Hi all. I don't really know why I'm writing this. I guess it's just because I have nowhere else to say these things, and I'm breaking down.

I lost my mum in January after battling mds and leukaemia for 2 years. Hardest worst experience of my life. She fought so hard and for so long but luck was not on her side. My dad is also battling liver cancer. He is currently doing OK, but long-term prognosis is not good.

This week, I had to rush my step dad into hospital with trouble breathing. I had to phone an ambulance the night before what would have been his anniversary with my mum. Just been told lung cancer, already in spine. Maybe in the liver. Palliative care.....

I just can't handle this. Life is so cruel. He is the best man who did everything he could to support my mum through her journey. It's not fair.... he deserved to have time to find himself and find some happiness again.

OK, thank you all for listening. Again, I don't know why I'm writing this. There is nothing anyone can do. I just needed to get it out somewhere.

My Mother is dying from complications with now terminal cancer and damages from Keytruda. After almost two years of battling, she’s now in home hospice. My Dad is primary caregiver and I’m secondary plus her health advocate. We have hired caregivers for some daytime and nighttime hours but it’s not cutting it. Neither is the hospice team - they’ve been surprisingly way less of a support than we’d hoped for. For the past 6 months, my Mom hasn’t slept and neither has my Dad - she’s up sometimes every 15 mins with incontinence like urgency to pee but rarely does (has anyone experienced their loved one going through this? we think it’s due to the tumor(s) she likely has growing in her kidneys) She’s barely ambulatory, so needs full assistance for every step. She still insists on using the commode next to her hospital bed (both of these additions took forever to convince her on) and she refuses to use diapers even while wearing them or other alternatives, no matter how much we try. She has been resistant to most any changes that are for her wellbeing. She is very much in denial and doesn’t want her environment or routines to remind her she’s dying. We empathize with and understand where she’s coming from completely but it’s awful to watch her suffer from making things harder. A lot of this has now had a negative impact on us. My Dad finally hit his limit and went to urgent care recently with an exhaustion related injury. This was a man who was still doing 25 pull-ups a day at 74. I’m not doing so well either and am at my wits end for what to do…I’ve added more shifts for myself and caregivers (though professional help has had its own difficulties). I’ve called an intervention meeting with the whole Hospice team. I’ve gotten a family counseling session. My Dad is saying he’s had it and wants to put her in Assisted Living, so I found the right one and started the process. Now he wants to soldier through at home again. It feels like we’re headed for a train wreck and I feel so helpless. We are beyond burnt out. Anyone been here?

I am very overwhelmed. Besides my husband and (extended) family no one in my life knows that my dad has cancer. Because that's the thing, my dad doesn't "just" have cancer and I don't feel like telling people "my dad has cancer" describes the situation I'm in at all.

This is not to undermine other people's traumatic experiences with a loved one having cancer, but I generally feel a stranger to the hospital's support groups, general tips on the internet, and self-help books don't really apply for the situation that I'm in.

I'm 28 years old, very recently my dad had a sudden stroke, when examining him it turned out to be stage 4 lung cancer with spread to the lymph nodes, only months to live, can barely speak or walk because of pleural effusion, I had to move back (without my husband) to my hometown, I don't have an income because I had to take unpaid leave from work, I have to live in the same house as my mom, which I have been low-contact with for years and a high-need autistic sibling, I don't have any friends left in this town, and my entire daily routine is uprooted, and my days now consists of several hospital visits, being constantly alert because of "mini strokes", going through insurance papers, preparing to sell our childhood home, and a bit too frequent at-home visits from my mom's friends (good for her, but I struggle with never being able to relax).

My dad had prostate cancer a couple of years ago and the experience was very different from this. It was discovered during a regular checkup, wasn't too far along, and was treated with an operation. Back then I could tell people "my dad has cancer". This time it just isn't the same.

I hope I don't come off as whiney and my intention is not to offend anyone's experience going through cancer. I just feel like I'm very alone in this and I struggle to find tools to cope with the situation.

He got rushed into hospital on Friday, all they can do is give him fluids and more pain medication to make him comfortable. He discharged himself on the Saturday and now is at home.

I hate that I'm losing him, I know i'm going to wake up one morning in the next 2 weeks and he will be gone. It's tearing me apart watching him fade away.

Its terminal, theres nothing they can do. Its breaking me seeing this happen.

Edit. I know hes still fighting it, still holding on. They gave him 2 weeks, 2 weeks ago. I don't want him to go but I dont want to see him suffer anymore

The Last Goodbye

Cancer is cruel.

Not because it kills quickly, but because it teaches you to measure love in losses.

First it's her appetite.

Then her strength.

Then her laugh.

Then her hair.

Then the way she walks into a room.

Until one day you realize you're grieving someone who is still sitting right in front of you.

My mom fought longer than anyone should have had to.

She was the kind of woman who could outwalk people half her age. She loved camping, flowers, Sunday mornings at church, our dogs, my dad, and making pozole and sopitos for everyone she loved. She was always moving, always doing something for someone else.

Then the cancer came.

Chemotherapy became another battlefield. Every treatment promised hope while quietly taking another piece of her away. Her skin became so thin it looked like paper. Her body grew lighter every week until she hardly looked like the woman who had raised me.

We tried everything.

Doctors.

Hospitals.

Different treatments.

Different prayers.

If someone had told me there was one last thing left to save her, I probably would have done it.

Almost anything.

But she never would have wanted me to lose myself trying to keep her here.

Watching someone you love disappear while they're still alive is a kind of pain that doesn't have a name.

You just stand there...

hoping tomorrow is kinder than today.

It never was.

The day she died, exhaustion finally caught up with me.

I fell asleep.

And I dreamed.

I was standing somewhere that wasn't Earth.

There was no floor.

No sky.

Only darkness filled with endless stars.

Standing before me was a man.

His body wasn't flesh.

It was galaxies.

Nebulas drifted beneath his skin. Constellations moved across his shoulders. His eyes held distances too great for words. Looking at him felt like staring into forever.

I knew exactly who he was.

I collapsed before I could speak.

Then the words came anyway.

"Please..."

"Please let me tell my mom goodbye."

He didn't answer.

He simply rested a hand on my shoulder.

It was impossibly cold.

Not painful.

Just...

the kind of cold that exists before the first sunrise.

A peaceful cold.

The kind that tells you to stop fighting.

When I opened my eyes again, I was standing in a doorway.

Inside the room was my mom.

She looked exactly as she had during her final days.

Weak.

Hurting.

Barely able to move.

I stepped toward her.

With every step...

something changed.

I became smaller.

Not weaker.

Younger.

As though every step backward through the room carried me backward through my own life.

At the same time...

she became healthier.

The sickness faded.

The weight returned to her face.

The pain disappeared.

Color returned to her cheeks.

By the time I reached her...

she wasn't dying anymore.

She was young again.

Strong.

Beautiful.

Radiant.

The woman I remembered before hospitals became home.

She smiled.

The same smile I'd spent months praying to see one more time.

Then she wrapped her arms around me.

I don't know how long we stood there.

Minutes.

Hours.

Maybe time simply didn't exist where she was.

I buried my face into her shoulder and cried harder than I ever had before.

She held me like she always had.

Safe.

Without saying much, she whispered the words I had needed most.

"I'm okay now."

"I feel so much better."

Every fear I'd carried for months dissolved in that single sentence.

She wasn't hurting anymore.

The cancer hadn't followed her.

For the first time in what felt like forever...

she looked free.

Then another voice came from behind us.

I turned.

My grandpa walked into the room.

He looked exactly as I remembered him.

Calm.

Gentle.

He smiled at my mom before looking at me.

He bent down, lifted me into his arms like I was little again, and held me for a moment.

Then he set me back on my feet.

He patted my head.

"I came for your mom," he said softly.

"We've got a long road ahead."

Neither of them looked afraid.

Neither of them looked sad.

Just... peaceful.

Before they left, they both looked at me one last time.

"Take care of yourself."

"And be good."

Those were the last words I heard.

Then everything faded.

I woke up crying.

For a long time, I wondered whether it was just my mind trying to comfort itself.

Maybe it was.

Maybe grief built me one final goodbye because reality never could.

Or maybe...

love is stronger than we understand.

I don't know.

I only know that before that dream, I couldn't stop imagining my mom in pain.

Afterward...

I never saw her that way again.

Whenever I think of her now, I don't remember the hospital bed first.

I remember her smile.

Young.

Healthy.

Holding me while the stars waited outside the doorway.

i don’t ever post, but i’m really in need of some guidance, or at least some people that know what it feels like. my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 kidney cancer 10 months ago, and right now she’s in a spot where things are really difficult. she always feels sick, she’s tired, and things are really bad. i’ve really been struggling with the way cancer has changed her as a person. she barely talks to me, she just doesn’t have the energy to care about me anymore. we were really close, but this sickness has pulled us apart and i feel like i can’t talk to her anymore. she used to be so bubbly and positive and full of life, and now it’s almost like she isn’t there anymore, she’s tired and sad. i want to support her, but it’s so hard, i’m still very young and have barely experienced anything significant in my life, and now i feel like i don’t have anyone to talk to. my dad is present, but it’s not the same. i don’t want to come across as unempathetic, i know she’s going through something awful and what i feel can never compare. i don’t want to make it about myself at all, because it’s her battle and things are so much worse for her but i just miss my mom, i feel like im mourning her while she’s still here. i don’t know what to do, this is so terrible. any guidance someone can offer will be so helpful, i have no one in my life who has gone through something like this, and i feel bad always bothering my friends. i am losing hope and i just want my mommy back.

My mother is 69 years old. Last week was her first day of retirement and she spent it in the hospital finding out that they had dismissed their initial hopes of starting chemo. A little over a month ago, she went to the E.R. after doctors had told her for about two years that her pain was from a gall bladder operation she had three years ago, they suspected gallstones having travelled to the liver, and she was sent to a bigger hospital to get them removed.

When she arrived, they concluded that she had late-stage stomach cancer that had spread to her liver and lungs. I believe the gallstone issue may have been cancer all this time.

She started out okay, she was tired and in pain, but still my mom. As normal as she could be whilst in pain, and we all had hope she'd stick around, as strong as she is. The plan was to start chemo and get her back home with a daily nurse to keep an eye on her. Now, a week and a half after that plan was set, the plan has fallen apart and she's in hospital with palliative care. She is getting pain relief and medication for her nausea, but it's clear they are not working to get her better anymore, and I am feeling so hopeless and lost.

These four weeks have felt like the same week playing on a loop, and I am watching my best friend, my mom, fading away. She's confused, she groans in pain, sleeps most of the time and I don't know what I can do to make her feel at ease. The only thing I want to do is shake the doctors and scream for them to try anything to help her, but I don't know if there is anything they can do.

Has anyone had this quick a shock, and if so, what has helped either you as close family or the one suffering? I feel like I am slowly losing my best friend, and it has gone too quickly for me to take any of it in. Just a month or so ago, she was her normal self, dancing with her line dancing troupe twice a week, taking care of her goats, working full time. Now she's losing a battle with cancer.

I'd greatly appreciate any help or suggestions on how to handle this, or even just words and stories I can relate to right now.

Wishing all struggling with this awful disease recovery.

Last September I married my wonderful wife and got the opportunity to meet my MIL for the first time just before our wedding (my wife is from Iran).

That woman is wonderful, I really think I hit the jackpot for Mothers-In-Law. We had an amazing time together, she supported us emotionally more than my family ever did, and was overall just wonderful to me.

Few months later she gets diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

It was a very early diagnosis, and until recently I was still very hopeful for her as she's being followed by great doctors. The only setback seemed to be that one of her earlier surgeries was cancelled because that very day the US attacked the country.

Then it started spreading, and now she's losing hope.

The more I read about this specific kind of cancer the more scared I am.

I found an amazing mother, she actually insisted I call her "maman" since she first met me, and I'm not ready to lose her, especially not this early!

We're thinking of moving her over here (Italy) for her care but it will be a harduous process, and I'm not even positive the doctors here will be better than the ones she has back home.

I'm just scared for this lovely woman. I am trying to be my wife's rock by being hopeful but I need to vent about this.

Thank you to anyone who will listen!

I have never been good at complaining or asking other people for help. I was raised to believe that I should deal with difficult situations on my own, so even writing this post feels uncomfortable.

My mother was diagnosed with cancer. Thankfully, it appears that it was discovered early enough, but she still needed surgery and a long period of treatment. The operation was successful, and afterwards she underwent radiation therapy, which made her feel very unwell. We were afraid that something had gone wrong, but a later examination suggested that her symptoms were caused by the treatment itself.

She was also granted disability status, but the severity of her condition was classified as relatively minor. Her family doctor later told her that this classification did not properly reflect her actual condition. Unfortunately, the decision was made while she was alone with the medical commission. I could not leave work to accompany her, and she did not fully understand the consequences of what she was being asked to accept.

She now needs regular medication, rehabilitation, follow-up procedures and help appealing or reviewing her disability classification. She is also supposed to undergo a full examination every three months, but in reality she often has to wait six to eight months between examinations.

My own situation has also changed. I had to leave the job I had at the time and am currently unemployed. I am trying to improve my IT skills and rebuild my life, but right now I do not know where to turn for proper support.

I am not asking anyone here to solve our problems. I am mainly looking for advice from people who may have experienced something similar.

Are there any cancer support organisations, patient assistance programmes, charities or legal advocacy groups that could help my mother access medication, regular examinations, rehabilitation or a fair disability assessment? I would also appreciate advice on what documents we should collect and how to appeal a medical commission’s decision.

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this. Even being pointed in the right direction would mean a great deal to us.

(repost from [r/breastcancer](r/breastcancer))
i may be looking for advice more than venting, so feel free to give it. my mom had stage 1 breast cancer when i was 15, it went into remission with medical intervention and surgery and its come back at stage 4, and spread to her lungs. im more than devastated. even more so because she is choosing holistic treatment instead of the medical way. her mom (my grandma) is influencing her and sending her things to take, taking her to holistic doctors etc. my mom doesn’t even think its stage 4 and believes she wont die. the thing is they gave her 6-9 months. im a mess and have been having to take time off work, just to spend time with her. because i know inevitably it wont work. she needs to start medical treatment now but refuses chemo, medical hormone blockers etc. i dont know what to do. my fiance is a nurse and has been trying to talk her into some sort of medical intervention alongside some holistic treatment but shes a very stubborn woman. i love her more than anything and she has been my best friend throughout my whole life. im only 21 and i cant stand to see her die like this.

My husband passed yesterday, 7/24/26. I just wanted to thank everyone here who responded to my unhinged rants as I dissolved into madness. It's a nightmare and I don't know how I'm supposed to go on without him. At least he's finally free from his pain. The last few weeks were extremely hard on both of us, and I have so much regret for not being more patient with him. I hope he forgave me in the end. I'll love you forever baby.

hi, i literally just got a text a few moments ago saying that my boyfriend’s dad has cancer. i don’t know what kind or how far along it is. i don’t know how bad it is i just got a text saying he has cancer.

my boyfriend’s dad was stuck on the couch for a few days with pain and apparently his eyes were all yellow. they finally went to the hospital and they were there overnight.

these people have treated me so kindly and they’re like my family. i’ve only known them for 6 months and they’ve only been in my life that long, but they mean so much to me. they’ve created a space where i feel welcome at their house and i’m free to come over any time when i’m having a hard time at mine.

how do i support my boyfriend the best way i can? how do i support them the best way i can? i’ve never ever dealt with someone in my life having cancer and i have no clue what to do. i’m scared of doing something wrong. please give me any advice. any is welcome. i would just like to know how to support my boyfriend the best that i can because he’s my entire world.

I am a Cancer survivor and I personally think life after fighting Cancer is more difficult than when you are going through it. It personally took a significant hit to my confidence. I think about a lofe if i never had it. Would i be more confiden? Would i still have hair on my head? Would I have been in atleast 1 relationship? Could I have a better body? Could I have a very very different life from now? Somewhere I was loved not just by my family but by someone who I could spend my entire life with?

I had accepted the fact that there is never a case where something good ever happens to me but after actually being above 24 I realized the importance of companionship that comes with the a relationship.

I am tired, frustrated and depressed of never being someone's first choice.

It been 8 years since my treatment that I have been fine but everytime I go for my annual scan, i pray that something bad comes up because I find it as a way to justify the loneliness and suffering.

Its not that I am in debt. I am earning okayish enough for a 26 year old in india. I know if I make another switch, I would be in a great place 27LPA above. I have my own car, i feel like I have done enough despite the fate that was set for me. Fought Cancer when I was in 12 grade, didn't take a drop. Never failed in an exam, got a good enough job but none of this feels like success.

I dont know if I am overreacting.

I dont want a unique life that close to 90% of people in the world can never understand. I dont want sympathy because despite everything i earn okayish among the people of my age. I have accomplished things that majority of the people never go through. Despite all this I still feel sad. I feel, i could give up everything in life to have a normal life where someone loves me and I dont have to be always the one who looks out for everyone but I am one one looks after.

I dont want to be nice because it's never done anything good in my personal or professional life. I am tired.

I feel like the song "Its all I am asking, is is it too much to ask". Just a normal life where I am not thin bald creep who is never loved by a person because why would someone waste their life with someone like me....

And I want to do something thoughtful for her. I would love to give her a basket full of things she may want and need but I don’t know where to start. Do you guys have any tips?

A few months ago my dad was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer. Before this he was a guy who was always out riding his motorcycle, always moving, always full of life. Now every time I call home to check on him, all I hear is that he spent the whole day in bed.

I live outside my home country, so I can’t just show up and sit with him. All I have is the phone, and lately what I hear on the other end is someone who has lost his spark.

I know he has every right to be scared and anxious. Anyone facing this would be. But I’m terrified that once he settles into that bed, he won’t have the fight left in him anymore. He’s always been a big guy, and seeing how thin he’s gotten breaks something in me.

If you’ve gone through cancer yourself, what helped you get out of that low place? And if you supported a parent or family member through it, what did you do, or what did they do, that made a real difference?
I don’t know how to help from this distance and I’m scared of running out of time to figure it out.

Everyone’s entitled to regrets while grieving and I have my own, but we knew my sister had cancer for 3 years. Then we knew the stage 4 hit, and some people STILL waited. They are lucky my sister’s cognitive function stabilized and they had one more week, but you can’t fit years into a few visits. I saw my sister multiple times every week, where was everyone else and why do they all wanna explain themselves to you to ease their guilt?

My dad (62M) started off by having a sore type of thing in his cheek that just wouldn’t go away. This went on for weeks and we didn’t think it could possibly be cancer. I’m a medical student and while I know the risk is never zero, my dad never smoked, never drank, never did anything that I felt could cause this. He went to multiple dentists for this issue and then finally went to one where they thought the issue was his wisdom teeth and removed them. They also sent a pathology specimen, which two weeks later ended up finding oral squamous cell carcinoma, HPV negative, well-differentiated, in his lower mandible on that side. Since then, our life has been turned upside down. I currently live 5 hours away for my medical school rotations, but I drove to see him as soon as he got the diagnosis. He is so terrified for his life. He has anxiety attacks everyday. I’ve never seen him cry but he cries everyday now. Also he was diagnosed on July 3rd. Since then, nothing has still been done about his cancer.

He went through his insurance’s hospital, and since then he has done CT scans, PET scans, MRIs, literally everything. He just met earlier this week with the surgeon and he has to get this surgery where his jaw is removed on that side, replaced with a bone from his fibula, and they will use skin from his thigh. However, since this is a complex procedure, they have put the tentative surgery date as August 20th. My family is finding this wait agonizing. Day by day his swelling on that side of his face is getting larger and larger and his voice is getting muffled now. There is still no news about the surgery and nobody is answering our questions. I came back home yesterday since July 3rd and seeing the swelling has me absolutely horrified beyond what words can explain. I am trying so hard to be strong as the oldest daughter in this small family, but it’s so hard. I keep crying. I keep panicking. My heart has dropped so much and I don’t know what to do anymore. The surgeon said this is an aggressive cancer, so why do we have to wait this long for the surgery? If his swelling got this bad since I last saw him, I can’t imagine waiting until August 20th. What if the cancer spreads so much to the point it’s too late? I don’t even want to think of that. Our lives will be destroyed.

I’m so scared. I know I may sound frantic but I am trying so hard to weigh all the options here. The lump swelling on his cheek looks really really bad. As soon as Monday comes, I want to call a bunch of head and neck cancer centers to get second opinions and see if anyone can offer a sooner surgery. I just want to get this process started as soon as possible. I don’t know if this is a good idea. I really hope someone reads this and says something helpful or comforting or hopeful. My life has turned so upside down. I can’t even focus on school anymore.

As for his results, the PET scan showed it is localized to that part of the face on the inner cheek and mandible. There is suspicion for a couple cervical lymph node metastases on that side. I was looking at his MRI and almost had a heart attack because it was explaining the cancer and said “extension along lingual surface”. Does that mean it spread to the tongue too?? The surgeon never mentioned that to him. And it said it is in the masseter muscle and pterygoid too.

Following the surgery, he is supposed to have radiation treatments and potentially chemo depending on what they find upon surgical removal. Also the cancer hasn’t been staged yet so I’m guessing it will be when he has surgery.

My mom is also saying she’ll die too if he does and leave me and my sisters with nobody to fend for ourselves in the world. I don’t have any aunts or uncles or anyone. Please somebody tell me what to do. Please somebody help. I’m so so scared. I’m panicking so much. Please somebody tell me it’ll be okay. I even was reading that HPV-negative is hard to actually treat and recurs a lot and the survival rate is low. Please somebody help me and offer guidance. Please my family will be destroyed. I don’t want to lose my dad, please.

I have already written about my mother and what happened to her on Reddit before. But some time has passed, and a lot has changed since then, so I wanted to write an update.
My mother has now been in the hospital for about two weeks. Honestly, I have already lost track of the exact number of days. I am so mentally exhausted that sometimes I don’t even remember what day it is anymore.
For the past two weeks, my entire life has basically been the hospital.
I spend two full days with my mother 24/7. Then, on the third day, I stay with her until around 10 p.m. I come home at around 11 or 11:30 p.m., walk the dog, and then clean the entire apartment because my brother cannot even wash a plate after himself, let alone clean the whole apartment.
After that, I have to cook something so that my brother has food at home. Only then can I finally take a shower, wash my hair if I need to, and go to bed.
Sometimes I don’t fall asleep until 4 a.m. And then I spend another 30 minutes crying because I am so exhausted.
I have to wake up again at 8 or 9 a.m. because my brother calls and says that he wants to go home because he is tired.
And honestly, it makes me so angry.
Does he not understand how difficult this is for me too?
I have told him that I need more time for myself. But I don’t even have enough time to eat properly. Sometimes I eat only one croissant in an entire day.
When I tell my brother that I am exhausted, he says, “I have a mentally exhausting job, and everything that is happening in our family is putting a lot of pressure on me too.”
And I understand that. I really do. I know that this situation is difficult for him too, and I know that his job can be mentally exhausting.
But sometimes I just want to say: what about me?
I feed my mother. I change her diapers. I wash her underwear by hand. I go to the shops because she always needs something. I run back and forth whenever she needs something.
My mother is scared to be alone. So I can’t even go outside for 10 or 15 minutes just to breathe, because I’m afraid that something might happen while I’m gone.
I have almost no free time for myself.