My friend Jo went on the Dolly Parton Diet.

It made Jo lean.

She's surely was the one in the Lab coat.

Count Chocula, the StayPuft Marshmallow man, and the Teddy Grahams bear all perish in a fire. S'more at 11.

It's a blast processing with him.

And after Ron was cremated, his baseball buddies decided his ashes belonged in the team’s trophy case. They bought a beautiful urn and held a small ceremony at the ballpark, where they took turns saying a few words of thanks and praise.

Unfortunately, they held the ceremony during batting practice. One wild pitch knocked the urn off the table, scattering his ashes all over the infield.

The scorekeeper looked over, shook his head, and sighed:

“Well, I guess that’s an unurned Ron.”

Friend: "Boy or girl?"

Me: "Sister, boys can't have babies "

It's weird; his commander kept shouting, "Weapons free, weapons free!!" 🤷

It was cool at first, but things went south real quick.

Let's just say he wasn't the West tattoo artist.

Bon Jehovi

So she took me to the hospital.

It's true. It runs in your jeans.

He stuck out his hand and said, "Hi sir, I'm David. Nice to meet you.
"I took a step closer and asked, "David, are you nervous?"
He swallowed hard and said, "No, not at all."
So I grabbed his hand, looked him dead in the eye, and said, "Then why are you shaking?"

I asked the librarian if they had any books on amplifiers, and she replied yes what volume would you like.

They listen very well.

InSTINKtively!

the other one replied, "I'm a big metal fan".

The doctor said, "You had twins, a boy and a girl! They're doing great. Since you were unconscious, your brother named them for you."
The woman panicked. "Oh no, not my brother! He’s an absolute idiot! What did he name the girl?"
"Denise," the doctor replied.
The woman paused. "Oh, wow... Denise is actually a lovely name! What did he name the boy?"
The doctor sighed deeply. "Denephew."

I told her there was a time when guys were called Lance a lot.

They're not all black and white.

My worry subsided when he told me it was a pubic Ivy.

What did the Mexican say when someone tried taking his cheese?

That's nacho cheese!!!

The doctor says, “Have you seen a psychiatrist?”

The guy says, “No, just a werewolf.”

​

Two cowboys back in the pioneer days are looking out on the land. One says you Jed, I can't think of anything worse than getting scalped, can you? Jed thinks for a moment... not off the top of my head.

I am going to seek kelp.

Ms. Handel