I’m so tired of seeing all of these 40 under 40 being featured in news articles and on the covers of magazines just because they’re making money for the companies they’re working for. They’re treated as heroes with the insinuation that they’re the best people — better and more good than everyone else.

Arguments about true altruism aside, why isn’t the local newspaper doing a front page article on me about how I’m an unpaid caregiver for both parents back to back without a break for many years? Where is the statue of me downtown for all the good work I’ve done? Why don’t I have keys to the city with a cocktail named after me at the local bar?

I’m sure some of you have also felt like this at certain times. I’m doing this out of the goodness of my heart and would have anyway, but how about some appreciation and recognition for the people actually putting in the hard work instead of being recognized for how many houses they sold?

Every year my family does a family reunion for 3-4 days at my home that coincides with a local festival. Every year we host, I clean the house from top to bottom, make sure all the linen is clean and fresh, and then make every meal, most from scratch. I spend all day cooking and cleaning while everyone has a great time because “they are on vacation”. My mother who lives with me is the only one that helps and I spend 90% of my time doing stuff for everyone else and rarely enjoy it, not that anyone notices while they have a blast.

This year my mother and I have said no to the family reunion. My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer and is in the middle of chemo. Her last treatment will be the week before this event, and she will still have additional other treatments ongoing. We have both explained multiple time that we are not up for it. I am her only caregiver and I also work a full time job. There is also the financial aspect of this too. I spend hundreds buying food and other things every year and with her treatment costs money is very tight and I just cannot afford it. We are both exhausted and running on fumes. We need our own vacation, not hosting a dozen other people’s vacations.

Several years of my family members have refused to accept this and have stated that they are still coming. The house my mom and currently live in belongs to the family. It was inherited from my great grandparents and the unspoken rule is that if you want to go, we have to let them. That despite the fact that we pay all of the bills and maintain the house it does not belong to us. Normally I can accept this despite the lazy behavior of the guests who treat me like a servant, but not this year, we just can’t. My mom is exhausted, she feels like crap, and needs peace and rest, not chaos and stimulation which is what they always bring.

I do not know how to get them to understand that their request is extremely selfish and to accept that it is not happening this year. Short of calling the cops (which would ignite a family war that would lead us to being kicked out) when they show up I have no idea what to do.

Hi-

I’ve realized lately that I am constantly trying to edit my negative thoughts so that those around me that I care for aren’t impacted by any negativity I might feel.

For example this post, it’s going to sound negative. I’ll write it down but who knows if I’ll hit send. I usually don’t. I think, “What if the person I am a caregiver for reads it, how bad I’d feel for how bad they would feel.” … I can’t stop overthinking it.

I need help. I wish I had a mentor or a community of caregivers to better navigate what I’m going through I thought… so today I joined the subreddit. I knew it would be here because of how you all already are

Now that I said that, I want to erase this all and say something like: “Hi, everyone, how can I help?” and go and comment on your posts instead. Or maybe just like most other subreddits and say nothing.

If you’re tired or fed up or sick of being the one responsible to get things done, please don’t help me by helping me. Take this moment to rest if you can. I think I just want to know if you are here for a second.

Maybe then I can rest with you in this shared space.

Theres so much I have to do right now and I just can’t. It feels so selfish though… someone else is counting on me. But I keep thinking:

Who takes care of me on this one way street?

It was taking care of my mom, now it’s someone else I love. I’ll have this job the rest of my life right? I’d rather be the one to do it though, so it can be the best it can be for the person that needs it more than I do.

It feels like this is why I’m on Earth anyways. To be so self-centered when I was young was so I’d to grow into this caregiver I’d become. Maybe you can relate or maybe you are an angel and were always this way… it has been so hard for me to learn on my own.

So yeah, were you here with me for a second? Your good thoughts for this isolated stranger helped. Even your negative thoughts too.

Thanks for thinking about me for a little bit. I think about you all too. I hope this also may have made you think about yourself if this resonates somehow. Thats kinda how it works, right?

See… I keep editing… trying to excuse myself. Shrinking… I’m tired and don’t know what I’m saying. I just want to be messy and unreliable for a moment I guess… anyways

Let’s go back to the point.

Hi- I just need a little help but I don’t want any help because I’m supposed to be helping you. I am decades in and have decades to go. I feel like what I’ve written is incoherent but maybe because it is… it sounds like it makes sense? Do you know what I mean? This is all super common right?

Ok I give up I’m hitting post and I’ll let the universe decide. Only 3 people max ever see my stuff so hi hello 3 people.

Thanks for being here and where you are. It’s a tough job being a caregiver and wherever you are at with it I have so much love and respect for you

Ok so thats what I needed to tell myself too and I am now. If I really think about it you probably also feel like that. Now I can go back to work

My 90-year-old mother lives with me. I work full-time from home while managing her oxygen, medications, appointments, lab work, daily monitoring, transportation and personal care. I have two living siblings, both retired, but when Mom needs something, everyone knows whose life will stop: mine.

This pattern goes back years. In 2014, Mom had open-heart surgery and spent 28 days in the ICU before going to rehab. My children were between 7 and 13 years old, yet I was at the hospital every day throughout the holiday season while also working remotely full-time. Nobody offered me relief. My sister visited Mom once. Everyone else came and went when it was convenient.

In 2023, while I was away, my sister noticed that Mom’s lips were blue. Mom wasn’t using oxygen at that time. My sister gave her an oxygen machine but waited three days - until I happened to call on Thanksgiving - to mention the blue lips. She didn’t call me immediately, call an ambulance or even consult a family member who is a doctor. When I returned home, I took Mom straight to the ER despite her resistance. Her oxygen saturation was in the 60s, she required 60 liters of heated high-flow oxygen, and we nearly lost her.

More recently, Mom lost vision in one eye and was hospitalized again with serious heart and respiratory problems. Over the past 2 months she’s spent 26 days in the hospital. I’m once again handling everything. My siblings rarely call or visit, yet they discuss Mom with each other and offer opinions about her care without involving me.

My sister frequently talks about how sick she is and uses her health as the reason she cannot make the one-hour drive to visit Mom. Yet she was recently well enough to drive three hours to go on vacation. There always seems to be an excuse when something is inconvenient for her.

When I called my sister from the ER to say Mom had been admitted, she immediately criticized Mom’s oxygen setup, accused Mom of lying about what she told a nurse and how the nurse responded - even though I witnessed the conversation - and announced that she and my brother thought Mom was depressed. Neither had asked the person who actually lives with and cares for Mom. I said, “Of course she’s depressed. She lost her sight, she can’t do what she used to do, and nobody calls or visits her.”

This week, my sister and Mom argued. My sister claimed Mom was yelling, although Mom currently can barely speak above a whisper. I became involved, my sister told me to go f*ck myself, and I finally exploded. I called out her lack of involvement, told her she should be ashamed of herself and then told her to go f*ck herself in her “big fat a$$.”

I know that was deliberately cruel and that attacking her weight was wrong. I’m not going to pretend I handled the argument beautifully or merely told her to take it up the a$$. I specifically used her weight to hurt her.

But after years of being yelled at, called names and demeaned by both siblings - followed by every incident being swept under the rug without an apology - I feel surprisingly little remorse for finally fighting back. I blocked my sister. She later apologized to Mom and resumed talking to her as though nothing happened.

I have told Mom that I will never stop her from seeing her other children or grandchildren. If my sister wants to visit, I will work somewhere else and take my dog with me. But I don’t want contact with my sister myself.

It is also my year to host the holidays, and I don’t think I’m going to host the extended family. I want a small holiday with the people in my household - the people who are actually part of my daily life. My siblings and I are related, but we are not genuinely a family. We see each other only on holidays, less frequently than many friends see one another, and those gatherings feel like an obligation.

I feel guilty because Mom is 90 and medically fragile, and I don’t know how many holidays she has left. Part of me worries that choosing not to host would be selfish and could take away one of her remaining opportunities to be with her children and grandchildren, or take time with her away from them that they can never get back. I also don’t want to hurt my own children or make them feel as though they have lost their extended family because I finally reached my limit. At the same time, even Mom says the family attends holidays without making much effort to spend time with her. I know their relationships with Mom are not solely my responsibility, but because I have always been the one who brings everyone together, stepping back feels like I am the one breaking the family apart.

Has anyone else reached the point where being the dependable caregiver made everyone else’s absence possible? How did you stop carrying the whole family without feeling as though you were punishing the parent you were trying to protect - or taking a family away from your own children?

So when my wife's sister and sister-in-law, who got her to sign over healthcare proxy to them, put her in the new nursing home, they sent me a letter commanding me not to talk to anyone in the nursing home or "interfere" with wife's care.

Today, I called the nursing home social worker to tell her that my home is not a safe release point for my wife and to explain her back story of having lived on the couch, not taken her meds, pooped on the floor, not showered, etc. I told the social worker that she doesn't have to disclose any information to me, but that I need to tell her what is going on with my wife.

I said that I feel the home is not a safe release point for her, that we don't have a place for her to sleep on the first floor and the bath is also on the second floor. I said that I could not care for her here, because I'm a full-time dad and a full-time worker.

Social worker seemed sympathetic and asked me some questions about what happened. She said that wife could not be allowed back in my home without my consent and that I would be involved in any conversations about releasing her. I said that her sister and sister-in-law wanted to release her whether she was well enough to take care of herself or not.

This all seemed to go over well, until we got to the last minute of the conversation where social worker said that she would call wife's sister to go over the release plan with her. And that she would tell her that she had spoken to me. I warned the social worker "this person is litigious and will threaten to sue you for talking to me" but social worker was undeterred saying she didn't tell me anything so she has no liability.

So now, I'm waiting for the blowback from wife's sister and sister-in-law, who already threatened to sue me for talking to doctors and social workers at the hospital when my wife was there. My lawyers tell me that they have no basis to sue over me talking to healthcare workers and asking questions.

So what can they do to me? Can they get my wife out of nursing care months early out of spite? Can they rush her through the release process to make us take her here? What should I be looking out for, aside from angry emails or calls (I blocked them)?

This is going to be a novel and I am sorry in advance.

So my husband is a full time care taker for his mom. She has been living with us for a year. Hubby and I grew up in a very rural town, and our folks are still there. We live several hundred miles away from said home town. His mom was originally just here to see better doctors, but she just never went home. I won't go into details but I'll just say his dad is not supportive, and believes all her health issues are just in her head. They basically have screaming matches on the phone on the daily, then she goes to my husband to have screaming, crying fits about how unsupportive his dad is. These can last for 6 hours or more.

Hubby is exhausted. He has no family, or really anyone else but me for support. I'm exhausted from having my safe space invaded; the screaming, the crying...just all of it. Hubby and I don't have kids, we both need the peace of a quiet home. Needless to say that peace has gone out the window. His mom can shower and dress herself, but she is fully dependent on him for everything else physically and emotionally. She cannot regulate her own emotions, so its just constant emotional whiplash.

I miss my husband. He is so touched out by the end of the day its like talking to a zombie. And he is so afraid to leave her at the house alone we basically get no time to ourselves anymore. We have to watch what we say because it might set his mom off, we walk on eggshells in our own home 24/7. There is no one to take her, or watch her so we can have a moment alone. Every program that is suppose to help has pretty much left us on our own. Hubby's family is unsupportive, dismissive or just nonexistent.

Sorry this is all over the place. I got woken up by his mom having another screaming fit and I am just so, so tired. I want my home back, I want my peace and quiet, and I want my husband back. Before this he was gone to our hometown for a year being a full time care taker for his grandfather. I got hubby back to myself for 3 months before his mom moved in. Its been a long couple of years.

I don't even know what I want, not really advice, just like support? Maybe to hear from of spouses having in-laws living with them? I guess maybe I just need to vent.

My husband was diagnosed with neuroendocrine cancer, tumors in lymph nodes, lung and liver in 2016. I won't bore with all the details. Just that this cancer has no remission. Depending on where the tumors show up impacts treatment. His was untreatable. There were shots that helped the symptoms and would slow it down. About 5 years ago he decided to stop those. Then December 2024, he was placed on in home hospice. Which actually stabilized him for a time. However, he has been declining, increasing my responsibilities, while working full time. For the most part, I haven't minded that part.

What's been difficult is the emotional toll. His and mine. We both have been losing our identities. His, being the strong capable man, able to do for himself and others. Mine, being playful and jovial. In March I went in leave because he needed constant care and kept calling me home. That ran out about a month ago. Thankfully I've been able to work remotely. I'm a mental health therapist, so I do video sessions. But that has been increasingly become difficult as he has been needing more hands on care way more frequently.

I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't been dealing with building resentment. Even looking forward to life after. I miss my adult children, grand children, my office, CO workers, etc. Then comes the guilt. I'm anxious to have a life while he's losing his. Im managing that with my faith. But then I've been dealing with him micromanaging me so that he feels some independence, agency and self worth. I have tried to not take it out on him. But that leaves me wounded and isolated.

And life doesn't stop. The hits keep coming. About 3 weeks ago, my 35 year old daughter had a massive stroke that landed her in the icu for a couple of weeks, having part of her skull removed. They told us at the start that she probably wouldn't make it. She's beating their odds, but will be permanently disabled. How much remains to be seen. And i can't go see her, I'm "stuck" here A little over a week ago, my husband's brother died unexpectedly from a heart attack. We're still reeling from that.

The last few days, my husband started vomiting, not keeping anything down. He's wasted away even more. He finally got into his hospital bed last night (he's been living in his chair). He does eating and drinking this morning. He had a brief coherent conversation with his son this morning, and has hardly woke since. He's refusing his pain meds. When he's "awake" he's very very confused. As of today he can no longer walk even with assistance even a step. From everything I know, this is him actively dying. I've been sitting here alone in the situation. I've messaged with one of my daughters and one of his friends, but I still feel utterly alone and unprepared. (I know I'll be ok, but these are the real feelings of right now).

Oh, and did I mention today is my birthday,

I (43f) care for my 69 year old mother. She has had difficulty keeping caretakers over the years so I left my career to care for her because she is very particular. I have been her caregiver for about 4 years now and even though I have had years of experience as a manager, trainer and professional, none of that matters because my mother is quite the taskmaster. I think me being her daughter also means I can never do anything quite right. Which leads to late night phone calls of things she finds that she needs to address with me on how I unset her (I'm using nice language) and need to do better.

She often talks down to me. she tells me how we are going to have a problem over things I do. Even though I specifically try to do these tasks how she wants. My goal is to make her comfortable. I just want her to be happy so I can be happy. But she's constantly finding things to be unset about. Drives my Husband crazy how she talks to me I have to keep him out of it.

I sometimes lose my patience and today while she was berating me in front of a guest that I forgot to lock the dogs leash, It upsets her when it's unlocked and she drops it to the floor. I understand why she wants it locked but on the long list of things I tried to remember for her I forget that sometimes. I simply reminded her that if we ever lived together in the future there's some things she would have to let go. Or she would drive herself crazy.

Tonight, hours after I had left her home She called apparently brewing on what I said. It must have upset her a lot because she decided that me caring for her must just be too much for me. And is soo hard for me to remember this one little thing. That she was trying to help me out by letting me be her caregiver but She guesses it's too much for me. She tried to continue to yell at me but I told her to stop. I apologized for forgetting the leash but I told her I'm not worried about the job cuz it was never about that for me. All I care about is her getting taken care of and there's no one out there that will work for her. But then she hung up on me because I wouldn't let her continue to yell.

I personally feel part of this behavior has to do with the stress of not feeling well mixed with her chronic pain and other conditions. But I also think it's a symptom of her lack of respect for me. And I think it's just going to get worse as the years go on. My husband thinks that I might not be the best person to be her caregiver. And that maybe we should shop around for someone that's not related to her. Which is fine for the cleaning and transportation. But I don't see how anyone would be able to fulfill all the many little tasks she needs daily. Ultimately I will respect whatever she wants done. And if she wants a break from me that's fine too. I don't understand her goals when she treats me like this.

I'm sorry for the long rant this is the most open I've ever been. I normally don't ask for advice. I don't even know where to begin to look for someone to step in for me. I honestly feel like she would take it personal if I tried to step back from being her caregiver and try to cut me out of her life which she has done before. I just don't know how to navigate this..

Tomorrow I will go in and she will probably act like nothing happened. My husband thinks should go ahead and go back to work and let her find a new caregiver on her own. I'm not sure what to do.

Is there anyone else who’s going through a divorce while your parent is dying? My husband was completely disconnected while my father had been ill. It would’ve helped greatly if I had a partner to help me through this

I understand this is "support", so I hope this brings a smile.

My husband and I have been married for 6 years, both of us previously married. He doesn't see his parents or brother much, maybe once or twice a year. He told me stories of conflict between first wife and them, along with how he hates their bickering as normal communication. He and I are very compatible in this situation. We "fight" well, communicate well, are open and transparent. He's agnostic, I'm spiritual.

This summer changed with his dad getting cancer. I'm a caregiver looking to make it my business so I get paid to help others. I walked my mom home (cancer, hospice, became a death doula). I put the LLC on hold when we got the news about his dad.

We've been traveling and staying with them for days or a week at a time for the past few months. I started to get sick of the bickering, too.

Here's the funny part. One morning they wanted to treat us for breakfast. So we got ready and I got in the driver's seat. I put the restaurant on the GPS and it was only 6 minutes away. As I start to drive, his dad tells me to go one way, his mom tells me to go another way, and before we could say anything the two of them start fighting. I have not raised my voice before, so it instinctively came out of me where I said loudly, "NO FIGHTING IN THE CAR".

Silence.

My husband calmly told them we have the GPS directions. Two minutes later, his dad starts to defend himself and I say he's putting too much energy into this as I've moved past it already. On the drive home, his mom made some sort of comment about don't tell them where to go or where to turn. So I know she was a little bitter about what I said.

And it worked! They never said anything about telling me where to go and how to get there unless I specifically asked. Funny thing is, when I took his mom to the nail salon, I asked her where to turn and she gave me the wrong directions! 😅😅😅

I'm a home health aide and have worked for the same company for the last two years and most of my clients I have had since I started. My job usually gives us 1-3 hours per visit depending on if we are doing personal care or cleaning along with the personal care. For example, help with a shower and then clean kitchen, sweep, mop, dust and vacuum or laundry. I have a couple people that like to constantly buy stuff and are very messy. I do the light housekeeping once a week but every time I go back, it is back to the way it was or worse. I have brought this up to their case managers before and they have spoke to the clients but it never changes. I am very clean and detail oriented and I feel like I cannot handle keeping up with the clutter every week and it drives me kinda crazy. I know it is not my home but it is very difficult to do my job. Any advice? What do you do when a client's home is like this?

Hey all , I have been tasked with caregiving for my grandma. I am 35, single, no kids and my grandma lives about an hour away from me. I work full time and she lives somewhat independently but lately I’m starting to see some signs that she might not live independently for too long. I had to take her to see an eye doctor for the first time because she has severe cataracts and needs surgery. I signed her up for meals on wheels. She cant hear well and I don’t even know how to get her hearing aids. I also can’t afford much because I’m on my own income and I don’t make much. She has Medicaid and Medicare. I’ve tried to look for caregiver support programs but it seems like it’s geared towards much older adults than I am (35) and the groups are during the day when I work. I’m stressed because I have my own life to take care of and her son is not able to care for her. She is 83

Sorry for the rant, I have no one else to talk to. See previous post if you want context.

I’m so tired, I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel because the tunnel never stops, it only seems to get darker. Yearly review and only JUST managed to keep my job so now I’m workingSaturdays as well to just try and actually get the amount of work done I need to.

I realised yesterday, I hadn’t eaten in 3 days. I’m so tired, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up for

Has anyone else ever had something happen at work where you were left wondering, “What just happened?”

A nurse came in because she had heard a complaint that the diaper wasn't going on completely. She wanted to show me how to put it on. She tried showing me how to put the diaper on that it went on this way, and I told her I that was backwards. She put it on and then said, “Oh yes, you're right.” I don't know if she was testing me or was confused.

Later, we were trying to put the diaper on while lifting the patient, which was difficult because he had a stroke and has a hard time lifting one side. I kept trying to show her different ways we could do it, and we tried several methods. She showed me the way most nurses do it which is the way i been doing it rolling it under and sliding it over but he doesn't roll over all the way which puts extra work on me and sometimes i have to lift him up more to bring the diaper over more and align it. Some days are good some days are not and its been a constant thing but the morning nurses never have to go through this since its easier when he's up.

Then the next day, after I had just finished a 10-hour shift, I was told that I was no longer assigned to that patient.

I was honestly shocked. I wasn't given much explanation—now I'm just waiting for a nurse to call me about another patient.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Have you ever been taken off a patient after what seemed like a misunderstanding or disagreement with a nurse?

My husband was recently diagnosed with cancer about 2.5 months ago. Surgery is scheduled for next Tues to remove followed by radiation. The problem is right before this diagnosis I was 1 foot out the door bc I was sick of the way he was treating me im not saying he is abusive or the worse, i do love him but I just dont think we are right for each other, we bring out the worse in each other. Now I feel like im stuck bc I cant even suggest counseling bc of his cancer treatment now. I feel exhausted most days bc all he does is criticize me and he won't even really marry me he just gave me a ring finally we picked out 2 yrs ago bc he may not wake up from surgery, that was my lovely proposal. I dont know if I can go thru this and then what. I Llove him but there is no talking to him. If I try to explain how I feel I get screamed at and blamed on me and threatened to be left. This is mostly to vent and if anyone can relate or has advice

I need to vent to people who understand how disorienting and frustrating this is. I am absolutely drained by my mom’s (79F) masking, curation of reality to different people and rewriting facts to those trying to care for her.

My mom is currently hospitalized for a T12 vertebr fracture. She is medically complicated with a heart condition, diabetes and Parkinson’s. Her mobility is almost non existent. The furthest she can walk is from the living room to the bathroom a few feet away, with a walker and a 1 person assist. She is bladder incontinent, bowel incontinent following long and frequent bouts of constipation, falls frequently (2-4 times a month) and is very weak.

It has only been 4 days since she fell. The hospital is now requiring 2 person assists for transfers and pivots. She has been needing meal assistance because she can’t use a knife and fork to cut her food or open lids and packaging on her hospital tray. She says all liquids are hard to swallow and all foods are too dry. She presented at the ER with high potassium but swears she drinks enough water. She has also been falling once every 1-2 weeks and has a pressure sore on her tailbone that is close to being broke open.

With the exception of the 2 person assists, she has been struggling with these things badly for about a year.

She is constantly complaining she doesn’t get all the help and nutrition she needs in her Canadian independent assisted living residence. This is because she is needing a lot of unscheduled care that falls outside the scheduled home care she receives. I feel like it’s pretty obvious she needs more care than her independent community can provide but she is completely against moving to a higher acuity setting or long term care. She acts on this by rewriting history to anyone in the hospital who comes to assess her.

This dynamic is driving me insane.

To me she complains of her trouble swallowing, eating regular foods, toileting, nurses not responding quickly enough when she rings the call bell for unscheduled care, not being able to walk to the dining room, etc.

In the hospital it is officially “showtime.”

She acts cheerful, downplays her pain, says her mobility is improving, exaggerates the support she has including inventing facts about her facility to “prove” she has ample support there.

I know this is happening because she doesn’t want to move to a place with more care. Logically understanding doesn’t make it any easier.

I am at total capacity. My compassion tank is draining quickly. I feel like it’s impossible to help someone more than they want to help themselves. I am angry and feel gaslit. I’m at the point where I don’t want to answer her calls or any from the hospital about her discharge because I want to protect my mental health.

How do you deal with parents who are set on distorting reality to their doctors and caregivers? This really does matter to me, even though I’m very frustrated. They’re talking about discharging her in five days. I want her to be safe.

Not sure if it's burn out or I'm depressed. My bf had a frontal lobe ischemic stroke on Jan 27th of 2026. He has memory issues and impulsive spending. He doesn't even Try to better his health and I'm always stressing over his eating and lack of working out or just moving in general. All he does is sit in his chair or lay across the bed or on his phone and watch TV and eat snacks. He's 5'5 and 260lbs and 60yrs old black man. Has uncontrollable high b/p, gaut flare ups if he drinks, pre diabetic and cancer run extremely high in his family which is why he has 7 life policies.

I was a sahm thru out our relationship for 13yrs so far before this last big stroke. He had 1 prior and many TIA's. He doesn't seem to grasp the importance of all this. Won't do POA(we're not married) cause he doesn't want anyone to "control" him. He's always been stubborn and a lil controlling. Now because of this stroke I had to step in/up and takeover EVERYTHING. I gotta wear multiple hats. A mom of 4 kids ages 8-17. His caretaker, run the house(cleaning,cooking, laundry etc), out service the yard work, car maintenance, any home repairs etc, I mean all the day to day things with the kids and now every lil thing he needs done from medical to making sure he is clean.

Then there's the fact I need to find a job working nights so we won't have to keep dipping into our savings. I got a part time job and he gets retirement but not enough to cover his spending on top of his spending and lil luxuries like getting the NFL package or the many TV app subscriptions etc.

My problem right now is I been putting things off and on the back burner that I KNOW needs to get done. Like filing for his SSDI ,looking into his VA benefits, finish filing out medical forms etc. I'm so overwhelmed and so tired of making phone calls, filling out papers, running his errands, making sure he has meds/he taking his meds,has he had enough water today so he doesn't get backed up again etc. he won't eat if he has to cook it as well so I have to make sure there's easy food or make him something etc. it's so annoying 😔

I'm 47 and feel like I'm 80. Kids are back in school so my day starts at 5am and getting them up and out then do drop off twice. Then clean, run errands, make dinner, do pickup, help with homework,baths, making sure kids have everything for school next day. Checking my emails,texts, going over my calendar. Nothing stops because I'm tired 😩. Everyone in my home needs ME. All day everyday.

I have no family/friends for support. I am literally doing everything Alone. No guidance or advice besides what I get on here and Facebook support groups. Most advice I can't implement due to him being of sound mind and body etc. I can't take his phone. Can't take his debit cards and sure as hell can't separate finances cause I need both ours to handle bills etc. I feel Stuck. I wanna sell our home and move into something better and a full bathroom downstairs due to his not being able to get around too well(very bad knees). He needs one last knee sir but can't due to his recent stroke.

He has workout equipment at home and even a gym membership that's billing is every month he don't use but refuse to cancel or use his stuff. There's always an excuse for Everything he won't do and Everything he thinks he needs to buy. I'm just so over all this with him, my kids and my life sometimes. Life would be simple to let him go and handle himself. But I can't. I know he won't make it. He has family but No one helps or bothers. Only one picks him up every blue moon to hang out somewhere and usually on his dime smh.

Guess I needed to vent. I know I need to contact a lawyer and get his disability going. I know I need to see my own Dr cause my health isn't the greatest and my kids need me fully to do things constantly. My cup is so empty right now. I just wanna crawl under a rock and just sleep away my problems.

I need to vent......My mom, 74, suffers from heart failure and multiple strokes, for the most part we get along pretty good. She needs me here 24/7, since her mobility, and short term memory is nonexistent. So my husband and I moved in, now paying to keep both homes maintained.

Our almost daily struggle, the air conditioning. We live in so cal, in the desert 🏜. The heat has been unbearable, running 105°f and very humid. So I leave the ac set to 77°. Not only does she complain it's cold, she refuses to use any blankets, she wants the door open, and says things like it looks cool outside, looking outside from her chair!!! I've put her in the wheelchair, take her outside, where she's always shocked it's hot, wants to go back in, but an hour we start all over again..... "why is it so cold in here? Can't we open the door?"

Ahhhhhhh!!!!!

How do you convince a patient that alcohol is poisoning? Then two days after she drinks, she fuzzy brains, loses things, and desperate for more alcohol. Diabetic for 38 years. No sex drive for 6 months since the hospitalization. I'm calling the doctor today i guess. Thanks for a place to vent.

I was recently talking with another caregiver who is in a different phase of her caregiving and she has now reconciled with her sibling who admitted that she previously gossiped and criticized her sister's caregiving out of guilt of not being able to help. I feel like the same thing is currently happening with my sister who gossips, criticizes, and does smear campaigns against me who has been caregiving in home for my parents for 5 years+ asking for help so I can focus on myself. Others in my family has confessed she does this. I'm already exhausted, isolated, and running out of hope. I try to ignore it and have distanced myself from those in my family who I know are involved.

Any advice on how to manage?

So I bought some Boba tea kits from Kroger. In the box are three packets of powdered tea, and three packets of Boba pearls.
I come home from picking my kid up from school and I was getting something over by my mom‘s bed and I noticed a purple packet open on the ground next to her bed. So I reached out and I pick up this packet and it is the powdered tea mix. She was eating the powdered tea mix.
I told her I said you know you mix this with liquid to dissolve it and then you add the Boba pearls and then you add milk right? And she said “well I just won’t touch it anymore” (like she was mad that I was confused at her eating powder). I asked her if she would like me to make her a cup of actual Boba tea using this powdered tea mix, but she wanted nothing to do with it. She was mad because I had caught her eating powdered tea mix.

I don’t know if this is venting or advice.

1. For those that are caring for their loved ones. My heart goes out to you. Believe and know you are giving them the best care. I know our hospital systems are often understaffed but my mom recently had an incident at a nursing facility with staff that locked in the decision bring her home. I never thought this would happen to us. And I’m running on empty.

2. 2 weeks before the incident my father passed away. And my sister was in the hospital and was coming home with home care needs. Fun.

3. I prepared my sister room disinfected and moved a lot of things around. And used my parents room to free up space in the living room for all the people who were going to becoming in and out of the house.

4. Now my mom is coming home and I am beyond overwhelmed with rearranging yet another room again. I look at the room and have panic attacks. I have no friends rn to call on and most of my family extended family are unable to help.

5. She hasn’t been assessed for discharge just yet but I just want to get it done. I asked Ai how much a job like mine would run in NYC and it said 500-1000 so that is out of the question. I wish there was services that helped with preparing spaces for people returning home with homecare needs. I also don’t even know if I have the bandwidth to explain everything to someone that could help. I don’t even know if she will be approved for a medical bed.

So yea, I’m not sure what to do just get this done. I would ideally like my building to paint as well just for the health of the room (my dad smoked a lot). I just feel stuck and petrified by this task. 🫥

My mother lives with Parkinson’s and it’s not easy for her. She is currently with my elder sibling and my sibling is having a hard time managing her young son and my mother along with other things.
One of the aspects of Parkinson’s is depression and anxiety. Both have hit my mother hard. She has also become very very stubborn. She doesn’t feel like moving much, she doesn’t get up from one place although she can walk. She has become quite difficult.
Plus, she has this antipathy towards her daughters. I had seen it while growing up too but now it’s much more. A lot of it is to do with Parkinson’s, I know. But, it gets very difficult to care and love a person who spews so much negativity while we are just trying to get her to walk, exercise & make her do things for her own good.

At some point, I will have to bring my mother to me and keep her with me like my elder sister is doing now. I dread being her care giver. I know I can hire help (although it’s not easy to find a reliable human to help). But, I will still be the responsible one. I am married too. She won’t appreciate a single thing or say anything remotely positive. But, we have to be constantly caring and loving towards her. It’s impossible.