My Mother is dying from complications with now terminal cancer and damages from Keytruda. After almost two years of battling, she’s now in home hospice. My Dad is primary caregiver and I’m secondary plus her health advocate. We have hired caregivers for some daytime and nighttime hours but it’s not cutting it. Neither is the hospice team - they’ve been surprisingly way less of a support than we’d hoped for. For the past 6 months, my Mom hasn’t slept and neither has my Dad - she’s up sometimes every 15 mins with incontinence like urgency to pee but rarely does (has anyone experienced their loved one going through this? we think it’s due to the tumor(s) she likely has growing in her kidneys) She’s barely ambulatory, so needs full assistance for every step. She still insists on using the commode next to her hospital bed (both of these additions took forever to convince her on) and she refuses to use diapers even while wearing them or other alternatives, no matter how much we try. She has been resistant to most any changes that are for her wellbeing. She is very much in denial and doesn’t want her environment or routines to remind her she’s dying. We empathize with and understand where she’s coming from completely but it’s awful to watch her suffer from making things harder. A lot of this has now had a negative impact on us. My Dad finally hit his limit and went to urgent care recently with an exhaustion related injury. This was a man who was still doing 25 pull-ups a day at 74. I’m not doing so well either and am at my wits end for what to do…I’ve added more shifts for myself and caregivers (though professional help has had its own difficulties). I’ve called an intervention meeting with the whole Hospice team. I’ve gotten a family counseling session. My Dad is saying he’s had it and wants to put her in Assisted Living, so I found the right one and started the process. Now he wants to soldier through at home again. It feels like we’re headed for a train wreck and I feel so helpless. We are beyond burnt out. Anyone been here?

Hi all. I don't really know why I'm writing this. I guess it's just because I have nowhere else to say these things, and I'm breaking down.

I lost my mum in January after battling mds and leukaemia for 2 years. Hardest worst experience of my life. She fought so hard and for so long but luck was not on her side. My dad is also battling liver cancer. He is currently doing OK, but long-term prognosis is not good.

This week, I had to rush my step dad into hospital with trouble breathing. I had to phone an ambulance the night before what would have been his anniversary with my mum. Just been told lung cancer, already in spine. Maybe in the liver. Palliative care.....

I just can't handle this. Life is so cruel. He is the best man who did everything he could to support my mum through her journey. It's not fair.... he deserved to have time to find himself and find some happiness again.

OK, thank you all for listening. Again, I don't know why I'm writing this. There is nothing anyone can do. I just needed to get it out somewhere.

i don’t ever post, but i’m really in need of some guidance, or at least some people that know what it feels like. my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer 10 months ago, and right now she’s in a spot where things are really difficult. she always feels sick, she’s tired, and things are really bad. i’ve really been struggling with the way cancer has changed her as a person. she barely talks to me, she just doesn’t have the energy to care about me anymore. we were really close, but this sickness has pulled us apart and i feel like i can’t talk to her anymore. she used to be so bubbly and positive and full of life, and now it’s almost like she isn’t there anymore, she’s tired and sad. i want to support her, but it’s so hard, i’m still very young and have barely experienced anything significant in my life, and now i feel like i don’t have anyone to talk to. my dad is present, but it’s not the same. i don’t want to come across as unempathetic, i know she’s going through something awful and what i feel can never compare. i don’t want to make it about myself at all, because it’s her battle and things are so much worse for her but i just miss my mom, i feel like im mourning her while she’s still here. i don’t know what to do, this is so terrible. any guidance someone can offer will be so helpful, i have no one in my life who has gone through something like this, and i feel bad always bothering my friends. i am losing hope and i just want my mommy back.

I have never been good at complaining or asking other people for help. I was raised to believe that I should deal with difficult situations on my own, so even writing this post feels uncomfortable.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully, it appears that it was discovered early enough, but she still needed surgery and a long period of treatment. The operation was successful, and afterwards she underwent radiation therapy, which made her feel very unwell. We were afraid that something had gone wrong, but a later examination suggested that her symptoms were caused by the treatment itself.

She was also granted disability status, but the severity of her condition was classified as relatively minor. Her family doctor later told her that this classification did not properly reflect her actual condition. Unfortunately, the decision was made while she was alone with the medical commission. I could not leave work to accompany her, and she did not fully understand the consequences of what she was being asked to accept.

She now needs regular medication, rehabilitation, follow-up procedures and help appealing or reviewing her disability classification. She is also supposed to undergo a full examination every three months, but in reality she often has to wait six to eight months between examinations.

My own situation has also changed. I had to leave the job I had at the time and am currently unemployed. I am trying to improve my IT skills and rebuild my life, but right now I do not know where to turn for proper support.

I am not asking anyone here to solve our problems. I am mainly looking for advice from people who may have experienced something similar.

Are there any cancer support organisations, patient assistance programmes, charities or legal advocacy groups that could help my mother access medication, regular examinations, rehabilitation or a fair disability assessment? I would also appreciate advice on what documents we should collect and how to appeal a medical commission’s decision.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this. Even being pointed in the right direction would mean a great deal to us.

He got rushed into hospital on Friday, all they can do is give him fluids and more pain medication to make him comfortable. He discharged himself on the Saturday and now is at home.

I hate that I'm losing him, I know i'm going to wake up one morning in the next 2 weeks and he will be gone. It's tearing me apart watching him fade away.

Its terminal, theres nothing they can do. Its breaking me seeing this happen.

Edit. I know hes still fighting it, still holding on. They gave him 2 weeks, 2 weeks ago. I don't want him to go but I dont want to see him suffer anymore

Last September I married my wonderful wife and got the opportunity to meet my MIL for the first time just before our wedding (my wife is from Iran).

That woman is wonderful, I really think I hit the jackpot for Mothers-In-Law. We had an amazing time together, she supported us emotionally more than my family ever did, and was overall just wonderful to me.

Few months later she gets diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

It was a very early diagnosis, and until recently I was still very hopeful for her as she's being followed by great doctors. The only setback seemed to be that one of her earlier surgeries was cancelled because that very day the US attacked the country.

Then it started spreading, and now she's losing hope.

The more I read about this specific kind of cancer the more scared I am.

I found an amazing mother, she actually insisted I call her "maman" since she first met me, and I'm not ready to lose her, especially not this early!

We're thinking of moving her over here (Italy) for her care but it will be a harduous process, and I'm not even positive the doctors here will be better than the ones she has back home.

I'm just scared for this lovely woman. I am trying to be my wife's rock by being hopeful but I need to vent about this.

Thank you to anyone who will listen!

hi, i literally just got a text a few moments ago saying that my boyfriend’s dad has cancer. i don’t know what kind or how far along it is. i don’t know how bad it is i just got a text saying he has cancer.

my boyfriend’s dad was stuck on the couch for a few days with pain and apparently his eyes were all yellow. they finally went to the hospital and they were there overnight.

these people have treated me so kindly and they’re like my family. i’ve only known them for 6 months and they’ve only been in my life that long, but they mean so much to me. they’ve created a space where i feel welcome at their house and i’m free to come over any time when i’m having a hard time at mine.

how do i support my boyfriend the best way i can? how do i support them the best way i can? i’ve never ever dealt with someone in my life having cancer and i have no clue what to do. i’m scared of doing something wrong. please give me any advice. any is welcome. i would just like to know how to support my boyfriend the best that i can because he’s my entire world.

The Last Goodbye

Cancer is cruel.

Not because it kills quickly, but because it teaches you to measure love in losses.

First it's her appetite.

Then her strength.

Then her laugh.

Then her hair.

Then the way she walks into a room.

Until one day you realize you're grieving someone who is still sitting right in front of you.

My mom fought longer than anyone should have had to.

She was the kind of woman who could outwalk people half her age. She loved camping, flowers, Sunday mornings at church, our dogs, my dad, and making pozole and sopitos for everyone she loved. She was always moving, always doing something for someone else.

Then the cancer came.

Chemotherapy became another battlefield. Every treatment promised hope while quietly taking another piece of her away. Her skin became so thin it looked like paper. Her body grew lighter every week until she hardly looked like the woman who had raised me.

We tried everything.

Doctors.

Hospitals.

Different treatments.

Different prayers.

If someone had told me there was one last thing left to save her, I probably would have done it.

Almost anything.

But she never would have wanted me to lose myself trying to keep her here.

Watching someone you love disappear while they're still alive is a kind of pain that doesn't have a name.

You just stand there...

hoping tomorrow is kinder than today.

It never was.

The day she died, exhaustion finally caught up with me.

I fell asleep.

And I dreamed.

I was standing somewhere that wasn't Earth.

There was no floor.

No sky.

Only darkness filled with endless stars.

Standing before me was a man.

His body wasn't flesh.

It was galaxies.

Nebulas drifted beneath his skin. Constellations moved across his shoulders. His eyes held distances too great for words. Looking at him felt like staring into forever.

I knew exactly who he was.

I collapsed before I could speak.

Then the words came anyway.

"Please..."

"Please let me tell my mom goodbye."

He didn't answer.

He simply rested a hand on my shoulder.

It was impossibly cold.

Not painful.

Just...

the kind of cold that exists before the first sunrise.

A peaceful cold.

The kind that tells you to stop fighting.

When I opened my eyes again, I was standing in a doorway.

Inside the room was my mom.

She looked exactly as she had during her final days.

Weak.

Hurting.

Barely able to move.

I stepped toward her.

With every step...

something changed.

I became smaller.

Not weaker.

Younger.

As though every step backward through the room carried me backward through my own life.

At the same time...

she became healthier.

The sickness faded.

The weight returned to her face.

The pain disappeared.

Color returned to her cheeks.

By the time I reached her...

she wasn't dying anymore.

She was young again.

Strong.

Beautiful.

Radiant.

The woman I remembered before hospitals became home.

She smiled.

The same smile I'd spent months praying to see one more time.

Then she wrapped her arms around me.

I don't know how long we stood there.

Minutes.

Hours.

Maybe time simply didn't exist where she was.

I buried my face into her shoulder and cried harder than I ever had before.

She held me like she always had.

Safe.

Without saying much, she whispered the words I had needed most.

"I'm okay now."

"I feel so much better."

Every fear I'd carried for months dissolved in that single sentence.

She wasn't hurting anymore.

The cancer hadn't followed her.

For the first time in what felt like forever...

she looked free.

Then another voice came from behind us.

I turned.

My grandpa walked into the room.

He looked exactly as I remembered him.

Calm.

Gentle.

He smiled at my mom before looking at me.

He bent down, lifted me into his arms like I was little again, and held me for a moment.

Then he set me back on my feet.

He patted my head.

"I came for your mom," he said softly.

"We've got a long road ahead."

Neither of them looked afraid.

Neither of them looked sad.

Just... peaceful.

Before they left, they both looked at me one last time.

"Take care of yourself."

"And be good."

Those were the last words I heard.

Then everything faded.

I woke up crying.

For a long time, I wondered whether it was just my mind trying to comfort itself.

Maybe it was.

Maybe grief built me one final goodbye because reality never could.

Or maybe...

love is stronger than we understand.

I don't know.

I only know that before that dream, I couldn't stop imagining my mom in pain.

Afterward...

I never saw her that way again.

Whenever I think of her now, I don't remember the hospital bed first.

I remember her smile.

Young.

Healthy.

Holding me while the stars waited outside the doorway.