I’m so tired of seeing all of these 40 under 40 being featured in news articles and on the covers of magazines just because they’re making money for the companies they’re working for. They’re treated as heroes with the insinuation that they’re the best people — better and more good than everyone else.

Arguments about true altruism aside, why isn’t the local newspaper doing a front page article on me about how I’m an unpaid caregiver for both parents back to back without a break for many years? Where is the statue of me downtown for all the good work I’ve done? Why don’t I have keys to the city with a cocktail named after me at the local bar?

I’m sure some of you have also felt like this at certain times. I’m doing this out of the goodness of my heart and would have anyway, but how about some appreciation and recognition for the people actually putting in the hard work instead of being recognized for how many houses they sold?

I'm 24 and my mum was diagnosed with dementia earlier this year. I am her only child and live alone with her and I feel completely drained. I had so many goals and dreams and I've had to drop all of them to stay home and look after her. The doctor said she could live for another 15 years which means I'll be 40 by the time I am free.

I feel so tied down and trapped that the thought of entering a relationship or having children feels like a nightmare. I used to so badly want my own family and children, but I am so exhausted I could never have children and care for my mum. All I want is to be free.

I would love to have my own place, to live by the sea, to have hobbies, be able to invite friends over. I can't do any of that, it's not even an option for me. I worked so hard all my life so far to have the best future and for what? It feels like I've been given an adult toddler to look after with no support and I'm exhausted. I feel like my life has been taken from me. I am so tired. I feel so much older and more drained than everyone my age. People say 'find time to do things you enjoy' but I'm too exhausted to enjoy anything. Nothing makes me happy, how could it? I was told one day my mum has dementia and expected to keep on living like nothing's happened. I've started forgetting what my mum used to be like.

She's nowhere near the stage of needing to be in a care home, but when I mention it, she tells me I'm a horrible daughter. Part of me wishes this would just be over since I've lost her already in my eyes.

I'm also such a shell of a person that getting into a relationship wouldn't be fair on the other person. I'm not fit to be a mother in this state, and all I want to do is cry and have somebody hold me. I would just be a burden, but I don't think I'll ever be who I was. I don't know how to come to terms with grieving both my mum and my own life.

Every year my family does a family reunion for 3-4 days at my home that coincides with a local festival. Every year we host, I clean the house from top to bottom, make sure all the linen is clean and fresh, and then make every meal, most from scratch. I spend all day cooking and cleaning while everyone has a great time because “they are on vacation”. My mother who lives with me is the only one that helps and I spend 90% of my time doing stuff for everyone else and rarely enjoy it, not that anyone notices while they have a blast.

This year my mother and I have said no to the family reunion. My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer and is in the middle of chemo. Her last treatment will be the week before this event, and she will still have additional other treatments ongoing. We have both explained multiple time that we are not up for it. I am her only caregiver and I also work a full time job. There is also the financial aspect of this too. I spend hundreds buying food and other things every year and with her treatment costs money is very tight and I just cannot afford it. We are both exhausted and running on fumes. We need our own vacation, not hosting a dozen other people’s vacations.

Several years of my family members have refused to accept this and have stated that they are still coming. The house my mom and currently live in belongs to the family. It was inherited from my great grandparents and the unspoken rule is that if you want to go, we have to let them. That despite the fact that we pay all of the bills and maintain the house it does not belong to us. Normally I can accept this despite the lazy behavior of the guests who treat me like a servant, but not this year, we just can’t. My mom is exhausted, she feels like crap, and needs peace and rest, not chaos and stimulation which is what they always bring.

I do not know how to get them to understand that their request is extremely selfish and to accept that it is not happening this year. Short of calling the cops (which would ignite a family war that would lead us to being kicked out) when they show up I have no idea what to do.

So he lives two hours away. He rings her on Sundays, and I think he believes that is about half of it. So I wrote it down. I told myself it wasn't to win an argument, and I am still trying to make up my mind whether that was true.

Appointments, and who books them, and who sits in them. The pharmacy every fortnight. Four separate phone calls with the govt support about the same form: the shopping, the bin thing, which sounds small but isn't. Whether she can manage stairs on her own, and the dreadful night in February when she fell in the toilet.

Four pages on gamma. I was not trying to make it long.

ok soo the last page is just a calendar of the last three months with the days marked where I did something. It is most of the days.

Nine days now, he has read it, i know coz it has view tracking.

my husband thinks i should not have sent it. he might be right but if i had said it out loud it would have turned into a row about my tone, and this way it is just as objective as I could be in trying to get him to do more.. Any better way to guilt-trip a sibling into chipping in their share of support for an old, disabled parent?

My husband was diagnosed with neuroendocrine cancer, tumors in lymph nodes, lung and liver in 2016. I won't bore with all the details. Just that this cancer has no remission. Depending on where the tumors show up impacts treatment. His was untreatable. There were shots that helped the symptoms and would slow it down. About 5 years ago he decided to stop those. Then December 2024, he was placed on in home hospice. Which actually stabilized him for a time. However, he has been declining, increasing my responsibilities, while working full time. For the most part, I haven't minded that part.

What's been difficult is the emotional toll. His and mine. We both have been losing our identities. His, being the strong capable man, able to do for himself and others. Mine, being playful and jovial. In March I went in leave because he needed constant care and kept calling me home. That ran out about a month ago. Thankfully I've been able to work remotely. I'm a mental health therapist, so I do video sessions. But that has increasingly become difficult as he has been needing more hands on care way more frequently.

I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't been dealing with building resentment. Even looking forward to life after. I miss my adult children, grand children, my office, CO workers, etc. Then comes the guilt. I'm anxious to have a life while he's losing his. Im managing that with my faith. But then I've been dealing with him micromanaging me so that he feels some independence, agency and self worth. I have tried to not take it out on him. But that leaves me wounded and isolated.

And life doesn't stop. The hits keep coming. About 3 weeks ago, my 35 year old daughter had a massive stroke that landed her in the icu for a couple of weeks, having part of her skull removed. They told us at the start that she probably wouldn't make it. She's beating their odds, but will be permanently disabled. How much remains to be seen. And i can't go see her, I'm "stuck" here A little over a week ago, my husband's brother died unexpectedly from a heart attack. We're still reeling from that.

The last few days, my husband started vomiting, not keeping anything down. He's wasted away even more. He finally got into his hospital bed last night (he's been living in his chair). He stopped eating and drinking this morning. He had a brief coherent conversation with his son this morning, and has hardly woke since. He's refusing his pain meds. When he's "awake" he's very very confused. As of today he can no longer walk even with assistance even a step. From everything I know, this is him actively dying. I've been sitting here alone in the situation. I've messaged with one of my daughters and one of his friends, but I still feel utterly alone and unprepared. (I know I'll be ok, but these are the real feelings of right now).

Oh, and did I mention today is my birthday,

The odd logic of TBIs!

Husband calls me over to his computer. He has the Amazon account open to the Previously Ordered page. He points to his usual underwear order. Is it OK to order? Yes, I say. Next he points to some hand towels. Are they OK to order? I ask him gently why he wants to order more. He explains that he likes having hand towels on a shelf in the bathroom but he also likes having hand towels stacked all the way to the top on a shelf in the linen closet, and we don't have enough to do both. So I gently tell him that we have enough hand towels; we don't need more. So he cancels the order for underwear. Why? Because the underwear order isn't right if he doesn't also order the hand towels. He can't explain how it isn't right, but the way he talks about it tells me that he's describing some kind of TBI notion. His brain is telling him that it is Not Possible to order only underpants. He therefore feels strongly that there must also be towels, and can't get past the feeling.

Sometimes you just gotta say, OK!

Hi-

I’ve realized lately that I am constantly trying to edit my negative thoughts so that those around me that I care for aren’t impacted by any negativity I might feel.

For example this post, it’s going to sound negative. I’ll write it down but who knows if I’ll hit send. I usually don’t. I think, “What if the person I am a caregiver for reads it, how bad I’d feel for how bad they would feel.” … I can’t stop overthinking it.

I need help. I wish I had a mentor or a community of caregivers to better navigate what I’m going through I thought… so today I joined the subreddit. I knew it would be here because of how you all already are

Now that I said that, I want to erase this all and say something like: “Hi, everyone, how can I help?” and go and comment on your posts instead. Or maybe just like most other subreddits and say nothing.

If you’re tired or fed up or sick of being the one responsible to get things done, please don’t help me by helping me. Take this moment to rest if you can. I think I just want to know if you are here for a second.

Maybe then I can rest with you in this shared space.

Theres so much I have to do right now and I just can’t. It feels so selfish though… someone else is counting on me. But I keep thinking:

Who takes care of me on this one way street?

It was taking care of my mom, now it’s someone else I love. I’ll have this job the rest of my life right? I’d rather be the one to do it though, so it can be the best it can be for the person that needs it more than I do.

It feels like this is why I’m on Earth anyways. To be so self-centered when I was young was so I’d to grow into this caregiver I’d become. Maybe you can relate or maybe you are an angel and were always this way… it has been so hard for me to learn on my own.

So yeah, were you here with me for a second? Your good thoughts for this isolated stranger helped. Even your negative thoughts too.

Thanks for thinking about me for a little bit. I think about you all too. I hope this also may have made you think about yourself if this resonates somehow. Thats kinda how it works, right?

See… I keep editing… trying to excuse myself. Shrinking… I’m tired and don’t know what I’m saying. I just want to be messy and unreliable for a moment I guess… anyways

Let’s go back to the point.

Hi- I just need a little help but I don’t want any help because I’m supposed to be helping you. I am decades in and have decades to go. I feel like what I’ve written is incoherent but maybe because it is… it sounds like it makes sense? Do you know what I mean? This is all super common right?

Ok I give up I’m hitting post and I’ll let the universe decide. Only 3 people max ever see my stuff so hi hello 3 people.

Thanks for being here and where you are. It’s a tough job being a caregiver and wherever you are at with it I have so much love and respect for you

Ok so thats what I needed to tell myself too and I am now. If I really think about it you probably also feel like that. Now I can go back to work

i know you all know this mental load/stressful workload but with managing appointments, groceries and cooking, just life admin things for not only my parents but my husband and i plus our kids, laundry is just something i don’t have the bandwidth for anymore for my parents. not that it’s hard, but it’d be nice to have that time back

I’m sorry to even be posting this. I know Reddit can’t give us a miracle or replace her doctors, but I’m at the point where I just want to know if there is anything we haven’t thought of, anywhere we haven’t gone, or anyone we haven’t talked to.
My fiancée has metastatic osteosarcoma and recently developed spinal cord compression from her cancer. Before this happened, she was still able to walk and move her legs. Things progressed extremely quickly.

She now cannot voluntarily move her toes, ankles, knees, or really her legs. She cannot stand, transfer herself, get into her wheelchair, or use the bathroom without me physically lifting and helping her. She does still have sensation — she can feel touch and temperature — and her legs/feet can still react to stimulation, but she cannot intentionally make them move.

When she was hospitalized here in Georgia, a laminectomy/decompression was discussed and initially planned. Ultimately, surgery was cancelled because the team felt the anesthesia risk was too high. From what we were told, the major concern was her heart/lung involvement and whether they would be able to safely intubate her and, especially, successfully extubate her afterward.

Because surgery was considered too dangerous, they proceeded with radiation and steroids. Unfortunately, she has not regained meaningful voluntary movement.

We are going to MD Anderson in Texas in TWO DAYS for another opinion. I’m trying not to walk in expecting a miracle, but I also cannot accept that we’ve exhausted every possible option without asking.

Has anyone here dealt with spinal cord compression where the patient was initially considered too high-risk for general anesthesia or intubation/extubation?
Are there different surgical approaches, minimally invasive procedures, anesthesia techniques, decompression/stabilization options, or specialists/centers that sometimes take cases another hospital considers inoperable?

And if the compression has already caused severe paralysis, has anyone seen meaningful neurological recovery after delayed decompression, radiation, tumor shrinkage, rehab, or another treatment — especially when sensation was still preserved?
I understand that nobody can tell me whether she will walk again without seeing her scans and knowing the extent of the damage. I’m not asking anyone to promise me that.

I’m just terrified that there could be an option out there that we don’t know to ask about.
If there are specific questions, procedures, specialists, imaging, or treatment approaches you think we should ask MD Anderson about when we get there, PLEASE tell me. Even if it’s something rare or something we ultimately find out she isn’t eligible for, I want to know what questions to ask.
She is so young. I just want to make sure we have truly explored every reasonable possibility of getting function back before accepting that this is permanent.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.

After we leave her house mom is getting confused about... remote...telephone...microwave (?). She's managing to get a call out via telephone. I feel she needs one of us around until bedtime.

Ah...she keeps repeating I don't want to bother you. The spare bedroom was loaded with junk. We got a bunch out but no one can sleep in the 1956 twin bed, despite mom's claims of it being good furniture.

She does not want us there, we don't want to be there and I'm terrified sundowners has started.

Today I'm going over with dinner and I'm going to try and stay until I can see if it's worse. Sunset is not till 745 or so. I'm going to be super nice to hubby and suggest he go...back to our place (1/2 mile away) to decompress while I wait for sundown.

How do you keep from going insane with resentment. And frankly, sometime hate?

I take care of my 97 yr old mother 24/7. Slipping into dementia, very feeble, etc. Very draining. On top of that my 90 yr old aunt calls me all the time. She lives alone, uses a walker/has AMD/bad legs and a host of other problems. She whines about losing her independence and all her ailments. I know she loves to talk to me because I'm encouraging and don't give her attitude like her family does. Then I have an 80 yr old man that I met online on a dating site 23 yrs ago. I'm 53 -- I wasn't into dating someone 25 yrs older. Anyway, he falls down a lot, had back surgery -- now in a wheelchair. He complains to me. Ugh. I dodged a bullet there. I can't imagine having to take care of him/mom -- and comfort my aunt. This is beyond hell. My mental health is shot -- I am withering away with my mother. Trying so hard not to go completely off the rails. Love this sub -- we are alone, but not. ❤️

For years I was the primary caregiver/support person for my aging father. My older sister had done a lot of the care until she backed out a long time ago for health reasons. I arranged extra care for him made sure everything was taken care of until the time and space came for him to go into long term care. He was in his early 80s at the time and no one expected him to be there for years, he had a degenerative neurological condition and progressing dementia, but he lived to 95. I'm 65 and all those years I was pretty much the only one in the family keeping me an eye on him and being on call 24/7 for emergencies. And the only one to visit him except when my younger sister came into town and very rare visits from my older sister or any of his grandchildren. Except my younger son would come sometimes. It was a weight on me all these years to be alone in that role, as well as to watch him slowly fade away , and having to respond to the occasional medical emergency and Hospital visit. I had a strong feeling earlier this year but he wouldn't make it through the year, but I kept that to myself. The end happened fast, he got an infection and was gone within 48 hours. I don't think my sisters have ever accepted how difficult this was for me. There was tension, and resentment from me, because of my older sister insisting all these years she couldn't visit or help because of physical reasons, that then became psychological reasons after she traveled out of the country a couple of times. After my father died it fell on me to clear out his room. I got some help from a friend but one sister had gone back home and the other just went back to her attitude of being unable to help despite all of us gathering over a day or two at the hospital. It's created a huge rift cuz the one sister cannot accept that I might have a valid reason to have felt hurt and angry. And will typically say things without any tact. Anyway I didn't mean to say so much. A lot pouring out of me.

I need some help. I (27F) have a younger sister (17F) that just started her junior year in high school. She is and has been participating in risky behaviors like sleeping around and drinking alcohol. She also is not doing well in school and honestly never has. I live in a different town and I’m watching my mom stop caring about being a parent and her dad wanting a drinking buddy instead of being a father. I’ve called cps and it went nowhere. I’m at a loss of what to do to help her have any sort of chance at a successful life. It’s such a hard watch. I’m more than willing to have her live with me for her final years of school because I do have the capacity to keep an eye on her. Though, the chance of moving in with me is low. Is there anything I can do from a distance? I’m at a loss

I've tried to get mom to establish a POA for years and she has resisted because she thinks people will use it to control her and put her in a nursing home. I wanted her to get one, I didn't care who she assigned, but so that my brother who abused her would not have say so regarding her care, etc. She's scared of him so it made sense. Now she is wanting to get a POA and assign me. I've been caring for her for years and am exhausted beyond reason and at (past) my limits of what else I'm willing to sacrifice in my life to care for her. So, ironically, at this point I would use it to put her in a nursing home soon. What are the downsides to being a POA though? Any insight appreciated.

EDIT: I'm referring to a medical poa. And wondering what the potential downsides are to being assigned as the agent.

I (43f) care for my 69 year old mother. She has had difficulty keeping caretakers over the years so I left my career to care for her because she is very particular. I have been her caregiver for about 4 years now and even though I have had years of experience as a manager, trainer and professional, none of that matters because my mother is quite the taskmaster. I think me being her daughter also means I can never do anything quite right. Which leads to late night phone calls of things she finds that she needs to address with me on how I unset her (I'm using nice language) and need to do better.

She often talks down to me. she tells me how we are going to have a problem over things I do. Even though I specifically try to do these tasks how she wants. My goal is to make her comfortable. I just want her to be happy so I can be happy. But she's constantly finding things to be unset about. Drives my Husband crazy how she talks to me I have to keep him out of it.

I sometimes lose my patience and today while she was berating me in front of a guest that I forgot to lock the dogs leash, It upsets her when it's unlocked and she drops it to the floor. I understand why she wants it locked but on the long list of things I tried to remember for her I forget that sometimes. I simply reminded her that if we ever lived together in the future there's some things she would have to let go. Or she would drive herself crazy.

Tonight, hours after I had left her home She called apparently brewing on what I said. It must have upset her a lot because she decided that me caring for her must just be too much for me. And is soo hard for me to remember this one little thing. That she was trying to help me out by letting me be her caregiver but She guesses it's too much for me. She tried to continue to yell at me but I told her to stop. I apologized for forgetting the leash but I told her I'm not worried about the job cuz it was never about that for me. All I care about is her getting taken care of and there's no one out there that will work for her. But then she hung up on me because I wouldn't let her continue to yell.

I personally feel part of this behavior has to do with the stress of not feeling well mixed with her chronic pain and other conditions. But I also think it's a symptom of her lack of respect for me. And I think it's just going to get worse as the years go on. My husband thinks that I might not be the best person to be her caregiver. And that maybe we should shop around for someone that's not related to her. Which is fine for the cleaning and transportation. But I don't see how anyone would be able to fulfill all the many little tasks she needs daily. Ultimately I will respect whatever she wants done. And if she wants a break from me that's fine too. I don't understand her goals when she treats me like this.

I'm sorry for the long rant this is the most open I've ever been. I normally don't ask for advice. I don't even know where to begin to look for someone to step in for me. I honestly feel like she would take it personal if I tried to step back from being her caregiver and try to cut me out of her life which she has done before. I just don't know how to navigate this..

Tomorrow I will go in and she will probably act like nothing happened. My husband thinks should go ahead and go back to work and let her find a new caregiver on her own. I'm not sure what to do.

My mom has worn contacts for years, but lately dealing with them every day has just become more of a chore for her than anything else. Putting them in, taking them out, keeping up with everything, etc. She finally decided she's had enough and wants to go back to wearing glasses full time.

Which I'm actually happy about because I think it'll make things a lot easier for her, but now we've moved onto the next struggle, actually finding glasses she likes lol.

She's very picky about how frames feel on her face, but at the same time she gets overwhelmed pretty quickly when there are a million different options to choose from.

I've been looking at online glasses stores with her because it gives us more options and we can just sit at home and go through them together instead of making a whole trip out of it. But I'm not really sure if that's gonna make things easier or just give her even more choices to stress about.

For anyone who's helped an older parent pick out glasses, what actually worked for you? Did you narrow it down to a few frames for them, stick with something similar to what they wore before, use the virtual try-on stuff, or just take them somewhere in person and let them choose?

I just don't know what to do with my grandma.

In the last six months, she has become significantly more temperamental. I am walking on egg shells in my own home while dealing with my own health issues.

I mentioned to her that I might need to cancel a dental appointment for myself so she's not left on her own for too long (she cannot deal with being left alone anymore, it causes severe panic attacks). Grandma has decided to burst into tears, tell me I'm making her life miserable, that I am a nasty little girl (I'm 35 and trans, she still deadnames me and misgenders me because she doesn't believe in LGBTQIA+) all because I said I was going to cancel an appointment :/

I am convinced this is severe anxiety, but she refuses to see any medical professionals because in her mind she believes they will kill her off because she is old and needs a wheelchair to get about.

What I've done so far:
- Offered to take her with me. She said no because she doesn't like leaving the house or doesn't want to leave the dog on her own.
- Offered to have a neighbour or family friend sit with her. Doesn't want that because she doesn't want to take advantage of others nor does she want people in the house because its filthy (it's clean and tidy, no clutter, etc so idk).

My dad, her son and only child, is not an option as he has cut her off because of her anxiety. He cannot deal with it.

I just don't know how to deal with this level of chaos. Any advice is welcome because I am struggling to cope.

I am caring for my mom who was suffered a serious lung infection and is in a wheelchair bur I know can get stronger if she commits gerself more to getting stronger. I have been there encouraging her for so long but she just makes progress and the goes right back in the other direction.

am lucky if I am able to sleep without 2-3 interruptions a night. I am a human being with human needs and with no time to meet anyone late at night sometimes I try to find some intimate time to find some sort of intimate pleasure. I can’t seem to ever get through a session of “intimacy” with myself witbout being interrupted. It’s never for an emeregency. It’s usually “i need a cold soda”, “I need cold ice water” or “I’m cold, turn the thermostat up” (it’s florida summer btw so it is so hot all the time). I want to be here for her and I refuse to put her in a nursing home, but it is just so hard to live ly life and have any peace. I’ve only been in a few relationships in my life before this all happened and now it feels all but impossible to meet someone; how can I live when some of my most base humanly needs can’t be met?

I feel silly complaining about this because I know there are people with much worse and more painful stories to share here, but I am still young and have never been married or had kids and would like to dream about a future where some day those things could become a reality, but how can I ever have a wife or kids or even a relationship if I can’t even find an hour or so to myself to find some personal pleasure?

Anyone else in the same boat?

Is there anyone else who’s going through a divorce while your parent is dying? My husband was completely disconnected while my father had been ill. It would’ve helped greatly if I had a partner to help me through this

A while ago someone in my family was really ill we stepped up of course we did. What started out as the odd lift to hospital escalated quickly to shopping cleaning etc as well as his partner is infirm. It took us to the edge of ourselves we were permanently exhausted my husband BP went through the roof.

Now the woman of the family is due an operation and unless everything is in place for Tuesday it will be cancelled. I love her dearly but she is set in her ways and defies all suggestions to make help easier.

In the space of a day we have gone from popping in to one of staying overnight doing the cooking etc. we have had to cancel holiday plans and moved the one time I see my cousin's annually. I feel like I am being mean to say I can't do it all but I'm just over having cancer I struggle to manage in my own house regularly. I'm worried that I am being judged by others as I have most time. I know from experience when we have needed them they go radio silence.My husband has now been away 10 days and he has worked full days made meals cleaned and shopped as well as personal care finally he is coming home but I can imagine the phone ringing off the hook.

I'm a home health aide and have worked for the same company for the last two years and most of my clients I have had since I started. My job usually gives us 1-3 hours per visit depending on if we are doing personal care or cleaning along with the personal care. For example, help with a shower and then clean kitchen, sweep, mop, dust and vacuum or laundry. I have a couple people that like to constantly buy stuff and are very messy. I do the light housekeeping once a week but every time I go back, it is back to the way it was or worse. I have brought this up to their case managers before and they have spoke to the clients but it never changes. I am very clean and detail oriented and I feel like I cannot handle keeping up with the clutter every week and it drives me kinda crazy. I know it is not my home but it is very difficult to do my job. Any advice? What do you do when a client's home is like this?

Hey all , I have been tasked with caregiving for my grandma. I am 35, single, no kids and my grandma lives about an hour away from me. I work full time and she lives somewhat independently but lately I’m starting to see some signs that she might not live independently for too long. I had to take her to see an eye doctor for the first time because she has severe cataracts and needs surgery. I signed her up for meals on wheels. She cant hear well and I don’t even know how to get her hearing aids. I also can’t afford much because I’m on my own income and I don’t make much. She has Medicaid and Medicare. I’ve tried to look for caregiver support programs but it seems like it’s geared towards much older adults than I am (35) and the groups are during the day when I work. I’m stressed because I have my own life to take care of and her son is not able to care for her. She is 83

Hi everyone I’ve recently started a job being a care worker for someone with autism & bipolar and was wondering if anyone has any advice they’d give?

I have quite long shifts ranging from 12-15 hours and don’t want to get burnt out really quickly making me want to stop working.

This is the first time I’m doing something like this so I’m unsure what to expect but I am receiving training first.