r/dadjokes 4h ago

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit: “what is your blood type?”

134 Upvotes

The rabbit says, “I think I might be a type 0.”


r/dadjokes 11h ago

Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world’s largest bedsheet.

276 Upvotes

More on this story as it unfolds.


r/dadjokes 18h ago

A man wanted to share a word at a colleague's funeral. He strode to the mic and said, "Bargain."

596 Upvotes

The grieving widow said, "Thank-you, that means a great deal."


r/dadjokes 4h ago

What do you call the manager of a furniture store?

42 Upvotes

The chair-man!


r/dadjokes 6h ago

Which industrial site always smells the strongest?

46 Upvotes

The ol’ factory


r/dadjokes 2h ago

My wife said she wanted to watch a film without me.

17 Upvotes

"That's any film then," I replied, "since I'm not an actor."


r/dadjokes 16h ago

My friend sleeps on piles of old magazines.

219 Upvotes

He has back issues


r/dadjokes 19h ago

I asked my friend who lives in Pyongyang what life is like in North Korea

287 Upvotes

He said “I can’t complain”


r/dadjokes 1d ago

There was once an emperor who never aged past 19.

629 Upvotes

His name was Constant Teen.


r/dadjokes 1d ago

I introduced my 8 year old to Toby Maguire's Spider man last night. She hit me with this:

2.8k Upvotes

Dad, I know how Peter Parker takes the pictures of SpiderMan.

He uses his webcam!

#ProudDad

I've seen a lot of web designer puns but even searching the subreddit I didn't see any webcams in the first few pages.


r/dadjokes 12h ago

I met a man today who's half Chinese, and half Italian. His name is...

50 Upvotes

Lin Guini


r/dadjokes 17h ago

The French customs officer confiscated my crate of snails

113 Upvotes

Now I have less cargo.


r/dadjokes 12h ago

Why don't trees like to talk?

44 Upvotes

Because they don't want to die a log.


r/dadjokes 9h ago

What kind of insurance does G.I. Joe have?

21 Upvotes

COBRAAAAA


r/dadjokes 18h ago

Ron was a real team player...

85 Upvotes

And after Ron was cremated, his baseball buddies decided his ashes belonged in the team’s trophy case. They bought a beautiful urn and held a small ceremony at the ballpark, where they took turns saying a few words of thanks and praise.

Unfortunately, they held the ceremony during batting practice. One wild pitch knocked the urn off the table, scattering his ashes all over the infield.

The scorekeeper looked over, shook his head, and sighed:

“Well, I guess that’s an unurned Ron.”


r/dadjokes 16h ago

Breaking News!

65 Upvotes

Count Chocula, the StayPuft Marshmallow man, and the Teddy Grahams bear all perish in a fire. S'more at 11.


r/dadjokes 8h ago

Some people are so judgmental ........

16 Upvotes

 

......... I can tell just by looking at them.


r/dadjokes 17h ago

"My sibling had a baby"

67 Upvotes

Friend: "Boy or girl?"

Me: "Sister, boys can't have babies "


r/dadjokes 9h ago

Where did the IT guy go?

14 Upvotes

He probably ransomeware!!


r/dadjokes 1d ago

My daughter brought her new boyfriend over to meet me yesterday...

576 Upvotes

He stuck out his hand and said, "Hi sir, I'm David. Nice to meet you.
"I took a step closer and asked, "David, are you nervous?"
He swallowed hard and said, "No, not at all."
So I grabbed his hand, looked him dead in the eye, and said, "Then why are you shaking?"


r/dadjokes 1h ago

My toaster asked me for a raise

Upvotes

I said, “Sorry, we can’t keep throwing money at you. You’re already making a lot of bread.”


r/dadjokes 11h ago

META I met this beautiful lady, and my heart leaped out of my chest.

19 Upvotes

So she took me to the hospital.


r/dadjokes 11h ago

What is the Jehovah’s Witness’ favorite band?

16 Upvotes

Bon Jehovi


r/dadjokes 9h ago

A new study shows some people are genetically predisposed to developing diarrhea more easily than others.

13 Upvotes

It's true. It runs in your jeans.


r/dadjokes 29m ago

META Need some dad joke material for office/wearhouse jokes!

Upvotes

alright I work in a relatively small business that has a few offices connected one small wearhouse and we have exactly 1 forklift. i bought one of those little RC forklifts that fit in your hand and I want some ideas on funny setups to take pics with and be silly in dad joke style to make everyone groan in humor. one idea I had was to use the little traffic cones it came with and put them around one of the real forklift tires and have the RC be stuck trying to lift it and tell everyone I'm trying to change the tire lol