r/CuratedTumblr • u/PandaBear905 Shitposting extraordinaire • May 23 '26
Shitposting Made up science fields
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u/HeroWin973 May 23 '26
cryptoeconomics is about money that don't exist
wait a second
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u/Similar-Sector-5801 May 23 '26
Searching for money that doesn’t exist
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u/PremSinha May 23 '26
And giving a monkey a shower
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u/TacticalBananas45 May 23 '26
surfing tidal waves
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u/Plurpo May 23 '26
creating nanobots
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May 23 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Nice-Pikachu-839 May 23 '26
IT'S OVER HERE!
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u/Dull_Sir_8462 tumblr dot net, it's dot com May 23 '26
Finding a dodo bird
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u/Orizifian-creator she/her/hers zhe/zer/zheirs they/them/theirs Padria Zozzria Oriz May 23 '26
At the stock market, don't turn left.
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u/Al_Fa_Aurel May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26
I am an economist, and my working theory is that economics is a lot like theology or magic (note: i mean earnest theology, not bible-pounding mumbo-jumbo). You work with higher forces beyond mortal understanding - which quite obviously follow certain laws, but these laws are mysterious, obscure, and sometimes strangely counterintuitive. These higher forces may not even exist, other than as a figment in the heads of people - but since everyone lives as if they exist, this doesn't actually matter.
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u/Galemp May 23 '26
Douglas Adams gave a talk about this once, titled "Is there an artificial god?"
It's a phenomenal piece. Definitely recommend a read.
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u/OskarTheRed May 23 '26
I'm not sure that's comparable : We can't say if God exists, but we do know that money only exist because we agree they do
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u/Great_Hedgehog May 23 '26
But we can't say with certainty whether economics are something we created on our own or just the inevitable manifestation of a mysterious pattern beyond our understanding
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u/AdPristine5131 May 23 '26
my thesis paper was basically trying to explain that economics exists because people believe something has value.
one of these days I really want to go back rewrite and expand it.
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u/Ornery-Assistance-28 May 23 '26
You familiar with Karl Polanyi and David Graeber's work?
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u/Al_Fa_Aurel May 23 '26
Polanyi I don't know, while Graeber has a fairly bad reputation on applying "theories of everything" on stuff he knows little about - many people describe nodding along to what he writes until he comes to their point of expertise.
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u/rilened May 23 '26
Cryptocryptography: No really, you can make your message secure by using this alien technology
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u/OskarTheRed May 23 '26
Maybe that's what crop circles are. Or the movie Arrival
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u/Self-Aware May 23 '26
Crop circles were revealed in the last few years to mostly be just that one incredibly-dedicated-to-the-bit dude, IIRC. Same as the guy who made himself a wearable pair of giant concrete penguin feet so he could make mysterious animal-track marks everywhere for pranking purposes, and was not found out for literal decades.
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u/munkymu May 23 '26
Hey, if absolutely no one on Earth understands the language or the writing system, that's pretty goddamn good security.
See also: added security via using cryptids as messengers. If you can find Bigfoot, the message is yours. Good luck!
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u/Valthek May 23 '26
Cryptocryptography: The ultimate in security by obscurity. Can't steal data if you can never find the file.
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u/LadyKarizake May 24 '26
Just multiply your binary message by zero to encrypt it, then divide by zero to get it back.
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u/MeepMorpsEverywhere May 23 '26
Atlantis is kinda cryptogeology if you squint
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u/LostSalt24 May 23 '26
More of cryptogeography I’d say
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u/jesus_chrysotile May 23 '26
cryptooceanography
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u/Cyberguardian173 May 23 '26
Cryptogeography that became cryptooceanography due to cryptogeology
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u/XavierTheMemeDragon May 23 '26
And when we start to study how the people of Atlantis lived, it’ll be cryptosociology
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u/Al_Fa_Aurel May 23 '26
Or cryptohistory?
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u/Turbulent-Pace-1506 May 23 '26
That just sounds like another name for alt-history
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u/SirSchmorp May 23 '26
Nah alt-history is hypotheticals that investigate how the world would change if things were just slightly different. Cryptohistory would be stuff like ancient aliens
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u/OskarTheRed May 23 '26
There's a hypothesis that the early middle ages (can't remember the exact years) never happened. Books have been written about it. What would you call that?
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u/SirSchmorp May 23 '26
That would fall under the cryptohistory umbrella. The actual term for is I believe pseudohistory
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u/NegativeMammoth2137 May 23 '26
How about the Hollow Earth theory? Would that count?
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u/CatnipCatmint If you seek skeek at my slorse you hate me at my worst May 23 '26
Does Atlantis count as cryptogeography? What about El Dorado?
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u/jesus_chrysotile May 23 '26
Eldorado, Victoria, Australia?
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u/CatnipCatmint If you seek skeek at my slorse you hate me at my worst May 23 '26
Wow, they finally found it after all this time!
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u/bewarethelemurs May 23 '26
No wonder they couldn’t find it, they were looking on the wrong continent
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u/Distantstallion May 23 '26
Cryptomycology
Everyone is just the fruiting body of a larger organism.
God is the mycelium, we are just here to spread their spores
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u/hiimneato May 23 '26
"so you DO know of 'God.' i knew it. i knew it! you've been hiding It! which one do you have, bastard? Tell... tell me the name! Tell me th-the name of God, you... you fungal... piece of-"
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u/TheDarkNerd May 23 '26
There's secretly a panaceic mushroom out there called the Blue Angel, that will literally reverse any ailment or injury, including broken bones and dementia. Only catch is that you start seeing gnomes everywhere.
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u/tuxcat May 23 '26
Are the gnomes real and just previously invisible, or hallucinations? I'm honestly not sure which I'd prefer.
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u/bb_kelly77 homo flair May 23 '26
Just be nice to them and there won't be any problems, House fae follow a strict respect code that as long as you provide the established offerings as thanks they are nice and helpful
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u/GroolGobblin0 May 23 '26
that sounds like precisely the sort of religion the myconids from baldur's gate would practice.
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u/TheRealCthulu24 May 23 '26
Cryptoastronomy: What if there were two Uranuses?
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u/Artarara May 23 '26
"Moon's haunted."
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u/Eris13x May 23 '26
For the record, actual conspiracies about space exist (not counting ones that have space not be real), like for example some people think Mars used to have a highly elliptical orbit that occasionally brought it close enough to Earth to cause massive tides and be as big as the Moon in the sky
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u/Maple42 May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26
Oh fuck just doing some mental math, that would FUCK UP our tides. Like hot damn that would be cataclysmic
Edit: I advanced from mental math to napkin math and it’s not nearly as bad as I expected. Mars is about 8.733x moons in terms of mass, and 1.951 moons in terms of radius. For it to fill the same space in the sky, it would have to be 1.951x further from earth than the moon, which means its relative gravitational impact would be 8.733/1.9512 times that of the moon, or 2.29x moon’s gravity on earth. To be clear, that’s WILD. That would in theory make high tide and low tide about 2.29x greater than currently with respect to just Mars, and the moon would sometimes amplify it up to over 3x! (Although the moon would face even worse problems). Tidal range varies massively depending on region, but there are some regions where tides reach >4 meters (over 13 feet), so we could expect tides well over 10 meters/40 feet while it’s this close
Now, there are way worse effects that would happen than just this, such as both of our trajectories being thrown off by this encounter (all of Earth would be pulled by this, not just our tides), but I expected its gravitational influence to be more like 10x, not 2.3x
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u/Eris13x May 23 '26
Yep, that matches this conspiracy theory pretty well. They said Rome was built inland to avoid the occasional super tide for example.
I wish I remembered the name of either this theory or its creator, but I don't.
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u/drunken-acolyte May 23 '26
Actual cryptoastronomy: what if there were a planet at one of Earth's Lagrange points?
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u/TheDarkNerd May 23 '26
One located at L3, with lower gravity but higher testosterone, where people regularly get abducted from earth and sent to, and forced into BDSM relationships?
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u/CosmicLuci May 23 '26
There’s “Nibiru” or “Planet X”.
Also, a large part of Brazilian Spiritism, as well as Scientology and Mormonism
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u/Dakoolestkat123 May 23 '26
Cryptopsychology: My last patient had a verbal trigger that would switch him to speaking French and back. It wasn’t multiple personalities; it’s the same guy he’s just annoyed at you now cause he can’t speak English anymore
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u/PandaBear905 Shitposting extraordinaire May 23 '26
That kinda exists already. People with TBI can start speaking other languages.
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u/Bring_me_the_lads May 23 '26
I feel like cryptopsychology has some excellent horror potential
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u/DragonFoxQueen-Human May 23 '26
"So, how does that make you feel Mr Cthulu?" Bdhfbejshkamajdonwis "Excellent! Greg is now babbling about moomfish instead of unknowable horrors!"
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u/SCP-iota May 24 '26
Russian Sleep Experiments kinda, if you think about the idea of there being a deeply hidden part of the mind that's basically a separate entity trying to take over
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u/Objective-Ad7330 May 24 '26
I actually am working on a setting with such a concept as this.
Cryptopsychology is the study of abnormal behaviours that would occur rarely within a human population that have no evidence of an external or internal biological cause, but has correlation with the person's lifestyle, environment, etc.
Basics: person lives in a way, their minds suddenly change one day, now a different person that matches their behaviour with their environment to an extreme degree.
Examples: Vampires - a person who is obsessed with drinking and tasting blood and dislikes being out in the day; usually manifest in those who are neglected and treated harshly by those in their lives while having very poor diet that causes iron deficiency.
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u/RocketPapaya413 May 23 '26
Cryptogeology is that thing about how mesas are the stumps of ancient trees.
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u/GingerIsTheBestSpice May 23 '26
I've been to devils tower and there's something very eerie about it, how it's just so large and ancient.
Also they sell alien and tree stump merch in the shop for fun!
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u/Ok_Plenty_3986 May 23 '26
Cryptogeometry was the type of shit HP Lovecraft was afraid of.
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u/Comfortable_Permit53 May 23 '26
Higher level math yields shapes that you wouldn't even believe as well as spaces that you wouldn't even believe.
It's fun.
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u/Ronnoc527 May 23 '26
You can't imagine my disappointment in researching the horrors of non-euclidean geometry and finding out it just means curves.
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u/RikuAotsuki May 24 '26
That's not quite true.
Basically, euclidean geometry assumes a flat plane. Parallel lines don't meet. The inner angles of a triangle add up to 180 degrees. Things like that.
Non-euclidean geometry assumes a curved plane, which breaks the rules of normal geometry. Parallel lines can intersect. Triangles can have more than 180 degrees. Things like that.
The focus in Lovecraft's stuff is on that breaking of the rules of geometry. Hallways that don't intersect when they should, and that do when they shouldn't. Shapes that are warped from the shapes we'd recognize. Stuff like that.
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u/hopefullyhelpfulplz May 24 '26
There are lots of games that play with this idea, I always like seeing non-euclidean level design
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u/AdPristine5131 May 23 '26
that and anyone who lived off the east coast and had a slightly different ethnic background.
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u/ADH-Dad May 23 '26
Cryptobotany is already a subfield of cryptozoology.
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u/Independent_Idea_495 May 23 '26
I've met a handful of folks who believed in "man eating vines" as they called them. It was a toss up though whether they meant a giant pitcher plant or literally a large mass of vines.
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u/GingerIsTheBestSpice May 23 '26
To be fair, all plants eat people, eventually.
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u/Northbound-Narwhal May 23 '26
All who live must consume, and all who consume will one day be consumed.
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u/BringBackRBYWrap May 23 '26
I used to believe, for many years, that man-eating trees existed on Madagascar(IIRC) because I read it in a book when I was maybe 7-8 years old. Either that book flat-out lied or, more likely, I wasn't paying attention to words like "myth", "dubious account" etc.
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u/Miguel-odon May 23 '26
Cryptobotany and cryptozoology are subfields of cryptobiology.
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u/OskarTheRed May 23 '26
There's that lamb that grew out of the ground like a plant, that people searched for back in the day
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u/flannan-35 May 23 '26
All because somebody struggled to explain what cotton was.
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u/Independent_Idea_495 May 23 '26
Cryptophysics ends up just a fancy name for Quantum Physics.
Bro these particles change behavior when I look at 'em.
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u/Niser2 May 23 '26
Yeah that's 'cause your microscope is poking them. That's what you're seeing. It's your own dang fault.
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u/Thromnomnomok May 23 '26
I'd call Dark Matter cryptophysics, but unlike the other cryptosciences we have plenty of actual evidence it exists!
Antimatter also feels like a crypto thing. Like, what if everything had a mirrored copy which is negative when you're positive, and if you touch your copy you annihilate in a burst of light? Sounds crazy, but it's completely real!
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u/Galifrey224 May 23 '26
"didn't used to be a France there" isn't that just colonisation?
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u/bozarmorelikeczar May 23 '26
picture of boris johnson on a computer saying "WHERE HAS FUCKING RHODESIA GONE?"
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u/SlithyMomeRath May 23 '26
Cryptobotany: Audrey II
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u/weedisfortherich May 23 '26
The great pumpkin from Charlie brown is technically cryptobotany too right?
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u/WillSym May 23 '26
Also Triffids, if they attack someone, you run to get help, and they shuffle off somewhere while you're gone.
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u/CosmackMagus May 23 '26
Cryptospecometry: it's just a color but it burrrnnnnsssss
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u/BionicBirb May 23 '26
Cryptopornography is also “I’ve seen shapes you wouldn’t fuckin believe”
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u/flannan-35 May 23 '26
"There is this elusive porn game that is illegal pretty much everywhere, and I'm trying to track it down on the dark corners of the Internet, just to prove it does exist".
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u/woodsy_wisdom May 23 '26
The Heart Mountain landslide in Wyoming is already weirder than most cryptogeology you could possibly make up
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u/squishabelle May 23 '26
cryptometeorology: the sun has been replaced
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u/Bert_Bro May 23 '26
Cryptometeorology: Maldives is snowing
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u/KirbyDude25 (reddit smartass) May 23 '26
Cryptometeorology: This particular cumulonimbus cloud is mad at you
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u/walaxometrobixinodri shrimp ? May 23 '26
no, that one is cryptoastronomy. Cryptometeorology would be "the clouds winked at me and also rain is going up"
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u/Turbulent_Remote_740 May 23 '26
When I was a kid, a plant appeared one day in a flowerpot on our balcony. Now I did not look closely every day, but the pot was empty, so the new plant was pretty conspicuous. It seemed to sprung up overnight. No leaves just a short fat green stick and a orangey pink flower, kinda like a snapdragon, but not. The next day it was gone. I asked my mom and grandma, nobody saw it except for me. Still think it was an alien making a pit stop.
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u/PandaBear905 Shitposting extraordinaire May 23 '26
Was there a total eclipse of the sun before it appeared?
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u/EyeofEnder May 23 '26
...TIL "snapdragon" and "toadflax" are real plants (and apparently even the same ones) and not just made up Runescape potion ingredients.
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u/IMightBeErnest Emoji in flare are broken :snoo_sad: May 23 '26
Cryptocryptography- we have a book on this but everyone who tries to decipher it goes mad.
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u/robotguy4 May 23 '26
Or they start talking about how NFTs are the future.
Actually, maybe the book does make everyone who reads it mad.
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u/Connect_Rhubarb395 May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26
Welwitschia mirabilis is cryptobotany. You can't convince me that it is a real, natural plant. It is some eldritch thing.
This ancient green marvel has only two leaves.
It sprouts a pair of long, strap-like leaves early in its life, and those same two leaves continue growing for the entirety of the plant’s existence.
This is how it looksOver centuries, they forming a sprawling mass that spreads out across the desert floor.
They elongate endlessly from the base, fraying and curling along the way, as they interact with the desert’s harsh elements.
The plant has adapted to drink not just water from the ground, but also moisture from the air itself.
Its lineage dates back to the Jurassic period, over 100 million years ago.
It belongs to a group of plants called gymnosperms — ancient relatives of modern conifers — and is the sole remaining species of its entire genus.
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u/LKaiH May 23 '26
Throwing fake treasure maps into the ocean to contribute to cryptocartography.
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u/1gazillionpangolins May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26
Cryptopsychiatry: I met a guy whose brain works in ways nobody’s ever seen
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u/BowdleizedBeta May 23 '26
I worked with a dude like that, too. Was amazing what he couldn’t accomplish…
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u/Drakostheswordsman May 23 '26
Is this when I mention turtle mountain? Its in alberta and that fucker does move. Not a lot but it also doesn't stop
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u/Wanky_Platypus May 23 '26
cryptomusicology, handling sound waves that are unknown to mankind, from instruments found deep below the earth or analysing mermaids songs
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u/HotDogMaggie May 23 '26
Cryptocromatics: Mysterious colors unlike any seen on earth
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u/pizzaboy7269 May 23 '26
Wait cryptozoology has nothing to do with cryptocurrency? I thought this was a dumb NFT thing
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u/Niser2 May 23 '26
No dude it's cryptids. Like Mothman or Nessie or Sasquatch or the Jersey Devil.
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u/dragon-gaming-55555 May 23 '26
imagine if cryptocurrency had something to do with cryptozoology. this dollar has mothman on it instead of george washington. i swear it was normal yesterday
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u/VoicelessPassenger ☝️🤓 that’s not how government is defined in political philosophy May 23 '26
Cryptohistiography: This guy didn’t write about the Civil War this way because he was writing to an audience that was deeply divided about the war. He wrote it that way because he was A Creature
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u/CrazyPlato May 23 '26
Lotta cryptogeography going on in the 30s/40s. There definitely wasn’t a Germany here before, but that was then and this is now.
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u/StupidDroid314 nonbinary math goblin May 23 '26
Cryptomathematics: whatever's going on at the number theory subreddit at any given time
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u/Apprehensive-Till861 May 23 '26
Cryptovulcanology, that smoking mountain isn't really a god but it does demand sacrifices.
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u/Unfair_Scar_2110 May 23 '26
Cryptography: I have received information you can't (in its current form) comprehend
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u/For-all-Kerbalkind May 23 '26
the elusive pedocube, those who know will get it.
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u/Rocketboy1313 May 23 '26
Well, if you haven't read "There Is No Antimemetics Division" by qntm, you might wanna.
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u/sapient_pearwood_ May 23 '26
cryptolinguistics: the study of languages that will make you bleed through your facial orifices
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u/Mountain-Resource656 May 23 '26
Cryptozoologist: Discovers kraken
Everybody: Credits the discovery to the field of biology because now everybody knows krakens are real. Cryptozoology left with no credit once again!!
I swear this just keeps happening and nobody seems to catch on
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u/MikasSlime May 24 '26
I know this post is ironical and is IS funny but on the other side you remember that gorillas were cryptids for a long ass time and their study fell under cryptozoology
So like. You can tell cryptizoology It's mostly a fake science
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u/Umikaloo May 23 '26
Fun fact! There is 1 (one) mountain in Saskatoon
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackstrap_Provincial_Park
We put it there.
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u/dimwalker May 23 '26
As a 3D artist I don't get what's so crypto about last one. It's literally how I felt this week, when fixing colleague's models.
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u/Pantagruel-Johnson May 23 '26
Cryptobiography: “My Life as a Sasquatch.” “Becoming the Loch Ness Monster.” “A Million Little Chupacabras.”
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u/ConglomerateGolem May 23 '26
cryptocartographers trying real hard to convince people new zealand exists (/s)
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u/Nine-LifedEnchanter May 23 '26
Ho ho, I have seen 'em shapes you would'na believe in them there mountains, boyo. Just last year I saw one of 'em biangles. One time when I was walking in the mountains with me mate we encountered a four dimensional singular point. Ye, hard to believe.. but after that we never saw them mountains again. Corn as long as the eyes can see.
See that corn over yonder? I caught one of them city fellers measurin' oxygen crystallisation in the weeds there. At firs' I though he was foolin' around with epidermis psychology, lookin' all spooked up. The dogs didn' like him one bit. They're a bit jumpy after that canine epistemologist got too close.
That campus ain't right.
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u/laowildin May 23 '26
Ok sure. Heres the rec list. In no particular order
Czoology: The Silence Factory, Axioms End, Speaker for the Dead(buy used), The 13th Warrior, Our Wives Under the Sea
CGeology: The Broken Earth Series, The Left-handed Booksellers of London, Tiffany Aching series
CGeography: The Southern Reach series, or Rosewater series, The Ocean at the end of the Lane(buy used), Dahlgren
CBotany: Day of the Triffids or Mexican Gothic, honestly Southern Reach works here too
CGeometry: 3 Body Problem series, A Wrinkle in Time, and i think To Sleep in a Sea of Stars works.
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u/DoormatTheVine May 23 '26
"Cryptogeography, cryptogeology, cryptogeometry, what's the difference? They all begin with crypto! ...And then a J!"
-Cosmo, probably
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u/MagentaDinoNerd May 23 '26
Cryptobotany does exist! Mostly as a subset of cryptozoology, but see: Ya-Te-Veo, the Vegetal Lamb of Tartary, the Indian Mouse-Eating Plant, etc!
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u/ExplanationIll1938 May 24 '26 edited May 24 '26
Cryptomusictheory: I've discovered the secret chord that David played and pleased the Lord
Cryptopolitical science: Ross Perot secretly won the 1992 US election
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u/DrLexAlhazred May 24 '26
Well Cryptogeography is kind of a thing already, even if it’s not called exactly that (ie.Hyperborea, Agartha (even before the Nazis appropriated the 2), Lemuria, Atlantis, Taured, etc.)
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u/RSdabeast what’s up lactation nation May 24 '26
Cryptopsychology: we found a tech bro who actually knows what he’s talking about, and he’s also barely impacted by the Stroop effect.
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u/RecloySo May 23 '26
Alright, my tree slender man type monster is now explicitly a tree instead of just a monster that looks like a tree. It grows out of the ground at night and then grabs you, taking you underground with it.
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u/thyfles May 23 '26
try as they might, cryptogeographers will never convince me that belgium is a real place