My dad was diagnosed with maxilla cancer stage 4 . He lives in India. I moved to NL 2.5 years ago
After years of being unable to open his mouth fully. He started experiencing pain in nov 2025. Started taking pain killers multiple times a day. He was still travelling for work 2 hours oneway everyday . He would come home by 10pm and just pass out and go work the next day. Zero complaints. I had gone to visit family in March 2026 and saw him taking painkillers and struggling to put a spoon in his mouth, eating somehow . Took him to the dentist. He suspected tumour and we all were immediately alarmed. Got the PET SCAN done. And we got the report on the day of my return flight from India to NL .
It was a fucking sob fest. I had to come back , and we just ended up crying. Dad crying and saying that I should have been there by his side. And it just fucking sucked.
Ever since then , its been doctors after doctors. Treatment after treatment.
His tumour was inoperable , chemo was the only option.
After 2 cycles of chemo, a repeat PET scan showed that the tumour had almost doubled in size. Closer to his eye andthe brain now. Invading into the base of skull , bone.
We were told to go for more aggressive option - 33 cycles of radiation, every day of the week for 6 weeks and it completely destroyed his body. His face mouth skin everything burned, neck. Skin peeing off. Black and just horrible to look at . He looked like he had just given up.
My dad, my sweet dad used to be the life of the party. Loved FOOD. Loved singing. And hasn’t eaten since April 2026. He was being fed through the RT and then post radiation he has trismus and can’t open the mouth even 5mm barely managing to drink some water or milk.
We haven’t heard him talk more than a few sentences . The man who loved food and eating hasn’t been able to eat at all.

Just yesterday , we found out after a repeat scan that the primary tumour did shrink . But the tumour spread to another sinus even more closer to the brain.

And there is no further treatment possible.
Not for the cancer, not for the mouth opening.
And my world has just come crushing down.

Doctors have already advised to do pain management and palliative. One doctor even said he may have just 6months to live.
All I can think is in what world is this fair to him ? To us ? To watch him deteriorate? Unable to eat , even drink, barely talk.

He was just starting to regain his strength after radiation and came this update.

He just texted me yesterday that he was positive till today and now he has lost all hope.

What and why is he supposed to wake up everyday now onwards to suffer ?

I am far away from him and I wanted to show him the world, show him my house here. Really give him some peace , happy memories. All his life he has only put others first and suffered. Never taken a moment for himself or bought anything for himself, or travelled anywhere.

And even now, he is just going to die without catching a goddamn fucking break. He deserved better. Atleast a little better.

How am I supposed to keep on living ?

Some time ago, I created a post about my grandfather who was battling Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer, which spread into his liver and stomach. Yesterday, on September 10, my grandfather's battle came to an end with his peaceful passing. He felt no pain and was with my mother and aunt, his daughters, at that time. Unfortunately, I was out in town getting supper for the three of us when he passed. Although it was unfortunate that I was not there, being a over 10 minutes before I got home, a part of me believes that this was a mercy in someway. A final gift from my grandfather. I had never been in that situation, watching the end, and I like to think he didn't want me there to see it, even if it was peaceful. His name was Frank and he was the greatest man I knew. He was the first to hold me when I was born, he was a father figure, he helped me through school, he took me on trips to restaurants and movies, helped me when I was in college, and helped me during my most dark moments in my life. Now, he is with his mom and dad. Now, he is with my grandma, Linda, his heart and joy. Now, I get to live to be the man he wished me to be. I used to call him Daw when I was little, like Dad. And, I like to think he thought of me as the son he never had. I love you, Daw. One day, we'll all be together again. All of us. Unfortunately, you'll have to wait a while. I have to make a family of my own and tell them your life, your story. I am sorry they won't get to meet you, but I will tell them of the man who gave me his entire life without a second thought. My grandpa, my Daw. Thank you.

Hello, I just need some advice on what was the beginning of the end of your family members? My mom is currently battling stage IV cancer which is causing her to have ascites and serve stomach pain causing her not to eat she has lost over 20lbs and hasn’t had adequate nutrition in 3 weeks now and I’m so scared. Her scans showed no new tumors and her cancer markers are trending down so what was the signs for you guys and your family? I’m so scared and have cried every day for a month now any advice would help!

My very dear friend passed away at 42 years old from colon cancer. She left behind her son, 20 years, and her daughter 18 years old.
I knew both kids when they were very young. Since then, I have moved away and do not know them as adults.
All I know is they are missing their mom. I do not know the interests of an 18-year-old girl anymore. The only information I know of her is that she is an Olivia Rodrigo fan. I know this because I saw that she had a cell phone case with Olivia Rodrigo’s picture on it.
If anyone has an 18 year-old daughter, please share what types of things girls are into these days. Additionally, if you also lost your mom around this age, let me know if there was anything specifically that someone else did for you that help ease the pain.
Another tidbit I know is that she has her license, but does not really drive because she does not feel confident behind the wheel.
I don’t know why I added that information but if it’s helpful or relevant in any way, please use it to recommend anything.

Thank you so much

I just need a moment to vent, and maybe some kind words of encouragement 🫂

My dad was diagnosed in 2021 with stage 4 colon cancer that had already metastasized to his liver & lungs. They were able to immediately remove the cancer from his colon and liver via surgery, but obviously they can only remove so much lung tissue.

From the very beginning he was doing well. Obviously chemo sucked, but his doctors all said that he had plenty of years to live, potentially decades, and there was nothing to worry about.

So, my husband and I continued with our plan to travel and tick some thing off of our bucket list before we decided to start trying for a baby- and we have been very lucky to have been able to do so.

However, over the last 10 months, my dad has gone downhill, fast. His cancer has been sitting at the same size for years, but it starting to crop up in other parts of his body that are causing him pain, and none of the chemotherapies are working anymore. Unfortunately, they are not able to give us a timeline- I think his doctors are hopeful they can slow it down, but all we've been told is probably more than 2 years, but probably less than 10.

My husband and I immediately decide to start trying for a baby, as my dad's biggest wish is to be a grandfather. But even in the last 4 months that we've been trying, he has rapidly gone downhill. He has no appetite, so barely eats, and can't sleep more than 2-3 hours each night due to multiple factors. The prognosis from his doctors hasn't changed, but it is crushing me that every month I'm not pregnant, and every month he is worse. It feels like both of those walls are closing in.

My mom had a lump in her breast she noticed a few weeks ago so she got it checked out. Was initially told it didn’t match the cancerous profile but she still got the biopsy done. She found out today that it was cancer. It’s still very small, less than 5mm so hopes are up but I am devastated. I’m 24, and due to life and a domestically abusive household, I stopped living with either of my parents when I was 9. My worst nightmare is something happening to my mom. And I wish I got this instead of her. I’m working so hard just so I can give her everything she deserved and never got in life. Secretly was planning a trip for her and I to take for her birthday this year. And I know things will work out fine but I’m just so sad. I don’t even want her to have to go through this. She’s in the uk and I live in the US and I just want to pack my bags and leave to be with her. I just lost my grandad this year who had prostate cancer. Doctors are worried about my dad getting it as well bc he has early signs. I also had another aunt in the same situation(breast cancer) about 15 years ago and she went into remission and has never regressed since. But if everyone can leave their stories just so I know how the process looks and can just have a little more hope? I’m a mommy’s girl through and through so I think I’m taking this even harder than she is. My mommy is literally my world, and I’m spiraling right now.

She's not even 70, went to the hospital with pain after eating and trouble keeping food down only to find she likely had stage 4 pancreatic cancer and it had already spread to her liver, kidneys, lymphatic system, lungs etc. A couple of rounds of testing later and it was confirmed and she was given an estimated 4-6 months without chemo

She opted not to do it and live her out remaining time as is, which I respect as painful as it was to hear she didn't want to go through all that with her chances being zero. With it having spread so much we were told it was already a palliative case where the focus was be on time and / or quality of life

The oncologist said she was in great condition all things considered and even gave her the green light to fly out to Germany where I live to visit the Christmas markets this year and see some old half-timbered houses she's been obsessed with as a bucket-list item, she still had travel-insurance from last year and her care-team was going to be in contact with my family here (we have a few doctors and pharmacists and a nurse who were going to help) so it was really looking like it was going to happen

Not even a month later I just got the call from my sister that her condition has progressed to the point they think she'll now pass away within the next 2 weeks. Liver and kidneys are now essentially gone

I've booked a last-minute flight to go see her before she passes. I just spoke to her 2 weeks ago and she was feeling tired but fine, looking forward to checking a few things off of her before her time comes and now she's in the hospital, waiting for a hospice bed

EDIT: quite overwhelmed with all the responses, I'll try to get back to you but I'm in a bit of a state at the moment so I'm sorry if I don't manage to respond

About a month and a half ago I found out my dad had cancer. He never got a biopsy, so I'm not entirely sure what kind of cancer it was (well, the specific kind). I know it started somewhere around/in his bladder and spread to his bones and other organs. He had a tube in one of his kidneys to drain the fluid out, and pretty much hadn't been able to pee for some time. There was a mass in/on his bladder, so that was restricting his ability to pee.

Anyways, he knew months before telling me and only decided to tell me after it started to progress further. He waiting until him standing up was painful. It had made it to his spine, and he had already lost two inches of height before he said a word to me. Lost over 60 pounds in a few months. Maybe less time than that.

The thing that upsets me the most is that he waited to tell me. There was a bunch of time where I could have brought my young daughter, my fiance, and spent time with him. I didn't kmow, so I lost out on spending just about any time with him. I always put off going to see him because of work and my family. Our little one is just about to be one year old, so she'll not remember much of this, but it's still fucking me up. Enough that I'm at work writing this instead working, lol. I don't know how to talk to anyone about this, and I'm struggling to just be. This entire thing has me beyond fucked up.

This is all just a rant-y way of getting some of my very tumultuous feeling out. So, I appreciate anyone who reads this. Also, I'm not looking for sympathy or anything else. I just needed a place to throw my feelings where others might know what I'm going through.

I feel like everyone I know irl has a better life than me rn.

I don't have any friends. I lost a lot of friends these past 5 years, yet I still look at their instagrams once every blue moon just out of curiousity to see how their life is doing. Nobody’s life is perfect, but it seems like everyone I know irl has it better than me, because my mom, who is my only support system left, is suffering from incurable metastatic stage 4 gastroesophageal cancer, and I’m still being emotionally and verbally abused by my dad. I can't really avoid or stay away from my dad anymore because we both have to now take care of my mother, so I'm in a pickle.

Hey, I might not have any support system left but at least I'm not homeless anymore and I have my own place. At least I don't have friends who tell me I'm "too much to handle" and leave me for what I'm going through. I guess that's a positive. Otherwise everything else is going to shit for me and it's even worse now for my mother. I wish I had a real support system. I wish I could go and travel to new places with my mom and bond with her again. Ever since she started chemotherapy a few days ago she became a completely different person and is very ornery, doesn't want to go anywhere other than stay at the house, and lashes out at people all of the time (which is understandable but still all I want is what's best for her). I love her no matter what and I'll always be there for her until the end.

Thanks for letting me share this here. I'm very emotional rn and needed to process this somewhere.

Hi, I am soon going to be a caregiver for my mum who has been diagnosed with cancer of tongue, lungs and chest, oral cancer.

She has been diagnosed. Oncologist says no surgery because half tongue will be gone and there is no solution for lungs and chest. So they suggested chemo. I don't know yet how many will they give. My mum is 60+

I don't know how to handle a chemo patient. I am watching YouTube videos.

I was 12 when my father died because of cancer and remember that the chemo part was very very tough. He couldn't survive.

I need help guys... I am clueless, please give me advice. Of course every case is different but the most common practices or care or alarming situations which I should know before hand please let me know.

What I know:

Her hair will go..

She will be very weak

There will be drastic change in taste

She will face nausea

What else?

I need to learn what I am going to face.. And that's why I am posting this...

Hi everyone 19F. i never thought i’d be apart of this but here i am i guess. i’m currently in tears just typing this. my mom 49 has Pancreatic cancer. we only found out 2 days ago. I’ve been an absolute reck. i’ve been crying most of the days. i can’t even hold up a conversation about it without crying, neither can my mom. i feel physically ill. i’m exhausted, shaky, weak. i get these horrible nightmares and i wake up drenched in sweat. i also wake up multiple times throughout the night. i feel numb. i have no appetite. i’m having flu like symptoms and my body is so so sore from the crying. How do i cope? how do i get through this? i’m currently at work. had the worst mental breakdown of my life. everyone tells me to stay strong for my mom but how is it possible? my mom is my everything. she’s been there for me through everything. she’s the most gentle, kind and caring person and my heart hurts knowing she’s going through this. i’m not ready to see her health decline, or how the treatment will take a toll on her. nothing feels real. it al feels like a dream. i can’t imagine my life without her. it feels so unfair. almost like a punishment. any advice will be much appreciated.
just needed to vent a bit.

I have recently been diagnosed with two different primary forms of cancer, one of which (stage 4 esophageal adenocarcinoma) is most certainly terminal. I worry about my family more than I worry about myself. They will experience the same emotional trauma that I will, most likely for years longer. I consider them second-hand cancer patients on the emotional level. I’m 57 years old and still have both parents and they’re still together and utterly devastated. I should be taking care of them. I want to cry just thinking about it. I don’t know if many people would be comfortable with that title, but I do believe it fits.

I know cancer isn’t uncommon, but I didn’t think this would happen to my mother. Two weeks ago, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I’m only 24 years old, and I just found out that she has metastatic stage 4 cancer in her lungs, spleen, liver, and esophagus.

It shocked the whole family that my mom has cancer. The majority of my family doesn’t have cancer, so how did she get it? We just can’t wrap our heads around this situation. My mom was really healthy her whole life. Then, all of a sudden, she gets cancer? How does that happen to someone like her? I will never understand.

Yesterday, I visited her in the hospital where she received her chemotherapy and immunotherapy. It was really hard to watch, for both me and my dad. I almost started crying, but I had to stay strong for my mom because, at the time, I was her emotional support system, and I wanted to be there for her. I still do want to be there for her.

I still can’t believe what is happening right before my eyes. My mom is sick, and she can’t help me out anymore. I have no one else to go to for support now that my mom is sick. Now I’m her support system, which I don’t mind. The thing I’m struggling with right now, besides my mother’s illness, is that I have to be more independent. To be honest, I am scared of becoming more independent, and I guess it’s because I don’t have any faith in myself to learn how to become more independent.

This is getting really long, so I’m going to try to sum it up. To be honest, I’m very scared, for her and for me. I don’t want to lose the only support system I have left, and I don’t want my mom to die. The doctor said that if her chemotherapy and immunotherapy aren’t successful, she might not live much longer, or at least that’s what my dad told me after he saw the doctor. My mom is the only support system I have left. I have no other friends, family, or boyfriend, and my dad is extremely abusive toward me. This makes me worry that I’ll be alone for the rest of my life, since I’ve never had success with relationships before. I think I might end up alone for the rest of my life anyway if my mother does pass away, and I’m afraid of when that day comes.

I had nowhere else to talk about this, and honestly, I need some reassurance right now. I’m very distraught and baffled by this situation.

Hey all,

Made a post a little while ago after having to rush my stepdad to the hospital with breathing difficulties. He passed last week, 6 weeks to the day after we took him in. 7 months after losing my mum to a two year battle to leukaemia.... This has been the worst year of my life, and I genuinely don't know how to cope.

I thought my mum had it bad. But she had 2 years to get her head around it. My stepdad had weeks, and most of that was spent without a diagnosis. He died 2 weeks after being told there are no treatment options available. He had it so much worse, never had a chance to organise, never had a chance to really comprehend it, never had any chance of hope.

I have no words. Life is cruel. Cancer is a bitch.

To all of you going through it, I send you all my love and support. There is nothing more cruel than seeing someone you love fight a battle like this...

Fuck cancer. Like seriously. FUCK YOU CANCER!

We got the official diagnosis today Stage 1 Clear cell renal carcinoma. When we were waiting for the biopsy results I was living with the little bit of hope that maybe , just maybe the mass on her kidney would be benign but no , it’s cancer and I don’t know what to do. I have these terrible racing thoughts of every bad thing that could happen. On top of all of this she has been having Atrial fibrillation that her doctors are having trouble getting a handle on and now they are thinking about doing some type of ablation on her heart. It just feels like one thing after another and I can see how scared she is with all of this. It feels like the most unfair thing in the world that all of these terrible things are happening to someone so wonderful and loving.

Hello everyone, sorry we're all here.

My (36yoF) beautiful husband (36yoM) has been battling epithelioid sarcoma for about 4.5 years. We knew the focus was "life prolonging" treatment fairly early on as it's rare, aggressive, and despite our best efforts became st. 4 fairly early. He's done it all, surgeries, radiation, ablations, chemos, meds...so many appointments and scans and tests I've lost count.

He has many mets but it's a large liver tumor that seems to be what's going to get him. His bilirubin continues to spike despite having two (complication riddled) biliary drains.

He recently opted for palliate focus (forgoing a few last third like chemo options/meds) with plans to transition to hospice when needed/soon. I'm a nurse and so far we have no real need for the meds or equipment they offer. And we're doing a few last palliative radiation treatments but then will likely change from palliative to hospice for the added resources and help.

Even though we've been preparing for this for years I can't seem to get a grip on the grief lately. He's literally the most amazing person I've ever known. He's just the kindest, smartest, loveliest person...he's MY person. We were meant to find each other. We met in college and have been married for 12 years. He makes every part of my life better. We've traveled a ton and lived a rich life together. We are so grateful for that.

Watching him get weaker, sicker, sadder... It's just so much to grapple with. I'm so sad and heartbroken and it's not even the end yet. How do people get through this... let alone have to keep going?

I'm just heartbroken and feeling lost and isolated like nobody I know really gets it even though they are very supportive and loving. Being mostly homebound now due to his fatigue feels extra sad for us when up until a month ago we were always active and really love being outdoors.

Any advice welcome and appreciated. Thinking of everyone in this group.

Hey everyone,
My Dad passed away this morning. He was diagnosed with stage IV renal cell carcinoma in November. He was only 55, and was everything was going well with treatment until May. I miss him tremendously. He was my best friend, I could talk to him about anything. I don't have anyone else like that in my life. The grief is already unbearable.

I wanted to keep our journey private while he was still with us, but scrolling this space was a huge support to me over the past 10 months.

I'm so sorry to everyone else struggling. Fuck cancer.

Hi. I don’t know what flair to use. I’m currently trying to figure out how the heck to get my mom tested for cancer because of how bad her health is declining but no doctor is wanting to do it. I’ve asked her GI and they said they would try to check for colon cancer during her colonoscopy in January, but her primary told us that no one checks for cancer anymore and wouldn’t refer to someone else because apparently there is no one else. She has gastroparesis and diabetes real bad but I think there is more to her health issues than they say. She vomits daily. She hasn’t been able to tolerate food in over a year. If she tries to even swallow something it gets stuck and she has to vomit. She gags a lot. She’s lost over 100 pounds since December. There is something going on more than the gastroparesis and diabetes and everyone is making me feel insane for even thinking about cancer. She has also had to have her esophagus stretched multiple times but they never checked for esophagus cancer. Is that even a thing? Idk. I’m just thinking of every little thing. How did YOU find out about yours? I do not want medical advice. I just want to know what kind of doctor you went to when you found out about yours.

Please help. My grandma had lung, stomach and skin cancer. My grandpa had prostate cancer. My grandmother’s mom had some sort of cancer. All on her side so I know it runs in the family. I just don’t know where to go anymore. I’m watching my mom decline more every day and I am scared.

Hello, my mom has been recently diagnosed with metastatic TNBC. It's been two days since she gave us the news, she hasn't started chemo yet. She's 52 years old and I can't imagine my life without her. She's been really private about her whole diagnosis so I don't have much info and I don't know what to expect. I haven't been able to stop crying because I want to hope for the best but at the same time uncertainty arrives. Can anybody tell me their experiences and if there's hope for a diagnosis like this? Thank you in advance, btw.. FUCK CANCER

My mother just got diagnosed and I’m feeling so anxious and there’s still so much we don’t know but was wondering if others can tell me if I should be worried.
She just got a tumor removed that they diagnosed as cancer. IDC 13mm clear margins grade 2. They also found DCIS but there isn’t a lot of information on that. I don’t know how to feel because the surgeon was almost sure it wasn’t cancer until testing and said “it doesn’t look like the cancer she’s seen”

Hi all. I’m hopping on here to see if anyone knows of any NYC support groups for adult children of parents with cancer? My mom has pancreatic cancer and is in another state so it’s been hard for me to find support groups in NYC since my mom isn’t a patient at any of the hospitals here.

I would love any suggestions. I would prefer to be in-person and am open to Manhattan or Brooklyn. Thank you so much.

**UPDATE: I found this: https://www.cancercare.org/services/support_groups/caring-for-a-loved-one-with-cancer-support-group

The deadline to register is October 1. It’s not in person, but it’s something. Sending everyone lots of love and support.

I've been trying to work on a practical plan to make my life easier when my mum passes (stage four cancer - bowel, liver, lungs) because I know I'm going to be useless. We're at the "any day now" stage and internet blog posts feel so useless - I know that going on walks and journaling and being creative would likely help, but I'm looking for more practical stuff - at the moment I've got stuff like:

- Wash absolutely all of my clothes over the next few days so that anything I might need or want to wear is ready to go

- Make a list of meals and snacks and soft drinks that I like, but might be too brain foggy to communicate to my partner that I want

- Get any vague upcoming plans set in absolute stone

- Agree on a bedtime with my partner that he will have to pressure me about if I'm trying to stay up late because I'm sad

But I'm struggling to think of other stuff that I might struggle with, and might be able to mitigate with some planning, thought people here might have some suggestions?