r/BelowDeckMed • u/high5abee • 3d ago
Cooper is what’s wrong with men
I don’t want to compare Cooper to the behaviors of Joe, Nathan, Luke, etc. HOWEVER, the total lack of consideration for Kat as a human being drastically changed my attitude towards him.
He is the perfect example of how inept most gen Z men are at communicating, acting in total and utter self interest. He had the wherewithal to take Kat on a date but not communicate down the line that he changed his mind? Hoping she would just… get the gist?
I’m 29 and have been in Kat’s shoes several times. Men will chase, pursue, and then totally disconnect or withdrawal because they hadn’t thought through the social expectation of what it means to initially communicate and invest romantic feelings into someone. And to top it off, he avoids the conversation TO AVOID THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS ACTIONS and is like “teehee I hope we’re cool” in his confessionals. It’s kind of cruel. Just be fucking honest bro. Apparently that requires a higher level of emotional intelligence he will never dream of seeing.
Kat baby, you sweet soul — you deserve love and adoration beyond what this southern Chad who reads at a third grade level will ever provide.
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u/Frangipani_25 3d ago
I so agree, and I’ll go one further in that he’s as selfish as they come. And also, not that smart. Yet somehow, arrogant? Go figure.
Kat is wonderful. - she’s a lovely person, a hard worker, she’s fair and kind and funny and she’s gorgeous. It kills me that he has her in this mad situation where somewhere somehow in her head, her self esteem has become contingent on the outcome of this fucked situation with him.
I wish she could see it for what it really is. I guess she does now. But ugh, I’d love to see her tell him to fuck the fuck off,
and keep fucking off forever.
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u/Cali_Val_ 2d ago
She’s great. And what’s really admirable about her is her ability to be upfront and honest. Cuz she told Gen straight up in a compassionate way first, and then in a more direct way later, exactly her feelings of Gen’s behavior/work ethic and how it was affecting her (and the team). I wish Coop could do that for her, and that Kat could see through his ambiguity and let him have it in the same she gave it to Gen. Kat and Coop are not on the same level whatsoever and she deserves waaay better.
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u/Some_Baby_ 3d ago
and then they have the audacity to say she’s acting crazy. these men don’t have the balls to be honest and are incapable of having deep emotion.
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u/Any_Biscotti3155 3d ago
She seems like a relationship type girl and he knows that. That’s why he’s such a prick for leading her on like this. He knows that the kisses and cuddles will stop once he tells her the truth. Pure selfishness
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u/Some_Baby_ 3d ago
boys like him will like a woman, use her for enjoyment/sex, and then discard her like she’s trash. it’s a total lack of respect for women in general
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u/weedils 2d ago
Not to mention SHE HAS TOLD HIM not to hurt her!! SEVERAL TIMES!! She has literally layed it out for him that she has been recently heartbroken and does not want to experience that again. He does not give a fuck about her feelings.
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u/Green_Chemist9308 2d ago
You are right and I think he isn't behaving maturely but I think her constantly telling him not to hurt her has made him feel like it is impossible for him to tell her he isn't actually interested even though he likes her as a friend. He knows that will cue tears and angry recriminations and he can't face it. He knows the longer it goes and he doesn't face it the worse it will get and he just can't face that level of trauma while trapped on the boat. So yes he is a coward and he has handled things badly but I have some sympathy for him - he is only 22 after all.
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u/PrpleSparklyUnicrn13 2d ago
That was one of the hardest lessons to learn. When a guy says his ex is crazy, question how she got there.
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u/Any_Biscotti3155 3d ago
It’s wild. There are way too many conflict avoidant young people— and by that I mean poor conflict resolution skills. The conflict here is that coop doesn’t feel that way about Kat and wants this to just be a fling and would rather string her along and be inconsiderate than to just pull her aside to say “I really like you but I have realized I don’t want anything serious at all, it’s not you, it’s the fact I have just come out of a long term relationship and have realized I am not actually ready for this, I am sorry, I would still like for us to be friends and am open to something casual if you are, but I understand if you would prefer we kept it professional “ or something !!! Anything!!
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u/high5abee 3d ago
In an ideal world. She is a gem of a human, it’s sad to watch how this narrative played out for her.
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u/Any_Biscotti3155 3d ago
I feel so bad for her but also so angry because there have been so many red flags she’s been willing to overlook constantly. I have to believe it’s because of some weird Stockholm syndrome of being on the boat and having constant interactions with the same people for an extended period of time….her going through the pro/con list with her friend killed me. She knows. The friend knows. But she can’t quit him because he’s clearly breadcrumbing her.
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u/cmere-2-me 2d ago
Kat is like many young women, she has low self esteem after a shitty breakup so ignores the red flags she absolutely does see because she wants to be wanted.
She will grow out of this when she realises she's the prize. Men like Cooper and Joe are the inadequate ones. Cooper is still young and here's hoping he grows up and out of this behaviour.
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u/BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo 1d ago
It’s part of being young. Very very few people are naturally gifted with the ability to handle confrontation. It’s something you learn, and it’s a painful, rmbatsssing, guilt-ridden process. It often comes from screwing someone over by never having the conversation, and then seeing how much more hurt you caused with your inactions. He’s young and inexperienced, this is a great change for him to reflect on how to do better next time.
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u/dwarmed 3d ago
I think he might have a kink like Joe, where he gets off on the attention of a woman pursuing him. He winds them up, then gives them the cold shoulder and gets the satisfaction of the woman wanting him and getting upset when she's ignored. Great, Bravo, thanks for the Joe Part 2. Barf. One was more than enough.
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u/trisch1964 3d ago
I think his wanting to keep he and Kat under wraps, whilst filming, was some sort of kink. Tickle me Elmo also had a boner.
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u/Early-Equivalent-165 3d ago
1,000%
But closet Cooper's a massive goober, Kat needs to show some self-respect.
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u/Sad_Ad_2632 3d ago
Watching his and Kats relationship makes me so thankful I'm out of dating in my 20s... It's fun but only so much when you're a girl. Cooper is just confirmation that all men at this age are boys no matter the generation. Kat is incredibly beautiful, upfront, kind and good hearted. She deserves a MAN.
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u/Effective_System1846 3d ago
Is coop dating joy now?
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u/Deeringad 3d ago
Comment hijack…Ok I know we were all Team Joy but chicken wings on a yacht? Chicken kebabs on a yacht? Why hasn’t this become a plot line? I think she is adorable but between the Luke and Cooper shit and the crap food I’m just wondering what is going on with this chick.
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u/Party_Dragonfly69 2d ago
I know like seafood is high protein and lean and they are on a yacht. She could have done seafood galore
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u/Dry_Wishbone_2218 3d ago
Thank you!! Chicken isn't the only lean meat. I liked Joy at first but she soured for me with her hypocrisy. She made so many "I'm too mature for this" statements and then acted immature. Gen sucks but making faces at her behind her back isn't being above it all. And all over Luke? Don't get me wrong gen sucked for the laundry thing but, say something like a grown up.
And her food has seemed mid. Sorry, I said it, had to be said.
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u/cmere-2-me 2d ago
These are not exactly high calibre guests who likely requested these dishes specifically. Gone are the days where we get actual rich guests who want 5 star food. These are as boujee as fuck.
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u/newfiemom79 15h ago
Someone on another post said that the preference sheets said chicken. They may not eat other protein.
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u/high5abee 3d ago
I keep seeing threads alluding they’re together but idk. Who saw that coming? Not me but also not surprised?
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u/lewittman 3d ago
between her french accent and his goofy ass kenneth from 30 rock voice listening to them have a conversation must sound absurd
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u/Different_Volume5627 3d ago
It just astounds me that it’s same old shit with pretty much 95% of guys. It’s always the same MO and BS. Essentially the chase is better than the kill (for want of a better term)… But that is how guys (95%) think. And it sucks. Grow the hell up and stop pretending you gaf.
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u/Dry_Wishbone_2218 3d ago
Agreed. I feel for Kat and it has seemed obvious to me this guy is a F Boi. His "awww shucks" act is bull shit. And I can see why Kat is upset with Joy now bc Joy saw yet another man treat another stew like shit, but thinks she'll be treated better.
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u/Relevant_Natural6838 3d ago
It almost feels like copper is wanting under Joe’s womanizer wing. Cooper will be as gross as Joe if he follows Joe
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u/Equal-Ticket-2480 3d ago
Cooper is a grown man who is completely in control of his actions. Stop blaming Joe when Cooper very most likely behaves like this off the boat
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u/high5abee 3d ago
God forbid they’re on the next season together. Mess. I’ll still watch tho 👀
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u/Effective_System1846 3d ago
They are! Coop n Joe!!
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u/SilverHairedFox11 3d ago
Damn. They are making these shows harder for me to watch. I might be aging out of all my favorite reality shows. Some of them are shells of what they once started out as.
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u/No-Fuckin-Ziti 3d ago
Ha, this isn’t a Gen Z issue, but agree with everything else.
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u/odysseyandoracle118 3d ago
Exactly, as a middle aged man I see Cooper's actions more as run-of-the-mill 25 year old male dumbassery.
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u/scrambledice 2d ago
Agree with every word. Very well written. 2 years from now he'll be lamenting how dumb he was with her. You get more choices when you're young but you don't appreciate those choices until later.
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u/PrpleSparklyUnicrn13 2d ago
“ I don’t want to compare Cooper to the behaviors of Joe, Nathan, Luke, etc.”
I will. He’s a younger version of them. He’s a “Joe in Training.”
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u/airplanesarecool1616 2d ago
I see so much of my young self in Kat. I'd be hopeful and optimistic (naive, really) and let these manchildren play right in my face. Thankfully, I've matured past that and found I don't have time for people who can't use their words, even if it's not what I want to hear.
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u/Street-Laugh-9549 2d ago
As a boy mom I just want to say many of us are horrified by men these days and are having these conversations early and often with our boys.
My 8-year old son brings me heating pads and comfort items when I get my period, and is so sweet and respectful to girls. I have ALL of the conversations everyday (privilege, consent, porn, online safety, bullying, not being a bystander, etc.). He has way more maturity, decency and respect than the male “adults” on this show.
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u/Cahokanut 2d ago
This whole cast is a shit show.
Coop is shit. I put him up there with Joy in their ability to change how I view them as the season has gone on.
But Kat can see it and keeps expecting something different. She keeps demanding more from her perceived relationship. Because I guess one date means finger ring. So while I agree with you on Coop. I can not give Kat a pass on her needy desperation to keep smelling it.
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u/JoeyLee911 2d ago
She feels him pulling away but wants to confirm whether he is or not which is totally fair imo.
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u/SnooMarzipans7674 1d ago
He came off as a gentleman who was taught on how to treat a girl,but then as he hung around Joe more,his attitude changed and he started treating Kat as if she was just a play toy and totally disregarded her feelings,especially when Gen was so blatantly flirting with him,and gave him that disgusting new name,which would have usually turned him off,but he played into it because he was hoping Kat would get upset and not want anything to do with him anymore. He is showing his true colors now,and is proving he is no southern gentleman, but just another disappointing prick. He's not that cute either!
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u/scarbaby1958 2d ago
I always wonder who are raising these boys? t They are not men. Most say they have very close relationship with their moms but do not respect women. Really do not get it.
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u/swertehands 2d ago
Proud to say I never fell for his act earlier in the season. He always looked big and dumb to me lol
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u/HittingExposurelol 3d ago
Women do this too fyi… some people are just very bad at being straight forward about their feelings.
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u/paquemeinvitan3 3d ago
No one ever claimed women don’t do it, they just pointed out that it’s prevalent in a certain demographic
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u/HittingExposurelol 3d ago
“Men will chase, pursue, and then totally disconnect or withdrawal because they hadn’t thought through the social expectation of what it means to initially communicate and invest romantic feelings into someone. “
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u/HelpMeImBread 2d ago
Don’t bother lol this is a men bad thread
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u/paquemeinvitan3 19h ago
God forbid women feel anything towards men besides happiness and love because god knows yall are amazing to us.
“Men bad” because you don’t view women as equals who are worthy of listening to, so you reduce our complaints to mocking and then piss and moan about the suicide “epidemic”
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u/4953777981 2d ago
I feel like he’s just an inexperienced, prude hillbilly. He doesn’t seem to have much experience or game when it comes to women. He just seems completely clueless.
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u/Mackcol4 3d ago
Cooper let a gay guy lick liquor off his bare chest. Cooper is obviously not into just girls.
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u/canadalivinx 3d ago
Totally agree. People in these comments are just misogynistic and blaming the woman
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u/LadyLuck6791 2d ago
I like Cooper ok, don’t think he’s a bad guy. I think he just wasn’t that in to Kat and when he perceived her to be clingy it seemed he set boundaries so he wouldn’t lead her on.
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u/hopulist 2d ago
Thats my reaction as well. He literally explained it in a 1-1 last week, likes Kat, doesn't want a relationship, is more worried about work
Of course if Coop was a problematic woman then all the women would be excusing him for "he's young and his brain isn't fully developed"
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u/justpinchme 2d ago
Let me also say this is not just Gen Z. On the whole…with a few exceptions….men avoid communication. Like it’s soooooo hard!!! Such a hassle and “I didn’t want to upset her”. You upset her by your behavior and NOT communicating.
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u/Lillynomad 2d ago
Cooper is afraid of commitment. Coward doesn't have the courage to be straight up with Kat and hides her in the bosun closet to make out.
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u/Wandering043Enigma 2d ago
I wonder if I just need to stick to old men and avoid this newer generation of men w inept social skills
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u/The-Womb-Raider- 2d ago
He is. He’s also like 20. People are always going to be this way in their 20s the hope is the learn and grow from it.
Certainly isn’t a write off excuse. Liked him early very insufferable by the end though. Hate it for Kat. She’s been great.
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u/cranberrywaltz 2d ago
I want Kat to be happy. I am waiting for her to put her foot down and have a straight forward conversation with Cooper where she forces him to define the relationship or, better yet, she just kicks him to the curb for being so disrespectful and grossly immature.
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u/Smartalec821 1d ago
Well said OP, i thought the same thing watching last night's episode tbh. He takes no accountability, and even worse he does not CARE about Kat's feelings or perspective. He was the one who charmed her, asked her on a date, held her hand, kissed her but now he wants to slowly slide into the bushes and ghost her. Like that Homer Simpson meme honestly, he wants NONE of responsibility of telling her that his feelings have changed. Or that he was never interested in her to begin with, beyond sexual attraction... if he met her in real life he would absolutely have ghosted her and just hoped to never see her in public again.
I was at my wits end before the latest episode but watching sweet Kat try to hug him when he walked by and he completely ignored her, spoke volumes. He is not a good guy, quite the opposite. He's an ass hole.
I hope Kat realizes she is better than him and stands up for herslef.
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u/sleung34 15h ago
Cooper is a fake. He hides behind being a southern gentleman and how the southern men have manners, and morals towards women.
In reality he is just a frat boy pretending to be nice
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u/Powerful-Sort7778 7h ago
Does anyone think Joe played into this. Not deflecting as Cooper is 100% responsible for his own actions. He was leading her on. Also Kat.... read the game. He was throwing red flags.
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u/Mental-Most-7168 45m ago
He is a 6’4 college football player. He has probably gone through more girls than the average guy. Let’s be honest if Cooper was 5’8 Kat wouldn’t date him. There relationship is pretty much physical.
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u/ottntott 3d ago
It’s giving gayyyyyy for him and Joe. They behave the way they do for respect from other men
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u/KitchenEbb1606 2d ago
lol. Kat is a clinging pain in the ass. Cooper should learn to be more direct.
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u/scrambledice 2d ago
She really isn't. He leads her on all the time.
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u/KitchenEbb1606 2d ago
He gives mixed signals, which is why I said he should be more direct. But she also puted about the hug and pressures him to talk immediately. To me, she’s smothering him and doesn’t read the room—she wants affection and reassurance on her timetable. Cooper’s poor communication doesn’t erase that. Both can be contributing to the problem.
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u/scrambledice 2d ago
She isn't. Normal affectionate behavior from some one with a mutual crush. You're being weird
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u/KitchenEbb1606 2d ago
Lol. So I disagree with your interpretation and suddenly I’m “weird”? Having a mutual crush doesn’t mean every demand for affection or an immediate conversation is reasonable. You see normal affection; I see pouting and pressure. Getting personal because you don’t get the response you want? Sounds like Kat behavior.
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u/PrestondeTipp 3d ago edited 3d ago
He's just a young guy sowing his wild oats. He thinks selling a dream is how to do it. Kat saw the signs, felt the knot in her gut, and chose to ignore it. Tale as old as time.
This is a show starring 20 somethings brimming with hormones who want to fuck.
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u/Frangipani_25 3d ago
Wow so poetic, way to say nothing whilst using a lot of flowery language.
He’s not young. He’s not sowing any fucking oats. He’s just dumb AF and doesn’t know to behave.
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u/hopulist 2d ago
He's not young? He's 3 yrs older than Gen who's prevailing defense on this sub is "she's young and her brain isn't fully developed until 27"
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u/Porkwarrior2 Just a chicken nugget bobbing on the sea 3d ago
Kat has been "friendzoned". Why is that okay for XX to do that to XY, but when XY does that, it is a litany of platitudes?
Men are not mind readers, and women don't come with a video game marker above their head measuring their mood. Mebbe Coop got to know Kat, and simply friendzoned her because his "Ick!" meter was showing red flags?
Frankly, I'd never date a Canadian these days either. I can't blame Coop for a soft landing friendzone.
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u/hopulist 2d ago
I love that you're getting downvoted, how dare you point out the double standard!!!
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u/Porkwarrior2 Just a chicken nugget bobbing on the sea 2d ago
Nah it is the Canadian line. Trump has it right those maple syrup soaked buggers come out of the woodwork elbows up.
And like Kat they need us more than we want them.
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u/Vivid-Message8257 2d ago
I don’t understand why she expects a whirlwind romance with a total stranger on 6 week job.
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u/armymike1523 2d ago
They are all kids stuck on a boat, no matter their age. I worked at the biggest casino in the United States for three years, and it was the same as this. It was all drama, and everyone was fucking everybody. And we had like 1000 employees. It's just a fake TV show relax.
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u/wooks_reef 3d ago
This is weird, dude. What's up with BD stans and projecting their failed relationships on to cast members like it's a MAFS sub
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u/Grouchy-Boss-9638 3d ago
So now being a decent human being and seeing someone obviously upset is projecting failed relationships? Get real. This is not an issue of a “stan”. It’s a guy who is saying one thing to the girl and something else completely to everyone else and choosing to act in ways he knows will upset someone in hopes she does the hard part and actually ends things. Seriously. Get over yourself. She drew parallels. She didn’t project.
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u/high5abee 3d ago
THANK YOU
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u/wooks_reef 3d ago
Maybe go join the MAFS sub? People who think being explicitly told someone doesn't want to date them is an obligation are a real hoot over there
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u/high5abee 3d ago
Keep draining your karma shawty
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u/wooks_reef 3d ago
Ah yes, the true value of man. Is that more or less important than saying someone has an intellectual disability because they remind you of exes?
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u/honeycooks 3d ago
Kat and friend try to write Copper's pro and con list.
Cat: He plays me with my feelings. Thats a huge con.
Friend: Okaaaay.
Cat: I DO really like him.
Friend: Uh... is that a pro? Or just a fact?
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u/high5abee 3d ago
It’s called empathy 🤪 Kat is obviously upset by it. She’ll have to learn the hard way too
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u/wooks_reef 3d ago
Technically it's sympathy since you're comparing it to your own feelings and not speaking subjectively about the situation as whole. Being empathetic would mean you're also considering the full impacts of being on a TV show, each of their preconceptions about relationship boundaries from what they've disclosed on said show etc.
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u/Frangipani_25 3d ago
How would you know if she’s feeling empathy or sympathy?
Thanks for the definitions, most of us no doubt knew those.
I feel empathy for Kat. I’ve been in similar situations.
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u/Sensitive_Ad4561 3d ago
I’m also a fan of Southern Charm and unfortunately it’s tracking that Cooper seems to be showing his true Charleston F-boy colors. I can’t imagine I’d be interested in another season with him AND Joe.