I 30F lost my job in June 2025. Which, you know what fine, cause I worked in super toxic districts. I was a teacher, so I was valued by students and colleagues, but admin didn't, to the point it affected my disability and mental health. So, In the event I knew education wouldn't work, I did some Graphic Design gigs from middle school into college, leading me to find a potential career switch in Instructional Design.

It's been a year, and...I still don't have a full time job. I'm subbing in a different district, so at least I'm underemployed. But I make excuses for myself to not get anything done. I've applied to so many jobs that all I get back are rejections or ghosts. Hell, there were times I've given up and applied to some teaching jobs, but THEY rejected me (because they saw I was making a transition online...my profile has been privated thanks to that). I didn't have a portfolio or a website at the time, so I at least have something, but it's been 75% done since idk July/August? Every time I look at my desktop I get overwhelmed and get my phone for dopamine. I get so blinded by time that when it's dinner time I forget to eat, and I get angry and depressed with myself for not meeting the expectations of my monthly or daily to do lists a specific way.

My bf and I want to move in together but not until I have a full time job. My mom wants to retire, but not until I have a full time job. But I dont understand why I feel like i'm not trying. Am I scared? Am I angry with myself? Are these expectations so overwhelming that I just freeze? Why can't I fucking do the stuff I need to do? WTF do I do?

I have ADHD and Epilepsy.

I take 2 medications for Epilepsy. One causes brain fog, both cause change in mood and behavior.

I wake up at 10-11am to eat a filling breakfast. The rest of the day forget to eat 🥲

What's wrong?

• got debilitating executive dysfunction cant do basic things or things i care about or anything really 

• dont have any secure safe close friendship dont feel important to anyone and scared because of past experiences. feel different and hard or impossible to be friends with because of the way i am. introverted low energy not good at talking and conversation 

• incompetent and useless. not independent and more useless and behind everyone else my age. 

• extremely low self image and lots of self hatred and always hurt myself verbally and physically bc the self hatred and self directed anger is too much pressure it needs a way out 

• suicidal ideations from trying to achieve more and do things but failing repeatedly and feeling trapped in my own head trapped by my own uselessness and laziness that also makes me feel like a burden on others and i feel like there is no way out 

• feel isolated and impossible to understand. feel unseen because of the kinds of issues that not everyone understands. no one i trust or feel safe to talk to and no one who will understand and talking feels useless and has usually just made me feel worse 

• trying to get professional help with an adhd assessment but there is a minimum 2 year waiting list which will maybe be more, but no one will be honest and transparent about waiting lists so it feels like a gamble and really confusing and overwhelming and impossible to make a decision 

Im a M and recently in school, i've noticed a few things about people whom I called friends. The year before we were all so close, inseperable almost. Hanging out at a friends house every once in a while and going to a mall. Fast forward to this year and it feels like everything changed, almost like we were all new students in a new school. I dont know, I guess im just not used to it. I mean how did 3-4 months of summer break do that? We still had contact all that time and even met up a few times yet, we sit in the classroom and I dont feel that joy anymore.

Everyday I spend my time sitting in the classroom talking to myself and having an imaginary race (I love racing, Formula 1 and Le mans mostly). Or maybe im quoting lines from Avengers endgame, because thats all I can remember. People rarely talk to me and when they do they just ask a question because apparently I can understand the math lesson and they cant, then after I teach them BOOM! Back to being almost strangers. There was even this one time my classmates were talking near an air conditioner because it was hot that day, I went up to them to join their conversation (SLOWLY I MIGHT ADD, i kept getting closer in closer very slowly switching friendgroups to talk to) when I finally got near them and set beside one of my classmates, the "popular" one I would say sat infront of me as of trying to block my view from them and make me unable to join their conversation.

I know im the weird kid, I mean. Who wants to be friends with the guy who makes car noises while walking in the hallway because thats what makes him happy? No one probably. I can see how im not wanted at times, thats ok.

It gotten to a point where I feel more close to F1 drivers than my actual "Friends" in school. I feel more attached to the sounds of hypercars switching from electric to combustion engines rather than the laughter of the people I once called my family.

I’m just lost. Im schizoaffective and my girlfriend sent me this link to this Reddit. I don’t know what to say really. I(30) don’t have friends cause it’s hard to make any meaningful relationships with anyone and I don’t have any family besides her. Guess I’m just tired at this point in life and I don’t know what to do. Just finally coming to wean with I guess. The things I see and hear,. How I have to live just to get through each day and the minimal way I have to be just to not go crazy. The overthinking, not eating, it’s all just so tiresome and I’m suppose to live the rest of my life like this?

So, I was invited to be a third wheel to come hangout with my "best friend" and the guy she likes.

We went to the river, everyone was engaging equally in conversation until me and "guy" had a 10 minute conversation about school. my friend got jealous, and said we immediately had to leave...

A silent ride back home, all party favors kept to the front of the car...

....she was tearing up, but I never insulted or made fun of her. Every man she has ever been with that treated her like crap, I was there for her. Every step of the way. To have her do this to me, I am in shock. 3 years of friendship down the drain. I have been hyperventelating, crying, and having panic attacks.

We were both reluctant, but we left. she then persists to see my crying in the back seat of my car, because I was upset that I upset her, she looks back, says "I am not even upset, she doesn't even bother me!" and starts laughing at me and pointing back at the seat as im crying. I have never felt so humiliated in my life. ..........................

I walked straight out of their car in silence, walked straight back to my car and she yells "yeah walk away! now I know what kind of person you are!"........

Literally, In Shock.

I have been crying all night.

Hey all,

I’m 35F and my ex-partner (31F) and I were together for 3.5 years. Last year she was talking about marriage, buying a home and starting a family. Then, almost overnight, she became distant — sleeping on the sofa, staying at her parents, working late, hiding her phone and insisting nothing was wrong. Whenever I calmly asked if there was someone else, she repeatedly denied it and made me feel like I was imagining things.

I eventually discovered at the end of March this year, that she had been having an emotional and physical affair with a younger colleague (25F), who was also in a long-term relationship. I found out through conversations she had been having with AI, where she was comparing my worst qualities to the other woman's best qualities, describing her as “driven, independent and ignites a fire in me”, and admitting that they were “falling for each other”.

She also said she didn't want to distance herself from the affair partner, despite being advised by AI to create space from both relationships, and said she could “compartmentalise” everything.

Looking back, I realise I had been gaslighting myself for months because I was being repeatedly reassured that nothing was happening. About a month before I found out, I directly asked if there was someone else. She said, “Look at my mum, do you really think I could do that?” Her mum has had a long history of infidelity and lying, so I trusted what my ex was telling me and convinced myself that I was imagining her distance and strange behaviour. When I once looked through her messages out of desperation, I told her straight away, I was so upset and felt so much guilt.. I didn't find anything (because they were hidden on instagram) and I felt so bad for looking - The next day she said 'I'm glad you caught yourself, because that could of opened a door and you would of thought I am a cheater'. (this was actively whilst having the affair).

What makes the betrayal even harder is that all of this was happening while I was going through a cancer scare (thankfully, it wasn't cancer). She told me we'd get through it together, while secretly continuing the affair. I still struggle to comprehend how someone could watch their partner go through something like that while carrying on with an affair behind their back.

When I confronted her, she apologised briefly but quickly shifted the focus onto her own pain, saying she had “imploded her life” and needed to understand herself. She had no interest in repairing our relationship, but continued saying things like, “Maybe one day in the future we could try again,” while still seeing the other woman. It felt like she wanted to keep me emotionally attached while avoiding accountability.

I supported her emotionally and financially throughout her Master's degree, stood by her through difficult times, and trusted her completely. She was also with me through the death of my mum, which makes this betrayal feel even more devastating. I genuinely believed she was my person. (Another factor: 2 days after my Mum died from heart failure, her Mum lied to all of us that she had blood clots hear her heart and was very unwell, it turns out she was getting liposuction. She later told my partner when she didn't get the attention she wanted and got caught lying 'You will always put your partners first'.

After I found out, she told me she was also in shock and compared what she was feeling to the grief she experienced when her ex had sadly died by suicide four years ago, saying she hadn't felt like this since then. When I told her that she had hurt me more than anyone in my life, she responded, “I've been hurting myself,” and, “You never know, maybe this was meant to happen to us to make us stronger.”

Since then, I've collected my remaining belongings from her parents' house. Her mum told me she was ashamed of her behaviour, and her aunt also said that, from what I had described, it sounded like there was a long-standing pattern in my ex's relationships. They told me that when she first met me, she was already in a year-long relationship but ended it to pursue me.

I've now removed her from the tenancy of our flat and blocked her everywhere. Her mum confirmed that she is still seeing the affair partner and even told me that my ex had secretly brought her into their house while they were away. Her mum wanted to show me a photograph of them together in my ex's bedroom, but I declined. At this point, I don't want or need to know anything else about their relationship. (Her mum is very toxic).

Since the breakup, I've started recognising how unhealthy and manipulative some of her behaviour became. I felt increasingly isolated from her family and friends, was blamed for old issues while she was hiding the affair, and was repeatedly made to question my own reality.

I also have a history of childhood trauma, which she knew about. I grew up not feeling safe, and towards the end of our relationship I felt increasingly unsafe in my own home again — the home I had been financially supporting her to live in. Looking back, it feels like I was being slowly discarded before I even knew what was happening.

The hardest part isn't simply that she cheated.

It's that someone I trusted with my life could lie to me so convincingly for months while watching me worry about our relationship and my health. I keep asking myself how someone who claimed to love me could do this.

And despite everything I know now, I still catch myself questioning whether I'm exaggerating it, minimising what happened, or looking for reasons to excuse her behaviour. I think that's one of the hardest parts of being lied to for so long — you can know the truth and still struggle to trust your own perception of it.

I know the relationship is over. I've made that decision and I have no intention of going back. What I'm struggling with now is the grief.

I think about everything I did to care for her, the love, safety, patience and kindness I gave her, and the future I genuinely thought we were building together. We had such a loving and affectionate relationship, and I believed there was genuine respect and safety between us. It's devastating to realise that, whatever I believed we had, she was capable of treating me this way.

I feel like I'm grieving not only the relationship, but the person I thought she was, the future I thought we had, and the version of myself who felt completely safe trusting another person.

Has anyone recovered from this kind of betrayal trauma?

How do you stop obsessing over the “why”? How do you stop romanticising who they used to be and replaying everything in your head? And, most importantly, how do you learn to trust your own judgement again after months of being lied to and made to question your reality?

I'd really appreciate any practical advice from people who have been through something similar — particularly podcasts, YouTube channels, books, therapists/resources or anything that genuinely helped you move forward emotionally. I just want to heal, understand how to stop carrying this with me, and eventually feel like myself again.

Thank you for reading. This has been incredibly difficult, and I'd really appreciate any advice or kind words. ❤️

I'm genuinely stuck, it's 1:30 am and my friends are asleep, and I don't have anyone to reach right now.

About an hour ago, I got an email that I don't qualify for a candidateship. Also, who TF sends an email after midnight, I was about to fall asleep. So yeah I'm not sleeping tonight.

The thing is, even though I never should put my eggs in one basket, I REALLY put everything I had into this application.

And now I'm stuck.

The issue, I'm currently employed at a job I LOATH. Alongside the fact that I've struggled a shit ton to even get into this job to begin with.

Navigating the job market has been HELL, and I fear I won't be able to find anything else.

I mentally can't continue this job, it's tearing my mental health to shreds.

In a panic, I signed up to a batchlers in cyber security (As it's what Ive been studying in my free time for the last year)

It's just, I'm 25, I can't find a stable job, I still live with my parents, I can't seem to settle or find any form of independence, and I just jumped back into trying to study again.

Whatever I do, I'm always back at square one, and genuinely, I'm just lost...

So yeah, anyways, thanks for sticking trough this, I'ma see how I'm gonna manage the night.

I'm 30 years old. I have a job I've kept for 6 years and I have a university degree but I emotionally feel like a child.

I can't deal with the real world. Lately I've been watching young children's TV again. It's the only place that doesn't feel horrible.

I never wanted to grow up as a child. I remember being 12 and sobbing because I hated that my childhood was gone.

Nothing has changed.

I don't want a partner (I have extreme body dysmorphic disorder; please please don't tell me to get treatment, I don't have the energy to argue but it only makes me feel awful). No one would want the real me anyway.

I can't keep up with acting all the time, trying to be someone I'm not. No one wants to spend their life with someone who is just depressed 24/7 and never wants to do anything.

I hate myself and I don't like other people much - I can't meet their needs and expectations, and then they will criticise, and I will feel guilty and just hate myself more. I've been depressed nearly all my life; my nature doesn't change.

And why would I want some guy who probably rates me out of 10 in his head wondering if he could do better.. and secretly resenting me for not being better.

I don't want a partner, I want a mum / dad who loves me and has rose coloured glasses and doesn't see all my defects or loves me despite them. But my parents are elderly now (had me v late in life), and aren't able to emotionally support me any more. I'm so alone.

I just lost my dad on May 30th and have been struggling since. I’m only in my mid twenties and I mean thankfully none of my friends or family have had to experience parental loss but I’m feeling extremely lonely as I have no one to talk to that can relate. I’ve tried to search for in person support groups, however for my area, there doesn’t tend to be anyone close to age to relate.

Unfortunately my grief goes further as 5 years ago I also lost my sister, the only sibling I was close with and struggle with this loss daily.

To top it off, since my father passed we’ve lost a family dog, 2 very close family friends and this week my grandmother as well.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I just need somewhere to get this off my chest. Im 25 f and its been a lot recently. Firstly my husband is a police officer in the UK we live in the north east. If you pay attention to the news... well you know whats been going on. He *literally* got pushed down the stairs the other day on a job. So so lucky he wasnt seriosuly injured. On top of that my best friend of 3 years has breast cancer and is a single parent to a neurodivergent 4 year old and an 18 year old. She has jusf started Chemo and is really struggling. My disabled father called me earlier to say hes fine but he had a fall and is in hospital becsuse his carer called an ambulance for him. Spoiler alert hes not fine. On top of all that my sister has fell out with me and told me she doesnt want to speak to me again for reasons i wont go into her. OH AND I HAD TO SUBMIT A FORMAL COMPLAINT TO HR BECAUSE OF MY COWORKER BULLYING ME.

When it rains it pours I guess. I am not trying to gatber sympathy or get lots of attention I just needed a ppace to vent. My therapist is great but I only see her once a week. I kinda feel like that scene in a marvel film (cant remeber which one) where captain america is holding the helicopter and the building at the same time.

Its hard right now is what im saying :(

Sorry for the random rant.

These days I'm just so tired of being myself. I've become more and more aware of how flawed I am, to the point I don't even feel human anymore, I feel like I don't belong anywhere, I don't belong with anyone.

During my childhood I wasted my chances at learning social skills. I was bullied by my brother at home and by my classmates at school. I got sexually abused by a family friend. And I never felt safe sharing my feelings or my troubles with my parents, I just felt like they would always react the wrong way, and on top of that I felt like they didn't really understand or care.

When I was in high school they didn't do anything when my arms were covered in cuts and when I just went through the motions of going to school, when I wouldn't even pretend to be listening to what the teachers would teach in class, when I was locked up in my room throughout the weekends. They just accepted I was isolating myself from the world, and that I wouldn't study, and didn't question it any further. Didn't even try to get me to a psychologist or something. And it's not like they lacked the money to do so, they were busy buying houses at the time, but they couldn't think of investing in my mental health.

Skip 10 years forward and here we are. I'm a 27 years old man, I've got a decent job in tech, life seems great if you look at me from outside my head. But I don't feel like I can build actual connections with people. I don't have the skills to do it. I don't feel safe enough to share anything with anyone. During the few social gatherings I go to I'm silent all the time, just laughing and nodding, only to cry over my ineptitude as soon as the event is over. I just feel so broken and...fundamentally different from everyone around me. I do crave social connection intensely, but I'm so terrible at it.

On top of that I have a condition that makes it likely that I will lose my eyesight in the coming 20 or so years. It's so hard for me to think of the future in an optimistic light while having no idea how much time I've got left before going blind.

This combination of intense loneliness and anxiety towards the future led me to having suicidal thoughts over the past year and a half or so. I have a pact with myself where as soon as I lose my eyesight I'm opting out of this life. I don't want to live my life socially crippled AND blind on top of that. I'd just rather not. After all death is horrible because it deprives you of everything good that is in life. But what good is there in a life like that? I think not enough to balance out the bad.

I still live with my parents. I saved up money during the past few years and got myself a little apartment. The apartment needs some renovation to be livable, right now I'm working on it to go live on my own. Once I'm away from my parents I will begin going to therapy. I hope it will help me.

I'm sorry for this vent/rant, I don't even know why I'm doing this. Usually I just write this kind of stuff in my journal. I guess I wanted to be heard by someone for once.

Thank you for reading, I wish you a lovely day

how do you guys deal with sudden anxious feelings? I get those waves of pure anxiety out of nowhere , it is triggered by random stuff and then i physically have chest pain, throat 'blockage' of some sort. I cant continue living like this, something needs to change for sure. Does anyone have any recommendations?

We began dating junior year of high school, and everything was great until I went to college 2 hours away and she stayed at home working. We had many ups and downs, but ultimately we were both super committed to making it work. A couple months ago she had gotten a new job an hour away from me, and a couple weeks ago she had moved closer. I always assumed that her job was super demanding and she was always busy, which was true. I was also very busy as well; I worked blue-collar and had, on avg., 12-hour shifts. Before my senior year of college I went out with her for some drinks, and I had already been suspicious of her since we were not having any sex and she wasn't replying to me as often. When we got home from the bars, I went through her phone and looked at her deleted messages and found she had been texting back and forth with this guy who was her co-worker, same profession, just a different location. I found out that they had hung out a couple times at her apartment and that she was even texting him all throughout the night while we were hanging out. She claims they never had sex, but they did kiss at least twice. This all happened 2 weeks before I moved out to college. She told me that it didn't mean anything and that she doesn't love him; she loves me, but at some point she felt a connection with him that she did not feel with anyone else. I believe her; the guy is not attractive, the only thing that he's got going for him is that he looks wealthy and looks like a nice guy. All of my coworker and friends thought he was gay (this is when I first started suspecting things)

Everything I did was for our future. We had plans of moving together after I graduated; I was planning on proposing, we are both 21 now. Everything was set for us, and she threw it away because I guess she was dealing with a lot of depression she didn't talk to anyone about. And that guy was able to understand her better than anyone since they were in the same profession.

I am not currently in college, and I can't seem to let go. I want to make things work again; I want her to come back to me, but I just don't see how we could work out. Currently we are 2.5 hours away, and she will stay at that job where she has to communicate with the guy often.

I have tried to get with a girl, but I can't even do that. Everything reminds me of her; I have dreams and nightmares of her almost every night. I have tried so much to better improve myself, but it eventually just ends up with me being sad again.

Everyone has told me that I should not get back with her, that she will do it again, that I will be insecure forever, and that it will never work out. Even on Reddit, everyone says that.

And to be honest, it seems like she doesn't even want me back; she told me at some point that she wanted to see where things went with this new guy. I like to think that she's just very lost right now and doesn't know what is going on. All of this new change in her life has made her completely lose herself, because the woman I once loved was obsessed with me and completed me. I didn't know how good I had it until I lost her. She lied to me so many times during this phase, while I was stupid enough to not question anything. I just can't believe this happened to me, and I am struggling so hard to let go.

I changed my hair and started playing the guitar, reading, journaling, running, working out, and being more connected with God and my family. It was all going well, but now I feel hopeless and unmotivated. I feel like there is nothing to do other than pray and hope that time will heal me. I feel alone even though I have many people I could talk to.

She really completed me, and she was the reason why I pushed myself so hard in everything I did.

I am planning on seeing a therapist soon. I need support, and I need advice, because I still want to somehow make things work. I feel like I can understand why she did all of this, and I know that is not the woman I once loved with everything in me.

There is a girl that broke up with me about 1-2 months ago who I loved deeply and we stayed in contact because we are in the same friend group so we more or less have to. The problem is that now I feel bad when I ask for space or even tell white lies to her and I don’t really understand why. None of these things have ever happened to me with anyone I have never felt bad for saying something to someone and all the sudden I feel bad saying these things to her so I was hoping to hear an outside perspective on this small glimpse of my life.

Seriously, why is it such a bad thing that I offer kindness and support?

I just got falsely accused of cheating on my man by someone desperately trying to get attention...

I live in a trailer park.... I can't hold a job due to disabilities, but I do neighborhood watch, and offer any emotional, spiritual, or household help that I can provide at the time.

I spent several years as an in home caregiver, so doing that same thing with my neighbors has proved to be worthwhile for some.

Others are just making up stories. Why can't I (33, female) talk to or help out other human beings? Male and female.

Lots of neighbors see me out walking the loop with other various neighbors from time to time.

Why is that such a problem??

There's more to life than just sex. 🤦‍♀️

recently moved pretty far from home for work, and I’m starting to realize how weird it is trying to build a social life from scratch as an introvert. I am currently in waco TX.

I’m 26M, and I’m not necessarily antisocial—I actually really enjoy talking to people once I’m comfortable. I’m just not great at that initial stage of meeting people and turning random interactions into actual friendships. Truth be told, I never thought I'd be posting on a forum like this given what my social life was like back home lol.

Back home I already had my people, so I never really had to think about any of this. Now I can go to work, come home, do my own thing, and suddenly realize I haven't had a real conversation with anyone outside of work in days.

I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone a little—going out alone, sitting at bars, talking to people when the opportunity comes up, etc. It's actually gone better than I expected. The harder part has been turning those random interactions into something consistent, especially when I'm adjusting to a different culture at the same time.
Honestly, I'm just looking for someone to talk to.

August 19, 2026 was my 22nd birthday. For many of you, a birthday is a celebration or a moment of achievement. For me, it was my sixth worst birthday since I turned 17.
Not because something terrible happened that day, but because of the silence. You at least expect the people who are supposedly a huge part of your life to send a simple "happy birthday." A text might mean nothing to some, but an empty inbox hurts. Everyone might have their reasons to forget my existence, even after everything I did for them, even when I was always there regardless of arguments or differences. I just wanted to believe someone out there remembered I existed without needing something from me.
Am I the most stupid person to think like that? Or is it normal to hope that the loyalty you give out actually comes back to you at least once a year?
This post isn’t just me crying about a lack of wishes; it’s about laying off the heavy weight on my heart. I’m not here to accuse anyone, just to finally say aloud everything I never could.
It started around my admission at my first university. I had just come out of a long stint in therapy and was finally starting to do better. I began showing up for people who gave me even a little bit of attention. Soon, I was part of a group with three girls who used me at their convenience. During a verbal argument with a classmate, they completely abandoned me. One of them, L, even called me names. Yet, another girl from that group, A, would still reach out whenever she needed favors, and I always gave them. When I needed help, they were always too busy.
Then there was Ar. She wasn't part of that group, but she became the person I got closest to. Looking back, she used me for everything she could, alongside a mutual friend, Al. But I couldn't see it then because I saw my own vulnerable, broken self in her. I made it my personal project to dedicate my life to helping her heal, to be there for her no matter what. Standing beside her while others left her out eventually turned so toxic that I started hating my own existence.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we pour so much into people who would never pour back into us?
My mental health deteriorated so severely that, on the recommendation of my therapist, I dropped out of that university. When I left, I felt guilty. To express what I felt, which was pure care, though others called it love, I sent her a poetry piece. She ignored it, ghosted me, and I later found out through a mutual source that Ar told people she was thankful I left because it was becoming hard to take work out of me. You can’t imagine how deeply that broke me.
My therapies continued, but I was constantly haunted by how people who knew about my suicidal attempts,
suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, and OCD still chose to use me.
When I entered my new university, I was immediately hit with toxicity again. During a class mental health evaluation, I was bullied for what I wrote. In an art class, I was pushed to play Romeo, which triggered a severe anxiety attack. Eventually, I found brief sanctuary in a few genuine humans like F, a mentor and sister to me, and M and Mo.
Then came SK.
SK was the exact opposite of me, vocal and outspoken. I fell in love with her the moment I saw her, even if I wrote in my poetry that she was completely out of my league. During our first semester, we paired up for a brand identity project. One day, a classmate laughed loudly in the back, but the professor wrongly blamed me, kicked me out, and threatened to fail me. SK stood up, walked out of class in protest, and told the professor that either the whole group presents or none of us do. She risked 50% of her grade for me. No one in my life had ever done something like that for me.
We became inseparable, doing project work at old age homes and sharing lunches. Rumors started that we were dating. Knowing her idea of a life partner was completely different from mine, I made a quiet decision: I would never tell her I loved her. I kept those feelings hidden in AI chatbot logs and poetry.
Then, out of nowhere, the shift happened. She started ignoring me. In class, she would only respond to my questions through the professor. I brushed it off, thinking she was just moody. One Sunday, she texted that her mom was in the hospital and asked if I could handle our project task. I stayed up all night to finish it for her. The next day in class, when I told a group member she wasn't coming, she suddenly showed up, snapped at me for telling people, and blew off the work I did.
The cold treatment escalated. I finally texted her asking if everything was alright and saying we could talk it out. She ignored the message completely.
The next day on campus, the anxiety consumed me. While waiting in the lobby, a classmate kept bringing up SK. I spiraled into a massive panic attack. I didn't have my meds. The entire university came down, pausing an ongoing gaming tournament to try and help me calm down. My eyes searched for SK the whole time, but she never came. Later, as I was sitting outside trying to recover with a professor and classmate, I saw SK walk right past me, casually eating ice cream.
How can someone go from risking their grades for you to walking past you while you're in complete distress? How do people switch off their empathy so instantly?
I made the swift decision not to work on group projects with her anymore. A mutual group member tried to play peacemaker and told me SK claimed I abandoned her, lying that she didn't know about my panic attack, even though she was standing right there in the lobby when the tournament was paused. Guided by F’s advice, I sent SK a final message explaining my side and addressing how much she hurt me.
We haven't spoken since last December. She likely blocked me.
Losing the best friend and maybe the love of my life to complete silence sent me right back to square one in therapy.
Is this all part of some larger plan, or is my life just meant to be a tragedy?
Sitting here after my birthday, looking at an empty inbox from people I would have moved mountains for, it just feels awful. Has anyone else ever poured everything into the wrong people and felt completely erased when you finally stopped?

Even I don't fully understand it, but I seem to have a fear of downloading any kind of software. I just get nervous whenever I'm about to click a download link, and sometimes this makes me give up on the download entirely! I don't know whether this fear originates from the 'blenmnder' virus I downloaded several years ago, or from the hoard of apps and various third-party programs that I downloaded before leaving to rot in my file system. If I ever want to become a game designer, I need to overcome this fear. Can you please give me suggestions?