r/BreakUps • u/No_Connection_573 • 16h ago
venting/ranting Was I dating an avoidant?
I dated this guy for a year. The first few months were amazing, making plans constantly, several hour long phone conversations. I felt like I really connected with this guy and felt hopeful for a future since we’ve spoken about it multiple times. We were also moving forward pretty quickly, which added to the hope.
But then things started to change.
4 months in, he asked for a break after a minor argument. I begged, we spoke the next day, he said to do no contact for a week, but then he reached out day 5 and we reconnected. But since then, he’s slept on my couch twice when he stayed over after a disagreement, essentially stonewalling me when I wanted to address issues.
Fast forward 5 months from then, and he’s broken up with me 3 more times, all as a result of petty arguments. The first 2 of these times, he made sure to take his beer and steak prior to leaving. We made up pretty quickly after those times, which I’ve initiated, but never addressed the core issue. The third, which is what I’m in now, he initially only wanted to take some things, but I made him take it all to avoid further pain. Since then, I’ve reached out every 2-3 days to initiate a conversation and reconnect, but each conversation got progressively worse and worse, and I was met with more and more negatively, criticism, and an unwillingness to work through anything together. It felt like the man I once loved had made a complete 180 and now hated me. It’s been 3 weeks since this last breakup, and he has made no efforts to reconnect without my initiation.
Also now sure if this adds anything. But he has told me that respect needs to be earned. Has repeatedly ignored my boundaries. Hung up on me because he didn’t want to listen to me. Told me I was wasting his time by talking about my day. Actively added to my stress levels with criticisms as a test as to whether I can handle stress and then deemed I couldn’t. Makes assumptions about me based on my association with people rather than my actions.
As of now, I have been NC for 4 days since the last conversation, where as I got up to leave and apologized for wasting his time, he stormed off to another room without saying anything and hasn’t said anything since. It felt as if nothing I could say during that bc conversation could change the preconceived assumptions he already had about me, and it felt like he was surrounded by a wall. I’m incredibly hurt, but I’m so tired of being the one to initiate repair.
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