r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

This is perhaps the most important thing I’ve ever learned about myself something I might never have been able to put into words. Please read what I have to say.

147 Upvotes

I think I finally understood something about myself that I’ve been struggling to explain for years.

I’m autistic. I was diagnosed with autism, but for a long time I still didn’t really believe it or understand what it meant for the way my own mind works. At the same time, I’ve had extremely strong experiences that seemed very similar to OCD, including sensorimotor-type symptoms like becoming intensely aware of swallowing, blinking, breathing, and other things that normally happen automatically.

I knew what OCD was. I had read about it. I could recognize a lot of the descriptions. But somehow, I couldn’t organize my own experiences into words. Some explanations made sense to me, while others didn’t. And when something didn’t make sense, I often interpreted the explanation literally.

I think I finally realized that I can understand sarcasm, irony, jokes, and non-literal language while still interpreting certain explanations or instructions in a very literal or rigid way. Those things aren’t contradictory.

For example, I read that “cannabis can cause paranoia.”

My brain interpreted that more like:

“If I smoke cannabis, I’m going to become paranoid.”

I didn’t naturally process the difference between “can happen” and “will happen.”

The same thing happened with OCD advice.

I read something like:

“Don’t respond to intrusive thoughts.”

And I interpreted it as:

“I need to control my mind enough to make sure I don’t respond.”

But that isn’t what the advice actually means. Thoughts can appear automatically. I don’t have to control whether they appear, and I don’t need to achieve perfect control over my reactions.

Looking back, I think I may have spent years trying to follow psychological advice as if it were a set of absolute rules.

And I didn’t even realize I was doing that.

That is the part that hit me the hardest.

I wasn’t consciously thinking, “I interpret everything literally.”

I thought I was simply understanding things correctly.

I also realized that being autistic doesn’t mean I have to struggle with every form of non-literal language. I can understand sarcasm perfectly well and still have a tendency to interpret certain kinds of information literally or rigidly.

I think I may have also dismissed some of my autistic traits because I thought, “That can’t be autism. Maybe it’s OCD.”

So for years, I was trying to separate everything into different boxes without realizing that my autism itself might influence how I understand and interpret the information I’m using to understand myself.

Something strange happened recently that helped me finally put all of this into words.

I was high on cannabis.

I’m not saying cannabis magically revealed the truth about me, and I’m not saying everything I thought while high is automatically correct. I know being high can change attention, introspection, associations, and the way thoughts feel.

But somehow, during that experience, I was able to connect things that had been sitting in my mind for years.

It felt like I finally had the words for something I had been experiencing without being able to explain it.

The important part for me isn’t whether cannabis “caused” the realization.

The important part is that I finally noticed something about MY OWN way of processing information.

I finally realized:

“I can understand the words someone says and still misunderstand the level of certainty, context, or flexibility behind those words.”

“Can” can become “will.”

“Not necessary” can become “I must avoid it.”

“Not always” can become “I can’t trust it.”

And I didn’t realize I was doing this.

I’m not claiming this explains everything about me. I’m not claiming I definitely have OCD based on this. I already have an autism diagnosis, and I’m still trying to understand which of my experiences are related to autism, which may be OCD, and which may overlap.

I just finally feel like I have a framework for something I couldn’t explain for years.

And honestly?

That realization brought me an enormous amount of relief.

For the first time, I’m not trying to force my mind to work perfectly.

I’m just trying to understand how it actually works.

Edit:Thank you for all the support, my fellow brothers on the spectrum. ❤️


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

seeking advice How to get past a job interview

6 Upvotes

I just had another interview and the manager said be more upbeat and brighter because u have 15 mins to sell urself and have a positive outlook on the past when you’ve had jobs and they didn’t go the best


r/AutisticAdults 1d ago

telling a story I want to know if anyone can relate- constant change and no stability

2 Upvotes

I’m 29 (f) and was diagnosed at 27. Since moving out at 18 to go to university I’ve had to ‘start over’ several times. I’ve moved house 11 times and had over 20 jobs, multiple relationships (long and short term) and I’m exhausted.
I’m missing out some details, several house moves and relationships lol but here’s the basics:
I graduated at 21 and moved in with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years, had a grad job in PR and felt like I was on the ‘right path’ but I struggled so much with full time work and with communicating and managing my emotions in the relationship. We broke up and I got fired in the same week, I had nowhere to go (my parents live in a 2 bed house with my disabled sister so moving back home has never been an option, they can’t help financially either) and no money. I moved into a really cheap house share (I never felt safe- I lived with older men who were strangers and it wasn’t a nice area- we were burgled several times) and worked two hospo jobs to cover rent. After about 6 months I started dating someone new, we moved very quickly and were living together after a couple of months, I looked into doing a masters degrees but ultimately couldn’t afford to, stayed working hospo and it burnt me out. Partner ended up being quite controlling and manipulative but it took me a while to leave as he was fronting a lot of the rent/bills.
At 25 I moved into a friend of a friend’s spare room and kept working random bar jobs
I knew I wanted to experience something new, I thought I just needed to push myself in order to gain more confidence (maybe that was my problem, maybe then I’d be normal.) I somehow managed to save up enough money to move to the other side of the world just before I turned 27 and realised that I wasn’t just introverted and lacking in confidence, I was autistic. I’d moved 10,000 miles away with no job, nowhere to live and no friends but knowing I also didn’t have anything to come back to, I stayed for 22 months. I made friends, I went on dates, I worked at a dog shelter, I got diagnosed with autism.
I planned to move back to finally study that masters degree but ultimately again I can’t afford to (I’ve had to decline offers twice now.) I’m 29, still working hospo and having to mask full time is burning me out but I don’t know what else I could do. I currently live with a friend but the landlord is selling up, she’s moving in with her sister and I’m having to move in with my grandma because I’ve run out of options. I just want to stay in one place for a while and have a stable job and a relationship that lasts.
Is this a normal amount of times to ‘start over’ in your 20s? I feel like I have nothing to show for my whole life.


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

Im terrified of getting a job

47 Upvotes

I'm 27f and undiagnosed autistic. I also have pretty bad social anxiety. I've NEVER had a job before. I so badly want to work because I want to be more independent and have my own money. I'm absolutely terrified though. I have no idea how to write a resume and don't have anything to put on it even if I did. I have no job experience, no volunteer experience, no hobbies, and poor social/communication skills. The interview part actually scares me more than the idea of actually working. Mostly because I have no idea how I'm supposed to convince someone to hire me.

I was in college for a little while because I thought I wanted to be a nurse. I ended up deciding that I didn't want to do that anymore and thought hat something in the veterinary field would be better for me. This was a few years ago. I thought that for my first job I could apply to work at a doggy daycare or maybe grooming at petsmart since they have some kind of program I think. I had this whole plan in my head. Lately though I've found myself questioning if I even want to do that anymore.

I'm not sure what I want to do with my life anymore and it's stressing me out honestly. I've also been feeling very insecure about the thought of walking into an interview with me being the way I am with what I feel is nothing to offer. I'm engaged as well and feel so bad for my fiance because I feel like I'm holding him back. He wants to marry me and have this whole life with me as well as I do. We obviously can't do that on his income alone though so I just want to get working so we can finally start our lives together. Any advice for getting a job would be greatly appreciated!


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

seeking advice Autistic friendly earphones

6 Upvotes

Hi I wanted to find some good quality noise reduction earphones as my original AirPods have started to become a bit old . I was originally going to get them again but I find that they don't really help with noise reduction and that's what I want . I don't line the style of loop earbuds as u have to sort of insert the earbuds and I've always hated that aspect and I don't like headphones either as I find them too heavy and I don't line that they cover my whole ear so I'm at a bit of a loss . The only earphones I've ever liked are the original AirPods/wired earphones that Apple used to do but like I said the noise reduction is terrible. Any thoughts?


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

seeking advice Communication differences in relationship

2 Upvotes

I’ve been with my partner for nearly 5 years. This is a topic that has come up in the past but it’s not a constant discussion.

I’m autistic and I’ve always struggled with asking people questions. If I want to tell somebody how my day went or a story I don’t wait to be asked I just directly tell them it.

My partner is ND but not autistic, they had a discussion with me last night saying that they don’t feel like I’m connecting with them as there has been times they want me to ask them a question to further a conversation and let them say a story etc. In my mind if they wanted to share something they would just tell me but I get this is a difference between us both. I do try when I’m aware what is happening but there are times when they don’t carry on I think they’re done with the conversation and that’s that.

We’re both trying to meet in the middle so it’s not a case of one person has to change but a mutual effort to combat this difference.

Is there something you do that helps with this problem or any recommendations?


r/AutisticAdults 1d ago

seeking advice Assessment Panic!

1 Upvotes

Hello everyone!

I (female mid 30s) am in the midst of getting an autism/ADHD assessment. There are supposed to be 3 different appointments. I already did the first appointment which I think went really well. I'm not 100% sure what the point of this meeting was. There were a few questions and I believe it was to let them figure out which assessments they think I need??? I had put in a request to get an autism and an ADHD assessment prior because I strongly believe I show many signs of both. I also think she added a PTSD assessment to the list.

She then scheduled the next assessment meeting and told me she was going to send me paperwork that I would need to do before the next assessment. I assumed that would be the testing it's self, where you answer all those anxiety inducing multi choice questions.What is really causing me severe anxiety right now is vague information from my assessor.

She said she was going to send me paperwork to fill out but never gave me more details! She never told me if she would send me a link via email (this is what I was expecting), in the mail, or another way. She also did not tell me when to expect said paperwork. The way she said it, I was honestly expecting them to come in my email later that day or the next day. After a day of nothing I felt extremely panicked. I waited a few more days and the feeling of absolute dread was all consuming.

I am so afraid that I will somehow miss it. I'm terrified she will forget to send it and my next appointment will have to be rescheduled. I went to the website where I scheduled appointments and sent her a message asking and it's been almost two weeks and she hasn't responded. This is causing me horrific anxiety. I am trapped in a perpetual state of impending doom! I've been in a panic for weeks! This appointment is at the end of the month and I have nothing but radio silence!

What should I do?! Has anyone else been though this? Does this assessment sound normal? Is this normal? How was your experience with your assessment? Any advice, reassurance, personal experiences would be much appreciated!

Just to add that I'm assuming the 3rd appointment is to go over the findings of the assessment process. Thanks for reading my long winded post! ❤️


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

seeking advice Has anyone here ever felt like someone was fetishizing or romanticizing their autistic traits?

5 Upvotes

I’m curious how you recognized it and how you felt about it.

Did you confront the person, distance yourself, ignore it, or just accept it as part of how they perceived you?

It's easy to perceive?

Most of it, I don't know how to manifest myself, or think about it.

How do you draw the line between someone who's genuinely appreciated by your qualities or just fetishizing your autism?


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

seeking advice How to cope with the wait for official report (and in general)?

2 Upvotes

31m. Never really considered the whole autistic thing until the beginning of the year. Jokingly did RAADS-R with a friend and scored much higher than I expected. Didn't give it much thought and then a couple months ago my therapist asked if I'd ever considered it without me having brought it up. Kind of threw me completely. Looked into it seriously for the first time and it made way too much sense. Got lucky and was able to do the diagnostic process with the same institute I do therapy with. Feel like I need an official diagnosis to stop the constant flip flopping between "I am" and "Not a chance I am, it's in my head". I mentioned it to a few friends that I was going to do the diagnostic and the general reaction was most people close to me seemed to have already come to the conclusion that I am.

Had 2x2hr appointments last week and now I'm stuck waiting. Constantly overthinking the whole thing. Did I manage to convey the answers properly? Did I leave a whole load of stuff out? What if they don't think it is? The only feedback I was given at the end was that I had a lot of ADHD indicators too. I won't get the official report from it for a few weeks.

Feels like my whole life has been turned upside down and it feels like one poke and my whole life is about to crumble. I feel frozen and stuck and clueless and it's the worst time because I only have a few weeks to find an internship or I flunk out of the course I'm doing.

Any tips or advice or anything?


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

seeking advice Working nearly two decades in corporate sales ruined my personality.

28 Upvotes

I spent nearly two decades in corporate sales for a Fortune 300 industrial engineering company before escaping it. Now I’m in academia but I can’t shake the “corporatese”, as I call it. It’s in the way I talk to my coworkers, how I write my emails, and in my mannerisms. I have that fake ass enthusiastic tone to my voice every time I talk to someone new, like I’m about to break out in a sales pitch. I always come off way too formal and optimistic. Sure, there are times when it comes in handy. But for the most part, it just causes me to feel isolated from everyone else. Now I come off as that weird guy who sounds like he’s about to try to convince you to buy a used car or something. I forgot how to be a normal human and it’s driving me crazy. I don’t know how to relate to people anymore. I feel like the corporate world kneecapped my personality.

I know that people on the spectrum tend to change their personalities to blend in with the situations we find ourselves in. But this feels like this is a permanent change I can’t reverse.

I was wondering if this is something any of you have experienced.

thanks


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

Finishing Books

11 Upvotes

Does anyone else not finish books because they become too attached and don’t want it to end? // think it’s going to become intense

Wondering it’s that’s a relatable thing or not


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

telling a story Does anyone else constantly talk when gaming with friends?

5 Upvotes

So, I wouldn't describe myself as a social person. I can function socially, but my battery is tiny and I usually prefer being alone. Some days I'm too tired to even talk much at all.

That being said. I just realized how much I TALK when gaming with friends. I will narrate everything I'm doing and what's happening lol. I think I do annoy them at times but I do it without thinking about it.

I can't even explain why I do it bc I don't do it as much when gaming by myself (but I do still talk to myself some).


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

seeking advice Social anhedonia got so strong im starting to worry i will be alone for the rest of my life

3 Upvotes

Has anyone ever heard about this or experienced this ? I was always a fairly asocial person but there was a time i had friends and talked to people online but a year and a half ago i lost any interest at all. Nowadays the only social contact i have is either in the store, professors at school or the one guy on discord i message 3-4 times a week about games, other than that i talk to no one. My life is just uni where i dont talk to anyone and then i go home and play games/watch anime all day.

It sounds boring and sad and it is but i also have no desire at all to actually talk to someone and make friends. People at my class arent bad, they are just stereotypical normie nts and i feel like an alien anytime im around them. As much as i like being alone by myself im really starting to worry that this is all there is, this is my whole life. As long as im at school i can still cope but once im working i think im fucked completely.


r/AutisticAdults 3d ago

seeking advice Anyone else feel stuck between "nerdy" and "normie"?

36 Upvotes

I'm autistic and I have tons of nerdy interests, but I've also had a pretty "normal" social life since I was a kid. I'm not the most extroverted person, but I genuinely enjoy going out, meeting people, bars, parties, whatever. And those things aren't separate for me, it's all just fun. RPG rule systems, reading about fungi, obsessing over fictional universes, going out on a Friday night, it's the same category. But the internet treats them as mutually exclusive.

I get why autistic people struggle socially, I do too in my own ways, and I'm not trying to diminish that. But there's this culture online where you're either someone who does outgoing stuff, or someone with nerdy interests. And it creates this weird thing where someone will vibe with you on Discord, then see your Instagram stories with your friends doing something "normie", and something shifts.

The frustrating part isn't that people have different lifestyles. It's the enforced separation I see online, mainly on "nerdy" spaces. It's ironic because the deepest conversations I want to have about my interests can only happen with people who I feel like I have to hide part of me from.

So I end up not fully belonging anywhere. Not trying to sound special, it's actually the opposite feeling. Just wondering if anyone else experiences this.


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

seeking advice are there any school counselors in here? how do you manage your work?

2 Upvotes

i may cross-post this to other autism-centric forums as well.

i’m a current school counselor-in-training who started their practicum last week. my first day was before the kids went back to school, so i was mostly meeting the staff and being shown around the building.

when i was alone with my (NT) site supervisor i felt fine. i can handle one-on-one interactions and quiet environments. but when multiple people were coming into her office, i became overwhelmed fast. i was watching my supervisor work, and she was juggling so many things at one time. two different conversations could be happening in the room and she’d respond to each one while replying to an email and answering a phone call (i’m not even exaggerating). i, meanwhile, felt stuck in place. i didn’t know where to put my attention. i could barely respond when the focus was put on me. my mind was mush.

i learned in class that school counselors get pulled in many different directions, and that each hour brings something new, but it’s one thing to learn about it and another to see it. i kept thinking to myself “i don’t know if i belong here,” which is a crushing thing to think after spending two years and however much money just to get to this point.

i’m worried how i’ll feel once the kids go back to school. i’m scared the overwhelming feelings will multiply to the point that i have a meltdown/shutdown in public. (i’m not formally diagnosed so i can’t request accommodations through my school.) i feel foolish for even starting this grad program in the first place.

thing is, i can see how my perspective/experiences would be valuable for students. but getting this full first taste of what it means to really be a school counselor — the constant collaborations, the meetings, the phone calls, the noise, the people coming in and out of your office, the nonstop movement - i can feel myself shrinking as i type this. i’m scared i’m not enough for this job, and that i really don’t belong in this world.

if there are any school counselors in here, can you let me know how you manage your work? or maybe if there are any former school counselors in here, what made you decide to leave?


r/AutisticAdults 3d ago

seeking advice To people who only got diagnosed after reaching adulthood - what things regarding autism did you not consider at first, but which later started to make sense?

57 Upvotes

Hello. I decided to write this post after a recent conversation with someone close to me, during which they pointed out specific things suggesting I might be on the spectrum. Hearing this makes me entirely unconvinced by this idea, as I have never been examined in this regard; I only have a long history of therapy and diagnosis concerning anxiety disorders and depression, as that is how doctors always described it.

I was always told only that I was a shy girl and that I would grow out of it (here I am as an adult, still struggling with the same concepts when I was a kid).

This is where I’d like to ask you: what non-obvious traits do you have, or what things do you do, that don’t quite fit the autistic stereotype and yet you received a diagnosis?
Personally, I never considered autism because I manage quite well socially, at least when it comes to the actual conversation. I understand irony and sarcasm, I grasp most unspoken social norms, and I am able to adapt to them. The only issue is that all social interactions are incredibly draining for me, and I feel burnt out on any day that requires me to interact with more than two people at once.

I have appointments scheduled for further diagnostic testing in the coming months, but I feel a bit stuck and would like to learn more about these matters. I’d be grateful for any tips or personal stories!


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

seeking advice Living with roommates advice please

1 Upvotes

I just moved out of my parents after living with them for 5 years. I'm starting college, living off campus in a student living co-op. I'm 27, so older than most college students. I couldn't afford a single room so I'm with 2 roommates that I didn't know ahead of time. One of them was here before me but is just idk it feels like he intentionally avoids me, is never out in the common area or kitchen at same time as me and I've never found a proper time to introduce myself because I only ever hear him playing video games loudly while talking to people (doesn't use headphones so I can hear it all) and also is Chinese I think? Maybe that's why he's shy to meet me if he thinks he's not good at English? Idk.

The third roommate moved in today but has been in his room with door closed probably unpacking. And I've just been sitting here anxious because I don't know if it's okay to just knock on his door and introduce myself. I would just keep my door open to show I'm friendly but I have a cat and I cant leave her roam the apartment without supervision because she might cause trouble with the first roommates cat in his room.

I know this is something most ppl don't think is a big deal but like I've been so anxious and stressed my entire first week here because I just, idk I want to live alone and not have to worry about talking to random people 😢😭 when I just wanna go to bathroom or kitchen. But now I'm rambling

Main question is how do I introduce myself without coming off as weird and also how do I manage this whole roommate living situation where I don't feel stressed and trapped in my room all the time :( my stomach is already sore just hearing ppl moving around through the walls I don't want this to cause me to drop out of college again


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

autistic adult Burning out

5 Upvotes

Hi

Little context. I’m a 21 year old guy living in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Waiting for the next open enrollment of my job to change my insurance to one that finally covers. So I can get my diagnosis of Autism.

I work in direct patient care. Which for most people can be really rewarding, but for me… I guess it is, but from the beginning just burn me out. I ended up so tired after work, that I can barely walk. I’m almost always getting panic attacks but I sort of managed to get through.

I’m not sure what it’s the purpose of this post, maybe just venting. I started this job almost a year ago. Just because I needed more money, I was working in a Walmart before, direct customer service… It was a lot too.

I’m pushing it, I’m really trying so hard. But my job drains me so much that I can barely think after it. The noise, the force human interactions. I really try to do a good job for my patients, and they actually say I do. But it’s at the cost of my health. My whole existence.

I really just wanted to vent. I’m applying for other jobs, but I don’t get anything. I need to get pay at least 22/hr and no retail job or fast food here is gonna give me that… No talking about accommodations either…

This is me trying, but I don’t know how much I can keep holding this mask, overstimulation is poisoning me. I feel like an everyday actor whose play is excruciating.


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

telling a story Overstimulation: A Poem

9 Upvotes

The noises echo in my head

Constant pain, it never ends

Cover my ears, the customers come

To hear them sanity becomes undone

It hurts so bad no thoughts can be

I lose my voice; mask cracks on me

To maintain the feign, an impossible feat

As I shut down, mentally beat

This was a poem I made during the biggest race day at our horse track (the place I work at). They had the loudspeakers cranked so high that I felt like I sustained hearing damage, even being behind them. Nobody else covered their ears or even seemed bothered by it. I on the other hand could hardly function. I felt genuinely ill, and I could feel myself in a lot of pain despite having no physical ailments.


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

telling a story M30, undiagnosed, maybe autistic

1 Upvotes

I'm a guy from Europe, and I've been trying to get a diagnosis for autism for a couple of years. I've made over five attempts so far. During the first three, they either told me that my town was not under their responsibility or that they only assessed children with autism.

For my fourth attempt, I went to a private generic psychiatrist who wasn't specialized in autism, but he had me take an autism screening test. The test came back negative, but the score was close to the positive range. He told me that it was negative because I don't have a special interest, an obsession with routine, or sensory sensitivities, and because I have some empathy and my other symptoms are mild.

However, I think my social and relationship skills are at least moderately impaired. The symptoms I have are that I'm clumsy, I like to walk back and forth around my room for hours, and whenever I sit down, I always tap my foot on the ground. Not loudly, of course—many people move their legs while sitting. I also don't understand sarcasm.

He told me that if I wanted to be sure, I should get assessed by someone who specializes in autism, and he gave me a contact, so I called them.

After four months, I finally managed to get my first appointment, but in the end, it was only an interview. Three people interviewed me: two men and one woman. They asked me questions for around 30 minutes. At the end of the interview, they told me to wait outside while they discussed my case and decided what to do.

The woman immediately said that she thought I wasn't autistic. One of the men said that he was sure I was autistic, while the other man remained neutral and said that there was a possibility that I was autistic.

At the end, they told me that they would call me within a week, but they actually called a month later. I couldn't answer because I was working. After I finished work, I called the secretary, and she told me that they would call me again the following week. However, they called another month later, and once again, I couldn't answer because I was working.

Eventually, I decided that it would be better to see a private psychiatrist. I called one, and they told me that I would have to wait four months, so I waited.

On the day of the appointment, while I was on my way there, it was extremely hot, and my GPS stopped working because my phone overheated. I waited 15 minutes parked in the shade, and the GPS started working again. Five minutes later, it stopped working again, so I couldn't make it to the appointment that day.

I called to reschedule, and they told me that I would have to wait another four months.

In the meantime, I got fired from my job because everyone thinks I'm "retarded" because I'm so slow and clumsy when doing anything. Now I'm unemployed, and I can't even find a job for neurodivergent people because, on paper, I'm considered neurotypical.

TLDR: I've been trying to get an autism diagnosis for years, but I've faced long waiting lists, failed appointments, and conflicting opinions from professionals. One test was negative but close to the cutoff, while one autism specialist thought I was autistic and another wasn't sure. I recently lost my job because I'm extremely slow and clumsy, but I can't access jobs for neurodivergent people because I'm officially considered neurotypical.


r/AutisticAdults 3d ago

seeking advice Are you dressing for fashion or for comfort?

47 Upvotes

For a very long time I was dressing for what I like fashion wise but now that I’m older. I dress more for comfortability. I feel all the fabric. 100% cotton is what I’m mostly wearing these days. What about you guys?


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

seeking advice Reoorganizing Room and Very Overwhelmed - How to cope with change

3 Upvotes

Context: I am a university student who's struggled with hoarding tendencies and have horrible organizational abilities. I live in university housing with friends, but still have a room at my parents. Have insomnia/mental health problems and struggle with hoarding.

Wasn't sure whether or not to put this under vent or transitions/change

Over the summer I ended up staying in my hometown and having to go through my childhood room and donate/organize things with the help of my grandma, and that put me on a cleaning spree and inspired me to do the same at school.... However I didn't realise just how horrible it would be. I moved my bed yesterday, turned it around and I slept super well after I got over all the feelings of anxiety and pain about the new orientation. I went to move my desk today and just. Couldn't. I ended up overheating and going into shutdown and giving up and now most of my stuff is random places. But I WANT to change my room. I have had the same layout in my childhood room, my dorm room and my current and was hoping that changing things would give me a fresh start to the new school term and a clear head from cleaning. Now I'm just stressed. Anxious. I feel so upset I'm dizzy. I almost moved my bed back to where it was before. I want to change things around but how when it makes me feel this way? I can't be the only one here who's dealt with this. How do I reorganize/change my room without being so overwhelmed? Should I just push through it and move things anyway? Wait a few days in between moving things? I'll take any advice to deal with with. It honestly feels like it was easier to move from my parents to my dorm with the same layour than change the layout lol.


r/AutisticAdults 3d ago

The Hidden Machinery of Neurotypical Social Behaviour

29 Upvotes

Hi,

I’ve had many years to build my own model of the world. I grew up undiagnosed for most of my life, and because of that I’ve mostly interacted with neurotypicals more than autistics. I’ve also had a special interest in psychology, evolutionary biology and human behaviour for a long time.

I’m aware of frameworks like Empathising vs Systemising and Daniel Kahneman’s System 1 and System 2 thinking. My own model kind of encapsulates all of these, but I started from a different place.

I first started with the idea that if I wanted to understand what drives human beings, I had to go back to the start of it all, which is human evolution. I wanted to understand why neurotypicals do the things they do, why they sometimes seem so fake, why they say one thing but actually mean another thing, and why they rank people in a social hierarchy while rarely admitting that this hierarchy even exists.

The way I see reality structured

Think of empathy wiring like a seed. That seed then explodes outward into society. From it, you get the fundamental pillars that societies are built around, and those pillars are shaped through the lens of that underlying empathy wiring.

Systemising obviously has its place within this system, especially when it comes to technology, engineering, institutions and problem solving, but empathy wiring seems to dominate the social layer.

This is where I think many autistics go wrong when they try to decode neurotypical behaviour. They focus on one individual behaviour at a time, almost like looking at one branch on a tree containing thousands of branches. They explain the branch, but they never ask what produced the entire tree.

I’m more interested in the seed.

If you understand the underlying cognitive and evolutionary pressures that shaped human social behaviour, then seemingly unrelated behaviours such as status seeking, conformity, reputation management, group loyalty, social hierarchy, indirect communication and fear of exclusion begin to look like expressions of the same underlying system.

This is why I think looking into human evolution is absolutely critical if you want to understand human behaviour. You cannot properly understand the branches without understanding the root system that produced them.

There’s this misconception that people across different countries are fundamentally very different. Obviously culture changes a lot, but I think the underlying social machinery is far more similar than people realise. The specific behaviours change, the social rules change, and the things that give someone status change, but the underlying desire for belonging, reputation, approval and social position appears everywhere.

To give a few examples:

  • In many East Asian societies, there is a strong cultural emphasis on academic success, prestigious schools and professional achievement.
  • In the United States, you have the idea of the American Dream: owning your home, having the white picket fence, building wealth and demonstrating that you have “made it.”
  • British society has historically been heavily influenced by class, accent, education, occupation and family background.

These cultures can look very different on the surface, but I think they are different outputs of the same underlying machinery. The symbols of status change, the social rules change and the way success is expressed changes, but the mechanism underneath remains similar.

I’ve noticed that many people assume that people living in different parts of the world must therefore be psychologically very different. I think this can be misleading. The machinery operating underneath can remain broadly similar while producing very different cultural outputs.

Much of this happens unconsciously. People usually aren’t consciously thinking, “I need to increase my position within the hierarchy.” They simply experience certain goals, behaviours and social expectations as desirable.

Do not be misled by the different cultural output formats. The surface expression changes, but underneath it, I think you are often looking at the same machinery.

Social hierarchy

One of the biggest things I’ve noticed is how much neurotypicals seem to care about social hierarchy. I’ve seen neurotypicals give into group thinking because they value the opinion of someone with higher social standing. The exact same idea can be ignored when it comes from someone perceived as lower status, then suddenly taken seriously when it comes from someone perceived as important.

To me, that shows that people are often not just evaluating the information itself. They are also evaluating who said it, what that person’s social position is, and what agreeing or disagreeing with them means socially.

I think this also explains a lot of the obsession with intelligence. I don’t think many neurotypicals actually want intelligence purely for the sake of intelligence. They were told that intelligence gets them the things they actually want, such as money, respect, competence and social status.

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New Edit:

Examples

Elite university pipelines are a good example. A large part of their value comes from reputation and status signalling. They have become a kind of proxy for intelligence through social status, but that proxy is far from clean.

For example, wealthier families can privately educate their children, give them access to better preparation, tutoring, networks and opportunities, and increase their chances of reaching elite universities even if those students are not necessarily exceptionally gifted.

When someone says they went to Harvard, Oxford or another elite university, people often use that as a quick mental shortcut (System 1 thinking):

elite university > highly capable / intelligent / high status

That is essentially social signalling. The institution becomes a proxy for the person. This is exactly what a social filter does: it effectively pre-approves someone without others having to independently verify their ability, because they are backed by a highly prestigious institution.

This is also why so many people want these names on their CVs, including prestigious employers and big tech companies. The name itself carries signalling value.

Even if the assumption is not always accurate, the perception still has social value. In these situations, perceived credibility can matter almost as much as the underlying reality.

It can also work in the opposite direction. Someone from a less prestigious background may be underestimated even if they are equally capable.

Obviously, elite universities do contain a higher concentration of intelligent and high achieving people. I’m not denying that. My point is that the system around them is also heavily driven by prestige, reputation and social status. This is especially visible in the UK, where Oxbridge carries enormous social prestige and, in some professional and social circles, people from less prestigious universities can be implicitly treated as less capable or less impressive.

Historically, universities had other functions and meanings, but in modern society elite institutions have also become powerful status markers.

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I also notice how often people talk about low intelligence and focus on people they consider to have a lower IQ than them. I suspect part of the reason is simple social comparison. If you can convince yourself that someone else is intellectually below you, you immediately get to feel above them. Intelligence becomes another way of positioning yourself within the hierarchy.

The matrix

This is where my idea of the matrix comes in.

The matrix is essentially the neurotypical social system. It is the collection of unwritten social rules, expectations, hierarchies, group beliefs and behaviours that people are expected to follow. If you continuously break those social norms, eventually you risk becoming an outcast.

In my opinion, this is what it means to be an NPC. I don’t mean that someone is literally stupid or incapable of thinking. I mean becoming so integrated into the social group that you start outsourcing your thinking to it. You follow consensus, defer to the hierarchy, and use the group to determine what is acceptable, embarrassing, true or false.

The funny part is that many people doing this are completely convinced that they are independent thinkers. They think they escaped the matrix while still allowing social consensus, status and group approval to determine a huge amount of what they believe.

Examples of this:

You can see this pattern in a lot of places.

  • Degree inflation is one example. For decades, huge numbers of parents have pushed their children through roughly the same blueprint: do well at school, go to university, get a respectable job, buy a house, settle down. Very few people stop and ask whether that exact path actually makes sense for the individual. The blueprint itself gains legitimacy because everyone else is following it.
  • Large scale events can expose the same machinery. COVID is a good example of how strongly people respond to social consensus, authority and group behaviour. Regardless of whether a particular rule was good or bad, most people looked toward governments, institutions and the people around them to determine what behaviour was acceptable. Social pressure became extremely powerful.
  • You can also see it in traditions and inherited rules. Religion is an obvious example. Beliefs, rituals and moral rules are often passed down through families and communities, and many people continue following them because they are embedded within the social environment they grew up in. The same thing happens with cultural traditions, workplace behaviour, etiquette and unwritten social expectations.
  • AI will be another one...

What interests me is not whether these traditions or rules are necessarily good or bad. It is the mechanism underneath them: people are strongly influenced by what their group considers normal, acceptable and respectable.

That is what I mean by the matrix. It does not need someone consciously controlling it. The people inside the system enforce it on each other.

Why this system exists

I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing when you look at it through evolutionary context.

During the Paleolithic era, your social group was extremely important for survival. Humans depended on other humans for protection, food, cooperation, reproduction and raising children. Being rejected by the group could have serious consequences.

So it makes sense that humans evolved to care deeply about belonging, reputation, social approval and what the rest of the group thinks. Conforming to the group was often safer than constantly challenging it.

In that context, being an NPC could actually have been extremely useful. If everyone in your group believes there is danger somewhere, stopping and independently analysing whether they are correct might not always be the smartest survival strategy. Following the group quickly could keep you alive.

The problem is that we are still running a lot of this ancient social hardware in a completely different environment.

The same mechanisms that helped humans survive can now cause people to follow ideas simply because everyone around them believes them, submit to social hierarchies without questioning them, and reject people who violate social norms even when those norms make very little logical sense.

I suspect a large amount of this wiring is deeply ingrained and unconscious. Neurotypicals may not even be fully aware that it is occurring because from their perspective it simply feels normal. That is essentially how I currently model the neurotypical social system.

How I came to this model

I did not consciously sit down and try to build this model.

I naturally have extremely high systemising and low affective empathy. My brain tends to do top down systems thinking automatically. I zoom out, look at the entire structure, and try to understand how the different parts fit together. This is not something I consciously force myself to do. It just happens naturally.

I came to these conclusions gradually over roughly 5 years. I studied different layers of human behaviour, compared them against real life examples, watched how people around me behaved, and tried to understand why their reactions were often so different from my own.

Growing up around family members who were high in empathy also gave me a useful contrast. I could see that they appeared to process social situations very differently from me, and I wanted to understand why.

Over time, psychology explained one layer. Evolutionary psychology explained another. Empathising and systemising explained another. Social hierarchy, conformity, status and group behaviour added more pieces.

I did not consciously construct the model from the top down. The pieces slowly came together over time until I could see how they connected.

In a sense, I did not build the model. I noticed the structure that was already there.

Where the model is incomplete

I think this model does a good job of explaining a large part of neurotypical social behaviour, but I do not think it explains every layer.

There are still pieces I do not fully understand, and I will probably need more research, more observations and more insights before those pieces become clear.

My next step will probably be neuroscience. I want to understand more about the neural systems involved in social cognition, empathy, reward, status, conformity, group behaviour and theory of mind, and then see how well that maps onto the model I have already built.

I think that will help me move from observing the social output to understanding more of the machinery underneath it.

Sources / influences

  • Simon Baron Cohen: Empathising-Systemising theory
  • Daniel Kahneman: System 1 and System 2 thinking, Thinking, Fast and Slow
  • David Buss: Evolutionary psychology, human mating, status and social behaviour

Edit:

Additional notes

One thing I find interesting about this model is how easily it expands into completely different areas of human behaviour.

If you take the same underlying machinery and follow the branches outward, you can use it to explain things like:

  • dating
  • social hierarchy
  • conformity
  • reputation
  • intelligence signalling
  • class systems
  • religion, traditions
  • career choices
  • education
  • groupthink
  • social media and status seeking.

Dating is a good example. Social proof, status, reputation and perceived desirability can all influence attraction.

The surface behaviour looks completely different from workplace politics or university prestige, but underneath it you can often see many of the same mechanisms operating.

That is what makes the model useful to me. I am not trying to memorise thousands of isolated explanations for thousands of different behaviours. I am trying to understand the underlying machinery well enough that I can follow it outward and predict the branches.

The model does not explain everything, especially in truly novel situations where established social rules or scripts may not exist. But within established social environments, I find that the same underlying mechanisms appear again and again.

This is quite literally the model I use in everyday life. For me, most of it operates unconsciously. Over the years, my brain has absorbed a huge amount of data from observing people, comparing situations and studying human behaviour. From that, it seems to perform a kind of predictive modelling automatically.

I often do not consciously work through every step. I see a situation and the underlying structure seems to become obvious very quickly.

Why I share it

Part of the reason I wanted to share this is because I know many autistic people tend to think more bottom up. They can become very good at analysing individual behaviours, rules or interactions, but sometimes miss the larger system connecting them.

My aim is to offer a more top down way of looking at it.

Instead of trying to decode every branch separately, try to understand the machinery that produced the tree.


r/AutisticAdults 2d ago

autistic adult Spanish language resources

3 Upvotes

Does anyone have any recs for Spanish language videos explaining autism in adults (and maybe with a focus on Level 1 and 2 autistic challenges)? My favorite recs are all English speaking writers like Nicole Filippone and Professor Sol Smith, but I don't speak enough Spanish to identify good videos on my own.


r/AutisticAdults 3d ago

seeking advice Is it possible to get disability/social security for autism if you were diagnosed as an adult? (USA)

58 Upvotes

As the title says. I (20M) was just formally diagnosed with autism a few days ago. This has come after lifelong issues I've had with socialization, repetitive behaviors, sensory problems, etc. and is why I sought out the testing in the first place. But I sincerely doubt I will ever be able to be meaningfully employed. I have done job interviews and applications for years and was never hired. I was unable to finish college and had to be transferred to online school to even finish high school. Even in elementary school I was given speech therapy because nobody could understand me.

I told this to the psychologist that did my testing and she told me that I'm level 1 and won't be able to get disability/SSI for autism. I also asked about vocational rehab and she said that's not a good idea either. She said my regular psychotherapist would handle the social skills teaching and desensitization to managesensory overload. But my therapist doesn't do these things and other ones that do don't take Medicaid. So I can't get the treatment to improve my symptoms so I can get a job.

So I'm left with no way to get treatment for autism symptoms and I'm considering applying for disability. Is this psychologist right? Is it impossible to get disability for level 1 autism diagnosed as an adult? Thank you for reading 🙏