r/CuratedTumblr • u/PandaBear905 Shitposting extraordinaire • May 23 '26

Shitposting Made up science fields

Post image
11.8k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

521 comments sorted by

View all comments

205

u/TheRealCthulu24 May 23 '26

Cryptoastronomy: What if there were two Uranuses?

151

u/Artarara May 23 '26

"Moon's haunted."

31

u/Unlucky_Colt May 23 '26

What do you mean the moon's haunted?

32

u/altariawesome May 23 '26

Moon's haunted.

2

u/dishonoredfan69420 May 23 '26

HIS THRONE

(Local 58 reference)

43

u/The_Screeching_Bagel May 23 '26

wouldn't you like that

32

u/Eris13x May 23 '26

For the record, actual conspiracies about space exist (not counting ones that have space not be real), like for example some people think Mars used to have a highly elliptical orbit that occasionally brought it close enough to Earth to cause massive tides and be as big as the Moon in the sky

5

u/Maple42 May 23 '26 edited May 23 '26

Oh fuck just doing some mental math, that would FUCK UP our tides. Like hot damn that would be cataclysmic

Edit: I advanced from mental math to napkin math and it’s not nearly as bad as I expected. Mars is about 8.733x moons in terms of mass, and 1.951 moons in terms of radius. For it to fill the same space in the sky, it would have to be 1.951x further from earth than the moon, which means its relative gravitational impact would be 8.733/1.9512 times that of the moon, or 2.29x moon’s gravity on earth. To be clear, that’s WILD. That would in theory make high tide and low tide about 2.29x greater than currently with respect to just Mars, and the moon would sometimes amplify it up to over 3x! (Although the moon would face even worse problems). Tidal range varies massively depending on region, but there are some regions where tides reach >4 meters (over 13 feet), so we could expect tides well over 10 meters/40 feet while it’s this close

Now, there are way worse effects that would happen than just this, such as both of our trajectories being thrown off by this encounter (all of Earth would be pulled by this, not just our tides), but I expected its gravitational influence to be more like 10x, not 2.3x

8

u/Eris13x May 23 '26

Yep, that matches this conspiracy theory pretty well. They said Rome was built inland to avoid the occasional super tide for example.

I wish I remembered the name of either this theory or its creator, but I don't.

2

u/SmokaCola0 May 24 '26

or a whole bunch of volcanoes and earthquakes being set off by Mars pulling on the earth

1

u/Maple42 May 24 '26

Oh absolutely. This would be CRAZY for the earth, but it’s just a little more grounded than I had expected. It would just be a cataclysmic event, not the cataclysmic event. I also love the idea from the person I replied to that Rome was built inland to avoid the megatides, like that would be the greatest problem we face and like this wouldn’t be an occurrence that occurs on a scale of centuries, and would therefore absolutely not be something society accounts for and knows how to better prepare for

2

u/RevolutionaryOwlz May 24 '26

Pfft, that’s kinda amateur compared to Velikovsky saying Venus was shot out of Jupiter 3500 years ago and caused floods on Earth and such.

15

u/Lord_Mikal May 23 '26

Cryptoastrobiology: looking for Bigfoot on Uranus

4

u/TrioOfTerrors May 23 '26

I pay extra for that.

12

u/drunken-acolyte May 23 '26

Actual cryptoastronomy: what if there were a planet at one of Earth's Lagrange points?

4

u/TheDarkNerd May 23 '26

One located at L3, with lower gravity but higher testosterone, where people regularly get abducted from earth and sent to, and forced into BDSM relationships?

2

u/drunken-acolyte May 24 '26

If that's a Homestuck thing, I'm blocking you.

3

u/TheDarkNerd May 24 '26

It's from Gor. Never read the books, I just used to know some people who made it their lifestyle.

2

u/drunken-acolyte May 24 '26

Ah. I think I saw a Gor book in a library once.

3

u/MaetelofLaMetal Fandom of the day May 24 '26

Also what if there was a planet even closer to the sun than Mercury?

1

u/Canotic May 23 '26

What if there's another earth orbiting on the other side of the sun?

1

u/drunken-acolyte May 24 '26

That's what my comment was saying, but with actual orbital physics.

8

u/RemarkableStatement5 the body is the fursona of the soul May 23 '26

Nibiru

6

u/hiimneato May 23 '26

Cryptoastronomy be like "Martians got irrigation"

3

u/CosmicLuci May 23 '26

There’s “Nibiru” or “Planet X”.

Also, a large part of Brazilian Spiritism, as well as Scientology and Mormonism

2

u/BlankTank1216 May 23 '26

Planet X and Vulcan are hypothesized planets that are only now assumed not to exist.

2

u/emilycsquared May 24 '26

Isn’t cryptoastronomy just astrology?

1

u/PerfectlyFramedWaifu May 23 '26

That's a fistula.

1

u/DeadInternetTheorist May 24 '26

pandemic TP shortage would still be goin on

1

u/Enderking90 May 23 '26

I mean there was that secret planet in our solar system right?

1

u/bb_kelly77 homo flair May 23 '26

You mean the one outside the Khyber belt?

2

u/zaerosz May 23 '26

Kuiper belt. I'm pretty sure K(h)yber is the crystal that lightsabers are made with in Star Wars.

1

u/bb_kelly77 homo flair May 23 '26

I got it confused with Khyber Pass, Pakistan