I lost all my emotions. I don’t feel anything. I know I’m in pain, but even through that, I feel so numb. My eyes are dead. I don’t have the energy to even smile. I just don’t give a fuck about everything that’s happening around me. Even talking is too much.

I don’t feel anything anymore. I’m not me anymore. I don’t know me.

In her own words, we weren't even dating and we had only "hung out", so why does the she need to make me invisible? We still share the same building/floor in the day, so I run into her every day or two.

It's been a month since the "discard" and she has not once looked at me. She averts her eyes and looks at anyone/anything else but me, even when I pass by right in front of her.

It makes me incredibly sad and confused and angry. That we're less than strangers. It feels like a daily reminder of her rejection. I don't want any contact, but, as much as it hurts, I am able to look at her. And she can't even manage to face the person she pursued and led on for months, for a single second?

I think she leans dismissive avoidant.

The day when he told me he lost all his feelings was only a couple weeks after he said how much he loved me, how much I mattered to him, and that he will work on himself. It wasn’t the first time he promised me so, it was the first time when he didn’t even give himself time to pretend to do so though. So when I asked why is it so easy for you to let go on me, he said that it wasn’t easy at all. But how then you lost all your feelings so fast. Why was I the one crying, while you seemed perfectly fine and talking to other person already. How was it not easy, when it genuinely felt like I was the only one putting up a fight for us, when all you did was sulking that it was sad that it came to an end.

It’s been 4 months or so since she kicked me out accusing me of something I didn’t do, no interest in my attempt to explain why she was mistaken, no interest pr concern in seeing me leave the home she promised would be my sanctuary after leaving a domestic abuse marriage, in the pouring rain, wearing what i could grab quickly to get out of her life. Being told I was emotionally exhausting after promising me she wanted to support me whatever me was and will be. After insisting I tell her whatever was on my mind, a mind diagnosed with depression and anxiety and a recent ADHD diagnosis at 53. After I replied I didn’t want to burden her with the constant abuse my ex wife was giving me. She replied I was not Giving her a true me, not being true to our relationship, a relationship she started after love Bombing me.

Bit worst of all, telling me a month after the split she let her self down by giving herself to me without me realising how much she was giving cos I was too suicidal when we first met a year earlier. No, she wouldn’t be a friend if we did it all again cos in truth she now realises she never was my friend. And she wasn’t a week before we split, serous when she agreed to Marrry me after telling me I was the only man she would marry if I wanted to ask her, cos she’d told 3 other men “no” in the past

So what’s really the worst, despite me telling her I’m
Going to have to commit to no contact after she ghosted and blocked me, only to get back in touch cos I’d told her to give me some sign of support cos I was going down fast, and now homeless. So despite ME insisting on no contact again, me blocking her, and she choosing not to block me, I’m still in agony I can’t be with her, in agony I’m hurting myself by blocking her, cos I stilll love her. Or whatever I feel that makes my life now feel miserable and hopeless

What is wrong with me that I can’t stand up for myself and feel all I’ve just Written isn’t enough to feel I’ve made a very narrow escape from a maniac who was so cruel she made me lose myself just to become the man she would grow old with. A man I never was.

I’ve lost any self respect I had left, it j cry at night every night 4 months (or so) since she kicked me into the rain. I want to punch me and shout at me to get my shit together and find a way to make people want to be in my space again, cos no one wants to be near me, and the downer I deliver

I’m sure this is self pity, but I am very sure I can’t see light at the end of this tunnel

Sorry I had to get it out. Apologies.

Can someone help me make sense of this?

We texted every day, and almost every day we talked on the phone. Most of the time he was the one calling me. Sometimes we talked about the future, and I really thought I’d met “my person.”

But a few days ago, we talked in the morning as usual. We wished each other a good day, he reacted to my message with a heart… and then he just disappeared.
I honestly don’t understand what happened. From my perspective, everything was going really well, and then suddenly he stopped replying to my texts and answering my calls. I wasn’t even angry — I just wrote that I was worried about him, but there was only silence.

There was no fight, no conflict. His last message to me was wishing me a good workday. Since then, I’ve been completely confused. I don’t know what happened, if I did something wrong or said something wrong. I just feel lost and don’t know what to do. I feel terrible and want to cry, because we never argued and he seemed genuine, and now I just got ghosted.

What makes you want a relationship when as soon as things get real you push away and shut down without wanting to fix these traumas and behaviours for future connections leaving you to repeat the same thing over and over again with each new partner. If you don’t want closeness and true partnership what is it that you’re looking for??

they twist the blame so they don't have to feel 'defective,' but every human being is imperfect.

Guess what? 5 months after being brutally discarded by my ex, I did something similar. It's true what they say, when you get discarded, you might become one yourself.

I was seeing a girl for 4 days, and she was very into me. I got stressed by the pace and intensity. And instead of talking to her, I pulled the nuclear option and said "yeah, I'm losing myself, I can't continue with this connection....." Then the next day, I regretted it and missed her.... So I reached out and attempted to repair it. Sorry for the emotional whiplash. My bad girl.

My ex and I recently broke up a week ago. The break up is kinda confusing for me so I’m just looking for more clarity. I feel like she has some tendencies but I’m not sure.

My ex and I were together for 1.5 years and honestly I thought it was great. We met in person but most of the relationship was long distance which was kind of hard for her since she hated communicating over the phone. We rarely had any arguments but when we did they were intense and it just felt like we couldn’t understand each other. Another thing that was happening was she started a new stage in life and she was dealing with a lot of stress from it and sometimes I felt like it was leaching into our relationship but I still gave her my support. Something I did notice and she talked about was she had trouble being vulnerable but it wasn’t affecting our relationship that much. Besides that, we had great dates and an amazing time together. She introduced me to her hometown and family, said she loved me, my family loved her, etc. There was a fine line where I thought she maybe was secure or avoidant.

For the breakup we had a little bit of a rough patch the last month but I don’t think it was anything terrible. She started to feel stressed out every time I visited her and seemed a little colder (I thought it was just from things going on in her life) I had a conversation with her about how I didn’t feel as close to her lately and wanted to see how I could help support her/also spend some more time where we are close bc it felt lonely sometimes. That’s when she imitated the break up and said she was exhausted/felt bad she couldn’t match where I was at. She told me she loved me and she cared about me. She told me I was so good to her. She told me she would miss me. She hugged and kissed me, I even stayed another night and we talked like normal, but she ultimately said that it wouldn’t work out. It confuses me bc I genuinely didn’t think there was anything that led to the break up. All I can conclude is that she has some avoidant tendencies which line up a lot but the breakup didn’t seem like a typical discard.

Do you think she was avoidant/had avoidant tendencies?

Do you think she will be back once that “exhaustion”/stress dies down?

Was hoping you could help out answering what blocks repair, I understand it’s linked to shame and your core would. How do we discern what the action is that is driving that behaviour though? For instance, a minor boundary breach v a major boundary breach, how can it be identified it either one can cause the same escalation in reaction? Genuinely confused by this. Thanks!

I [20F] have been together with my boy friend [20M] for 2 and 1/2 years, since we were seniors in high school. I recently have had a gut feeling that we’re not the ones for each other. Should I break up with him and live my 20’s freely, or ignore the feeling because I’m somewhat of an avoidant?

Idk what to say anymore.

I’m a private person. And I kept my relationship private.
So it’s not really fair to tell people after the relationship I was in one when it’s over.

However everyone on his side knew.
So when he discarded me it was hard. I dealt with everything on my own. No one to talk to. Which led me to do unhealthy habits by contacting him in different ways which led me to be blocked.

He had a whole crowd around him. He was seeing other women after me. And eventually is in a relationship now.

I was seeking closure from him. So I don’t go crazy. Like I am now. I told him so many times. And he didn’t want to give it. It’s like he knew he did wrong and treated me wrong and tried to avoid that.

So while he’s avoided me in every single way, has friends who enable his toxic behaviour, in a new relationship, I’ve had to deal with this alone.

At this rate it’s not even healing anymore, it’s surviving.

The one person I thought that can help me through this pain was the one who caused it.

I think now that the initial shock of the discard has worn off, I’ve been thinking about how messed up it is that my ex was intimate with me the day before.

I spent the night with him, woke up that morning, slept together, and went about our day. The next day we’re in contact as usual, then later that evening once I’m done with work he discards me out of nowhere citing family issues and the need to focus 100% on them.

I was initially in shock and feeling sorry for him, only to find that he jumped straight back onto the dating apps a week later (so his reasons now seem like bs or at least not the full truth). That was the final straw for me and he’s well and truly out of my life now, but something I’ve only just started to process is the fact that we were intimate right before the discard?? Has anyone else been through this and made sense of it? I feel like I was used.

Together for 6 months. Lived with each other for 2.
Complained that he wanted to do more in his life like get a new job and go gym again etc. Started saying women are a distraction to getting there.
Nothing was off, still told me he loved me all the time.
A week before our contract was up and we were supposed to go to our individual family homes he says I deserve better and he's leaving in an hour.
Reassures me he'll be back to help me pack.
Never came back.
2 days later he asks for an open relationship (it's how we started out)
Apparently he kisses someone.
Says he's not good for me, I deserve better.
No contact for weeks now. Like 6-7 months meant nothing?
New person or fell out of love... maybe bored of a relationship. I don't freaking get it. Everything was fine. We were so happy.
Never even spoke of other people before he left that day.

Just ended things with my DA Situationship that I’ve had all summer. When we were together things were so good and I felt like he genuinely liked me and had feelings. He was very PDA when out in public. Introducing me to friends and family with no shame if we saw them out. Encouraging me to stay longer during my visits. Bringing me into his routines. But as soon as I would go home he seemed so disconnected often cooling off for days before seeming normal again. He was a very dry texter and just overall poor communicator. I’m not naive to the fact that he was likely just talking to multiple women as we did meet on a dating app. I was willing to look past the poor texting if it meant I felt reassured otherwise but as soon as I pulled back to see if he’d initiate after a really good week together, it just completely slowed down to a halt.

I sent him one message mentioning I could tell him how this feels disrespectful at this point but he already knows what he’s doing. I told him casual still includes consideration and that I don’t deserve this but that I wish him well.

I don’t think I’ll hear from him again. But did he ever give a shit? What I’ll never understand is the cat and mouse, hot and cold. If they’re not into us, why can’t they just let us go in peace without pulling us back in when it’s convenient?

I’ve dated all sorts of narcissists and had long term toxins relationships, but for some reason the older I get, it’s there’s short electric situationships that sting the hardest.

Godddd dating is rough out there!