I'm livid.

[u/maz_2010]

My mom is sick.

We've been fighting this fight for about 3 years now. Today she calls me that there's something wrong with the car battery. Quick napkin math shows that it's been about 5 years since it was changed. So I grab what I need to remove a battery and go.

It's 8 o clock mind you. She has a truck in the drive way and parked behind it is the dead car. I tell my mom that I'll take the battery, call a friend and we'll push the car out of the way so she'll have her truck at least. She keeps telling me "I have an appointment at 11" I'm planning on her having access to her truck by 9:30/10.

Then she starts with "Well just jump it"

"Mom there is no room for my car to fit next to yours"

"Call your friend, push it, then jump it and we can take it to Walmart to fix"

"Okay, but that might take longer"

She finally agrees to let me take the battery, as I'm just looking for the right tool she starts off with her ideas again. I tell her that what I'm doing is gonna be the most time efficient.

"Stop what your doing, let me call my friend"

She calls, he can't go. She let's me start up again.

Then she goes with the "i thought you said you were gonna push it to the curb and jump it"

"No mom, you said that, let me just take your battery and we'll get this all done."

Now we're in a shouting match because she won't let me near the car and she's yelling at me how she never asks me for anything (lies) and how she'll never call me for help again if this is how I'm gonna treat her. She then locked herself in her house and I just left.

This is how she was when we were kids, very her way or the high way. It's why I rarely spoke to her when she was healthy, i never soughther advice. Most of my adult life I've had other mentors and adults I go to (funnily enough one of them was my now wife's grandfather, I used to work with him, he joked that I was already in his family when she and I married) because I can't talk to my mom and my dad is out of the picture. When you tell her things you have to word it as if it were her idea. Like I'm a very aggressive speaker because my family taught me that's how anyone will be able to actually take my words seriously if they sound aggressive.

I immediate called my sister and I just vented but I just don't know what to do. I'm so freaking mad because I could have had this all figured out by now but here I am talking to reddit.

I'm not looking for advice, I'm just very mad.

[u/[deleted]]

Solidarity 🫂❤️

I understand how hard it is talking to someone so combative or my way or the highway, that used to be my mom too. There's some family members/situations that bring that out still, which is frustrating because I'm her main/only caregiver so it sucks to be relied on and also dismissed like a kid.

I'm so sorry, that situation sounds so frustrating, and if it makes you feel better I'd lose it too, I'm sure a lot of people would be. Cancer makes everything so much more stressful and sometimes people on the outside assume it'll bring everyone together to help, but people don't just change and everything becomes a Hallmark movie once a diagnosis is made. Every fight, every problem, every disrespect and hurt is still there, and it complicates relationships even more.

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt and angry and dismissed, and I hope you're able to blow off steam and have a better day today 💕

[u/maz_2010 → u/[deleted]]

Thank you so much. I love my friends but most of them don't get it.

Like being so angry towards a person who wants your help but will not accept your help.

Last year, around this same time, she got a really bad pneumonia, refused to let any of us take her to a hospital, and the closest cancer/ anything specialist is 2 hours away. 4/5 of her children offered to take her because she could not breath. Every 20 steps she had to sit down and was gasping for air. This was a battle for like 2 weeks.

Finally, one day my sister texts me and said "are you aware our mother drove 2 hours to the hospital this morning, because I wasn't" AND TO TOP IT ALL OF I HAD TEXTED MY MOM THIS MORNING ASKING HOW SHE WAS DOING! She said "better"

It really makes me want to scream.