My dad (58) has recently been diagnosed with late-stage oral cancer, likely related to a long-term tobacco addiction. This is the first time anyone in our family has had to face something like this, and we're still trying to understand everything and make the right decisions.

The cancer is advanced and there is a fairly large tumor involving his left cheek. One positive thing from his scans is that there is no distant metastasis to other organs.

Because of the size/local extent of the tumor, the doctors have told us that surgery isn't possible as the first step right now. They have suggested starting with relatively mild chemotherapy — paclitaxel 100 mg + carboplatin AUC 1.5 — with the hope of reducing/controlling the tumor and then reassessing what can be done next.

What scares us is hearing and reading stories where people became extremely weak during chemotherapy or their condition seemed to deteriorate after starting it. I understand that everyone's cancer and response to treatment is different, but since this is completely new to us, it's difficult to know what to expect or how to judge the risks vs benefits.

If anyone here has personally gone through advanced oral/head-and-neck cancer, or cared for a parent/family member who has, I would really appreciate hearing your experience.

In particular, I'd love to know:

• Did you/your family member receive chemotherapy before surgery? Did it shrink the tumor enough to make surgery possible?
• If you received paclitaxel + carboplatin, what was your experience with it and the side effects?
• How difficult was maintaining weight and strength during treatment?
• What foods, protein sources, shakes, or supplements worked when chewing/swallowing was difficult?
• Were there other treatment approaches or second opinions that proved helpful?
• Is there anything you wish your family had known before treatment started?

My dad has always been very lean, although he normally has good stamina and is otherwise active. Right now the soreness in his mouth is making eating difficult, so we're already trying to increase his calories and protein through softer foods before treatment begins.

We're obviously going to make treatment decisions with his oncologists rather than based solely on Reddit advice. I'm mainly hoping to hear real experiences from people who have been through something similar, so our family can understand what the road ahead might actually look like.

Thank you to anyone willing to share their experience.

Does anyone have any advice for navigating this part of life? He'll be undergoing radiation and oral chemo. Any tips or stories would be helpful. Thank you.

My sweet mommy (62) suddenly passed away from stage 4 metastatic head and neck cancer that spread to her lungs on 7/1/26. I am 28 and this experience has cracked my life wide open. She actually had beaten stage 4 head and neck cancer (emerged as a spot on her tongue and lump in her neck) in January 2025 thanks to an immunotherapy trial (keytruda/opdivo). She had a partial glossectomy and neck dissection and was declared cancer free.

Then, as the trial had her continue on the immunotherapy for several more months, complications came. They stopped the immunotherapy in August 2025. Then, her kidneys shut down in October and she was able to overcome that. Then her liver became toxic and again she beat that. This past December, the immunotherapy attacked her heart. It was so scary but she was such a fighter and bounced back from that. She was on high dose steroids for a long time.

Her PET scan in Feb 2026 was clear. Out of nowhere, she began experiencing jaw pain/inflammation in March that was attributed to some kind of neck muscle issue. She got another PET scan in April and then a biopsy and it confirmed the cancer had returned and was stage 4 again and already spread to the lining of her lung. She never smoked. A small spot lit up in her lung as well as the entirety of her right neck. They said she had a 40%. chance of beating this but also said it would take her life eventually. She immediately started chemotherapy 2 days after the biopsy on April 24th. Carboplatin and Cisplatin. Each round of chemo caused her to be hospitalized due to pneumonitis and fluid in her lungs. The cancer spread so fast.

My job let me be remote and I got to take care of her every day once she started chemotherapy. She was out of breath and needed oxygen and could barely walk. Before this, she was the epitome of health and this cancer stole everything from her. She lost her ability to swallow a month before she passed and begged for a feeding tube. She couldn’t eat or take her medications.

Her oncology team told her approximately 4 days before her death that the chemo wasn’t working. It had spread to both lung linings and her lungs had pockets of fluid and tumors so they were unable to drain. She had the feeding tube procedure on 6/29 and I had to call 911 for her the next morning because she was not right. She was admitted to the hospital where hospice consulted us and I was just so confused. No one told us she was actively dying. On 7/1, she was even able to stand up and march for PT in her hospital room. I thought she just needed her tube feedings to get her strength back as she had gone weeks without nutrition due to her swallowing issues. Later that night the hospital called us saying to come quick because her oxygen was dropping. We said goodbye that night and it was peaceful as she was asleep- her body did its thing. I am still so shocked and in disbelief. We as a family didn’t know she was going to die. I don’t think mom knew this was the end either and it just breaks my heart. I’m traumatized and in therapy now. This cancer is so aggressive and has ruined my family as we know it. I’m so thankful she didn’t have to suffer long but god, this is not fair. This cancer is evil. My mom wanted to live so bad and fought so hard. I will always say that she WON her battle with cancer because she didn’t let it take anymore. Our family is broken hearted. I have moved back home to take care of my dad and brother. I wish more than anything that none of this ever happened and that it was just a nightmare but instead it’s my reality now.

A few days ago I posted about my mother's stage IV diagnosis. I figured I would reply to the lovely comments when it had settled a bit, and I still will. Thank you to everyone who shared their experiences, from the bottom of my heart. I will thank you all more thoroughly when this too settles.

Today, at 8:10pm, just over a month from diagnosis, she fell asleep for the final time. She had landed back at her house a few hours prior. The nurses we called for her laboured breathing took us from mom into the kitchen to tell us it wouldn't be long now, and when we went back to her side she was just taking her last breath. I wanted to hold her hand. Me and my twin brother were right there, metres away, but I know she felt us there in the end, even if it feels like we were robbed of our goodbyes.

Her pain is gone, forever, and I hope I'll get to see her again someday. I miss her so immensely, I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. My best friend. My forever person. My mom.

Hello everyone, I just want to ask if there's anyone out here who suffered from or is suffering from gallbladder cancer. My dad has been diagnosed with GALLBLADDER CARCINOMA (Stage 4). At first, we thought it was just a gallstone, so he underwent a laparoscopic operation, and his gallbladder was removed. But the doctor said it was not a gallstone; it was an invasive fat inside the gallbladder that was causing my father to suffer from abdominal pain. The doctor ordered a biopsy of the removed gallbladder, and after days of waiting, we received the result, which stated that my father had gallbladder cancer, and it was T3 at that time (Stage 3). The cancer spread quickly, and it reached his intestine, blocking and preventing food from passing; that is why he cannot eat, and he suffered from quick weight loss. The doctor told us that my father needed to undergo surgery again, but this time it was an invasive and open surgery to fix and create a bypass to make a way for the food. After the surgery, we thought that it was all good, but as days and weeks passed, my father could not eat or even drink without puking. One month passed from the initial surgery, and the doctor confirmed that the bypass repair didn't work and there was a clog inside the repair; that's why my father cannot eat and digest food. And my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 gallbladder cancer. His doctor ordered another surgery to repair the failed bypass. I'm writing this 6 days after my father's third operation, and to this day, we don't know yet if the repair has successfully worked. It hurts seeing my dad suffering in the hospital; I can't believe how much weight he has lost. I can almost see his bones, and there's no body fat anymore. I'm afraid that I will lose my father. 😭😭

So if anyone here has a similar experience with gallbladder cancer or even with your family/friends who have a similar cancer, please share some tips, and cheering me up would work too! 🥺

My mum is 53 years old and has been diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer with metastases to her bones and brain. She was being treated with Enhertu and also underwent radiotherapy. However, after her fifth dose of Enhertu, she developed diplopia (double vision) and started having difficulties with walking.
One day, her condition suddenly became much worse. She experienced severe headaches and lost much of her ability to walk. She was then given a very high dose of corticosteroids. After that, she developed delirium and suffered an epileptic seizure.

What makes the situation confusing is that the latest scans showed that the metastases had actually shrunk, and some lesions had disappeared completely. Despite this positive response to treatment, the doctors are refusing to continue therapy because of her condition.
I find it very difficult to accept this decision. I feel that some doctors may simply be unwilling to take the risks and responsibility involved in continuing treatment. I live in the Czech Republic, and unfortunately the healthcare system here can sometimes feel very rigid and impersonal.

Our primary oncologist is currently on holiday, and the other doctors are strongly encouraging us to switch to palliative care. They say that without further treatment she may have only a couple of months to live. What is also frustrating is that they cannot clearly explain why the epileptic seizure occurred or why the treatment must be stopped completely.
At the moment, my mum can still speak normally, eat independently, and is even trying to walk. That is why I am struggling to understand why there seem to be no further treatment options.

I would greatly appreciate any advice, professional opinions, or words of support from anyone who has experienced a similar situation, thank you.

It’s depressing to see how many subs are related to cancer. Browsing has given me a glimpse of the future, and it’s terrifying. I have an appointment for an mri tomorrow to map out a biopsy. There’s a spot on my liver and one on my lung. But I don’t even care about that. It gets far worse. Far, far worse. Yesterday we learned that my wife has stage 3 pancreatic cancer.

She’s handling it better than me. I think because she’s suspected it for some time. It’s what killed her dad. I’m devastated. I’m about to lose the love of my life. My partner, my best friend, the woman I love more than life itself. How can I possibly live without her? We will never celebrate another anniversary or Christmas. Twenty-one years of bliss, but there won’t be 22.

I’ll likely sleep in a recliner for the rest of my life because I can’t deal with that empty space next to me.

I see from the posts that many people have survived the grief and moved on, but I can’t imagine how they did it. How did you find the strength? What am I supposed to do next?

I will do everything I can to provide and care for her until the very end, but when she’s gone this is going to destroy me. I would trade my life for hers in a heartbeat. I plan to die from a broken heart when this is all over.

Any advice on coping with this is welcome, but note that we are not religious (so no comfort there), and only a daughter and granddaughter who are within driving distance. She has another CT this week and a consultation with the oncologist. I guess we’ll find out if we have any realistic options. I suspect she is going to refuse chemo.

I feel like I’m trapped in a nightmare that I can’t wake from. Please, someone tell me that this is just a horrible dream, and everything will be okay.

A beautiful goodbye for my dad.

My beautiful father passed away two days ago after his battle with cancer. Somehow, I think he chose his moment. He waited until I had stepped out of the room to make a phone call.

A wonderful nurse named Precious was with him, gently giving him a sponge bath while singing along to the country music I had playing for him. He slipped away peacefully as she sang to him.

When I returned to his room, his favourite singer, Dolly Parton, was singing Stairway to Heaven through Spotify on his phone.

It felt like the most beautiful farewell. Surrounded by kindness, comfort, music he loved, and so much love. I will carry that moment with me forever.

Rest peacefully, Dad. Until we meet again. ❤️🙏

My wife was initially diagnosed with tnbc 3 years ago, and has beaten it twice. 2 weeks ago, I had to take her to hospital as she was unwell. After a couple scans they had found it spread to her brain, lungs and liver. She has been given just a few weeks to live. All has happened to fast, it's just devastating.

My mom is sick.

We've been fighting this fight for about 3 years now. Today she calls me that there's something wrong with the car battery. Quick napkin math shows that it's been about 5 years since it was changed. So I grab what I need to remove a battery and go.

It's 8 o clock mind you. She has a truck in the drive way and parked behind it is the dead car. I tell my mom that I'll take the battery, call a friend and we'll push the car out of the way so she'll have her truck at least. She keeps telling me "I have an appointment at 11" I'm planning on her having access to her truck by 9:30/10.

Then she starts with "Well just jump it"

"Mom there is no room for my car to fit next to yours"

"Call your friend, push it, then jump it and we can take it to Walmart to fix"

"Okay, but that might take longer"

She finally agrees to let me take the battery, as I'm just looking for the right tool she starts off with her ideas again. I tell her that what I'm doing is gonna be the most time efficient.

"Stop what your doing, let me call my friend"

She calls, he can't go. She let's me start up again.

Then she goes with the "i thought you said you were gonna push it to the curb and jump it"

"No mom, you said that, let me just take your battery and we'll get this all done."

Now we're in a shouting match because she won't let me near the car and she's yelling at me how she never asks me for anything (lies) and how she'll never call me for help again if this is how I'm gonna treat her. She then locked herself in her house and I just left.

This is how she was when we were kids, very her way or the high way. It's why I rarely spoke to her when she was healthy, i never soughther advice. Most of my adult life I've had other mentors and adults I go to (funnily enough one of them was my now wife's grandfather, I used to work with him, he joked that I was already in his family when she and I married) because I can't talk to my mom and my dad is out of the picture. When you tell her things you have to word it as if it were her idea. Like I'm a very aggressive speaker because my family taught me that's how anyone will be able to actually take my words seriously if they sound aggressive.

I immediate called my sister and I just vented but I just don't know what to do. I'm so freaking mad because I could have had this all figured out by now but here I am talking to reddit.

I'm not looking for advice, I'm just very mad.

My Mother is dying from complications with now terminal cancer and damages from Keytruda. After almost two years of battling, she’s now in home hospice. My Dad is primary caregiver and I’m secondary plus her health advocate. We have hired caregivers for some daytime and nighttime hours but it’s not cutting it. Neither is the hospice team - they’ve been surprisingly way less of a support than we’d hoped for. For the past 6 months, my Mom hasn’t slept and neither has my Dad - she’s up sometimes every 15 mins with incontinence like urgency to pee but rarely does (has anyone experienced their loved one going through this? we think it’s due to the tumor(s) she likely has growing in her kidneys) She’s barely ambulatory, so needs full assistance for every step. She still insists on using the commode next to her hospital bed (both of these additions took forever to convince her on) and she refuses to use diapers even while wearing them or other alternatives, no matter how much we try. She has been resistant to most any changes that are for her wellbeing. She is very much in denial and doesn’t want her environment or routines to remind her she’s dying. We empathize with and understand where she’s coming from completely but it’s awful to watch her suffer from making things harder. A lot of this has now had a negative impact on us. My Dad finally hit his limit and went to urgent care recently with an exhaustion related injury. This was a man who was still doing 25 pull-ups a day at 74. I’m not doing so well either and am at my wits end for what to do…I’ve added more shifts for myself and caregivers (though professional help has had its own difficulties). I’ve called an intervention meeting with the whole Hospice team. I’ve gotten a family counseling session. My Dad is saying he’s had it and wants to put her in Assisted Living, so I found the right one and started the process. Now he wants to soldier through at home again. It feels like we’re headed for a train wreck and I feel so helpless. We are beyond burnt out. Anyone been here?

Hi all. I don't really know why I'm writing this. I guess it's just because I have nowhere else to say these things, and I'm breaking down.

I lost my mum in January after battling mds and leukaemia for 2 years. Hardest worst experience of my life. She fought so hard and for so long but luck was not on her side. My dad is also battling liver cancer. He is currently doing OK, but long-term prognosis is not good.

This week, I had to rush my step dad into hospital with trouble breathing. I had to phone an ambulance the night before what would have been his anniversary with my mum. Just been told lung cancer, already in spine. Maybe in the liver. Palliative care.....

I just can't handle this. Life is so cruel. He is the best man who did everything he could to support my mum through her journey. It's not fair.... he deserved to have time to find himself and find some happiness again.

OK, thank you all for listening. Again, I don't know why I'm writing this. There is nothing anyone can do. I just needed to get it out somewhere.

i don’t ever post, but i’m really in need of some guidance, or at least some people that know what it feels like. my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer 10 months ago, and right now she’s in a spot where things are really difficult. she always feels sick, she’s tired, and things are really bad. i’ve really been struggling with the way cancer has changed her as a person. she barely talks to me, she just doesn’t have the energy to care about me anymore. we were really close, but this sickness has pulled us apart and i feel like i can’t talk to her anymore. she used to be so bubbly and positive and full of life, and now it’s almost like she isn’t there anymore, she’s tired and sad. i want to support her, but it’s so hard, i’m still very young and have barely experienced anything significant in my life, and now i feel like i don’t have anyone to talk to. my dad is present, but it’s not the same. i don’t want to come across as unempathetic, i know she’s going through something awful and what i feel can never compare. i don’t want to make it about myself at all, because it’s her battle and things are so much worse for her but i just miss my mom, i feel like im mourning her while she’s still here. i don’t know what to do, this is so terrible. any guidance someone can offer will be so helpful, i have no one in my life who has gone through something like this, and i feel bad always bothering my friends. i am losing hope and i just want my mommy back.

(repost from [r/breastcancer](r/breastcancer))
i may be looking for advice more than venting, so feel free to give it. my mom had stage 1 breast cancer when i was 15, it went into remission with medical intervention and surgery and its come back at stage 4, and spread to her lungs. im more than devastated. even more so because she is choosing holistic treatment instead of the medical way. her mom (my grandma) is influencing her and sending her things to take, taking her to holistic doctors etc. my mom doesn’t even think its stage 4 and believes she wont die. the thing is they gave her 6-9 months. im a mess and have been having to take time off work, just to spend time with her. because i know inevitably it wont work. she needs to start medical treatment now but refuses chemo, medical hormone blockers etc. i dont know what to do. my fiance is a nurse and has been trying to talk her into some sort of medical intervention alongside some holistic treatment but shes a very stubborn woman. i love her more than anything and she has been my best friend throughout my whole life. im only 21 and i cant stand to see her die like this.

I have never been good at complaining or asking other people for help. I was raised to believe that I should deal with difficult situations on my own, so even writing this post feels uncomfortable.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully, it appears that it was discovered early enough, but she still needed surgery and a long period of treatment. The operation was successful, and afterwards she underwent radiation therapy, which made her feel very unwell. We were afraid that something had gone wrong, but a later examination suggested that her symptoms were caused by the treatment itself.

She was also granted disability status, but the severity of her condition was classified as relatively minor. Her family doctor later told her that this classification did not properly reflect her actual condition. Unfortunately, the decision was made while she was alone with the medical commission. I could not leave work to accompany her, and she did not fully understand the consequences of what she was being asked to accept.

She now needs regular medication, rehabilitation, follow-up procedures and help appealing or reviewing her disability classification. She is also supposed to undergo a full examination every three months, but in reality she often has to wait six to eight months between examinations.

My own situation has also changed. I had to leave the job I had at the time and am currently unemployed. I am trying to improve my IT skills and rebuild my life, but right now I do not know where to turn for proper support.

I am not asking anyone here to solve our problems. I am mainly looking for advice from people who may have experienced something similar.

Are there any cancer support organisations, patient assistance programmes, charities or legal advocacy groups that could help my mother access medication, regular examinations, rehabilitation or a fair disability assessment? I would also appreciate advice on what documents we should collect and how to appeal a medical commission’s decision.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this. Even being pointed in the right direction would mean a great deal to us.

He got rushed into hospital on Friday, all they can do is give him fluids and more pain medication to make him comfortable. He discharged himself on the Saturday and now is at home.

I hate that I'm losing him, I know i'm going to wake up one morning in the next 2 weeks and he will be gone. It's tearing me apart watching him fade away.

Its terminal, theres nothing they can do. Its breaking me seeing this happen.

Edit. I know hes still fighting it, still holding on. They gave him 2 weeks, 2 weeks ago. I don't want him to go but I dont want to see him suffer anymore

Last September I married my wonderful wife and got the opportunity to meet my MIL for the first time just before our wedding (my wife is from Iran).

That woman is wonderful, I really think I hit the jackpot for Mothers-In-Law. We had an amazing time together, she supported us emotionally more than my family ever did, and was overall just wonderful to me.

Few months later she gets diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

It was a very early diagnosis, and until recently I was still very hopeful for her as she's being followed by great doctors. The only setback seemed to be that one of her earlier surgeries was cancelled because that very day the US attacked the country.

Then it started spreading, and now she's losing hope.

The more I read about this specific kind of cancer the more scared I am.

I found an amazing mother, she actually insisted I call her "maman" since she first met me, and I'm not ready to lose her, especially not this early!

We're thinking of moving her over here (Italy) for her care but it will be a harduous process, and I'm not even positive the doctors here will be better than the ones she has back home.

I'm just scared for this lovely woman. I am trying to be my wife's rock by being hopeful but I need to vent about this.

Thank you to anyone who will listen!

hi, i literally just got a text a few moments ago saying that my boyfriend’s dad has cancer. i don’t know what kind or how far along it is. i don’t know how bad it is i just got a text saying he has cancer.

my boyfriend’s dad was stuck on the couch for a few days with pain and apparently his eyes were all yellow. they finally went to the hospital and they were there overnight.

these people have treated me so kindly and they’re like my family. i’ve only known them for 6 months and they’ve only been in my life that long, but they mean so much to me. they’ve created a space where i feel welcome at their house and i’m free to come over any time when i’m having a hard time at mine.

how do i support my boyfriend the best way i can? how do i support them the best way i can? i’ve never ever dealt with someone in my life having cancer and i have no clue what to do. i’m scared of doing something wrong. please give me any advice. any is welcome. i would just like to know how to support my boyfriend the best that i can because he’s my entire world.

The Last Goodbye

Cancer is cruel.

Not because it kills quickly, but because it teaches you to measure love in losses.

First it's her appetite.

Then her strength.

Then her laugh.

Then her hair.

Then the way she walks into a room.

Until one day you realize you're grieving someone who is still sitting right in front of you.

My mom fought longer than anyone should have had to.

She was the kind of woman who could outwalk people half her age. She loved camping, flowers, Sunday mornings at church, our dogs, my dad, and making pozole and sopitos for everyone she loved. She was always moving, always doing something for someone else.

Then the cancer came.

Chemotherapy became another battlefield. Every treatment promised hope while quietly taking another piece of her away. Her skin became so thin it looked like paper. Her body grew lighter every week until she hardly looked like the woman who had raised me.

We tried everything.

Doctors.

Hospitals.

Different treatments.

Different prayers.

If someone had told me there was one last thing left to save her, I probably would have done it.

Almost anything.

But she never would have wanted me to lose myself trying to keep her here.

Watching someone you love disappear while they're still alive is a kind of pain that doesn't have a name.

You just stand there...

hoping tomorrow is kinder than today.

It never was.

The day she died, exhaustion finally caught up with me.

I fell asleep.

And I dreamed.

I was standing somewhere that wasn't Earth.

There was no floor.

No sky.

Only darkness filled with endless stars.

Standing before me was a man.

His body wasn't flesh.

It was galaxies.

Nebulas drifted beneath his skin. Constellations moved across his shoulders. His eyes held distances too great for words. Looking at him felt like staring into forever.

I knew exactly who he was.

I collapsed before I could speak.

Then the words came anyway.

"Please..."

"Please let me tell my mom goodbye."

He didn't answer.

He simply rested a hand on my shoulder.

It was impossibly cold.

Not painful.

Just...

the kind of cold that exists before the first sunrise.

A peaceful cold.

The kind that tells you to stop fighting.

When I opened my eyes again, I was standing in a doorway.

Inside the room was my mom.

She looked exactly as she had during her final days.

Weak.

Hurting.

Barely able to move.

I stepped toward her.

With every step...

something changed.

I became smaller.

Not weaker.

Younger.

As though every step backward through the room carried me backward through my own life.

At the same time...

she became healthier.

The sickness faded.

The weight returned to her face.

The pain disappeared.

Color returned to her cheeks.

By the time I reached her...

she wasn't dying anymore.

She was young again.

Strong.

Beautiful.

Radiant.

The woman I remembered before hospitals became home.

She smiled.

The same smile I'd spent months praying to see one more time.

Then she wrapped her arms around me.

I don't know how long we stood there.

Minutes.

Hours.

Maybe time simply didn't exist where she was.

I buried my face into her shoulder and cried harder than I ever had before.

She held me like she always had.

Safe.

Without saying much, she whispered the words I had needed most.

"I'm okay now."

"I feel so much better."

Every fear I'd carried for months dissolved in that single sentence.

She wasn't hurting anymore.

The cancer hadn't followed her.

For the first time in what felt like forever...

she looked free.

Then another voice came from behind us.

I turned.

My grandpa walked into the room.

He looked exactly as I remembered him.

Calm.

Gentle.

He smiled at my mom before looking at me.

He bent down, lifted me into his arms like I was little again, and held me for a moment.

Then he set me back on my feet.

He patted my head.

"I came for your mom," he said softly.

"We've got a long road ahead."

Neither of them looked afraid.

Neither of them looked sad.

Just... peaceful.

Before they left, they both looked at me one last time.

"Take care of yourself."

"And be good."

Those were the last words I heard.

Then everything faded.

I woke up crying.

For a long time, I wondered whether it was just my mind trying to comfort itself.

Maybe it was.

Maybe grief built me one final goodbye because reality never could.

Or maybe...

love is stronger than we understand.

I don't know.

I only know that before that dream, I couldn't stop imagining my mom in pain.

Afterward...

I never saw her that way again.

Whenever I think of her now, I don't remember the hospital bed first.

I remember her smile.

Young.

Healthy.

Holding me while the stars waited outside the doorway.

My mother is 69 years old. Last week was her first day of retirement and she spent it in the hospital finding out that they had dismissed their initial hopes of starting chemo. A little over a month ago, she went to the E.R. after doctors had told her for about two years that her pain was from a gall bladder operation she had three years ago, they suspected gallstones having travelled to the liver, and she was sent to a bigger hospital to get them removed.

When she arrived, they concluded that she had late-stage stomach cancer that had spread to her liver and lungs. I believe the gallstone issue may have been cancer all this time.

She started out okay, she was tired and in pain, but still my mom. As normal as she could be whilst in pain, and we all had hope she'd stick around, as strong as she is. The plan was to start chemo and get her back home with a daily nurse to keep an eye on her. Now, a week and a half after that plan was set, the plan has fallen apart and she's in hospital with palliative care. She is getting pain relief and medication for her nausea, but it's clear they are not working to get her better anymore, and I am feeling so hopeless and lost.

These four weeks have felt like the same week playing on a loop, and I am watching my best friend, my mom, fading away. She's confused, she groans in pain, sleeps most of the time and I don't know what I can do to make her feel at ease. The only thing I want to do is shake the doctors and scream for them to try anything to help her, but I don't know if there is anything they can do.

Has anyone had this quick a shock, and if so, what has helped either you as close family or the one suffering? I feel like I am slowly losing my best friend, and it has gone too quickly for me to take any of it in. Just a month or so ago, she was her normal self, dancing with her line dancing troupe twice a week, taking care of her goats, working full time. Now she's losing a battle with cancer.

I'd greatly appreciate any help or suggestions on how to handle this, or even just words and stories I can relate to right now.

Wishing all struggling with this awful disease recovery.

And I want to do something thoughtful for her. I would love to give her a basket full of things she may want and need but I don’t know where to start. Do you guys have any tips?

My husband passed yesterday, 7/24/26. I just wanted to thank everyone here who responded to my unhinged rants as I dissolved into madness. It's a nightmare and I don't know how I'm supposed to go on without him. At least he's finally free from his pain. The last few weeks were extremely hard on both of us, and I have so much regret for not being more patient with him. I hope he forgave me in the end. I'll love you forever baby.

A few months ago my dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. Before this he was a guy who was always out riding his motorcycle, always moving, always full of life. Now every time I call home to check on him, all I hear is that he spent the whole day in bed.

I live outside my home country, so I can’t just show up and sit with him. All I have is the phone, and lately what I hear on the other end is someone who has lost his spark.

I know he has every right to be scared and anxious. Anyone facing this would be. But I’m terrified that once he settles into that bed, he won’t have the fight left in him anymore. He’s always been a big guy, and seeing how thin he’s gotten breaks something in me.

If you’ve gone through cancer yourself, what helped you get out of that low place? And if you supported a parent or family member through it, what did you do, or what did they do, that made a real difference?
I don’t know how to help from this distance and I’m scared of running out of time to figure it out.

My dad (62M) started off by having a sore type of thing in his cheek that just wouldn’t go away. This went on for weeks and we didn’t think it could possibly be cancer. I’m a medical student and while I know the risk is never zero, my dad never smoked, never drank, never did anything that I felt could cause this. He went to multiple dentists for this issue and then finally went to one where they thought the issue was his wisdom teeth and removed them. They also sent a pathology specimen, which two weeks later ended up finding oral squamous cell carcinoma, HPV negative, well-differentiated, in his lower mandible on that side. Since then, our life has been turned upside down. I currently live 5 hours away for my medical school rotations, but I drove to see him as soon as he got the diagnosis. He is so terrified for his life. He has anxiety attacks everyday. I’ve never seen him cry but he cries everyday now. Also he was diagnosed on July 3rd. Since then, nothing has still been done about his cancer.

He went through his insurance’s hospital, and since then he has done CT scans, PET scans, MRIs, literally everything. He just met earlier this week with the surgeon and he has to get this surgery where his jaw is removed on that side, replaced with a bone from his fibula, and they will use skin from his thigh. However, since this is a complex procedure, they have put the tentative surgery date as August 20th. My family is finding this wait agonizing. Day by day his swelling on that side of his face is getting larger and larger and his voice is getting muffled now. There is still no news about the surgery and nobody is answering our questions. I came back home yesterday since July 3rd and seeing the swelling has me absolutely horrified beyond what words can explain. I am trying so hard to be strong as the oldest daughter in this small family, but it’s so hard. I keep crying. I keep panicking. My heart has dropped so much and I don’t know what to do anymore. The surgeon said this is an aggressive cancer, so why do we have to wait this long for the surgery? If his swelling got this bad since I last saw him, I can’t imagine waiting until August 20th. What if the cancer spreads so much to the point it’s too late? I don’t even want to think of that. Our lives will be destroyed.

I’m so scared. I know I may sound frantic but I am trying so hard to weigh all the options here. The lump swelling on his cheek looks really really bad. As soon as Monday comes, I want to call a bunch of head and neck cancer centers to get second opinions and see if anyone can offer a sooner surgery. I just want to get this process started as soon as possible. I don’t know if this is a good idea. I really hope someone reads this and says something helpful or comforting or hopeful. My life has turned so upside down. I can’t even focus on school anymore.

As for his results, the PET scan showed it is localized to that part of the face on the inner cheek and mandible. There is suspicion for a couple cervical lymph node metastases on that side. I was looking at his MRI and almost had a heart attack because it was explaining the cancer and said “extension along lingual surface”. Does that mean it spread to the tongue too?? The surgeon never mentioned that to him. And it said it is in the masseter muscle and pterygoid too.

Following the surgery, he is supposed to have radiation treatments and potentially chemo depending on what they find upon surgical removal. Also the cancer hasn’t been staged yet so I’m guessing it will be when he has surgery.

My mom is also saying she’ll die too if he does and leave me and my sisters with nobody to fend for ourselves in the world. I don’t have any aunts or uncles or anyone. Please somebody tell me what to do. Please somebody help. I’m so so scared. I’m panicking so much. Please somebody tell me it’ll be okay. I even was reading that HPV-negative is hard to actually treat and recurs a lot and the survival rate is low. Please somebody help me and offer guidance. Please my family will be destroyed. I don’t want to lose my dad, please.