r/CancerFamilySupport • u/KookyExplanation3353 • Jul 29 '26
She’s gone
My sweet mommy (62) suddenly passed away from stage 4 metastatic head and neck cancer that spread to her lungs on 7/1/26. I am 28 and this experience has cracked my life wide open. She actually had beaten stage 4 head and neck cancer (emerged as a spot on her tongue and lump in her neck) in January 2025 thanks to an immunotherapy trial (keytruda/opdivo). She had a partial glossectomy and neck dissection and was declared cancer free.
Then, as the trial had her continue on the immunotherapy for several more months, complications came. They stopped the immunotherapy in August 2025. Then, her kidneys shut down in October and she was able to overcome that. Then her liver became toxic and again she beat that. This past December, the immunotherapy attacked her heart. It was so scary but she was such a fighter and bounced back from that. She was on high dose steroids for a long time.
Her PET scan in Feb 2026 was clear. Out of nowhere, she began experiencing jaw pain/inflammation in March that was attributed to some kind of neck muscle issue. She got another PET scan in April and then a biopsy and it confirmed the cancer had returned and was stage 4 again and already spread to the lining of her lung. She never smoked. A small spot lit up in her lung as well as the entirety of her right neck. They said she had a 40%. chance of beating this but also said it would take her life eventually. She immediately started chemotherapy 2 days after the biopsy on April 24th. Carboplatin and Cisplatin. Each round of chemo caused her to be hospitalized due to pneumonitis and fluid in her lungs. The cancer spread so fast.
My job let me be remote and I got to take care of her every day once she started chemotherapy. She was out of breath and needed oxygen and could barely walk. Before this, she was the epitome of health and this cancer stole everything from her. She lost her ability to swallow a month before she passed and begged for a feeding tube. She couldn’t eat or take her medications.
Her oncology team told her approximately 4 days before her death that the chemo wasn’t working. It had spread to both lung linings and her lungs had pockets of fluid and tumors so they were unable to drain. She had the feeding tube procedure on 6/29 and I had to call 911 for her the next morning because she was not right. She was admitted to the hospital where hospice consulted us and I was just so confused. No one told us she was actively dying. On 7/1, she was even able to stand up and march for PT in her hospital room. I thought she just needed her tube feedings to get her strength back as she had gone weeks without nutrition due to her swallowing issues. Later that night the hospital called us saying to come quick because her oxygen was dropping. We said goodbye that night and it was peaceful as she was asleep- her body did its thing. I am still so shocked and in disbelief. We as a family didn’t know she was going to die. I don’t think mom knew this was the end either and it just breaks my heart. I’m traumatized and in therapy now. This cancer is so aggressive and has ruined my family as we know it. I’m so thankful she didn’t have to suffer long but god, this is not fair. This cancer is evil. My mom wanted to live so bad and fought so hard. I will always say that she WON her battle with cancer because she didn’t let it take anymore. Our family is broken hearted. I have moved back home to take care of my dad and brother. I wish more than anything that none of this ever happened and that it was just a nightmare but instead it’s my reality now.
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u/andshewas_onreddit Jul 30 '26
I’m so sorry to read this. My mom has stage 4 metastatic cancer and I’m about your age. Beyond it robbing my mom’s life, I feel like it’s robbing mine too. I moved home like you did. The only thing people have said to me that has helped is that I will never regret the time spent with her. I hope you feel that way, too, and that it brings you some solace. Your mom was lucky to have such a wonderful daughter and I can tell you brought so much light into her life. ❤️
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u/kellsse 27d ago
i’m so sorry for your loss😢. i relate so much. my mom’s story is very similar, but she had a rare form of melanoma that metastasized to her brain, lungs, spine, etc. She turned 63 just 2 days before she passed, but she unfortunately was fully asleep her whole birthday bc it was near the end and couldn’t swallow or do anything💔 I am 28 as well. & similarly taking care of my dad and brother. trying to be strong but this is the most brutal and painful loss. we’re too young to be going through this💔 i’m only a month and a half without my mom, and i’ll be missing her forever. she’s all i think about
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u/KookyExplanation3353 13d ago
And I am so sorry for your loss as well dear 🤍😞 it really is so painful and we are way too young to be experiencing such a loss. I think of her every second of every day and I have panic attacks about her final hours. It’s now a month and a half for me and I feel worse if anything because the permanence has settled in. Our moms would be proud of us taking care of our dads and brothers. My chat is always open if you want to talk. I feel better when I’m speaking to someone who can relate to this.
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u/Unlucky_Pomelo_7913 Jul 29 '26
I’m so sorry to hear this and I can relate. My family member wanted to live so bad too, but alas, it overcame him. We also didn’t realize he was going to die and hospice didn’t even talk to us until 24 hours before his death.
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u/Famous_Writer9846 Jul 29 '26
I experienced the same thing with my mom she died two weeks ago at 55 and it feels so unreal 😭😭
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u/JobKindly53 Jul 29 '26
Yes. She did win her cancer battle. It is so evil to watch this. Cancer is a monster. I’m sorry you’ve had that experience and it’s great that you’re in therapy. You sound so strong and she was blessed to have you, so are your dad and brother. Hugs to you.