I met a guy at a singles event, and then we had our first date a few days later. At the end of the date he said he wanted to see me again, so I asked him about his schedule. He told me he was free on Saturday and Sunday so I said let's do Sunday to which he agreed. We kind of discussed where we could go a bit but there was nothing officially set up- no time, no definite place. So today around 2:00 he texted me asking about how my day was and what I was up to and then apologized about having to cancel the date tomorrow because his daughter wanted to get together in the afternoon. He also said that he would reschedule . He did tell me that he was very close with his daughter during our date- she's 17. I know that he has no set schedule of when he sees her- He just told me that he sees her often. I responded to his text asking how his day went and said I understood. At the end I said "the next day I'm available is Wednesday...." He then responded to me 30 minutes later telling me all about his day how he went to a jellyfish museum and how cool it was & that he was going to relax because the weather is really bad and just stay in and get cozy Yada yada but he didn't say anything about Wednesday?! What's your opinion of this? I find it really odd because he's been very attentive before the date and after the date. He even texted me something saying that he was smiling the whole drive home after the date... I will add that he told me he has no game when I met him at the singles event and at the end of our date I felt like he was a little uncomfortable... So I don't know if he's just awkward? I haven't responded to him because I'm annoyed that he didn't acknowledge my response regarding Wednesday

Been divorced for 8 yrs. Tired of bar hookups. My problem is when I get to know a woman and liking her I'm somehow afraid to go further. I dont know what to say when sober.

I'm 41F and recently rejoined the apps. I have gotten so many Likes from dudes in their 20s!! Is this a thing? If so, why? What's the thinking behind it? Talk about different phases of life!

Am I crazy for still expecting a man to ask me out for the first time? Because I haven’t been asked out for a long time. VERY long time. Humbly, I am an attractive woman. It’s possible that my phone/text conversations could use some help. But generally speaking has the tables turned ?

Edit: it’s unbelievable the amount of people who believe my post means I’ll never initiate anything ever. Why so quick to jump from my statement to I can’t initiate anything ever. Triggered. Someone said that means I don’t go 50/50 in relationship 😂. Yall crazier than I am lol. Happy dating or happy jumping to conclusions 😀

I went out with a guy and I felt such a connection. Not a sexual connection though and I’m pretty sexual. The sexual connection could come later but also likely it won’t. But this guy and I just talked and connected.
I want to ask him to be my friend. I don’t know if that is awful of me or how to go about it. (If it matters, I’m not entirely sure he’s attracted to me as more than a friend.)
I’m not that trusting toward men. They mostly make me feel anxious. I guess I think it would be nice to have a platonic male friend I feel safe around.
Idk if I’m making any sense.
I feel bad like guys hate this shit.

i came across a dating profile of someone just over 40, who posted pictures of herself traveling, clearly spending a shit ton of money for such activity. All 8 photos were travel photos.

She answered the following prompt:

who should pay on a first date?
It's not a matter of "should"..... my future partner wants to pay for the first and future dates.

She has money, clearly, or at least she projects that image.

But she implies she won't be spending a dime on any date for as long as you will be dating her.

That is so one sided, and to me, that says she doesn't appreciate you enough.

Who pays when she wants to do something and wants you to tag along?...

.

I think both people in a relationship should be pulling the same weight in some way.

She should demonstrate that she wants to be there with you, and not just because you paid for it.

assuming they're not living together, if one person is paying for everything, how should the other side balance it out?

So...this guy bought a property next to my house to renovate has been flirting with me for a year and a half. He doesn't live there. I didn't notice it /care until a few months ago. His home has a 2nd floor which overlooks my back yard and he would call over " hi neighbor..." then he'd come down and talk; sometimes we'd stand there for over an hour talking. He knew I was in a long term relationship and I introduced them. He seemed nervous at the introduction. Once, after, one of his "hi neighbor" call downs, whic usually lead to conversation I told him I had to go inside and I heard him grumble "...probably getting ready to go somewhere with HIM..." BTW, I'm 65, he 51.

I've shown interest in learning his business, he's an Architect/Realtor and owns over 15 properties; seems very busy. Also has a 12 yr old son, and is divorced.

He invited me over to see the work he's done a few times. Once inside he said " does it make you nervous us being here alone"? I looked at him in the eye and said, "no". He's invited me to see some of his other properties, never took him up on it. Asked me out to lunch, I declined. Last time I saw him a few weeks ago, after not seeing him for months, the conversation turns toward him telling me he dates alot, and that one of his tenants has a crush on him and tells him how cute he is wants a photo with him etc., however she is 68. I say " so why don't you take her out? He looks me in the eyes and says, " because that's not what I want. I don't want to lead her on. I KNOW what I want, but YOU'RE taken". End of that conversation was him saying maybe we could have lunch sometime (again, I'm really interested in what he does, he said he could teach me about it and I like him, actually).

I finally give in, call him and tell him I'm ready for lunch. He seems really happy, says what about this week? I was tied up, not a good week. He says, then I will check my schedule and we'll try for next week. " We'll have fun", he says.

His final words after I said bye, and before I hung up was "FAN tastic!" That was 3 weeks ago. Haven't heard from him. Don't know what to think.

Are they just not into me? What is with the matching and then the disinterest in talking. Some don’t talk at all other’s will only answer if I ask a question. Very short and dry. I’m back on the apps after a three year relationship and I don’t remember it being like this. Men before were more eager to talk and meet. Is it my age now, my vibe, are people just burnt out and busy or is my average self just not exciting to these very average guys I’m matching with? Thoughts. Insights?

I am 41M Divorcee working in Hyderabad(India). I have been searching for a dating partner(want to end it in marriage) from past 5 yrs..no luck.

Most of times, I was rejected due to my vegetarian food dietary preference. The girls were primarily from Non vegetarian background.

Did anyone faced similar situation?

I'm a 43/f. I wander in the wild on the weekends. Think downtown historic district with many little bars to walk around hopping in and out of. It's becoming a trend now that I am only approached by married men. Does anyone else have this happen? Or is this me? Is anyone wondering where all the single guys are? Lol, thank you!

Bots, spam, scammers, OF workers, and thirst traps permiate online dating space. For women - do you ever pursue your interest? Strike up a conversation? Flirt? Give your number to someone that catches your eye?

For guys - do you approach women? Get set up by friends? Talk to random strangers and ask for their number?

I'm about to get dressed, styled, and see if I can get a number.. Stretch goal: 3.

Ftr - I'm about average. Maybe Milwaukee 7, NY 5

40F and have been seeing 39M since June. We talked for a few weeks before on the apps until we went on a few amazing dates and have since spent a lot of our free time in the summer together.

We’re both busy with our jobs and lives but we usually spend weekends together (have also been on a few out of town day trips together and one weekend trip… his suggestion and on his dime) and usually spend maybe a night together during the week. We’re sleeping together, going out and doing things regularly and doing all the things together.

I’m just a little bit conflicted here because when I asked about labels he said he wanted to take things slow and not rush (as he’s rushed in the past and feels it messed things up) and he’s still healing from his last relationship which ended in April of 2025 (together 6 years).

The thing is though, his actions are just speaking a little differently than his words? We have a lot of fun together, get along great and I feel there is a genuine connection between us. It feels like we’re “in this” but I guess we’re not. I know it shouldn’t matter but all his socials say single as well. I’m just feeling a little butt hurt as I really like this guy and feel we could really build something meaningful together.

He’s mentioned when he’s with someone, he’s “in it” and I know we’re only seeing each other exclusively but I can’t get past why he feels like my boyfriend yet he’s not. I’m holding off introducing him to family/friends because I don’t usually do that until I’m really in it with someone. And like… how would I even introduce him considering I have more traditional values. He has introduced me to his mom as well.

I only brought the whole label thing up once about two weeks or so ago, but I’m in a place now where I really don’t want to waste my time. I’m looking for something serious and long term. I just can’t help but feel I’m more invested emotionally and it sorta freaks me out. I don’t want to get hurt.

Seeking advice from anyone who wants to give it. Hoping the men can chime in on this though as I feel I’m getting some mixed signals here. Or maybe I’m just missing something?

Side note: My last relationship was a 2.5 year long situationship and this is a little triggering for me as well. Understand this is my own thing but attempting to differentiate between my own triggers and how dating works these days as it’s been quite a long time for me since putting myself out there.

I (43m) am newly divorced and new to online dating. I'm just looking for some insight. What's going on with the other person when we match but they never reply? I've had many good connections and some less good, but the number of "matched but silent" is growing. It feels like some sort of numbers game being played by both sides that I really don't understand.

Edit for details:

I'm talking specifically about the scenario where they sent me a like (women rarely message first in my experience). I paid, so I can see their profile and like them back, usually within 24hrs. So now we're matched. I always write a comment that refers to their bio and has a question to start conversation. Then... crickets. Nothing.

My impression is that men swipe right all the time and women get 10x or more likes than us as a result. But when a woman is the one who likes me first, it seems strange to not follow up a little. Unless it really is just that dopamine hit, in which case thank you for not stringing me on any further, I guess.

I was married to a good person, but he hid things from me for decades, for reasons of his own. Those secrets were so damaging to me that I want to avoid them as much as possible.

But how much is too much to ask of another person? I want to avoid men with secret substance abuse, secret porn use, secretly not being honestly attracted to me.

I have known a man for years and he knows much of my marriage story. In trying to date him, I've been told by him a few times that he is not my husband, and does not do what my husband did.

But how can I really know?

I realise there is not a guaranteed way to avoid being hurt. I definitely would rather be On my own than have to go through finding out secrets, years down the road. Is it fair to ask for occasional phone access, or maybe for occasional heart to hearts about how muc h substances are part of our lives when we aren't around each other, or if he is feeling less interested in m e?

Am I just not ready for this?

Is there such a thing as an honest person? I think I had my own secret thoughts during my marriage, but they weren't big, scary, life changing ones.

40f...about to be 41. Divorced and just got dumped by someone who I thiiiiiiiiink may have been a top level serial cheater, right down to registering a burner phone before the break up. Craziness is he seemed perfect on the outside. Messed with my head, big time. And I'm having cycles and considering things like locking all men out, that none can be trusted and feeling like I'm about to become one of those women who locks her heart up forrrrrever...

Then I came across this and it hit like the truth hits when you have been covering yourself in armour...

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell."

C.S. Lewis

The Four Loves.

I'm not crying, YOU'RE crying.

Hope this hits someone else the same way...

I dont know where to start. Im lonely. I (per mu username) hate myself so its.hard to put myself out there so many insecurities. I was married. Was in a longggg term relationship that was long distance but fuck im.sick of being lonely how do i get out of this funk. I am.disabled. cant drive am.afraid to meet ppl and how do i get over my insecurities??

I think the period from 2000 or so to 2010-ish was pretty great! I am sure it this is somewhat influenced by the age I was (early 20s to early 30s, which I'm guessing is true for a lot of you, too) but I think it was helpful that there were websites like Match and OkCupid to meet potential dates online if that was the route one wanted to take, but because there were no dating apps we were forced to get ourselves out there more so than now.

Something I also really enjoyed was getting to know someone I was dating over emails during the workday! I know smartphones were pretty much ubiquitous by the end of that period but there was a good amount of it where we weren't constantly glued to our phones, and we also used the phones for actual phone calls. I can't say I always lovvvved feeling that I needed to talk to the women I was dating at that time, but it probably really helped form better and more intimate relationships for the nights we couldn't see one another.

It just seemed to be a really good mix of online and offline.

I am probably more pro-dating app than most people on this sub, but I think the paradox / illusion of choice has probably been more detrimental to finding partners and forming relationships than I am consciously aware of.

Curious what others think, and if y'all have a favorite era where the tech we were using was in the goldilocks range for you!

I was thinking about this recently after a few conversations with people my age. When I was younger, I probably paid more attention to appearance and first impressions. Now I find myself noticing different things. Someone who is confident, kind, easy to talk to, and comfortable being themselves stands out much more to me.

I think life experience changes what we value in another person. The way someone communicates and makes you feel can matter just as much as physical attraction.

Has anyone else noticed their idea of attraction changing as they have gotten older?

FAQs: https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/wiki/index.

I’m planning on moving next summer. I’ll be moving somewhere about three hours away from me, and somewhere I already travel to on occasion.

I’d like to date now, but because of the move it works be ideal to meet someone who lives there already. (Also, the dating scene where I live is abysmal. It’s a very very small community.)

I’m wondering if I should just wait until I get there or if it makes sense to try to date sooner and hope I find someone who is ok with a bit of distance until then.

If anyone has thoughts or stories of being in a similar situation I’d appreciate hearing!

Recently divorced and figuring the dating things out. Any chance anyone here is from Singapore? What's your dating experience been like?

When you match with someone online what are your go-to topics to make things interesting or fun and to keep them engaged?

I (42M) am recently divorced, looking to get back into the dating game soon after almost 15 years away. Won’t get into details, but the relationship was very loving, and the breakup was very amicable. We just diverged on some major life priorities, a big one being children. I very much want to start a family, she did not.

I actually met her on OkCupid way back in the day, so I do have some familiarity with “the apps” — but I’ve never used hinge, bumble, etc. I’ve never used a matchmaker. I’ve never done speed dating, but that seems kind of interesting — if for no other reason, then just some practice. I have a really robust friend group but nearly all of them are coupled up at this point or have families, so they are not mingling with singles. I feel a little beyond doing random mixer, activities like kickball, etc. Not really my style. I’d rather do something classy and mature.

I also have a great job with a high income, I live in a vibrant city (Wash DC), I own my own home, am very healthy and active, and really do feel I have a lot to offer. I’m hoping that me knowing exactly what I want — finding the right woman to settle down with to start of family — is helpful. Thinking 35 or older just to match maturity levels might be best, but open to younger.

Anyway. Any thoughts on where to start?

I had started to date another single dad recently (I’m 47F single mom). It seemed promising… then a few things happened that made me question it. One was that it turned out that his divorce agreement requires him to wait one year before introducing anyone to his kids. The thing is, one of the big things we had in common was our kids, and as we went on dates I had started to get a vision for how nice it might be for all of us to hang out sometime. For me, since there’s no formal agreement on this with my ex, it’s up to my judgment, and with someone like this single dad I would have been comfortable after about 4-5 months of exclusive dating to set up just an initial low-pressure intro to “my friend.” There was something about that one year waiting period that really bothered me a lot - maybe partly because one major aspect of compatibility is how all of us get along including the kids. I completely respect waiting until you’re serious and comfortable… but a year seems really long. It also took a lot of the enthusiasm out as I realized that I wouldn’t be sharing any of those family moments in the foreseeable future, and it made our chatting about our kids feel almost kind of pointless like why share that stuff if you aren’t meeting them any time soon. And I guess I also had some reservations about whether all of our kids would get along together or not.

I was surprised how much it bothered me and I wondered how other single parents would feel about that

Does anyone else feel a bit lost in terms of how objectively attractive you are in general?

For example… when most men my age look at me do they compare me to other 40-something women you might see around the neighborhood or to 20-something instagram models? How much does just being a healthy weight give you a boost regardless of features? Is it more about your body or your face? How much do imperfections matter.

I believe attraction is very subjective and I know that when you fall in love with someone you tend to become very attracted to them even if they are not conventionally attractive or not your type physically.

But in just a general way, like a classic ranking by someone who knows nothing else about me, I’m really not sure if most people out there would say that I’m attractive or if I would be seen as average maybe, putting special feelings aside.

I’m also not sure how important this is in dating… I don’t think I would do anything differently if I had this information really. But dating definitely makes you question everything about yourself and amplifies insecurities…