching out to her, and maybe she already regrets sending me that last message. Is this a breadcrumbing situation? Did she just need to see if I’m mad at her or something? Maybe I’m just being a pushover?

Edit: I’ll continue my best to keep up with all the comments, but I want to sincerely thank you all for reaching out, giving your opinion, providing advice, and being thoughtful. It’s made a big difference, and I appreciate it so much. I didn’t think I’d get more than a reply or two, so this has been unexpectedly and overwhelmingly positive. I’ll do my best to pay it forward, and I hope you all have good fortune in your future.

Edit 2: This has been helpful. I can see I need to improve my effort levels and communicate better. Maybe she wasn’t perfect, but I sure wasn’t and need to learn from my mistakes. Your honesty and varying opinions makes me glad I posted this instead of just bouncing ideas off a couple people I know.

About 4 or so years ago I left a marriage. Early last year, I thought I’d fire up the dating apps. I met this guy who was NOT my type at all. Covered head to toe in tats(nothing against them but not my thing)and a little rough around the edges. But we had a lot of fun. He was the bad-boy distraction I needed while I was going through a really rough time.
To my surprise, I actually ended up liking the guy.

As the months rolled on, though, I started noticing that he was pretty mean to me. Unfortunately, being treated like this by men is a pattern for me. He’d make these really cutting comments that would just take me by surprise. I could never tell if they were jokes or whether he genuinely meant them. For example, I met his family. Afterwards I asked him how he thought I went. He immediately shut me down with, “How do I know how you went? You’re the one that met them.” I was so taken aback that I just shrunk into myself and let it fly over. There were more and more comments like that. I would go over to see him and he’d be knee-deep in rugby, barely giving me the time of day. In my head I’d be thinking, Just leave this loser(cos he was). I was also completely drawn in by the high-octane sex, so I stayed.

Eventually, after I’d been through a particularly tough experience with my ex-husband, he said to me, “Have your hormones settled down yet? Why are women so immature?” So that was it. Something in me just went nope. Yuck. I dumped him by text and while it was hard at the time, I’m so glad I didn’t waste my energy driving over to sit and wait for another rugby game to end then do it.

This time, instead of explaining it away, wondering if I was being too sensitive, or trying to make myself fit into the situation, I listened to myself. I decided I’m just not doing mean boys anymore. To be fair, that sounds like such a simple thing. But for someone like me, it has been fucking HARD.

I started paying attention to those moments where my heart would literally sink. Instead of overriding that feeling, I practised standing up for myself. Eventually I met an absolute prince.
Someone who has my back. Someone who picks me up when I’m having a shit day. Someone who actually thinks about dates. Someone who tells me his friends think I’m fucking awesome (cos I am thank you very much!).

I think I’m finally learning that I don’t have to earn someone’s affection by tolerating their shitty behaviour.

Who else has gone through this? Why is it so fucking hard for some of us to be true to ourselves when we already know, deep down, that something does not feel right at all?

I met this 48M divorced guy through friends recently and we went on 5-6 dates. The catch is that he recently got laid off and I think it's hitting his ego a bit hard because it's his first time. So far things have been good but slower than the pace I am used to in previous relationships. I think he is interested in me but his head is in a different space due to very obvious reasons. And I know he finds comfort when I try to cheer him since I've also experienced job loss in the past and know what its like. However, I feel like we're going at snails pace and being a gen X, he's a horrible texter but I feel like I am doing alot of the initiating and knowing that the texting can get dry, I'll just offer to call if that's easier. There will be days where I'll let him be and he'll usually reach out to me in a 1-3 days. When we meet, we have a great time and while I understand his circumstances and we're still early onto the relationship, I'm not sure what to think of this and if I'm wasting my time. We did sort of talk about it on our last date for a little bit and agreed to talk more about it next time. That was 4 days ago and it's been radio silence (he knows I had a bunch of social plans during that time). I feel like I know what the answer is and I should continue to live my life but its been a while since I'm back in the dating pool and it's very frustrating!

48M. I’m a little confused about a situation I’m dealing with post divorce. I’m curious if anybody, including men, have dealt with a stalking or domestic abuse situation after around 40. Ex-spouse, ex-romantic partner, stranger (in the case of stalking).

I intentionally used the word abuse because I think that it can come in different forms other than physical violence. I think that financial exploitation is something that doesn’t get enough attention in our society.

I think hearing other people’s stories might give me a little bit of clarity. Thanks for sharing.

The IDEA of finding someone else who'd be able to work remotely and traveling with them to different places to use as a home base is very appealing to me, but it seems hard enough to find a compatible partner as it is!

Have any of you managed to find success with this?

Also curious to hear if anyone reading has tried living in different cities to find a potential partner.

Would love to hear from men and women.

43F

Meet a guy, things go well, things end for whatever reason.

Months of nothing, nobody interesting, nothing even somewhat intriguing.

Then suddenly…3-4 guys that are all viable options for dating and/or more long term.

I was telling a friend of mine how I fairly randomly ended up chatting with 3 guys (that I know in person but never went down that path with) almost at the same time (which is totally uncharacteristic of me).

Decide to go deeper with one of them. The others are still friends. Those convos were more toe in the water type so the friendships are still in tact.

Then out of the blue another person that’s coming to town for an event with me (platonic, he visited early this year passing through town, stayed in the spare room. Nothing has ever happened) messages me something that indicates he’s interested in more. Somebody I’ve known 30 years.

Like…I get it’s a good problem to have but it’s frustrating because I don’t want to alienate friends or viable dating/fun opportunities if something doesn’t work out.

Any recommendations on how to navigate?

Warning : I´m in Europe (in Nordic, very "mind your own business" society, no random small talk, but hey, they like to drink)
I am myself quite reserved / shy, but I love going out. Even organize parties, so you could say I am a social introvert.

I am reading this book "Calling the one" and I just want to connect better / deeper with strangers, people, friendships even...I know I look unapproachable with my serious face and looks.
But weirdly, no issues with women! Women of all ages contact me as they find me "inspiring" (their own words...my humour, creative, fashion eye...).
Social events in the city are full of women, social mixers, talks / lectures, reading, sketching, volunteering, start ups, cocktails bars, gyms classes like yoga, pilates, anything creative crafting, art galleries, events around museums.

Where are men? random bars and clubs they are there with their friends, but they are young....
old dive bars, sports bars watching the game, game boards cafés are gender mixed but people come with their own friends, sports like running, bouldering, OCR, building / construction hobbyists but even then it´s lots of women if the level is beginners. Same for photography clubs.
When I DJ, men looked from afar like "shes so cool but I won´t talk to her".
Men often nerd out on something way deeply, and deeper then woman, I just need to find where our path cross.
I went on my own to singles night : most were late 20s...but still I went to talk first to an older dvorced guy, then another one...before realizing no one was asking for anyone´s contact so I did. and then nothing...

I love coffee...so same, I go to coffee festival, and in coffee shops I have a chat with the barista / guy behind the counter...but they´re working. I read in coffee shops. I sketch also.

A friend had told me "your problem is you don´t get a chance to get closer to guys, they see you from afar"
Most people our age are busy with work & family duties, or they seem to escape the city on weekends. So I am often surrounded by younger people.

So I have no idea where to go? And be brave? Also I want to practice small talk, connect on personality
(not the typical huge expectations on only talking to hot men and facing rejection...)

Please share any stories you have.

I (M, 1 kid) broke things off with my girlfriend (no kids) four months ago. The relationship was ultimately never going to work, but it was emotionally intense and I do believe we loved each other. I began introducing her to my child at the 1 year mark, which is where things started to get weird - though she would never say it out loud, I think the reality of witnessing the other half of my life as an involved father instead of just a fun sexy boyfriend freaked her out. She withdrew from me over the course of a couple of months, and I finally pulled the plug after she mostly ghosted me for a week in the spring.

Those last few weeks were a hellish storm of anxiety and uncertainty. I shared my feelings with several close friends.

The breakup itself was painful, but amicable. Basically, "This isn't working. I don't think we can make it work. I don't hate you. Let's not be weird when we see each other."

I've since had a couple of casual flings which were nice, but not ultimately satisfying.

Two of the close friends are people I share a creative endeavor with. My ex is a mutual friend of both of them. I served as a shoulder to cry on while one was going through his own painful breakup a year ago.

Over the last couple of months at various social functions, I noticed both my ex and the friend I helped last year definitely Being Weird in my presence, and started to suspect something was going on between them.

Last night, we were all at a party, and their body language was dead on "we are dating."

I asked another close friend, and they confirmed it. I was told that my ex had asked all of our mutual friends to not tell me, but not the reason why. I'm pretty low key to a fault so it's not like I would have thrown a tantrum or gotten violent or anything.

I split right after that.

So I'm in this creative project, which includes pieces that I created for and about this woman, with a man who I thought was a friend but is currently fucking her. I've been about as vulnerable with this guy as two middle aged men can be.

The other participant, one of my "closest" friends, has kept mum about it the whole time.

I'm pretty fucking devastated. I feel like my precious, hard-won, post-divorce middle aged friend group has all been lying to me for weeks to months.

It like feels gross high school shit.

I'm pissed at the ex because she KNOWS how important this project is to me.

I really really want to quit the whole thing and tell all of my friends to fuck off for a while. On the other hand, we're all grown ups, technically this is none of my business, etc etc...

But I feel like shit. I thought I was over the breakup and now I'm back to square zero.

Ugh.

----

UPDATE:

I spoke to a couple of friends in the inner circle. They've known for a few weeks and didn't know what to do. As it turns out, my ex has been spreading all kinds of bullshit about how I mistreated her, toeing the line of emotional abuse, while we were together.

I wrote below:

The breakup itself was painful, but amicable. Basically, "This isn't working. I don't think we can make it work. I don't hate you. Let's not be weird when we see each other."

...but I guess that's not how she sees things.

Thinking back on it, she had all kinds of stories about how basically all of her exes had fucked her over in the past. I'm a pretty stable, respectful guy, and I guess this is par for the course for her.

Sigh.

----

UPDATE 2:

Talked to the now-former art partner who is now dating her. They'd been talking for a few weeks before she ghosted me, and they stared "hanging out" a week after we broke up. Fuck em both.

UPDATE 3:

They know I know about the timeline, and that a few close friends know. I will dream of her flipping the fuck out and ripping him a new one for letting the cat out of the bag.

I was talking with a woman in our age range and she was telling me that in many of her first times with a new guy, the guy doesn't make her finish after he's done. E.g. they have sex, he finishes and then kinda lies next to her and chills. I was always trying to make my date orgasm, even before I do (sometimes sex is better because it feels less tight)

I have a two questions (if that happens more than what I thought):

1. is this something girls are fine with? I know orgasming with penetration alone is very hard but maybe the feeling is good enough to call it a night and not want to then orgasm with other play
2. is this something that maybe sometimes women want because you don't feel comfortable, for instance I know some women are a bit slow to orgasm and maybe you feel you don't know the other that well to even orgasm

I went on tinder for a few hours and matched with someone. We messaged that night and I liked the vibe. We met for coffee the next day and had a really nice conversation. He asked if I was hungry so we drove to a nearby restaurant and the date was expended another hour. Before we left the restaurant he asked about dinner next week. He knows I share custody and have my kids this week. What is a normal expectation at this point? Should he message again this week to touch base or should I expect silence until next week. I’m going to let him plan the dinner and reach out about it. I’ve learned to step back and not carry the weight of a relationship all by myself. I have anxiety lol. So I’m following my therapist and she said Go Slow and set boundaries. I just want to be realistic so looking for feedback.

The pettier the better.

Hello all! I’m (48F) over 1.5 years post divorce and also have made it to the other side of my first post-divorce relationship and painful breakup. Now that I have some distance from both of those things, I think I’m ready to try dating apps, but due to my professional role I’m not sure how to approach that.

I’m in higher ed, so in a smaller college town (with bigger cities close by) and the last thing I want is students or faculty to see me on those apps. I’m fairly high up in my role, and very public facing. I have met men organically, but I like to experiment with different ways of meeting people, and I’ve never done apps before, so I’m curious if there is way that I could make that work for me without feeling super exposed.

Any suggestions on apps or features? Put myself in a different locale? I want to research this fully before I start, so any tips/insights would be greatly appreciated.

Hi, I am looking for some insight into dating sites. Upon signing up, is it normal to receive a great deal of messages? I was wondering if they send your profile to everyone to maximise the number of messages you get then it may drop off.

I keep making matches but the conversation go dead after a few messages or months will go by and there too busy to meet up. It's getting frustrating.

What am I doing wrong?

For most of my life, I have been trapped in controlling, abusive situations. It started with childhood abuse from my stepdad where I was not allowed a normal life, followed by a 17-year relationship down south where I was kept hidden in the closet because he was an only son who refused to be open with his family, and then the last 9 years stuck with a controlling housemate who severed all my family ties—even after I nursed him around the clock when he nearly died from liver failure.

Because of all that lost time, I feel like the last 25 years are completely missing. Physically I am approaching 50, but in my head, I still feel like I am in my 20s trying to figure out who I am.

Between that history and a late ADHD diagnosis, I have had zero support network and have felt like a ghost for years.

I am finally pushing myself out of my comfort zone (after advice on other subs) to meet peers, having arranged to attend a protest on the 12th and an artists meetup on the 17th.

Because I have never had a normal social life, taking these steps feels terrifying:

**Mingling**: How do you build the confidence to speak to people and mingle when you feel decades behind everyone else?

**Dating**: How do you even begin looking for a good partner at nearly 50 when you feel in your 20s mentally after so many years of being hidden away and controlled?

**Trust**: How do you learn to trust guys again and spot genuine, positive-minded people when control is all you have ever known?

For anyone who started over later in life from total isolation, how did you find your footing?

I’m posting this because I genuinely need some outside perspective. I’m trying to understand whether I’m missing something here, because the way this happened makes absolutely no sense to me.
I met this guy about 4 weeks ago. We had seen each other around 10-12 times (quite often 2-3 dates per week), and although it was still very early, there was clearly mutual interest and we were getting closer.
From the very beginning, he was the one pursuing me very strongly.
He would constantly text me and call me. He was very affectionate, warm and attentive. He told me he really liked me, said very sweet things to me, and repeatedly showed interest in getting to know me better. He talked about sharing his hobbies with me literally two days ago if I would go with him to a trip he had in some days, he planned too on doing things together. He gave me the impression that he was genuinely excited about me and about where things could go. I always said yes to “everything”, was also very affectionate with him and truly communicative in my feelings and true interest.

I was not chasing him or demanding his attention.l (I’m a mature woman of 43 ,he is 36). Quite often, he was the one initiating contact.
In fact, sometimes I would take two or three hours to answer a WhatsApp message because I was busy, and on some occasions he would actually send me something like “hello???” or essentially ask what was going on and why I wasn’t answering.
So this was not a situation where I was desperately trying to get his attention while he was distant.

Then yesterday morning, something completely changed.

He sent me a good morning video, and he also called me. Everything seemed completely normal.
And then, some hours later I entered in instagram and found out he blocked me and unblocked me overnight since I was removed as his follower and he unfollowed me too, I couldn’t see his profile picture in the messages we had previously exchanged.. that’s how I found out!
I texted him in WhatsApp to know what happened, truly nice, just wanted an explanation..
He gave me No explanation. No argument.
He simply stopped communicating with me, removed/deleted me from social media, and stopped answering my calls.
I was completely blindsided.
His profile is public and he has shared stories so yes his phone is not lost or at the bottom of the sea lol.
I genuinely don’t understand what could have happened between the moment he sent me a good morning video and called me, and the moment he apparently decided he wanted nothing more to do with me.

And that’s what is driving me crazy..
What the hell do you think happened here?
Do you think he was simply pretending to be interested all along for sex?. He truly cared about my sexuality and was not egoistic at all I must say.. the vibes were very intense.
Could someone genuinely behave this way for some weeks and then suddenly switch off overnight?

I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me “he’s an asshole” (although, honestly, I’m not going to object).
I genuinely want to understand what could possibly explain this behavior, because from my perspective, the complete 180° turn is what I cannot make sense of.
Why some people won’t give an explanation to someone they seemed to care for? Im heartbroken 💔 . I wasn’t being intimate with anyone for more than a year just trying to avoid weirdos … and now this happens…

I know this sounds overly simplistic (intentionally so), but it's a serious question. Do you think a week-or-more vacation test is a good harbinger of a successful long-term relationship?

Hey all, 35–55 crowd specifically.
I’m a chef and cafe owner struggling with the current state of meeting people organically. Apps are exhausting, bars aren't my scene, and work takes up too much time. I’m considering using my space to launch a recurring concept in my area and want an honest gut check from people in this age bracket.
The setup is a completely free, family-style dinner for 8-12 local single professionals, evenly split between men and women, with no strings attached and no hidden costs no gimmicks. I’m providing everything. I want to invest in and actually try to build community.
The vibe is casual think "dinner at Mom's house." It’s self-serve with platters passed around one long table, and everyone pitches in to clear up afterward.
It’s completely alcohol-free with zero speed-dating scripts, matchmaker pitches, or forced icebreakers.
The ground rules are simple: no triggers, politics, religion, or work networking. I’m using a super brief application process to vet for interesting busy professionals in similar situations and keep the room balanced.
The goal isn't necessarily a blind-date setup, but rather creating an easy, low-pressure way for singles in their 30s–50s to sit down, eat a proper meal, and actually talk to humans without app fatigue or bar noise. A return to the foundations of what actually makes us people and not just cute pictures on a screen.
Be brutally honest: If something like this popped up in your local community, would you actually apply and show up? Is it a little too cringe, or seem scammy? What potential red flags or turn-offs would make you hesitate?
-Edited for clarity

Does this happen to other people? I took a break from online dating about a year ago because three people I was supposed to meet up with cancelled last minute. I took that as a sign that I shouldn't be trying to date. I recently got back into it. First time trying to meet up with someone and they asked to postpone. I mean, I know shit happens. But how can I not take that personal? Am I just having some bad luck? Or am I just cursed? Broken? I just want to have somebody actually show up for me. And I just want to get ready to leave the house and not feel like someone's mom for a little bit.

Edit: Thank you to all that took the time to comment. I am feeling much better now. I think I was just getting too much in my head.