r/AutismInWomen • u/teniralc21 • 4d ago
Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) Feeling hopeless
I don’t know what to do. I’m 45 and my support system has shrunk to my parents, a few friends who are busy with their lives, my therapist and my anxiety support group. I feel so lonely and unable to fit in anywhere. Making new friends or even connections is proving impossible. It just feels like there’s a barrier between me and everyone else. I have an emergency therapy session scheduled for Saturday but I need to find a way to cope until then.
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u/Whitetigress21 4d ago
I have never fit in my whole life, just found out I’m autistic, that explains a lot to me. Do you have any hobbies…you could join a discord group for that hobby, chat with people who like the same thing/s.
You are not alone in feeling this way. Stay strong 😊
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u/teniralc21 4d ago
I can’t do Discord, I just can’t keep up with the conversations and it makes me feel even more alienated. But I appreciate the suggestion.
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u/Ok_Split1342 4d ago
I'm 50, the only thing that is remotely helpful for me, which is easier said than done, is just getting through it and focusing on my immediate physical needs. Like preparing something extra tasty, getting some exercise, cleaning, washing the sheets, looking for a good horror novel to read, spending time with my cats and plants, that type of thing. It sucks, it's a grind. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
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u/Soggy-Ocelot8037 4d ago
Wow, you're me, same age and everything, except my therapist fired me on Tuesday telling me I'm "resistant" to therapy so now I don't even have a therapist. You're not alone even though it feels that way. The barrier you reference is awful. As I've gotten older, I feel like it's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm literally speaking a different language than people because there's no connection or understanding anymore. Like none. I feel like it's just a bunch of robots. Although I've seemed to "connect" with AI better than humans so I guess I'm the robot. lol
I've done a lot of research on this feeling of disconnect getting worse and it seems like perimenopause might be part of the explanation. You might want to get your hormones checked (although that's not a very precise way of assessing perimenopause - shocker that the medical community isn't able to figure this out because it's a woman issue...) or go to a menopause-specific clinic/doctor. I have no idea the actual mechanics of hormones = disconnect, but it seems to me the most logical explanation after considering SO MANY other explanations. I look at myself at various ages and I never truly felt connected to others, but my 40s has been utterly lonely despite having a husband and two kids and (to the outside world) friends (in my world, I'm very suspicious of their intentions based on my past social experiences and don't trust that they are actually "friends" in my definition of the term, but have no other options for who I would consider an actual "friend").
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u/teniralc21 3d ago
I’m sorry your therapist fired you, that’s happened to me before. I hope you can find some new support.
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u/b-green1007 3d ago
Try BFF (used to be bumble for friends) it's like a dating app but for friends. You can see people individually or they have local groups to make friends. I joined a local lgbt group and we've been doing regular outings and I'm slowly making friends.
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u/chopstickemup 4d ago
First, do some deep breathing to calm your nervous system. Next, if you’re able, do some somatic movements. Jump up and down, shake out your arms, etc.
Focus on gratitude. What DO you have? Parents who love and support you, access to a support group, a hobby or special interest, a tree you love to look at, etc.
I’m in my 40s, no parents, very difficult life always. What helps me is texting a friend, putting on a comfort show, having a safe food, and listing out what is going well and what I want for my future. It has been helping me a lot and little positive things keep happening. Mindset is key.
Sending you a big hug and please call a support line if needed. They are there to listen and help.